Are you listening, Mr Treadwell-Collins?
Once again, the show showed its best and its worst aspects. What it showed that was good, was very, very good, and what it showed that was mediocre, was bloody pitsworthy.
Here's what's good at the moment:-
The Moons again.
Max and Carol interacting.
Kim
The slow-burning but burgeoning relationship between Stacey and Martin
And ... well, that's about it. It seems as if it's been forever since we last saw Phil and Sharon.
The pits?
Vincent
Ronnie
The return of the Cokers
Carters going round and round in circles (Mick and Shirley)
Sonia the Sex Addict and Tina the Sulk
The Creepy Beales
I know a lot of people thought Daran Little's effort last night was a bit lame, but I thought he did well, and he did well again tonight; but I do think that it's time for some space-wasters to face the axe - like Ronnie and especially Sonia and Tina. I'd take screaming Jean Slater scorching through the Square and DVO four times weekly before I want to see any more of that duo.
A Couple of Swells.
Alfie and Kat are never at their best until they are totally into each other the way they were tonight. There's always a worry and a niggle at the back of my mind - first, Kat worrying that the money would incur something bad, then Alfie's telephone turn at the Vic, and the way that played out initially made me think that there was something wrong with the scratch card and it wasn't kosher, but Daran Little's writing and the way Shane Richie played out the scene put that worry to rest.
I must admit, I thought Alfie would be the one to blab about the good fortune, so it came as a surprise that it was Kat who blabbed the secret to Billy, especially after the way Alfie deftly back-footed the reason behind his good mood in answer to Mick's and Billy's curiosities.
I'm not going to deny it: I really like Mick Carter when he's interacting with people like Billy and Alfie, and it's a shame Alfie's leaving for awhile, because I like the dynamic between him and Alfie more than I do between Alfie and Ian Beale. They were just three blokes sitting in a cafe, passing the time of day and guy-gossiping. It looked and felt real. One of the best scene of the night was when Billy - clearly addicted to scratch cards - bought his seventh of the day - seventh! and then bemoaned the loss. Picture it:-
Billy: I don't know why I bovver. People never do win on them fings.
Kat: Yes, they do.
... spoken with the camera panning in on her radiant face.
A cynic might be forgiven for thinking that the Lottery win has made the Moons happy. It helped, but there was also more joy in their being able and confident enough in their love to take a gamble on each other again. That the entire Square, almost, partook of their good fortune and felt happy for them was a testament to what they felt about them as people. Alfie was ostracised initially about the fire, and Kat was shunned for her affair with Derek, but at the end of the day, they're known as good people, and they are liked.
The Vic is a red herring. Of course, Alfie would think, instinctively, to make an offer on the place, but you know Mick won't sell. You know Alfie had to ask, however.
I suspect the tabloid leak weeks ago about "someone" winning the Lottery was right, when it mentioned the Gold Coast of Australia. The Moons leave in a fortnight, and before they go to Australia, I suspect they'll take a trip Down Under to visit Spencer, Vicki and Maxwell for a bit, before hunkering off in search of the Secret Son.
It was nice seeing them happy tonight.
The odious Cokers are back, however, with Les's financial advice to Kat falling flat about planning for their funerals.
Team Kim.
Who could possibly think this is threatening?
Once again, the show showed its best and its worst aspects. What it showed that was good, was very, very good, and what it showed that was mediocre, was bloody pitsworthy.
Here's what's good at the moment:-
The Moons again.
Max and Carol interacting.
Kim
The slow-burning but burgeoning relationship between Stacey and Martin
And ... well, that's about it. It seems as if it's been forever since we last saw Phil and Sharon.
The pits?
Vincent
Ronnie
The return of the Cokers
Carters going round and round in circles (Mick and Shirley)
Sonia the Sex Addict and Tina the Sulk
The Creepy Beales
I know a lot of people thought Daran Little's effort last night was a bit lame, but I thought he did well, and he did well again tonight; but I do think that it's time for some space-wasters to face the axe - like Ronnie and especially Sonia and Tina. I'd take screaming Jean Slater scorching through the Square and DVO four times weekly before I want to see any more of that duo.
A Couple of Swells.
Alfie and Kat are never at their best until they are totally into each other the way they were tonight. There's always a worry and a niggle at the back of my mind - first, Kat worrying that the money would incur something bad, then Alfie's telephone turn at the Vic, and the way that played out initially made me think that there was something wrong with the scratch card and it wasn't kosher, but Daran Little's writing and the way Shane Richie played out the scene put that worry to rest.
I must admit, I thought Alfie would be the one to blab about the good fortune, so it came as a surprise that it was Kat who blabbed the secret to Billy, especially after the way Alfie deftly back-footed the reason behind his good mood in answer to Mick's and Billy's curiosities.
I'm not going to deny it: I really like Mick Carter when he's interacting with people like Billy and Alfie, and it's a shame Alfie's leaving for awhile, because I like the dynamic between him and Alfie more than I do between Alfie and Ian Beale. They were just three blokes sitting in a cafe, passing the time of day and guy-gossiping. It looked and felt real. One of the best scene of the night was when Billy - clearly addicted to scratch cards - bought his seventh of the day - seventh! and then bemoaned the loss. Picture it:-
Billy: I don't know why I bovver. People never do win on them fings.
Kat: Yes, they do.
... spoken with the camera panning in on her radiant face.
A cynic might be forgiven for thinking that the Lottery win has made the Moons happy. It helped, but there was also more joy in their being able and confident enough in their love to take a gamble on each other again. That the entire Square, almost, partook of their good fortune and felt happy for them was a testament to what they felt about them as people. Alfie was ostracised initially about the fire, and Kat was shunned for her affair with Derek, but at the end of the day, they're known as good people, and they are liked.
The Vic is a red herring. Of course, Alfie would think, instinctively, to make an offer on the place, but you know Mick won't sell. You know Alfie had to ask, however.
I suspect the tabloid leak weeks ago about "someone" winning the Lottery was right, when it mentioned the Gold Coast of Australia. The Moons leave in a fortnight, and before they go to Australia, I suspect they'll take a trip Down Under to visit Spencer, Vicki and Maxwell for a bit, before hunkering off in search of the Secret Son.
It was nice seeing them happy tonight.
The odious Cokers are back, however, with Les's financial advice to Kat falling flat about planning for their funerals.
Team Kim.
Who could possibly think this is threatening?
Whenever you see the diamond-studded Vincent, hold that image in your mind.
The way I see it, Vincent is just another average run-of-the-mill psychopath who's been drawn like a magnet to PsychoCity, AKA Walford. I'm intrigued to know why Kim ran away from him. Humour my mathematics.
Viincent and Kim eloped shortly before Christmas 2013. By the time she Skyped Denise in February, they were married and cruising the seas. Yet Vincent showed up later that month in Walford, in order to provide Psycho Queen Ronnie with no less than a gun. Pearl was born, two months prematurely, in February 2015, meaning she should have been born in April of this year, meaning she must have been conceived in August.
So, was Vincent flitting back and forth to the cruise ship to visit Kim? Because for a pretty long period, whenever Denise would Skype Kim, Kim was working on the ship.
Vincent is just another version of Michael Moon - speaking in riddles and reacting (or trying to react and failing in his acting) menacingly whenever someone, usually a woman, defies his intentions.
One of the best scenes in which I've seen Shirley lately came in the scene where she and Denise were comforting Kim. Vincent was right in that he doesn't have to be married to Kim to be a father to Pearl, but he's yet another of a long line of men attracted to the Roswell alien phoning in her lines in the hospital room. His association with Pearl would merely consist of grubby handfuls of ill-begotten money stuffed in Kim's hands while he sniffed up Ronnie's short skirts.
I was totally Team Kim when she smacked the shit out of him and called him trash. Then I laughed when Richard Blackwood tried to act menacing and only succeeded in making the sound he made in the West End when he was playing Donkey.
And now we're going to have to watch Vincent and Roswell Ronnie out-psycho each other. Ronnie thinks she's so powerful she can snap her fingers and a minion will kill someone for her. I think her game is this: She demands Vincent do her dirty work, with a flirtatious little moue and a hint of a promise, and Vincent, allegedly, does her bidding. Then she becomes the ultimate dicktease and reverts to protesting primly that she's a "married woman" and that she "loves her husband."
We all know that isn't true, but here's the gist: Ronnie protests about how much she loves Charlie so much that Vincent is driven to jealousy and kills Charlie. She acts the grieving widow and ensures that he gets caught. Her first test was for him to "off" the drug dealer, ostensibly there to give a hostile testimony against Dot.
But did he?
Vincent never said he did, and he never said he didn't. Another thing ... Ronnie gave Vincent a telephone number, allegedly belonging to the dealer, but how did she get this? Whose number was that? All of this transpired when Ronnie was out like a light. I have the distinct suspicion that Vincent did nothing about this dealer, simply because, well, maybe because I think Vincent is the dealer, and he simply didn't show up.
Once again, we're treated to a scene that's intended to be menacing on the part of Richard Blackwood, but only turns out to be just dumb - the intense stare into Ronnie's eyes, up close and personal.
Two psychopaths went into a bar and all that ... yeah, sure. Womack is a spent force. She's lying around, phoning in her lines and waiting for her next gig, which will ensure her a break from proceedings in EastEnders. Ronnie needs karma, and she should leave Walford in a box. Vincent needs to be pussy-whipped by Kim, whilst Denise and Shirley pin him down, until he cries for mercy.
Then Bloodvessel should be left to change his nappie.
Dot in the Dock.
The way I see it, Vincent is just another average run-of-the-mill psychopath who's been drawn like a magnet to PsychoCity, AKA Walford. I'm intrigued to know why Kim ran away from him. Humour my mathematics.
Viincent and Kim eloped shortly before Christmas 2013. By the time she Skyped Denise in February, they were married and cruising the seas. Yet Vincent showed up later that month in Walford, in order to provide Psycho Queen Ronnie with no less than a gun. Pearl was born, two months prematurely, in February 2015, meaning she should have been born in April of this year, meaning she must have been conceived in August.
So, was Vincent flitting back and forth to the cruise ship to visit Kim? Because for a pretty long period, whenever Denise would Skype Kim, Kim was working on the ship.
Vincent is just another version of Michael Moon - speaking in riddles and reacting (or trying to react and failing in his acting) menacingly whenever someone, usually a woman, defies his intentions.
One of the best scenes in which I've seen Shirley lately came in the scene where she and Denise were comforting Kim. Vincent was right in that he doesn't have to be married to Kim to be a father to Pearl, but he's yet another of a long line of men attracted to the Roswell alien phoning in her lines in the hospital room. His association with Pearl would merely consist of grubby handfuls of ill-begotten money stuffed in Kim's hands while he sniffed up Ronnie's short skirts.
I was totally Team Kim when she smacked the shit out of him and called him trash. Then I laughed when Richard Blackwood tried to act menacing and only succeeded in making the sound he made in the West End when he was playing Donkey.
And now we're going to have to watch Vincent and Roswell Ronnie out-psycho each other. Ronnie thinks she's so powerful she can snap her fingers and a minion will kill someone for her. I think her game is this: She demands Vincent do her dirty work, with a flirtatious little moue and a hint of a promise, and Vincent, allegedly, does her bidding. Then she becomes the ultimate dicktease and reverts to protesting primly that she's a "married woman" and that she "loves her husband."
We all know that isn't true, but here's the gist: Ronnie protests about how much she loves Charlie so much that Vincent is driven to jealousy and kills Charlie. She acts the grieving widow and ensures that he gets caught. Her first test was for him to "off" the drug dealer, ostensibly there to give a hostile testimony against Dot.
But did he?
Vincent never said he did, and he never said he didn't. Another thing ... Ronnie gave Vincent a telephone number, allegedly belonging to the dealer, but how did she get this? Whose number was that? All of this transpired when Ronnie was out like a light. I have the distinct suspicion that Vincent did nothing about this dealer, simply because, well, maybe because I think Vincent is the dealer, and he simply didn't show up.
Once again, we're treated to a scene that's intended to be menacing on the part of Richard Blackwood, but only turns out to be just dumb - the intense stare into Ronnie's eyes, up close and personal.
Two psychopaths went into a bar and all that ... yeah, sure. Womack is a spent force. She's lying around, phoning in her lines and waiting for her next gig, which will ensure her a break from proceedings in EastEnders. Ronnie needs karma, and she should leave Walford in a box. Vincent needs to be pussy-whipped by Kim, whilst Denise and Shirley pin him down, until he cries for mercy.
Then Bloodvessel should be left to change his nappie.
Dot in the Dock.
The totally useless trial of Dot Cotton, where we see Dot playing the frail old lady, except we know that she's not. She played that role to perfection when she was lying through her teeth to Sharon, to Phil and to all and sundry about Nick having Phil's money, so now she plays the ditzy old lady, looking confused and weak, whilst standing in the dock.
There was nothing to this filler, except Abi murmuring how thin Dot looked, the Brannings and Fatboy pulling together, and Keeble's and Stacey's testimony. Stacey felt terribly bad about this, and I imagine, Martin did as well, but amidst this, we got to see Martin and Stacey in a rare scene together. This is a slow-burning romance, and I hope it's one to last.
Stinks in 'Ere.
I don't think there have ever been two more entirely self-centred, selfish, immature and unlikeable characters than Sonia the SexFiend and Tina the Twat. I hate the way Sonia stomps around, not asking, but demanding that Martin do her bidding. She's now worried because Rebecca has been given some hope that Sonia and Martin might get back together again. She needs to understand where her child is coming from. Rebecca is fourteen. She wants security and stability, and that means wanting her parents together.
That might not be possible, but Sonia needs to shut the fuck up in speaking to Martin like a moron, and get their message straight before barging in on Rebecca and talking down to her. First, she decides not to go to court and support a woman who's done nothing but support Sonia, because she "has to sort this mess out." (Meaning, she has to make things good with Tina). Then she storms around to accost Martin, on his way to court to testify and worried about that, making demands that he back her up in talking to Rebecca - but that means towing the line on everything Sonia says.
The crack of the night was Rebecca accusing Sonia of pretending to be a lesbian. She took her anger at that remark out on Martin, who backed Rebecca. Line of the night.
You need to make your mind up. You can't keep pulling the same trick every time there's trouble in Lesbos.
This is spot on. When something's wrong in TinaLand, Sonia goes rutting around Martin. Not so long ago, she was rutting around Fatboy. When she was having trouble with Martin, she was snogging Tina.
Sonia just wants sex. She needs a dildo.
As for the object of her desire, Tina showed today in the pub just how much of a responsible "adult" she was by advising Kat to go out and just blow her windfall. Because, of course, that's exactly what Tina would do - remember when she was sharing the flat with Billy, stole his money for the electric and blew it on drink? Remember when she stole the raffle money from Linda and Mick and bought vodka? And she has the gall to imply to Sonia that just because they've slept together, Tina is now a part of Sonia's family. I think Carol would have something to say about that.
Tina thinks the world of Rebecca, so Sonia says. Tina wants Sonia and Rebecca to be her family, which - in TinaLand - means she'll spend every hour possible trash-talking Martin to Rebecca.
The scene between Carol and Sonia convinced me that Sonia's main problem isn't whether she's straight or gay, but the fact that she's a flaming sex addict. Carol rightly made a face when Sonia sat down and started to give a blow-by-blow (pun intended) account of what transpires between her and TinaShite in bed. And that's the reason why she wants Tina to move in, all of this being heard by Rebecca, who was forced to sit by whilst Tina gave a lurid tribute to Sonia on their birthdays.
Good for Rebecca for high-arsing it right over to the Truemans, where the Carter rejects have taken over, and telling the nincompoop that Sonia's been unfaithful.
There, Tina, it's a bit different when someone's cheating on you. Sonia is such a despicable, bullying, demanding, little turn, I really want someone to smack her and Tina, preferably Carol.
Round and Round the Garden. I wonder if Shirley's paid Bank of Phil back yet? She got ten grand off him, and five off Mick, and now she wants 20 per cent on top of the additional five grand Mick still owes for her share? Shirley needs a stretch inside for blackmail. Buster needs a bath and a one-way ticket to Land's End.
So Shirley's 10 grand is now 12 grand? Please, get these people off my screen.
There was nothing to this filler, except Abi murmuring how thin Dot looked, the Brannings and Fatboy pulling together, and Keeble's and Stacey's testimony. Stacey felt terribly bad about this, and I imagine, Martin did as well, but amidst this, we got to see Martin and Stacey in a rare scene together. This is a slow-burning romance, and I hope it's one to last.
Stinks in 'Ere.
I don't think there have ever been two more entirely self-centred, selfish, immature and unlikeable characters than Sonia the SexFiend and Tina the Twat. I hate the way Sonia stomps around, not asking, but demanding that Martin do her bidding. She's now worried because Rebecca has been given some hope that Sonia and Martin might get back together again. She needs to understand where her child is coming from. Rebecca is fourteen. She wants security and stability, and that means wanting her parents together.
That might not be possible, but Sonia needs to shut the fuck up in speaking to Martin like a moron, and get their message straight before barging in on Rebecca and talking down to her. First, she decides not to go to court and support a woman who's done nothing but support Sonia, because she "has to sort this mess out." (Meaning, she has to make things good with Tina). Then she storms around to accost Martin, on his way to court to testify and worried about that, making demands that he back her up in talking to Rebecca - but that means towing the line on everything Sonia says.
The crack of the night was Rebecca accusing Sonia of pretending to be a lesbian. She took her anger at that remark out on Martin, who backed Rebecca. Line of the night.
You need to make your mind up. You can't keep pulling the same trick every time there's trouble in Lesbos.
This is spot on. When something's wrong in TinaLand, Sonia goes rutting around Martin. Not so long ago, she was rutting around Fatboy. When she was having trouble with Martin, she was snogging Tina.
Sonia just wants sex. She needs a dildo.
As for the object of her desire, Tina showed today in the pub just how much of a responsible "adult" she was by advising Kat to go out and just blow her windfall. Because, of course, that's exactly what Tina would do - remember when she was sharing the flat with Billy, stole his money for the electric and blew it on drink? Remember when she stole the raffle money from Linda and Mick and bought vodka? And she has the gall to imply to Sonia that just because they've slept together, Tina is now a part of Sonia's family. I think Carol would have something to say about that.
Tina thinks the world of Rebecca, so Sonia says. Tina wants Sonia and Rebecca to be her family, which - in TinaLand - means she'll spend every hour possible trash-talking Martin to Rebecca.
The scene between Carol and Sonia convinced me that Sonia's main problem isn't whether she's straight or gay, but the fact that she's a flaming sex addict. Carol rightly made a face when Sonia sat down and started to give a blow-by-blow (pun intended) account of what transpires between her and TinaShite in bed. And that's the reason why she wants Tina to move in, all of this being heard by Rebecca, who was forced to sit by whilst Tina gave a lurid tribute to Sonia on their birthdays.
Good for Rebecca for high-arsing it right over to the Truemans, where the Carter rejects have taken over, and telling the nincompoop that Sonia's been unfaithful.
There, Tina, it's a bit different when someone's cheating on you. Sonia is such a despicable, bullying, demanding, little turn, I really want someone to smack her and Tina, preferably Carol.
Round and Round the Garden. I wonder if Shirley's paid Bank of Phil back yet? She got ten grand off him, and five off Mick, and now she wants 20 per cent on top of the additional five grand Mick still owes for her share? Shirley needs a stretch inside for blackmail. Buster needs a bath and a one-way ticket to Land's End.
So Shirley's 10 grand is now 12 grand? Please, get these people off my screen.
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