A Showful of Hypocrites - Review: 28.11.2013

One could be forgiven for thinking that EastEnders 2.0 is a show written by hypocrites, for hypocrites, about hypocrites. 

As the Thursday episode revealed just how easy it is for the show to veer from the sublime to the ridiculous in less than a week, the reaction to last night's episode by people with a short memory span and the inability to think critically makes me worried that the show is pandering to this unfortunate demographic, which seems to be growing alarmingly.

If that's the case, then EastEnders risks becoming the soap for the stupid.

Take the fora, for example, and their reaction to Roxy. 

Roxy, for most viewers inhabiting the realms of Digital Spy and the Walford Web Bullyboi Emporium, like Dawn Swann before her (and more of Dawn in the course of the review), was always labelled a "slut."

Roxy had numerous one night stands with men whose names she could never remember. Worst of all, Roxy slept with (in the words of the imbeciles who post on the fora) "her sister's man." (These people obviously think that some sort of enslavement bondage still exists these days). In fact, Roxy slept with Sean Slater at the same time as she slept with "her sister's man."
Roxy pursued Max Branning, when Max was in a committed relationship with the brave cancer-ridden Tanya (and was secretly married to Kirsty at the same time). Roxy then pursued Alfie, a married man, and when his marriage blew apart, she immediately stepped into the breach left by Kat.

In fact, there were people who dwelled on the fact that, when Roxy wanted to confess her love to Alfie, she suggested that they "go upstairs." These same people were adamant that Roxy intended a night of seduction, after that suggestion.

Now Roxy is the wronged woman, the saint who was wronged by the despicable Alfie, who - by one erstwhile Brain of Britain posting on Digital Spy - is now deemed responsible for the entire babyswap debacle.

Ah, the babyswap rears its head again, because somehow, these people sucked into the Mitchell Sisters' myth, have forgotten that what Ronnie Mitchell did to the Moons is far, far worse than what Alfie did to Roxy. 

The Mitchells are coming out of this looking like petty, vindictive, entitled thugs,and Roxy is acting like a spoiled child. Funny, how before all of this, Roxy couldn't even count on one finger the number of friends she had in Walford.

There's one hell of a storyline brewing between the Mitchell Sisters, but TPTB at the show - be they Newman or DTC - wouldn't touch it with a barge pole.

But it's there for all to see.

The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name

Remember Archie and Ronnie? How Archie oozed ultra control in every aspect of Veronica's life? Remember how once, in a fit of piqued honesty, Roxy remarked that Ronnie was just like their father, an observation that resulted in Ronnie doing to Roxy exactly what Michael Moon did to Janine a few weeks before his death - she grabbed Roxy by the neck and shoved her up against a wall.

Yeah, Ronnie loves Roxy, all right. Her final giggled words in Thursday's episode were her declared love for her sister. But this is the love that dare not speak its name. So with Archie and Veronica, now we have Ronnie being the Archie to Roxy's Ronnie.

Ronnie loves Roxy. She likes to manipulate her into a position where she's undermined Roxy's self-esteem to the point that whatever Roxy does is a hot mess for Ronnie to sort out. As Ronnie remarked, in Tuesday's episode, that Roxy couldn't live without Ronnie in her life, that Ronnie's sole ambition was to make Roxy happy.

Theirs is a co-dependent relationship that goes way beyond that of Max and Tanya Branning. In fact, its creepy, and this time around, it comes with the added darkness of thought that, given the opportunity, Ronnie would ply Roxy with drink enough to bring on a fit of the crying jags with a dollop of self-pity, and then jump her bones.

In fact, this time around, Ronnie reminds me more and more of this gentleman, on whom, many observed Archie was based. Harken unto the dialogue here, and you'll get my drift.

Ronnie's modus operandi with Roxy is to keep her as a doll, a toy, a childwoman, whom she can encourage to misbehave in whatever way Roxy wants, knowing that Ronnie will be there to pick up the pieces; and each time Roxy lashes out and asserts some sort of independence, Ronnie's there to remind her how much she'll mess up so Ronnie will come to her rescue.

The truth is that Roxy will never be able to have a relationship properly as long as Ronnie is around, and Ronnie must always be a part of Roxy's life. That's now self-evident. Ronnie broke up Roxy's relationship with Damien, by pretending that Damien had assaulted her. She tried to break up her relationship with Sean by goading him into hitting her.

If you want to see Ronnie at her best, watch this clip where Roxy announces that she's pregnant and clock Ronnie's reaction and Roxy's response. In fact, catch it from the 2:50 mark onwards, and pay attention to Roxy's dialogue:-

All my life,I thought you had my best interests at heart, but that's not it. You can't stand me going off, making my own life, growing up ... Control. Well, YOU CAN'T HAVE ME!

You see, from time to time, Roxy recognises what Ronnie's about, that her life's motive is to control Roxy's every move; but whenever she reiterates this, Ronnie orchestrates a situation so that Roxy becomes co-dependent on Ronnie again. Once Roxy bucked against Ronnie's demand that she have an abortion, then Ronnie had a BOGOF moment. She decided that the pair of them would run off - where else? - to Ibiza, where Roxy would have the baby and they would raise it together. Bugger the father, who, at the time was presumed to be Sean.

And what happened then? Roxy ran away from Ronnie the Control Freak. She ran away from the monkey and went to the organ-grinder, himself, Archie.

Ronnie and Roxy can only go the way of Archie and Ronnie. The chemistry between the two of them will rise to such a point that Ronnie will be unable to sustain herself and she'll force her attentions on Roxy.

And Roxy will kill her.

Dominic Treadwell-Collins, take note.

The Queen of Ibiza.

How appropos that this is frequently used as wedding music as well.

Pathetic line of the night goes to Roxy:-

I used to be the Queen of Ibiza.

Yeah, love, but how long ago was that? Have you looked in the mirror? To paraphrase your cousin Sam, whose son is your daughter's half-brother as well as second cousin, you're the wrong side of thirty, four years off forty (in fact) and the mother of a child you often neglect. Why, it was only last year, about this time, that you were giving her crisps for her tea at Michael Moon's house.

All you'd get from running back to Ibiza would be nights spent in the arms of drunken party louts too wasted to realise they were bonking flesh almost old enough to have given birth to them, and a nasty rash around your nether regions.

Roxy's too good for Alfie Moon and all Kat would get from this would be a life behind a bar?

Well, tell me, what exactly is Roxy qualified to do? According to her sister, she can't even look after a dog. She went through millions of pounds in less than two years to the extent that she couldn't even pay the rent on her flat. We know from her stints in positions of authority at the Vic, that she's an atrocious manager. And as she's getting pretty long in the tooth, her chances of finding a rich sugar daddy are few and far between. Max Branning binned her off as hamburger.

Of course, she's angry about Alfie's behaviour, and whoever the writer was who made Alfie say he'd never have left Roxy if she'd not told him to go, is just another exponent of anti-male sentiment abounding on the programme these days.

Roxy's been dumped by big, bad Alfie, whose ex-wife has just been itching all year to "take over Roxy's life."

Sorry, love, you're wrong. The one who's been itching to take over your life right now is faux Mommy Dearest, who wants to take you shopping for new shiny things and who'll get you drunk so she can have her wicked way. Forget about Amy. Phil can look after Amy.

How incompetent is Roxy? She didn't even know how to remove the licencee sign on the pub. Ronnie Dearest had to tell her, and for all their giggling session at the end of their scene, Roxy was genuinely happy because she thought she'd asserted her independence from Alfie's betrayal, when, in fact, she'd just got herself ensnared in Ronnie's psycho-sexual net. Ronnie's laughter was because she'd got her plaything back.

I feel sorry for Amy.

Another piece of stupid dialogue was Alfie still wanting to be a part of Amy's life. That was pretty dumb of him to expect that, but at the same time, it was noble in a way, considering that Ronnie effected the immediate departure of Amy's father, who didn't even take time to say good-bye to her. At least Alfie made the effort.

All in All They're Just a Bunch of Pricks in a Wall.

I'll say it again, shall I?

What Alfie did was wrong, but what Ronnie did to him and Kat, pithy, contrived "forgiveness" aside (that was a plot device to rid the programme of the stain and bad smell left by the babyswap debacle), was far far worse and infinitely more evil and depraved. Yet she, because she is a Mitchell (and the retconned daughter of a retconned Mitchell, at that), is exonerated, unbelieveably released on licence, with no sight of a probation officer and plans to move abroad, much less work in the licencing trade, which she'd be forbidden to do under terms of her probation. She shows no sign of remorse, and from the moment of her return, Alfie, whose reaction to her presence was the most realistic presented, is portrayed as the bad guy.

As for the other people ...

Phil takes offence when someone disrespects his "fairmly" whilst Shirley the wrinkled old boot and her tagalong sister smirk at the Moons' discomfort. Time was, Phil "disrespected" Roxy, herself, by stealing the last iota of her fortune - in fact, it was money obtained by her and Alfie frantically selling off her last remaining assets in order to pay for Ronnie's wedding to Jack. Time was, Phil, himself, wasn't above sleeping with Roxy's mother, his aunt by marriage, and defiantly "disrespected" Shirley so much that he couldn't promise fidelity to her at all. Time was, Phil slept with the fiancee of his employee, Garry Hobbs, simply because he could, and discarded her like a worn-out toy when he tired of her. Those are the least of his offences.

Phil started the sibling spouse-sharing ball rolling when he slept with his brother's wife, and then callously threw her under the morality bus, blaming the affair on her to his sainted mother and brother. And it was Phil, who harboured a murderer in his home for months, his son, and was more than willing to see an innocent man convicted of Heather's murder, even when that man was his own cousin, Billy.

So Phil had no right to come the moral high ground with Alfie, simply because Alfie had jilted a cousin for whom Phil had no respect, himself. And kudos to Alfie for standing up to Phil and the gossiping horde in the pub, in declaring his love for Kat and nicely telling the rest of them to shove it up their collective arse.

No, Phil, it's not over; but Alfie Moon's spent time inside amongst the hardcases as well, and he's lived to tell the tale. Time to see the dark side of the moon.

As for Carol's disapproving stares ... tell me, is she for real? Her daughter orchestrated the Kat and Alfie reunion, and she, herself, is only stringing Mas along until she eventually decides to give David a bonk for comfort, but, no, Carol won't be the blame for that. And she won't see that she's done, on a lesser scale, the same thing to Masood as Alfie did to poor, innocent Roxy.

The fact that David is Bianca's father is simply ludicrous. Twenty years ago, when Patsy Palmer was a 21 year-old, playing a 16 year-old, it was just about believeable. Now she's a 41 year-old playing a 36 year-old, and it doesn't work. She's aged badly, and Michael French has aged well. At best, she looks his age. At worst, she looks older. Terry Alderton certainly does.

That situation's as absurd as the fortysomething guy playing Nick Tilsley in Corrie and the fact that the actress who plays his mother is only a few years younger than the actress who plays Audrey, her mother.

Go figure.

Epiphany in Walford This Year.

Well, Lauren sure will be having one ...

Of course, the Feast of the Epiphany, in Catholic countries, celebrates the visit of the three kings to the Christ child, traditionally thought to be the 6th of January - or, the old Twelfth Day of Christmas.

However, the word "epiphany" also means self-discovery.

Lauren is in love with Scuzzah Jake, who looks as though he smells,who's married to Sadie, who looks as if she's fragrant, and who has a daughter, Bella, who looks like Madeleine Duggan, who originally played Lauren.

Simplified, Lauren loves Jake who's married to Sadie and who's the father of Bella.

Stacey loved Max, who was married to Tanya and who was the father of Lauren.

Tanya loved Max, who was married to Rachel and who was the father of Bradley.

Lauren's always been Max's moral determinator, sitting in judgement of his amorality.

Now, the story's repeating itself, even to the extent that Lauren is insinuating herself into Sadie's trust, in exactly the same way Stacey did with Tanya.

The penny will drop when Lauren realises that she is just as bad as her parents in her behaviour.

I still can't invest in this storyline, however, knowing that Kate Magowan is departing at its end, and horse-mouthed Jamie Lomas is staying. He and Jossa have NO sexual chemistry, and she looks like an underaged kid being groomed in her scenes with him.

A Tale of Two Kidneys.

Hands up, who didn't see this coming?

As the time nears for the Newman Negroes to depart, we saw tonight just how truly awful, they really are, and I wish Khali Best, arguably one of the worst actors ever to appear in the show and who betrays an insulting racial stereotype, were going with them.

I have to laugh at all the forum numpties who praised Cornel S John to the hilt when he was cast, now only to disparage his acting. Ava the Rava's story has been retconned so many times, I've lost count. Tonight, Dexter's 21st birthday gave "Mum man" another excuse to take the day off school. By the way, she's leaving because she'll get another implausible teaching offer - mid-term, no less - in Newcastle. I can only imagine and applaud DTC for sending her as far away, mainland, as possible, instead of the usual EastEnders' staple of Manchester. She must really stink in his view. He should have sent her to Aberdeen or Fort William.

Then there's Cora-the-Bora, who's suddenly accepted deep within the bosom of her newly-acquired black family. Has no one remembered that Ava the Rava's REAL parents, the ones who adopted and raised her, are still alive? Why weren't they invited to something as important as their grandson's 21st birthday party? And Cora's remark ...

I haven't always liked Sam, but he's trying ...

WTF? Spoken like she's been his disapproving mother-in-law for years, and consider the way she pitched into help Ava, after the ridiculous banter about the cake, without a whimper, whereas her helping Tanya was non-existent. Tanya left her with the girls and money for expenses, and Cora drank and smoked it up.

And the teen saga at the pool hall - another racially stereotypical venue for black youths hanging out, although this was politically correctly stacked with white, well-spoken young lads - was embarrassing, as was the scene in the cafe where lilywhite Abi shows Lauren the piece of ghetto bling she's brought her newly-found black cousin.

Lauren doesn't want to go to the party.

Why? sniggles Abi (snort + giggle). It's a family party.

Don't you get it, Abi? Lauren doesn't consider Dexter family. A year ago, you didn't even know he existed. Gosh, her stupidity is annoying!

So Sam only returnned for Dexter's kidney, and both of them have made a remarkably swift recovery. They're partying, drinking and playing pool. But soon Sam the Sham and Ava the Rava will be distant history, and Dexter will take his rightful place in the Branning abode and will heretofore be known as Black Bradley.

Crap episode all around.

A Word to the Unwise

Just a gentle-reminder to the fanbois and cheerleaders on DS and Walford Web Bully Emporium, including Den, the small-minded and hate-filled xenophobe.

Time was, most of the people screaming about poor Roxy's heartache, once called her a slut - especially for sleeping with someone whom they called "her sister's man." (I didn't know you could own people in the 21st Century, but that's the way these people have regressed intellectually. They also derided her sluttiness for pursuing a man in a committed relationship (and secretly married, to boot) - Max Branning; and for pursuing Alfie, initially, when he was married.

If you recall, Christian questioned the moral rectitude for doing this, and Roxy poo-poohed his advice against her perceived entitlement. As I recall, there was a battle raging on the Bully Emporium about Roxy suggesting that she and Alfie "go upstairs" so she could declare her love for him with the bedroom close at hand.

Now, according to these self-righteous hypocrites, Alfie and Kat have committed so grave an offence in breaking Roxy's heart, that they should be driven from Walford.

Clueless people, you're collective braincell is forgetting one thing ...

What Ronnie Mitchell did to the Moons and what she put them through for four whole months is far, far worse than getting jilted at the altar.

If you can't fathom that, then have some shame at your singular lack of common sense and critical thinking ability.

Put it this way, would you rather have someone dump you at the altar or would you rather hove someone dump their dead baby in your baby's crib, take your living child and allow you to thinm him dead, all the while parading him under your nose for the first four months of his life?

Ronnie Brings Out the Stupidity in People

This thread.

People are forgetting one thing ... that RONNIE MITCHELL DUMPED HER DEAD KID IN THE MOONS' SON'S CRIB AND TOOK THEIR CHILD, KEEPING HIM FOR FOUR MONTHS.

Roxy, actually, wasn't dumped at the altar; she realised something about which she'd been in denial for the better part of a year - that Alfie still loved Kat, loved her unconditionally, that she was so much a part of his heart that he could put aside the hurt he caused her and forgive her and take her back. So Roxy told Alfie to go to Kat. As she said, herself, she loved him and she was letting him go.

Of everyone in last night's episode, Roxy stood far above the rest - the thuggish Phil, the bullying Ronnie and the Moons.

Yes, Alfie was wrong to do what he did to Roxy. Jack was wrong to do what he did to Shaorn (and that was Ronnie's fault); and Max was wrong to do what he did to Kirsty.

But what Ronnie did to the Moons weighs far more heavily in the scope of morality than Alfie leaving Roxy at the altar. Had Kat left and Alfie continued with the marriage, Ronnie would have been a constant presence, and she would have been interfering and stirring shit to no end.

Someone whines that Ronnie is trying to "protect" her sister. Her sister is 36 years old and an adult. Roxy's last marriage broke up thanks to ROXY lying to "protect" Ronnie from knowing that Roxy has slept with and got impregnated by Ronnie's boyfriend. Even before she knew about this, Ronnie tried her level best to break Sean and Roxy up.

Ronnie gets a pass for having fucked the Moons up royally by taking their child and making them believe he had died, all in the name of "protecting" her emotionally retarded sister - retarded, thanks to psychopath Ronnie.

There's a reason Roxy keeps getting dumped, and that's Ronnie.

And anyone who thinks what Alfie did to Roxy is far worse than what Ronnie did to the Moons needs to shut the fuck up and learn to think critically.

The Missing Link - Review:- 26.11.2013

So, the Lord and Saviour axed a BAFTA nominated actress with a rising independent film career and an actor who's a member of the RSC no less.

And he keeps ... Ricky Norwood and Himesh Patel. 

Why? Norwood's Fatboy character is annoying most of the time and is an offensive racial stereotype. Patel's Tamwar, when he's at his best is a monotoned automaton.

Daniel Coonan's exit interview bemoaned the fact that the show no longer has a central Alpha male, who is essentially heroic, but who is also deeply flawed. Now - and Coonan is right - it's all love, deceit and gobby, loud-mouthed women inexorably dependent on weak men.

Keirston Wareing thinks the show should be grittier and tackle social issues in a more nuanced and better researched way, reminiscent of the show's origins.

Both actors are correct, and never more so was it shown tonight and for sometime in the unimaginative, pejorative and insulting manner in which male characters are treated. 

For example, on any given day on any established given forum, you'll find people asserting with authority that Phil is a thug and Alfie a doormat. Phil has been presented as a thug for the past 13 years, ever since Grant departed. To save time and money, TPTB tacked Grant's personality onto Phil's. Alfie is depicted as a doormat because he recognises that his love for Kat is unconditional.

Funny that, because I've never heard Tanya referred to in that manner, and had the actress not left the show, she'd still be taking Max back every time he strayed and forgiving him.

One thing Wareing said in her interview was funny, but true: She asserted, rightly, that it was totally unrealistic that numerous women would be pursuing Max Branning. Why, she wondered, would any woman chase a man who had "all those kids."

I suspect that was a kind euphemism which masked the real meaning - why would any woman be attracted to a wimpish, mumbling, bald-headed ginger whinger? For that matter, why would any woman pursue Phil Mitchell? Or Ian Beale? Or Alfie Moon? Or Terry Spraggan? Or Billy Mitchell? Take it further up the M1, and why woukd anyone pursue Tyrone or Garry Windass or Curt from Corrie?

There's a problem on most soaps these days, and it's a man thing.

The Shotgun Wedding.

Yes, Alfie was wrong to marry Roxy. But then, Max was wrong to marry Kirsty. And Phil was wrong to marry Nadia. And Kathy. And Kate. (There's a coincidence - marrying two women with the same name). Ian Beale was wrong to marry Mel - and certainly Cindy.

Truth is, Roxy knew, deep-down, that Alfie was intrinsically tied to Kat. No matter how hard she tried to convince herself otherwise. Even if they'd returned to Walford and Kat had remained across the Square, Roxy would literally shit herself every time Alfie had to communicate with Kat regarding something to do with Tommy.

Here's one thing that bugged me about that episode - a Simon Ashdown swansong, no less (but one wonders what Tony Jordan would have done with that episode, because at times it reminded me of the infamous Condom Episode - but with a great deal more charm) - what bugged me was the registry listed "Roxanne Lizette Mitchell" as a spinster, and she's not.

On the marriage document, you list your status at the time of your marriage. If you've never been married before, you're a spinster if you're a woman; if you're a man, you're a bachelor. If, however, you have been married, your status is "widow" or "widower" or "divorced."

Roxy married Sean. She may even still be married to him. At best, Roxy's status is "divorced." At worst, she's a bigamist.

Arguably, the ones stinking up this episode were Phil and Ronnie. Anyone whose first words of congratulations after getting married were "Welcome to the Family" uttered by Phil Mitchell would be wise to run the other way.

Whilst Shane Richie, Rita Simons and Jessie Wallace played blinders, the noseless, plastic-faced babysnatcher, who's done far far worse to the Moons than Alfie has done to Roxy, gave us a preview of the new psychopath in town. For the record, Alfie never intended on running out on Roxy after their marriage. Kat had gone, he was willing to move forward. Did he love Roxy? Yes, in his own way; but Roxy was right - he could never love Roxy the way he loved Kat. And the Mitchells want to think about how Jack pulled the same trick on Sharon at the altar, because that skaggy-haired botoxed psychopathic bitch had insinuated herself into his mind again, only to dump him unceremoniously months later.

It was Roxy who decided that Alfie should return to Kat. Line of the night goes to her:-

I love you, and I'm letting you go.

It's the old truism - when you love someone, sometimes you have to let them go. She nailed it when she said that she would be Alfie's wife and Tommy's stepmum, but she'd never hold the same place in his heart that Kat held.

That was big of Roxy and even bigger of her stopping Phil from manhandling Alfie back into a marriage. Yes, Alfie was wrong, but he refused to be cowed by Phil Mitchell, and he'll refuse in the near future as well. And Ian will pay also in the future, because the noseless Ice Queen has him also in her sights.

People criticised Sharon for her bizarre insistance that the proceedings go ahead in the wake of the aborted wedding, but no one's saying anything about Roxy's effort. She's a Mitchell, after all,and at the end of the episode, she started so brilliantly kicking back at Ronnie's interference.

Roxy can shout at Ronnie that she's an independent person and an adult all she wants. She can still be manipulated by Ronnie, and I was glad to hear Roxy reference Ronnie's interference in previous love affairs. But what did Ronostril say? That she wants to make Roxy happy? Not that she simply wants Roxy's happiness. No, she wants to make Roxy happy, to be the instrument of Roxy's happiness. I say that Ronnie is psycho-sexually obsessed with Roxy. If Archie's control mechanism was to sleep with his daughter, maybe Ronnie's control mechanism is to sleep with her sister.

Roxy is a 36 year-old woman, not a puppet or a child. She wailed about no one wanting her - Sean deserted her, because of her deception; Alfie simply loved someone more. And Roxy will never find happiness of  her own accord until she escapes from Ronnie's manipulation and domination. I don't know if many of the viewers have noticed, but the Mitchell sisters aren't winning any popularity contests amongst the inhabitants of the Square.

I tell you that the only viable outcome for this ageing dollybird and her psychopathic sister is for Roxy to be pushed one step too far by Ronnie's obsession with her and end up killing Ronnie.

Let's see who has the balls to enforce this storyline.

Lover, Come Back.

Yes, it was a typical Alfie and Kat tour de force, last seen in 2003 with the condom caper and Alfie's subsequent gatecrashing of Kat's wedding to the seriously short Andy Hunter. Hunter planned his own revenge, but ten years later, Alfie and Kat are still an endgame couple, and Andy Hunter is pushing up daisies after being pushed off an overpass by Jonnie Allen.

Once again, Ian's driven to his destination by Ian, whilst Bianca tries to keep Kat's flagging spirits up, by mouthing stock platitudes about Kat deserving happiness.

Of course, against all odds, Alfie arrives at the airport - on a purloined scooter, reminiscent of the way he arrived back in the Square in 2010, again, looking for Kat. In a symbolic way, the whole Alfie-and-Kat action in this episode was an unraveling of the monsters called Alfie and Kat whom Bryan Kirkwood foisted upon us. Newman set out to redeem Kat and re-establish the Moons as we knew them when they left the Square in 2005, and she achieved that, if nothing else.

Once again, as with the Hunter wedding, Alfie achieves the impossible. Yes, we know that there's no way he could have purchased a ticket - much less, Bianca having money - after the flight has been boarded; but Ashdown gave us this bit of dramatic licence.

I defy anyone who spent the last year, hating Kirkwood's alien Kat (and, yes, her redemption was rammed down our throats to the point of making us sick, who didn't end up rooting for the two to get back together. We knew it was going to happen. We sussed it, and the end was a reprise of their departure at Christmas 2005, with Kat begging reassurance and forgiveness from Alfie.

The couple who returned in 2010 were not Alfie and Kat. They were poorly written figments of Bryan Kirkwood's imagination who didn't fit at all into the ethos of EastEnders. Kat would never have cheated on Alfie after 2005. But now they're reunited, the cheating, on Kat's part, must end. Surely, Alfie's heart-felt and poignant confession of not being able to make sense of his life without Kat, so intrinsic a part of him that she is, would hit home to Kat. I'm sure it did, as cheesy as the inevitable man-in-the-moon line that ended the piece.

Now we're ready for a new darker Alfie, but he'll always love Kat.

Only Tony Jordan could have done this episode better, and this one's for him ...

Tony, come home ...

P S ...  Somewhere in that shower, Roxy seemed to lose Amy. Not that she or her child-snatching sister gives a rat's arse.

The Royal Wedding - Review: 25.11.2013

How about a little soothing but classy wedding music? Take it away, Pachelbel ...

Anybody can have Handel. Anybody can have Mendelsohn. But who has Pachelbel?

Not Roxy.

It was undoubtedly the wedding of the year, however. Well, it was a Mitchell wedding, and how many of those last? Phil has had three, and survived none. Peggy's first husband died, her second absconded with all of her money, and her third was a psychopath who got brained in the bar. Grant's first wife fell in love with Phil, stayed with Grant and got thrown under the proverbial bus by both - watch this space; that story isn't over yet. His second wife got mown down by Peggy's second husband whilst running away from Grant. He literally binned his third.

Billy's been through two village idiots. Psycho Ronnie went through all sorts of lies, machinations and manipulations - from pricking holes in condoms to paying Sam Mitchell thirty grand to leave Walford with Jack's baby - before she divorced Jack, refused to see him in prison and only reached her talons out to claw him back when he was literally at the altar with another woman. Oh, and then she dumpe him too.

(Aside: Please, stop saying this woman is mentally ill, that she's psychotic or that she's still suffering her insufferable tragedies. She's a psychopathic bitch, who's hell-bent on control and psycho-sexually obsessed with her sister).

And then there's Roxy ... who married Sean. And who still may be married to Sean.

Yes, yes, yes ... I know that, after two years she would be entitled to apply for a divorce based on desertion, but only after all efforts had been exhausted in trying to find Sean. Correct me if I'm wrong, but none of the Mitchells seemed at all bothered about his whereabouts, and neither did his own family. Both Jean and Stacey merely let him go, simply because no one could contain Sean when he put his mind to something and he was determined to leave after the set-to over Amy's paternity.

We've heard nothing about a divorce. At least, Janine mentioned her and Ryan getting divorced, even if it were retconned as there was no way they could have divorced before September 2011, and we all know Ryan was whereabouts unknown and on the run for murder at that time. TPTB had to address the issue because Janine was marrying Michael the very next year.

Come to think of it, we've heard absolutely zilch about a Ricky-Bianca divorce either, so she can bleat all she wants about Terry's ex-wife, the question is ... is Bianca Ricky's ex-wife ... officially? And is Terry's ex-wife Nikki really the ex- or is she the current Mrs Spraggan?

Time will tell.

This was a good episode. Apart from the bad smell of sulphur and burning plastic.

Love's Unkind.

A song for Roxy sung by a much younger Diane Butcher trying to be Donna Summer. (No kidding, I didn't know Sophie Lawrence recorded this).

The wedding we know isn't going to take place, and the morning after the night before when two people kissed.

Line of the night has to go to Bianca:-

Who went in for lunch first?

Actually, in my opinion, Bianca stole the show in this episode. This is the Bianca I actually like, as opposed to the loud-mouthed, screeching banshee chav, wailing about her misbehaving kids and strutting her stuff as the current Official Walford Village Idiot.

Bianca knows, in her heart, that Kat loves Alfie, and she's convinced from Alfie's behaviour the night before, that he loves Kat as well. It's with Bianca's encouragement, really, that Kat visits Alfie with the pretext of collecting Tommy's suit for the wedding.

(Of course, this wedding will come to nought - Alfie and Roxy spent the night together. Isn't it bad luck for the groom to see the bride on the day of the wedding before they're hitched?)

That's when Alfie knocks Kat back. Alfie is conflicted. He knows he loves Kat, but he still wonders if he can trust her. Once bitten, twice shy, and Alfie - who is genuinely fond of Roxy - is determined to move on from Kat, unwilling to risk being hurt again?

There were so many things said in this episode that were right, so many things that I have said all along - the first of which emanating from Kat, who said that the only way she thought Alfie could have a go of happiness with Roxy is if she weren't around; and anyway, she couldn't abide seeing Alfie and Roxy together. Kat realises - finally - that the breakdown of her marriage was down to her repeated infidelities. Yet it's mete to realise that Kat does know that the only way Alfie could have a successful marriage to Roxy would be without her around. She's making a sacrifice and, at the same time, knowing that Alfie really loves her as well.

I thought it interesting what Ian had to say to Alfie as well, when they were getting ready at the Beale house, reiterating back to his first two trophy wives - Cindy and Mel - how it was a mind-bending high to have such beautiful women as your wife, but how you crashed to the ground once you found out they'd been unfaithful, once they started cheating, mentioning shifty looks and dodgy behaviour.

Funny that, because Mel was unfaithful to Ian once - in Brighton with Steve, and that was totally unplanned, although Mel and Steve had been lovers before she was keen on Ian. The reason Mel actually split with Ian (on their wedding day) was because of Ian's dishonesty with her. Ian, knowing that she wasn't in love with him and was having second thoughts about the wedding, lied to her and told her Lucy had cancer, in order to prey on her sympathies and get her to marry him and remain in the marriage. Even when she confessed to  having slept with Steve, Ian still wanted her to remain.

Shall we re-live another great EastEnders' wedding that wasn't?

I'm not the biggest lover of romcom injections which seem to have become part and parcel of EastEnders since Santer's regime (especially with Denise). but I'll let the trick pulled by Bianca in getting Kat to the church on time to see Alfie reluctantly say "I do" a masterpiece of genius, even if it does echo Alfie's interruption of her aborted wedding with the seriously short Andy Hunter and, before that, Louise Raymond's interruption of Terry Raymond's wedding to Irene Hills.

How about some more wedding music?

Seems appropriate.

Send In the Clowns.

Well, that would be Bianca, the heroine of the piece - from her disarming question about who went in first for lunch regarding Alfie and Kat kissing, to her snatching Terry's cab to drive Kat to the "airport," she was a hoot.

Who knew Bianca could drive? When did she learn, and why has she never had a car? Another question - did Whitney even think to return the car Fatboy bought her when she dumped him for Tyler?

The clip where Bianca's driving Kat away from the Square and hits the curb was real and genuine EastEnders' humour vintage 80s and 90s style and it worked. Even the dialogue was amusing.

Kat: Are you sure you know how to drive this fing?
Bianca: Oh, I'm all right once I get going.

Even the scenes back at Butcher Manor, with Terry getting dressed for a wedding where he knew no one, ending in him not going at all, to David's subtle stirring of the shady facts surrounding Terry's marital status, resulting in Bianca discovering that Terry's "ex" and he always shared Christmas together, for the kids' sake. This sort of thing, according to Terry, just "happened," as if by accident. Maybe it just happened because they've always spent every Christmas together because they're actually still married?

Still, this was a subtle lead-in to a another storyline, as was the accidental encounters between Lauren and Jake, especially with his family. Just why the Stones were invited to this wedding is beyond my ken. She's done little more than have a couple of drinks in the Vic, and he's only just arrived. I supposed it made for a dramatic moment when Max and Lauren entered the church and Max initially sought to sit with Jake and Sadie. I suppose this is what is known as dramtatic irony.

Couldn't quite figure out why Abi the Dough-Faced Girl wasn't there and Joey was? Are you kidding? Alfie made his peace with Max the other night at the stag do, when Max was cognizant of the fact that Alfie might have been uncomfortable with him there,considering Alice being accused of Michael's death, but Joey?

Joey has had little to nothing at all to do with either Roxy or Alfie, and his sister is the one accused of Michael's murder. And why was Janine not invited? She is, after all, related to Alfie by marriage. And no Dot. Or Cora - she wouldn't turn down a knees-up. Or Patrick, for that matter, and he's close to Alfie. 

Fatboy and Poppy were there, however, in full force. And tonight I decided that Poppy cannot leave quick enough for me. She is a caricature of all the clueless and shallow-brained females who are slaves to celebrity culture in Britain today, and she is also an insult to anyone with half a brain and the ability to think critically who comes from Essex. Fatboy is not funny. To quote a contributor on Digital Spy forum, I cannot believe an actress of the calibre of Keirston Wareing has been sacked, and Ricky Norwood's contract has been renewed.

The Dark Side of the Moon.

Well, there we are with the duff duff showing Alfie saying a hesitant, "I do," following a brilliant previous shot of Kat in the taxi, with the reflection of the church clock tower in the window of the cab, and Bianca encouraging Kat to stake her claim, telling her she had every right to claim Alfie's heart until the ring was on his finger.

By the way, Alfie is a man who's twice divorced,and if Roxy is divorced as well (and that's dubious), how can they marry according to Church of England rites? And this was not the local church either, but one further out in the country.

We all know Alfie is conflicted about this, but I can almost understand why he allowed things with Roxy to go so far. Roxy proclaimed her love for Alfie back in March 2012, when Kat was away, and this proclamation came on the heels of Roxy pursuing another man in a committed relationship - Max Branning - who knocked her back. Also, Roxy made damned sure she was well on hand and near enough when Alfie finally decided to shift Kat out when he discovered she'd been sleeping with Derek Branning.

At that point, Alfie was at his most vulnerable emotionally. He'd have been feeling the weight of Kat's betrayal and what seemed to be her rejection of him. Having a younger, lissom blonde woman holding out her arms to comfort you must have been a dream for Alfie, even though Big Mo and Jean tried to warn Roxy into giving Alfie space to grieve his relationship with Kat. Besides, not only was it entitled for Roxy to believe she had a right to Alfie's love previously that year, it was also the height of entitlement for her to pursue Max when he was living with Tanya and she was undergoing cancer treatment.

I do believe Alfie genuinely loves Roxy - not in the same way he loves Kat and certainly not as much - but he loves her. I believe his feelings for her equate to the feelings Max Branning has for Kirsty - and for everyone booing Alfie as the bad man in this piece, spare some boos for Max in the way he's treated Kirsty.

Alfie dithered in this situation, between Kat and Roxy; and in the end he, mistakenly, chose Roxy, because he couldn't bear the risk of possibly being hurt by Kat again, even though she's the love of his life. He chose the comfort of feeling fondness for Roxy over the unconditional love, which has hurt him in the past, for Kat. Max, on the other hand, dithered between Tanya and Kirsty - loving the safety of Tanya and their bond with their children, yet feeling responsible for Kirsty who loved him and who was all alone. He forsook Tanya when he thought Kirsty was pregnant and ditched her when it became apparent she lied; but when Tanya dumped him, he fell back on Kirsty as second best. An If-you-can't-be-with-the-one-you-love-love-the-one-you're-with moment. Now, he realises that, whilst he's fond of Kirsty and feels for her genuinely, he doesn't love her enough to stay married to her.

And Alfie's about to realise this with Roxy.

Could Alfie and Roxy have made a go of it? I believe they could, but only with Kat out of the picture.

Someone accused me in a comment the other day of changing my tune regarding Roxy and Alfie. Let me make myself abundantly clear: I have always believed Alfie and Kat were an endgame couple - the way I think that Ricky and Bianca were and still are - Terry Spraggan is a likeable blip. The way I think Grant Mitchell was the real thing for Sharon as opposed to fey Dennis Rickman, and who may even be the real thing for her once more (fingers crossed).

I thought Roxy and Alfie, initially, sans Kat, had enormous chemistry. It was the first bona fide genuine adult relationship Roxy had, and the first to develop when she was free of the sick, controlling thrall of her psychopathic sister. But, yes, I do feel that Newman sacrificed Roxy at the altar of Kat's redemption, because Newman made saving Kat and re-uniting the Moons her priority, which she will have achieved.

As much as the Alfie-haters hate the thought, Alfie and Kat belong together, and they will leave the show when one or both of them call time, and if one leaves and the other remains, the departing character will leave in a box.

One thing developing throughout this episode is the rising of Alfie's dark side. Louise Berridge and Tony Jordan, who created him, always maintained that he was not 100% the cheeky, chirpy, chappy he seems, that there was a dark side to him; and people forget that Alfie had two spells in prison and lived amongst hard cases.

In Friday's episode, Billy made much of the fact that Alfie was "becoming a Mitchell." Therein the Mitchells think they are like royalty. When a female member of the clan marries, they absorb her husband and make him a "Mitchell." Sean escaped that fate. And even though Roxy and Sam Mitchell have Branning babies, they are "Mitchells." Phil's call-out tonight that Alfie was "almost a Mitchell" now was the turning point for Alfie and gave him that inner boost of strength we'll see him have tomorrow night.

The absolute scene of the piece for me came when Alfie confronted that botoxed, plastic-faced bitch of a psychopath in the alleyway, when she demanded - not asked, but demanded - that Alfie walk away from marrying Roxy. I loved Alfie's ultimate put-down - and no, Ronnie-shippers, he wasn't lying when he said that he loved Roxy.

Do you think if I didn't love Roxy for one minute that I'd put up with you?

Fan-bloody-tastic! Someone sees this cold-hearted, emotionless bitch for what she is - a manipulative, obsessive, cold-hearted bitch with no empathy. Credit where credit is due to Samantha Womack's plastic surgeon, who's managed to stretch her botoxed and reconstructed face within an inch of movement. Her lips are too wide for her face and she looks like a blonde, blanched Michael Jackson with the noseless nostrils to match, but it's the perfect emotionless face of a psychopath. Roxy should be afraid. She should be very afraid and simply disappear with Amy. I wouldn't trust that bitch within an inch of a child.

Roxy Should Hold That Home Truth.

For anyone who ever thought Max and Tanya had a co-dependent relationship, the Mitchell sisters have the ultimate depraved one.

Whenever Roxy's freed from Ronnie's domination - i.e., when she was involved with Sean Slater and now when she's involved with Alfie Moon - she sees Ronnie exactly as what she is, and she told her this evening: a pathetic control freak who thinks nothing of Roxy except how much she can control her. Yes, Ronnie has leverage here because she realises that Alfie still loves Kat, but Ronnie broke up Roxy's relationship with Damien, who seemed to love Roxy, because she thought he was ugly; and she was hell-bent on breaking up her relationship with Sean Slater, whom she thought to be the father of Roxy's child. Remember how she whisked Roxy away to Ibiza, telling her they didn't need Sean and they would raise the child together?

Roxy had a brilliant line for her tonight:-

You don't want me to be happy, you want to control me.

This is abundantly true. For as long as she lives, Roxy will never be allowed to have any sort of normal relationship as long as Ronnie's overshadowing her, and this will also be true of Amy.

The Mitchell sisters have no friends - remember the pathetic hen do Roxy threw Ronnie before she married Jack, the one where no one attended? The sibling-friend motive started in earnest with the Slater sisters. Twelve years and no sisters-in-sight on, and Kat's finally found a friend; but the Mitchell sisters couldn't find a friend if their lives depended on it.

Kat and Ronnie bonded when they were both pregnant victims of child abuse, and Ronnie betrayed that trust by kidnapping Kat's child. Roxy has never had a friend of the same sex. Even Christian cold-shouldered her when he linked up with Syed, of whom Roxy was jealous. Ronnie tolerated Roxy's friendship with Christian because he was gay and couldn't threaten her control of Roxy. One wonders how Ronnie would have reacted to Roxy's brief fling with Al Jenkins. Some fault would have been found, and she would have worked her evil magic to break that up, even if it meant sleeping with Al.

Ronnie loves herself. She's an entitled psychopath, just like Michael Moon, who recognised her for what she was. And she's psycho-sexually obsessed with her sister. If DTC really wanted to be provocative, he'd have Ronnie sexually assault the object of her desires.

As for Roxy, she is so swept up in Ronnie's manipulations, she doesn't even realise she is being manipulated. Roxy will go so far without Ronnie before she's afraid to go any further. Ronnie will pop up like an evil Chuck doll and whisper "I love you" or "I want you to be happy" and Roxy is putty in her hands. Roxy is a childwoman of 36, totally emotionally dependent on Ronnie.

This will all end in tears. A good ending for the Mitchell sisters, in line with pure tragedy, would be for Roxy, eventually, to kill Ronnie.

But DTC would never let that happen to two retconned characters who are, themselves, daughters of a retconned character.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree,and remember Ronnie got violent once with Roxy and left her scarred.

Here's hoping someone shatters that plastic face sooner rather than later and bounces it around the Square. My candidates for the deed are Bianca, Sharon, Kat or Janine before she goes.

Good episode, but I imagine tomorrow's the better one.

Digital Spy Forumer Talks Out of His Arse

For the benefit of Mr ShallowMind, himself, otherwise known as klendathu, sorry, mate, but you are dead wrong about Ronnie being a "temporary" psychopath, based on your psychotic state of four years ago.

Anyone can have a psychotic episode, which is basically a detachment from reality, and psychotic episodes can be caused by physical illness, sleep deprivation, anxiety, stress etc. Psychotic episodes, are, indeed, temporary and medically treatable.

Psychopathy, on the other hand, is a permanent and incurable condition. Most people are born psychopaths, and many inherit the condition from a parent - e.g., Michael Moon's mother was a psychopath, and so was Archie Mitchell.

Psychopaths lack the ability to empathise, they are controlling and manipulative. Even though they don't give a rat's arse about others, they can be charming to the extreme. They are arrogant, entitled and have a superior opinion of themselves. They can be prone to outbursts of violence, they obsess over inappropriate people and they use sex wantonly to get what they want. Sounds pretty much like Ronnie to me.

If you don't believe me, then try this article for size from the professional journaForl Psychology Today. It's written simple enough for even klendathu to understand it.

It even provides a textbook definition of psychotic  and psychopath.

Psychosis is an umbrella term to describe the mental state of losing touch with reality. A number of things can cause psychosis, fromschizophrenia to depression to sleep deprivation.

Psychopathy, is a personality disorder which consists of a lack ofempathy, impulsivity, recklessness, scrupulousness, callousness, and lying..

That doesn't mean, however, that psychopaths can't have psychotic episodes, and possibly this happened to Ronnie when she snatched Tommy; but after that, her psychopathy kicked in and, as she said in her police interview, she really didn't give a shit about the Moons and how they felt.

Rarely enough,  DS Forumer priscilla is right: Ronnie is a psychopath.

Co-Dependency Kings and Queens - Review: 22.11.2013

Co-dependency is a byword in Walford. By that standard, alone, it's one of the sickest places on earth.

Starting from the top down, we've got Phil Mitchell and his cobbled-together mix. Phil misses his mother. Peggy couldn't do enough for Phil, even though he smacked her about and ruined her business countless times. Phil loved, yet loathed her. Now even his goddess Sharon has feet of clay and he's forced to spend his time in a celibate relationship with a bitter and twisted old beerhag, who can't let go of him as her obsession. Out of guilt, Phil will be tied to Shirley for the rest of his life. The same with Sharon. Any relationship he has with her will be overshadowed by the secret he carries regarding Dennis's death.

Then there was Max and Tanya, the ultimate in a co-dependent couple. They always came back for more. She mistook great sex for love, and Max knew she was easily manipulated.

Ian Beale fears being alone, so he veers from relationship to relationship, and they all end in tears.

Alfie and Kat, on the surface (thanks to Bryan Kirkwood) appear to be the natural successor to Max and Tanya, but they aren't. Alfie and Kat are an endgame couple. Her cheating really had stopped when they left Walford in 2005, and I believe it will stop again,once they are properly reunited.

But the absolute sickest co-dependency relationship of all is Ronnie and Roxy.

As one psychopath departeth, so we have another; but the plastic-faced bitch has always been a psychopath - manipulative, controlling, obsessive, arrogant, at times charming, cold, unable to empathise with anything or anyone and supremely entitled, she is a textbook case of psychopathy.

Her attitude toward Roxy is psycho-sexual. That's obvious. Ronnie is one step away from crossing the line and actually bedding Roxy. If DTC wanted to be really shocking and present something that is as true to life as it is twisted, he'd have Ronnie's psycho-sexual feelings made known to Roxy ... and have Roxy kill her in horror.

That's the way to end the worst aspect of the Mitchells - two retcons who are progeny of a retcon.

Twisted Sister.

Ronnie is a bitch, and what we saw tonight from the Mitchell brigade was the family and their satellites at their worst.

I am the absolute biggest fan of Auntie Sal and the home truths she brings, but she was a disappointment to me tonight. First of all, she's no Mitchell, being Peggy's sister, and Peggy wasn't always a Mitchell. So whilst she's Phil's aunt, she's nothing to the Banger Sisters.

Secondly, she's proud of Ronnie for coming back to Walford? She deems Alfie a clown? When did she ever meet Alfie? When he had his first tenure at the pub, Sal wasn't seen for dust, and he's not been seen about this time, since Peggy left. 

Sal doesn't mince words or suffer fools lightly; and she's more than made her feelings known about the incredible relationship that links Jack to Ronnie, Roxy and Sam Mitchell. She never approved of that, so why would she countenance a woman returning to the area where she kidnapped the son of a neighbour couple, dumped her dead baby in their baby's cot and made them believe for four months that their child was dead? And rather than deeming Alfie a clown, why didn't she remark about him being the father of the child Ronnie kidnapped?

Ronnie is no hero, and the Mitchells are not only hypocrites, but pure scum in thinking that she's something in which they could invest their pride. If Kat Moon had snatched a Mitchell baby, she and Alfie would have been set upon with baseball bats.

The only voice of sanity tonight seemed to be Shirley, who nicely told Ronnie to stuff it and at least act happy for Roxy's sake, never mind what she thought. This is TPTB setting Shirley up to be the new matriarch of something - I haven't quite figured out what, but I want her removed from the Mitchell sphere. That's making Heather's death and her so-called friendship with Shirley into something trivial - as trivial as they've made the babyswap. Still, I suppose since Heather was fat and over forty, she doesn't count as a real character in today's EastEnders.

I only hope - and I don't fear the demented one-celled fangirl Ronnie Brigade in saying this - but I hope that plastic-faced, noseless bitch eventually gets bitch-slapped all over that Square so much that someone bounces her plastic face like a basketball. 

For all she was instrumental in bringing Ronnie back to Walford and even into the pub at one point, Kat knows what a hateful piece of skanky flesh she is.

Oh, and this isn't the first time Ronnie's pissed on Roxy's parade and made it all about her.

Remember Amy's christening?

Roxy is right on a primeval level: specifically, Ronnie cannot abide seeing Roxy happy or having something that she doesn't. No man is ever right for Roxy - Damien wasn't right for her (and Ronnie pretended to Roxy that he'd assaulted her); Sean wasn't right for Roxy, and Ronnie goaded him into hitting her. Now Alfie isn't right for Roxy. Even if Alfie didn't still love Kat, there would be something about him that Ronnie would hate - probably the fact that he thinks she's a Class A bitch and has front and disdain to return to face out the people she hurt.

As long as Ronnie's around, Roxy will never be more than a child in a woman's body. This Ibiza shit they keep referring to and the Island that's their escape route is getting old also, just like them. Ronnie will introduce Roxy and Amy to botox and they will live out their lives like the two walking corpse in Death Becomes Her, having no one but each other.

This could be Ronnie and Roxy in the Year Dot.

Who didn't expect the Hen Night to end with Roxy banning Ronnie from her wedding? Will that stop the Hard Woman of Walford? No.

I still like Shirley's retconned sister - how shallow of DTC to ditch the stereotypical sad, fat clown replacement for Heather for another lithe, younger lipstick lesbian, and - in doing so - completely retcon Shirley's background.

Kevin got a mention from Tina tonight, when Shirley mentioned that she and Denise shared an ex, but Tina must have been a very young child when Shirley and Kevin were an item. I'm still wondering how Shirley managed to raise Tina and Ratboy when she was married with three small children and an unenthusiastic mother at the least?

Poppy ... Just go.

The House of Fun.

Ian's idea of a stag party is children's games? Still, this shower was a lot more interesting than what went down at the R and R.

Line of the night go to Billy and Ian:-

Billy: Alfie, how does it feel to be part of the Mitchell family, one of the most revered families in the EastEnd for years?

Ian: Don't you mean "reviled?"

Once again, here are the Mitchells at their worst, embodied by Billy, the runt of the litter, whom the bigger Mitchells treat with contempt most of the time. So contemptuous are they of him that Phil wanted to remove Lexi, his granddaughter and Billy's great-granddaughter, from Billy' care.

Yet, whenever the occasion arises, Billy tries to out-Mitchell the Mitchells.

Another interesting aspect of the stag night was its make-up:- Alfie, Phil, Max, Ian, Masood, Ajay, Terry, Billy and Jake. Nine men with nineteen wives between them. I liked some of the subtle nuances displayed - like Jake turning down the shot round and Phil instantly recognising that Jake, too, was a recovering alcoholic, without making a big deal out of the proceedings. And Max putting in an appearance and apologising to Alfie for showing, cognizant of the fact that his niece is being held for the murder of Alfie's cousin, and Alfie insisting that Max stay.

There's a lot of hatred for Alfie Moon in some quarters, by people who can't think critically and have selective memories. Bryan Kirkwood turned Alfie into a bad impersonation of Shane Richie. Alfie is one of the few genuinely good people on the Square, and yet he's reviled, to use Billy's word.

The marital advice banter was interesting as well. Alfie was preoccupied by the fact that he's allowed the situation to snowball when he knows, deep down, that he still loves Kat, whilst Max was somber and reflecting on his past life, implying he'd never stray again.

Once again, we see Billy display the utmost hypocrisy. Billy dumped Little Mo and Honey dumped Billy. Billy talks about moving on, but - apart from Julie (whom Lola ran off) - he's not had a proper relationship since Honey,and he has virtually given up seeing his children in order to devote himself to a granddaughter he didn't know from Adam two years ago. Nice one, Billy.

And I was glad to see Ian reference himself as Alfie's best friend. I like their bromance.

The EndGame Couple.

I wasn't keen on Terry Spraggan before, and I'm still not keen on his kids, but he's beginning to grow on me as a character, and I actually found myself liking Bianca tonight as well.

I cannot abide Patsy Palmer as Bianca the Banshee or Bianca the Village Idiot, but in scenes like the one she had with Kat tonight, she shone. A bottle of wine and some popcorn and a trip down Memory Lane for Kat to review all her previous boyfriends and compare them to Alfie.

I'd actually forgotten she'd slept with Garry Hobbs. Andy Hunter. Ant Knee Trueman.

It was written all over her face that she loved Alfie, and for the first time, she admitted to someone that she cocked that relationship up. I thought it was quite poignant and very realistic that Bianca was the one to weep and shed copious tears. Real mates often do just that when their friend is trying to be brave.

Well, it was inevitable that Alfie would visit Kat, and their talk before their passionate kiss reminded me a lot of Tanya's last scene with Max. She was so ready to succumb  to Alfie, yet she realised she had to step back and allow him to move on with Roxy.

The most heart-wrenching lines of the night?

Kat: You ain't my Alfie no more.

Alfie: I'll always be your Alfie.

You cannot help but want this couple to succeed.

Newsflash: In case you haven't realised it or have forgotten, ROXY IS STILL MARRIED TO SEAN SLATER. FACT.

But, once again, we bow to the altar of the great god Retcon.

Good episode. Guess that must have been Sunday night in Walford, eh?

Update: For the benefit of the utterly clueless and common senseless ilovenicnacs, one of the meanet and most passive-aggressive bullies on DS - Alfie is 48; Roxy is 36. That's TWELVE years' age difference - the same difference between Tiffany and Grant Mitchell. "Grandad" is a term of affection. Kathy Beale, eleven year older than her husband Phil Mitchell used to call him "Grandad" as well.

Grow up.

Update II: For the benefit of lotty27, Thanksgiving is the LAST Thursday in November. Next Thursday is Thanksgiving.