Sunday, February 1, 2015

They Never Learn - Review:- 27.01.2015=

The saviours of this episode were Lindsay Coulson, Jake Wood, Steve McFadden, and Letitia Dean's laugh. The downside of the episode was the Beale situation comedy.

All in all, it was still a very good episode, and I'm especially intrigued by Shabnam's meltdown and her budding and beautiful friendship with Stacey.

The Brannings Are Always Losers.




Nobody does sleazily stubborn like Jake Wood. When Max is at his worst, he's at his best; and at the moment, Max is on one colossal stroll down Self-Pity Lane with a possible detour around Guilt-Ridden Boulevard and a sprint up the homestretch of Self-Destruction Avenue.

He's mourning Emma, but sometimes his grief seems tinged with guilt. Is he feeling guilty because of the mess he made of Emma's life, a home truth brought brutally to his doorstep by Cameron Bryant, or perhaps he's feeling guilty about something else? He's hell-bent on going to Emma's funeral, but Abi and Lauren are more concerned with Max returning the Arches to Sharon and Ben.

Lauren, assuming more and more the role of Adult in the Room, calls Carol in as the cavalry. Lindsay Coulson, as Carol, is never better when she's acting the part of the Jackson/Branning/Butcher (what's left of them) matriarch, because she's far more that than dippy Dot will ever be - rushing to Max's house, trying to bolster him into seeing sense for his children's sake, pulling the family together. And Carol does just that, in time for Max to admit to Sharon that he'll return the Arches to her. Sharon remarks that he's a coward, which is true. Max is the utmost coward, the epitome of male Branning cowardice, a gaggle of jumped-up trailer trash, booted, suited and calling themselves middle class.

After Sharon left came more humiliation in the form of Bryant, informing Max that he wasn't welcome at the funeral, that Emma's parents didn't want him there, that when they found out about Max's phonecall to the police, they recognised how Max had ruined Emma's life.

Max, being Max, can't accept the truth, pushing back at Bryant for having cheated on Emma - at least he didn't ruin her professional life - and trying to invade Bryant's space by getting up close and personal. The scene that followed showed Max at his absolute worst, still insisting on attending the funeral, ordering his daughters to get into the car. When Abi refused, the worst thing a parent can say to a child issued forth from Max's mouth:-

Well, I don't want you there anyway, Abi, the grief you gave her. Go to Hell!

A couple of weeks ago, he was standing over Lauren shouting the odds, now he's telling Abi where she can go without compunction. Max truly is an abysmal parent, so full of his own self-pity that he shows scant regard for his daughters.

There was an unintentionally comic moment in the piece when Emma's mother made an impromptu visit to Max at the car lot, after the funeral. I must admit that, when she started talking about how much she'd wished Max had been at the funeral, how much she knew he missed Emma and how her husband had banned any reference to Emma, there was a moment when they connected in their grief where I thought "This is all going to end in a massive shag a la Carol and Connor." Even more ironic was Carol spying the embrace and assuming that it was the result of come-on by Max.

Emma's not been in the ground one night and here you are trying to score with her mum!

Carol, rightly, knows that Max has form in this sort of thing, as, indeed, does Carol, who's been trying to convince Max's daughter's to cut him some slack. Now, all of a sudden, Max is condemned to wallow, alone, in his mire of self-pity, which leads him to get drunk and also leads to the most unbelieveable scene DTC has yet to produce.

Question: In order to visit a prisoner, even on remand, one has to have a Visiting Order. How did Max manage to get such a document in the short space of an afternoon? And how, indeed, was he ever allowed into the prison visiting area, as he was visibly drunk and, most likely, reeking of booze?

Ne'mind. Call it artistic licence. He's there, sat in front of Phil and whining and wondering about whether or not Phil thinks he's a coward, because Sharon does.

The ultimate irony is that everyone in BranningVille was scared shitless that Sharon had already told Phil about Max and the Arches, when it was Max who told Phil, himself.

Bring it on? Really, Max? Are you sure about that? Because with the minimum of dialogue and a maximum of subtle facial expression, Steve McFadden owned that scene. From the very moment, especially when he sussed that Max was three sheets to the wind, Phil looked at Max with a face of open disdain. When he learned about the Arches, Phil's face ever-so-imperceptibly changed. Max was drunkenly too full of himself to notice Phil's face when he was telling Phil what a joke Phil was. (Please note: Max was drunk. Dutch courage. He'd never have the cojones to have said what he said to Phil sober).

Phil's reaction to Max's words was positively chilling. Spoken softly, it only emphasises how deadly earnest a threat becomes when it's spoken in a soft voice.

The second ... I get out of here ... I'm coming after you.

If I were you, Max, once I'd sobered up, I'd be very afraid.

Mirth in the House of Death.



I'm certain that Lucy's killer is a Beale - either Jane or Ian - but you'd never have guessed that this was a family stymied in grief and perplexed and befuddled by the lack of progress in the police investigation into Lucy's death.

Nope ... Jane the Queen has spent all day lumbering between the cafe and the restaurant and now she wants to put her feet up and be treated to lunch a la Alfie. But Ian has a surprise for Jane's big day ...



So we had to suffer Sonia, who's suddenly become a friend of Jane's, literally roping up that little dogie and brandin' her down to the local waterin' hole for drinks with Sharon.

The best thing about that whole unfunny escapade was Sharon's lascivious laugh. I'd forgotten how much I loved hearing Sharon laugh. It was also a scene which showed Linda attempting to get on with life and making something normal of it in her wait to see if Dean were arrested. Sonia apart - and she and Jane certainly have enough judgemental self-righteousness to cover the entire Square, that was a good giggly girl scene. Interesting listening to those arch-hypocrites, Jane and Sonia, relate their first wedding attempts. 

Sonia eloped with the man she trash-talked and got the white dress as well as the reception in the pub. The elopement, she bitchily added, was all because of Pauline, with the snide side remark ofGod love'er, which she obviously didn't mean. The brass of that bitch to say something like that in front of Sharon, to whom Pauline was like a second mother. I'm glad Linda remarked that she'd heard about Pauline and that she sounded like a good mum.

And whilst Jane related her first marriage attempt with Ian ended in a roll in the mud, she forgot to mention that the wedding was a sham opportunity for Ian to shame Jane publically for having cheated on him with Grant Mitchell - or maybe she just remembered in time that Sharon had once been Grant's wife also?

Sonia and Jane ... the bitches of Walford.

Before I get to the kilt fiasco, I want to say a word about the other two Carters in this episode. Some will say that they had a ubiquitous appearance, but they didn't. It's important to show that Linda isn't just the landlady of the pub, it's important that it's shown that she has friends in the community. Sitting with Jane, Sharon and Sonia for a few moments, enjoying a laugh, let her know that she can be normal again. The punching scene with Mick and Lee was another attempt to get things back on course and keep things ticking over, whilst waiting for the hammer to fall on Dean. Lee was right to tell Mick that if they reacted and beat the shit out of Dean, then Dean would become the victim and they would be punished. I'm liking Lee when he's like this.

And the story about the kilt was pretty pants (pun intended) also. Oh, and here I thought Ian Beale was just short of a few bob and not half the paper tycoon he used to be, and he's ordering Gloriosas from Africa for Jane's wedding?

Does he realise she killed Lucy? (At least, I hope she did. There's no more appealing scene in my imagination than Jane being led from the reception in handcuffs, arrested for murder. 

Book'em Danno!

The Naughty Girl.


Jeez! Talk about crossed wires. Shabs is in meltdown.

Shabnam slept with Kush ... why do I have the distinct impression that this isn't the first time Shabnam's slept with a man? Kush genuinely likes her and is concerned at the fact that she loved him and left him. Shabnam's doing penance - praying for forgiveness, as Tamwar remarks, who's walked in upon her prayer of contrition. He thinks she's feeling guilty about taking what should have been Mas's inheritance and about which Masood is still sulking.

After Stacey blanks her, Kush informs Stacey that Shabnam had a rough day the previous day - she had an argument with her father and lost her job, something that resonated with Stacey, who approached her with an olive leaf and left Shabnam believing that Kush had betrayed the secret of their passion to Stacey, which she views as disrespecting her. 

I'm liking the triumvirate of characters in this piece. I like Kush's character. He's an experienced actor, in the right age demographic and easy on the eye. It's obvious he was introduced as Shabnam's love interest, but the couple work well together. Shabnam has evolved, throughout the year, from a totally unrecogniseable, uptight, old-before-her-time bigot to an obviously vulnerable young woman who's done something in her recent past which has made her, in her opinion, a bad person. And I can't say enough how much I'm enjoying her friendship with Stacey, Walford's 21st Century Pat-in-Training.

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