Sunday, June 21, 2015

All People Are Genitals - Review:- Friday 12.06.2015

Although this was a watchable episode, with an unexpected duff-duff, I prefer to think of it as the Genital Episode, because it's misapprehensions revealed a lot of people to be the human equivalent of the bits dangling between their legs.

Let's go.

The Biggest Dick in Walford and C U Next Tuesday Sonia.

King Cock would be Kush, who's showing another, very immature side of his personality, and even though someone thinks it should be sympathetic, it's not. The attraction Stacey has for him is imbedded in her reminding him of his late wife, and that shouldn't be the reason for them to have a relationship. Quite succinctly, Stacey isn't Safirah, and if Shabnam comes with baggage, Stacey comes with real baggage in the form of Lily. How would Kush react to that?

He senses that Stacey is attracted to him, but at the beginning of this episode, Stacey, at least, had a strong moral parameter. She's right. Kush needs to forget the moment in her flat - the difficulty of which was resolved with Shabnam, again, off-screen. Too much important action occurs off-screen, but that's another matter. I actually didn't like the dismissive way Kush treated his resolution with Shabnam in reckoning with Stacey.

Oh, she had some tiff with her dad, so it was easy enough for him to convince Shabnam that she didn't see what she thought she saw. Bullshit! So that's the way he's going to play this - insult her intelligence and make her think she's the one building jealousy and resentment.

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet Kush, King Cock of Walford!

Seriously, he is; and it's brilliant that he's a genuinely nuanced character, with varying levels of light and dark in his personality. He lusts after Stacey, but he still loves Shabnam. Stacey realises this whenever he sees the pair of them interacting. He's aware of the tension Shabnam's experiencing in her life right now, and how Masood is passively-aggressively bullying her, and he's also aware that he is the only positive force pushing her forward now in her life. I gather Shabnam hadn't told him that Masood had found her daughter and had actually stalked her to take a picture, forcing Shabnam to look at the picture in a desperate effort to get her back in their lives. She certainly wasn't willing to tell Stacey now.

Shabnam's bottling a lot of this inside her and pinning all her hopes on Kush as an answer to her prayers and problems, and you know - you just know - that this thing with Stacey will get out and that Shabnam will be hurt in the worst, possible way.

She won't be the only one.

Why Stacey ever latched onto Walford's walking version of a C U Next Tuesday - Sonia - is beyond me. I suppose because Whitney was dealing with Carol, and there was no one else, but the vilest female gag-bucket in Walford couldn't wait to start slagging Martin off - again

So the pristine and precious Sonia objected to Martin leaving towels on the bathroom floor, but she finds smelling Tina's farts directly in her face, nightly, a pleasure. She objects to Martin's sloppiness, but Tina can puke in public and go on about Sonia's amazing tits. Martin wants a mother? Well, guess who still lives with her mother and who allows said mother to do all the heavy lifting? Sonia wasn't around to hear Whitney's common-sense lecture to her girlfriend in this episode; instead, she was out being an Ava nurse - trolling the streets of Walford, looking to drink to excess, because - you know - Carol would have got Rebecca's tea for her, and one wonders when Sonia actually does work? This was a noontime drink, so if she were on nights, why isn't she asleep? If she were on a split shift, she'd be a couple of hours away from starting her shift with alcohol in her system, and if she were on days, why isn't she at the hospital?

Sonia and Tina are easily the two vilest, most unlikeable characters in the show. I understand one is sticking around due to a friendship with the Executive Producer, but what's the excuse for keeping Natalie Cassidy, who plays a despicable character and who is one of the weakest actresses on the show?

The "advice" Sonia gave Stacey was all wrong too, even after Stacey told her that Stacey was attracted to someone, but the situation was complicated, and would only result in someone getting hurt. Sonia told her to go for it. 

You're a long time dead.

Of course, you are, you rancid-eating bitch. You didn't think twice about hurting your husband or your child with your actions, and here's another person who's about to use Martin, inevitably. (At least Stacey defended Martin to the C-U-Next-Tuesday, albeit weakly). Sp she gears Stacey up to confess her real feelings to Kush, and Shabnam be damned? This reminds me of Stacey's wantonly taking Kat's skewed advice to break up Janine's marriage because Stacey was entitled to scuzzah Ryan as he was the father of her child.

And here I thought the show had advanced and developed Stacey's character to the point where she was mature, and there she goes listening to a class A **** like Sonia. (I have to say here, that I hate referring to any woman by that term, but Jesus Christ, Sonia and Tina are walking emblems of the word). Sonia has no moral fibre, she's selfish, she doesn't even like - and I believe this - her own child, so why is such an evil character being kept. 

Think about these characters for a moment - Sonia, Tina, Jane ... all abysmal, mean, evil and selfish masked behind nice exteriors. God, help us!

Two people are going to get hurt in this mess - Shabnam, immensely, and Martin.

As for King Cock Kush, he reminds me of the ultimate Good Ol'Boy Bubba, where I come from in the South - a man who wants a good girl to marry and a bad girl with whom to have fun and who thinks he's the ruler of all he surveys.

Give me strength.

The Second Biggest Dick in Walford and his Pussy-Whippers. 

You only did what you thought was right.

That message comes to Masood from the foul lips of Princess Pussy-Whipper, Jane the Queen, who already has blood on her hand and lies on her lips, so she's really a person of moral fibre, right?

Masood's more than worried because he's turned the "right to Roya" over to Shirley Carter. Masood, like Zainab, is one to judge a book by its cover, and he clearly thinks his granddaughter is in a chavvy situation akin to or not much worse than having the homeless Carter-Briggs-Wicks faction take her on.

Two beautifully positive things came from this storyline tonight:-

First ... how wonderful is Buster? He's walking proof that first impressions can be wrong. He initially came across as a ne'er-do-well Phil-lite, a no-good professional petty criminal with no thought of responsibility; but he has now developed into the voice of common sense and restraint on the Square.

He's the only person in this situation to think sensibly of the powderkeg Masood's landed in Shirley's lap, and yet no one has remembered that this child is also Buster's grandchild. He advises caution to Shirley. He doesn't think she should tell Dean of the girl's existence. Shirley has to think, not only of what this will do to Dean, but what it would do for the child, herself. This information could actually mess up a lot of lives. 

When Shirley sees how much Dean is focusing on his business and how well it seems to be doing, she doesn't tell him what she knows; but then she's waylaid by Masood, in what develops into the best scene of the night and a master-class of passive-aggressive bullying. However, to Masood goes the assessment of the night re Shirley and Dean:-

You're a drunk and you're terrifying, and don't even get me started about what I think of Dean ...

The scene in the Masood kitchen between Masood and Shirley was totally brilliant, but Masood is so wrong to use Shirley in an effort to reach a child to whom neither of them have any right. He's willing to use Shirley and Dean as a means to get to his granddaughter, disregarding Shabnam's wishes. Instead of respecting his daughter's wishes about her child, he's gone on to interfere, and not even in the right way, by contacting Social Services.

There were loads of foreshadowing remarks in those scenes, especially Shriley focusing on Jimbo and his cystic fibrosis, conjuring up images of a seven year-old in an oxygen mask, fighting for his breath. So we gather that Shirley abandoned her children because she couldn't cope with Jimbo and his disability ... but Kevin could? And that line, earlier, to Buster about not having told him he had a son - well, two sons - when the last time she had his son, she was married to Kevin? There was even a line about Buster being Dean'sreal father.

Shut up.

On a day when Nicky Campbell, the broadcaster and an adoptee, is given an MBE for his work with adoptions and adoptees, let's remember one thing: Dean's real father is the man who was married to Shirley when Dean was born and whose name went on Dean's birth certificate. He's the man who changed Dean'snappies, got up for the four o'clock feeds, bandaged his skinned knees, sat up with him when he was ill and walked him to school ... Kevin. Buster was the sperm donor who makes an appearance when the heavy lifting's all been done.

To her credit, Shirley's reluctant; she's even reluctant to get Dean involved. What if neither of them can cope? For all Masood's assumptions that Shirley loves and protects her family (he's right); Shirley's also right in remnding him that when the going gets tough, the perceived tough get going ... far far away. But I get the feeling that Masood is waiting for Shirley and Co to make a fuck-up with the child, so that she's near-enough geographically for Masood to step in, again, over Shabnam's wishes, and take the child.

And, of course, Masood gives Shirley his blessing to do her damnedest.

Go and get your granddaughter, Shirley.

Actually, do either of these numpties think it's as easy as that? That Shirley can show up on a doorstep and say, "I'm Nana, let's go home?" Because she can't. Both she and Masood will have to apply to Social Services, and they will have to prove that the child belongs to Shabnam and Dean, before Social Services tell them, even then, that as grandparents, if the parents want nothing to do with the child, they have no rights either. But let's just kidnap the child from care, shall we.?

Still, we had the ubiquitous scene of Shirley pushing past the foster father to find her granddaughter, only to find that the little girl Masood saw wasn't their granddaughter. Their granddaughter appeared ... and she's a seven year-old in an oxygen mask fighting for breath. She has cystic fibrosis. Not only Dean, but Shabnam are carriers of the gene (so much for the made-up tests someone had Dean take whenever - they would have identified him as a carrier),and the fact that the child has a disability goes a long way in explaining why she's not been adopted.

Pussy-Whipper Whipped. Who the hell does Tina think she is? She treats Carol's home as if it's some sort of hotel, complaining about Liam's having left his school things all over the place, whining about wanting to watch television, re-arranging Carol's kitchen to suit herself. Carol's worried and scared about her impending breast reconstruction, and I'm glad she opened up to Whitney, but Carol's line about feeling "so alone" means only that Carol doesn't have a man in her life at the moment. 

Yes, she could open up to an extent, with Bianca, but she's never found C-U-Next-Tuesday much help at all, regardless of her nursing status. I like Whitney when she's this way, and the fact that she took it upon herself to tick Liam and C-U-Next-Tuesday II off about their laziness. Tina looked affronted at being called on to do a bit of work. Throw the skag-end out. I would.

The De-Balling Beauty. Ronnie's worried that Roxy's given Charlie's balls back to him. She's a success on Masood's stall. I like Roxy. She's funny, she's warm, and it's obvious, even to Ronnie, that there's a spark between Roxy and Charlie. The fact that Roxy knows Charlie's favourite Indian dish, and that they'd have a meal at the Indian near the hospital when Ronnie was ill, isn't lost on Ronnie. Those were moments shared.

On Thursday, Ronnie smilled evilly to herself when Roxy declared it was time she moved out and found a life of her own, but tonight as Ronnie spied on them, Roxy announced she wasn't going anywhere.


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