Friday the Thirteenth - Review:- 13.02.2015

Mr Little is in the building again. Absolutely spot-on episode and the cast were pitch perfect. 

Obviously, June Brown and John Altman stood out tonight, but Jacqueline Jossa owned the episode, and for once, her facial expressions were an absolute necessity.

The killer is so obviously a Beale, and I'm still thinking it's Peter, but Lauren's fear factor seemed to jump an octave around Jane the Queen, whom I'd really want to see led away, blanket over head, into a police car.

Good to see Keeble again.

Suffice it to say that the Friday the Thirteenth episode was a suitably creepy beginning to the beginning of the end of a ten-month wait.

You're One of Us Now.

Anyone clock that Lauren hadn't exactly given Keeble everything? She kept back the telltale piece of foolscap and Summerhayes's phone. It's the piece of paper, which holds the final clue to the killer's identity, and of course, Emma's phone records her last text message. Also, Lauren hasn't told Stacey who the killer is, but by the look on Stacey's face at the end of the episode, it's a fair bet that Stacey either thinks Peter's the killer, or she knows it's one of the Beales.

There was a fair bit of emotional blackmail cropping up throughout the episode tonight, starting with Lauren's panicked attempt to shut Stacey up encouraging her to help the police more in Lucy's investigation.

You OWE me! You ruined my life! You broke my parents' marriage up, and you're the reason Bradley died!

Not entirely true. The Brannings broke up because of Max's repeated infidelities as well as Tanya's undermining and her materialism, and Stacey wasn't the reason Bradley died. Bradley died trying to jump from one building to another. Had he not died, he'd have copped a prison sentence for Stacey.

Left on her own, Lauren was given the choice of an evening with an alcoholism counsellor or a dinner party at the Beales'.

That was a really weird dinner party. The only males present were Ian, Ben and Peter. Sonia was there, but no Liam? Liam is Ian's great-nephew, and Sonia is his soon-to-be ex-cousin by marriage who's done nothing but trashmouth Ian's cousin and aunt. I guess she was there because she's Jane the Queen's instant friend and automatic matron of honour.

Phil's absent, yes, but Lee and Nancy could have manned the pub, allowing Mick to attend - still, I suppose things are a bit dodgy between Mick and Ian, after the kerb-crawling incident. But Alfie wasn't invited? Seriously? Alfie is Ian's best mate, and he wasn't invited. Instead, we got Sharon, Linda and Sonia in the kitchen gossiping - and Sonia couldn't resist relating the circumstances around Mel's brief engagement and marriage to Ian (within earshot of Jane the Queen)...

... a discombabulated Peter; Cindy, Ben and Abi looking uncomfortable, and Ian looking insufferably smug.

Into the Valley of Death rode Lauren reluctantly, and from the moment she entered the house, you could smell the fear emanating from her. Her eyes said everything. She was uneasy around Peter, but I noticed that her biggest fear was being around Jane.

Did you notice how Lauren physically jumped when Jane said:-

I have a confession to make.

Oddly enough, I thought she was going to say she really didn't see Lauren at the Beale's front door that night, but instead, she wittered on about missing Tanya, and how she and Tanya used to bitch about their husbands (puke) and talk about their kids - sorry, Jane, you have no children.

The weird thing was, the more Jane talked, the more afraid Lauren became, the closer Jane invaded Lauren's space, the more Lauren backed away from her, especially when Jane creepily assured Lauren that Lauren could talk to Jane anytime she wanted and how Jane was glad Lauren was marrying Peter ...

... because that means you're one of us now.

(Run, Lauren, run!) And she did look as though she'd like to bolt out of that door.

It that didn't spook her, Jane's reaction to Denise's gate-crashing of the party did.

The Beales disgust me, especially in their treatment of Denise. Ian's snide remark, insinuating that Denise had been drinking all day, deserved a smack. Denise is the way she is because of the way Ian treated her - especially after Jane arrived. Jane insinuated and undermined Denise's position in that family. She fucked Ian right in the room where the party was congregating when Ian was still with Denise. When this was found out, Jane didn't even have the courtesy to look Denise in the eye and tell her. She told Masood, instead, as if Denise wasn't worthy of her concern.

Denise's original and sober assessment of Jane the Queen was the correct one - she was a self-righteous, judgemental bitch who pretended to be everyone's friend and then shat on them from a great height. Denise's attempt to set the record straight to Jane on Ian tonight was classic and true. Ian is such a weasel, he was willing to ship Patrick to a care home in order to prevent Patrick from telling Denise that Ian had been frequenting prostitutes.

And that bovine bitch ...

... had the audacity to assume the moral high ground and condescend to Denise, smugly calling Ian "the love of her life."

Funny, how she wasn't saying that when she left Walford before as "Jane Clark". Funny, how, all of a sudden, her brusque but affectionate mother has become the mother of all bitches. Funny, how wardrobe and make-up have given Jane the Queen the ultimate Donna Reed Fifties-style hairdo to emphasise what a perfect little homemaker she is not.

It was that exchange between Jane the Queen and Denise which did it, entirely, for Lauren, who left immediately, high-tailed by a desperate Peter; and it wasn't a coincidence that Stacey, ever in the background, happened to hear Lauren dump Peter. Stacey knew, there and then, that if Lucy's killer wasn't Peter, it was at least a Beale.

And so the chilling note is written, in a card addressed to Jane.

I know what happened to Lucy.

So is Jane the killer, or is she covering for Peter? Or is it Ian? It's one of the three.

Emotional Rescue.

Stan is a prick, and Shirley is rich to remark about his emotional blackmail. "Emotional blackmail", passive-aggressive bullying is a way of life amongst the Carters, although I have to say, I do like Mick Carter and Danny Dyer's portrayal of him.

Shirley is right; what happened between Dean and Linda wasn't her fault, but neither Stan nor Shirley get it. Yes, Dean's gone, and yes, both of them backed Dean's claims. With Dean gone, there should be an effort to build bridges with Mick, but what Mick should be demanding of both of them, is some sort of apology to Linda for implying and saying directly that she lied about the entire rape accusation. 

And I don't understand - Dean's gone (at least until next week), so is Shirley saying she is wrong or does she still believe he is innocent of rape? Is she telling Dean one thing and Mick the other? Yes, Mick is her son, but she'll only be able to carry out this facade if Dean doesn't return, and it was mentioned that he'd gone for good so many times tonight that you know he's coming back. Besides, he's still got a business in Walford. Who's running that? Lola?

Ne'mind. Shirley's happy again, and that's all that matters.

Old Nick.

Well, there you go. The end of a legend and the original EastEnders' bad boy. You know something? Walford will never be the same, at least not for June Brown and Dot Branning.

Nick arrived on Hallowe'en and died on Friday the Thirteenth. He died in the same house and the same room where he'd killed Reg Cox. In fact, he confessed to Dot tonight, that he was responsible for Reg Cox's death, something she never knew, and something that tipped her over the edge about Nick.

This was a poignant piece tonight and true to continuity of what has been revealed in the past about Dot's and Nick's relationship as mother and son. Nick has referenced before that Dot wasn't that great a mother, always laying down rules, quoting the Bible and praying for his soul. Dot thought that was what a mother was supposed to do, to teach her son right from wrong. Nick was most poignant when he admitted that he didn't want a teacher, he wanted a mum.

Blind almost to the end, Dot couldn't perceive of when Nick started to go bad, he'd been such a perfect child, but Nick tried to tell her again and again that Dot saw only what she wanted to see.

Nick's been a revelation this time around, with John Altman playing a tour de force. His one-liners this time have been hysterical, and even at the point of death, he comes up with a brilliant piece of dark humour. 

Dot (wailing): Oh, what did I do to deserve someone like you?
Nick: You got LAID!

I have to admit, I whooped with laughter at that.

Nick knew he was dying, and he didn't want anyone with him at the moment of death but his old ma. Not Charlie, not his grandson. If anyone doubted that Nick was a psychopath, they had only to listen to him begin to reminisce about trying to kill Mark Fowler - stopped by Dot, who remembered that effort as resulting in Ashley's death instead. 

Dot did the ultimate act of love for Nick tonight. Nick didn't want to go back to prison, which is where he was going, had the police or even an ambulance been called. Dot went next door to call an ambulance, with Charlie and Nick's grandson, two more generations of Cottons, very much alive and well in the front room. That's when she knew Nick's time was up. She tells Nick she didn't call an ambulance, she prayed instead - and decided to let Jesus decide if Nick were to live or die.

Well, we know what decision was made. Sometimes when you love someone so much, you have to let them go, and Dot let Nick die, but not before confessing, herself, that it was, indeed, her fault that Nick turned out the way he did, that she turned a blind eye to his faults, that she was never a demonstrative mother because that wasn't the way people did things in those days.

This was one of the saddest endings I'd ever seen on this programme - Nick in the throes of death, asking Dot to stay and come closer, and Dot, not daring to kiss Nick until he had died, with a promise of seeing him the next morning.

Brilliant stuff.

Daran Little is back. 

The Pursuit of Happiness - Review:- 12.02.2015

This week was always going to be one of filler episodes, as a lead-in to next week - filler episodes and red herrings, with a lot of curveball clues thrown in for good measure. As it was, this was the best episode of the week so far, with a clincher cliffhanger moment (which we know will come to fruition tomorrow night, mostly with a twist).

This has everything a good mystery reveal could want, so why am I pleased that the eventual killer will prove to be from the most unsympathetic mourning family suffering on the Square? And why am I apprehensive that the killer will be allowed to live wild and roam free whilst someone else, a real baddie, cuts it?

Call me quirky, but I'm finding one of the reasons I'm liking EastEnders at the moment is because some of the most unpleasant characters in the mix are characters who are genuinely unpleasant, and I'm not alone in my dislike of them.

The Awful Sitcom Smugness.

I think the only reason I'm able to stand the incredible world of smugness engulfing the Beales is because I'm convinced that one of them is about to be exposed as Lucy's killer, and all of this sitcom sweetness and stupidity will come tumbling down - or in EastEnders' PR speak, their world will "come crashing down around them" - once the killer's identity is exposed.

I'm still thinking Peter, with Jane covering for him. That's the only reason Lauren would be afraid of knowing the killer's identity - unless the killer is Ian.

First, let me clarify something about the next big event coming up in the lives chez Beale. I know I've been away from the US for a long time, but the so-called "pre-wedding dinner" ... ain't no such thing. The "pre-wedding dinner" is actually the Rehearsal Dinner. 

Let me explain: A few days before the wedding, there is actually a rehearsal of the event, just so the music can be heard in the venue, the bridesmaids and ushers know how they're supposed to walk down the aisle and in what order - that sort of thing. The bride doesn't rehearse - it's considered bad luck, but afterwards, there is a big rehearsal dinner, for all the wedding party and their families, paid for by the family of the groom. It could be that, in the event of there not being a reason to rehearse the wedding - for example, if the wedding were a civil ceremony - there might be a "pre-wedding dinner" hosted by the groom's family, but normally, people invited are usually people connected with the wedding or members of the bride's and groom's families and close friends.

Watching the Beales play nervous apprehension for an event which should be old hat to both Ian and Jane the Queen ...

.. as they have both been around the block and down the aisle a few times before, but it was terribly pathetic, watching them get pre-wedding nerves over a meal being cooked in an up-market and over-priced burger joint. Is Masood still working for Beales or was he there lending moral support to the woman of his dreams, Jane the Queen?

That restaurant appears to be closed more than it's opened. Considering that most London eateries are opened pretty much continuously from lunchtime until late at night, Beales is empty most of the day and usually closed off for private family functions. I couldn't fathom the lather in which most of the people were getting - Jane worried about losing six pounds (maybe she needs to be milked) and whining about Ian's soufflés, Ian trying to do haute cuisine in a burger joint just to impress the local yokels, Peter worrying about Lauren not returning his calls until it all erupts and it takes the wise, old head of Mas to plough through the mess and sort Ian out.

Ian misses Lucy - but only because she'd be an extra pair of hands. It's left to Mas to smooth Ian's ruffled feathers and tell him how much Jane loves him. Yeah, she does, because Ian's her cover and her front for the part she played in Lucy's death.

The scene where Ian camps it up with facial cream, cucumbers and a silly shower cap to smarm up to Jane the Queen, was bum-clinchingly embarrassing, and the stuff of sickly sweet cardigan sitcoms, and just as bad as the scene where Ian strides off to confront Max after Peter expresses a worry that Max thinks Lauren is drinking again. Actually, the visit is two-fold: the real reason for the visit is for Ian to condescend to invite the Brannings, soon to be relations by marriage, to the social event of the year (pre-wedding): the pre-wedding dinner - that's Ian's wedding by the way, not Peter's.

Kudos to Max for not being interested. And even more kudos to Max for having the fortitude to say to Ian what others should have said about this wedding, and thus, attaining the line of the night.

You're weddings are like buses, Ian. There'll be another one before long.

The cozy, curiously comfortable world of the Beales is about to implode, but I wonder if the murderer amongst them will pay the price for his crime? Will Jane the Queen do so for her part in it?

Sins and Sinners.

Dot's a sinner troubled by sin and surrounded by sinners. It wasn't enough, just a few months ago, to find that she was submerged in a den of iniquity of liars - Ronnie, Charlie, Yvonne. Now, she's conflicted about her renegade son, holed up in a burned-out house next door and craving a fix of heroin. She's bought a fix, but throws it into the rubbish bin. (Is it me or do the residents of Walford have some of the cleanest rubbish bins in England?)

Like Pat with Ricky and Ian, like Shirley (for a time) with Jay and Ben, Dot's surrogate son is Arthur, who thinks the world of her and is more protective of her than any of her toady relatives like CharlieBoy or slimey stepsons like the Brannings.

CharlieBoy's and Roxy's dirty little secret didn't stay a secret long. Big mistake, Roxy, and rather stupid, if I may say so, to talk about sleeping with your brother-in-law in the foyer of his grandmother's house, without checking to see if Dot isn't around in the first place.

That had to be one of the best scenes of the show, the confrontation between Charlie, Roxy and Dot. In point of fact, Dot was right to hoist them on their own petards. It was more than pathetic to see Charlie try to justify his sleeping with Roxy as being down to the fact that he was overwhelmed with medical jargon and worried that Ronnie coming off the ventilator may result in her being brain damaged or not waking up at all. So that gives him licence to seek comfort with his wife's sister? And what's Roxy's excuse. 

You're in love with Ronnie and I'm in love with (hesitate, make a face) ... Aleks.

So Roxy's gone off Aleks now. She knows what she's done with CharlieBoy is wrong, and she's scared shitless of a recovering Ronnie finding out - especially now that Dot knows - and banging Roxy's head against whatever countertop becomes available.

Roxy got the other ironic line of the night:-

Sorry to say it, Dot, but this is all your son's fault. He's a psychopath.

I'd look a lot more closer to home, Roxanne, and you know it. Bride of Frankenstein has a habit of finding out when you've been sleeping with one of her sperm donors, especially if you happen to fall pregnant.

That was more than rich, Roxy ticking Dot off about what Nick had done to "my sisTAHHH" and swearing that if she ever saw Nick alive again, she'd kill him. She's got nerve, lecturing Dot on Nick. Nick is Dot's son, and of course, she will only see him as her child, a small boy. He is her closest blood relative and someone she's known from birth, as opposed to CharlieBoy, who's a relative stranger to her. It's the unconditional love that will always make a parent strive to see the best in their child, even when they know there is no good left.

In the end, Dot gives the heroin to Nick, striving to make him understand how he'd damaged so many lives by cutting the brakes on Ronnie's car. But Nick points out that it wasn't Ronnie's car, and besides he's almost about to say that Ronnie's as much a psychopath as he is. 

She knows exactly what's going on. (Nick's probably right. It takes a psychopath to know a psychopath). Let's take bets - Ronnie won't be damaged in any way whatsoever, and Ronnie is in need of a killer's karma.

More than anything, Dot doesn't want to see Nick leave, but how can she expect him to remain there? The Slater/Moon house won't stay empty like that forever. The question is: Is Nick actually dead now? Did his death occur with tonight's duff-duff, or will Friday's cliffhanger occur when Stacey enters the house to find Nick's body?

I think the latter. Nick is out for the count on smack. He arrived on Hallowe'en and will depart on Friday the Thirteenth.

Kat Slutter, the Busybody and Donna. And the Only Adult in the Room.

Kat is a miserable bitch, and I'm glad Stacey shot her attitude down tonight. How entitled is she? Walking into the flat in which she squats and which she cannot afford and demanding lunch from Stacey. WTF? 

I know Stacey doesn't have a job at the moment, but does that mean that her purpose in life is to watch Kat's kids, clean up Kat's mess and generally be Kat's personal body servant? It would happen that she'd seen Lauren't pregnancy test and assumed it was Stacey's and immediately started sounding off at Stacey's stupidity. Bad mistake on Stacey's part to tell Kat that the test belonged to Lauren.

Kat's reaction?

Eeeuuuwww, you got Lauren's wee on your hand!

That sets up a situation within the next week or before Lauren leaves whereby Kat's big gob shouts out Lauren's condition to everyone not concerned. I liked it that Stacey sought Lauren out, and that Lauren told Stacey that there were other things more important than her pregnancy, and telling Peter made her afraid. Why? Is Peter the killer? When Lauren finally tells Stacey that she think she knows what happened to Lucy and how she'd sussed Emma's clues, Stacey advises her to call the police. Great piece of continuity there on Stacey's part ...

Do I have to spell it out for you with Bradley and Archie?

That's a loaded remark, because in the general scheme of things, we now can infer that the killer is a Beale. It can't help but be a Beale, and Kat's reaction to Lauren's and Stacey's tete-a-tete was equally as callous - wondering if Lauren were off to the clinic or the wedding shop.

Good for Stacey for handing Kat her fat arse. Kat needs to step up to the plate and either get back with Alfie or get a divorce. Stacey knows that Kat misses Alfie, the boys miss Alfie, and even Stacey misses Alfie. This was after Kat had found Alfie's offering of food waiting for her on her stall.

I wish she'd shut the fuck up about Alfie injuring her. Yes, Alfie did a stupid thing in planning the fire, but the fire wasn't intended to be a full-fledged conflagration (Big Mo's dodgy gear saw to that) nor was Kat supposed to be rolling around on the bed in the bedroom trying to get Alfie to come over. Instead, Kat condescends to agree to attend Ian's wedding with Kat. Once again, this is Alfie all over - he's already semi-promised to go with Donna.

Not that Donna cares, and Donna can do very well for herself without Pam's interfering. 

Pam is seriously beginning to annoy me, interfering in everyone else's business, gossiping behind people's backs. She's got no business in worrying about Donna and Valentine's Day. If Donna says she doesn't do Valentine's Day or hats, she should respect her wishes. Instead, Pam's trying to push a romance between Donna and Alfie, when Donna's more interested in pursuing a no-strings relationship with Shrimpy, one of the newer market extras.

Donna is right, however, about Alfie when it comes to Kat. He allows her to walk all over him. It's time EastEnders put an end to this plethora of weak men who inhabit the show.

Good episode.

Over-egging the Omelette - Review 10.02.2015

Things were going swimmingly, like sperm, until the final scene.

Another pregnancy? Again? Really, Dominic? We've had Cindy, Kat (with twins!), Ronnie, Linda, Kim and now Lauren. We've had the baby with the teenaged mum, the twins, the Bride of Frankenstein baby, the baby as a result of rape. We're about to have the premature baby, and now we'll have the secret baby.

And what a hoot, what a classic piece of irony that we send Jacqueline Jossa off on maternity leave, pregnant with the baby whose father just might be or probably is a killer!

Yessir, folks, the man with the baby fetish gives us ... (drum roll, please) ...





... the killer babyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

That piece of news spoiled the episode.

Roxy, You've Done It Again.

Only this time, it's worse. Roxy's in a relationship of her own, one in which she played the other woman to perfection and broke up a marriage, and this time - unlike before, when Jack and Ronnie were an on-again-off-again phenomenon - she's fanagled up to no less than her sister's husband. (Wanna bet there'll be a baby sometime in the autumn? Of course, there will be ... this is Dominic Treadwell-I-love-babies-Collins, and this, ladies and gents, is the beginning of the Christmas episode when Aleks finds out his son is really Charlie Cotton's and Ronnie bangs Roxy's head, repeatedly on the kitchen table, whereupon Roxy will scream out, I may'ave slept wiv yer'usband, but at least I ain't killed a man, eh, Ron? Remember Carl White?)

Doof ... doof ... doof-doof-doof ... duh-duh-duh ...

I dismissed all the fora skitter last night about how much chemistry CharlieBoy, the Great Emasculated Man, and Roxy have between them - and that's not the only thing they have between them at the moment. In fact, it's only been since the Bride of Frankenstein went into Igor's hospital that CharlieBoy's reached down inside his Y-fronts and discovered that his balls were still there, and not in a jar on Ronnie's bedside table.

Sure, CharlieBoy loves Ronnie as much as Roxy loves her (and Roxy's love for her sister is singularly almost as unhealthy as Ronnie's obsession is about her), which is why they slept together, or are going to do so, unbeknownst to either The Bride of Frankenstein or Aleks. If I hadn't known better, I'd swear this was why CharlieBoy wanted to keep the Bride of Frankenstein comatosed - to enjoy the fruits of her sister.

Roxy is one of the Square's three most abysmal mothers (Kat and Shirley being the other two), and she's also a woman who, like many others, couldn't be without a man. Yet more than any man, more than even her child, Roxy is dependent emotionally upon her sister. They really do share everything, and now they are, yet again, sharing a man. Uh-oh, will yet another child come into the world of Walford with a cousin who's also his/her sibling?

Watch this space.

Oh, and for anyone relishing the thought of a brain-damaged Ronnie, she'll come out of this coma with a fresh manicure, highlights in her hair, tanned, toned and perfectly normal.

The Dirty Girl.

Yep, she's back, she's miserable, and she's broke. 

I'm still labouring to figure out how Kat and Stacey, with nary a pot in which to piss between them, garnered Dean's flat. Originally, Aleks was the principal tenant, with Jake Stone flat-sharing. Then Tosh moved in, then Tina and Dean. Then Jake moved out, then Aleks, then Tina and Tosh, leaving Dean with Stacey.

Alfie's concerned about Kat, and here we go again. Stacey tells him Kat's been cutting down portions so the children would have more to eat. Poor Kat ... she looks so undernourished, especially her tits. Understandably, she won't dip into Harry's fund, but Alfie's getting money from someplace, and she will neither accept money from him nor will she allow him to see his children. (Alfie needs a lawyer, Kat needs to grow the fuck up).

So Alfie gets some grub off Ian and fixes Kat a slap-up lunch, and before long, she's warming to his charms. He even asks her to go to Ian's wedding with him - hey, I thought he'd asked Donna, who'd accepted.

To be brutally honest, I'm very much over the Moons in general. It's not rocket science to know that their so-called big story is going to be just another break-up-make-up variation on Kirkwood's version of the Moons. Kat's skint, but she can scrape up enough money to drink herself drunk, and once again, as the proverbial Dirty Girl, instead of Alfie left caring for the kid, we've got Stacey and Big Mo doing the honours.

Look, get them back together and get them out of Walford. In the run up to the show's 30th Anniversary, let's pause and remember how one of their chosen Executive Producers totally rubbished two iconic characters to the point where they are irrevocably damaged.

The Old Lag.

Dot wants her cake and wants to eat it too. It's understandable that she would love Nick. He's her son, after all, and that love is unconditional. But Nick's been back since October, and already Dot's lied to all and sundry, harboured a criminal, and bought drugs, whilst the husband of one of her oldest friends is set up for murder. You have to wonder what Dot hopes to gain from this. Nick certainly can't stay indefinitely in the ruins of the Slater house next door, and he can't go on hiding out with her. What is definite is that Nick wants a fix, and when Nick is desperate, nothing stops him getting what he wants, even if that means banging on the wall and attracting the attention of Arthur and CharlieBoy.

Another easy lie jumps to Dot's lips - the banging on the wall were "air locks" in the waterpipes next door. And whilst she's reluctant to buy heroin for Nick (something she's bought before), Nick reminds her of what might happen if he doesn't get his Maypo fix, mentioning his having been boarded up in a bedroom once before by Pete Beale and escaping to kill Eddie Royle. At least, that's one death for whom Dot realises Nick was responsible.

So off Dot trots, bobble-heading all the way, to buy some heroin for Nick, after explicitly lying to Arthur, who follows her, and then she lies to him some more.

She refused to get heroin for Nick, and she's going to call Nick up and tell him that she didn't get him anything (pause for dramatic and sympathy-inducing effect) and then she'd never hear from him again.

The clock is ticking for Old Nick. 

The Latest Secret.

As well as babies, DTC loves secrets, and the baby and the secret are one and the same and yet another. Follow me? Now I'm wondering what set Lauren on a binge drinking session - was it finding out who killed Lucy or thinking that she was pregnant or both? Lauren found out that Peter killed Lucy and now she's pregnant by him ... is that it?

You know, with Lauren's facile lie about having spent the night at Peter's and having eaten a dodgy curry would be checked out and fact-checked by Abi, who's hot on her heels, as well as Max, who does yet another shouting session, standing over her in public at the cafe. There's Lauren and her troubles, and then there are the happy clappy Beales, who are so happy and smug in their happiness that you almost want them to be slapped silly back into reality, because somewhere in that room, amongst Bobby the Beaver, Ian, Jane and Peter, there's a killer and his accomplice, and it ain't Ian or Bobby.

I don't know about you, but Peter and Jane looked pretty pleased with themselves. Jane the Queen even deigned to kiss Ian, as she walked across the floorboard hiding DNA evidence of Lucy's death.

But back to Lauren. She takes her troubles to Stacey, after having busybody Pam intervene. As soon as Pam said that Lauren had almost fainted, I smelled the distinctive whiff of yet another pregnancy. Fair dos to DTC, he framed this cleverly - now the question is: Just what did Lauren tell Stacey? Was it just about the pregnancy, or did she tell her about the evidence she'd found. 

Stacey now knows something ... but what? 

Fish Dinner - Review:- 09.02.2015

Just little over a week to go, and TPTB are taking a subtle introduction to the final stages of a multi-faceted mystery. 

This was good tonight - seriously good, with a couple of side issues thrown in to boot. As Stan was a fishmonger, it's mete that the episode take on a fishy aura about it.

Two Red Herrings.

Lauren is doing what Lauren does best - finding out something that she shouldn't know based on evidence she really shouldn't have seen. To date, Lauren has found out about Max's affair with Stacey, and she's found out that Stacey killed Archie. Now she's found out the identity of Lucy's killer. Something on that piece of paper gives her the missing link to the clue about the killer's identity. It bothers Lauren, and tonight's evidence, based on her behaviour, points to Peter as the culprit.

Lauren is also trying to get into Emma's phone, because - you know - there might be some sort of clue there, as in the message she sent to the killer near the end of her life. We can safely say that Lauren isn't the killer, but whoever is worries Lauren enough to make her wonder if she's doing the right thing by marrying Peter and, eventually, to take a long drink of Max's whiskey.

But there's a scene that casts a rosy hue of suspicion on both Abi and Whitney in this episode. 

I know lots of viewers have reckoned Abi killed Lucy - a lot of that supposition comes on the strength of Abi's innate Tanya-esque bitchiness coming to the fore this year. Well, if you'd watched for the past couple of years, at least from 2011, you would have seen Abi evolving into the typical spoiled brat that she's always been - from demanding Jay buy her the trainers he mother, riddled with a cancer cold, would not to demanding that Jay pay for their lujo holiday in that godawful teen week of 2013, Abi is one snide little bitch.

Abi isn't turning psycho, she's just letting her true colours show through. She convinced herself that Jay was interested in Lola, when he wasn't, so much so that she actually achieved that which she set out to avoid - Jay dumped her. On the day of Phil's and Sharon's wedding. Of course, Abi blamed everyone and everything else but herself and her own stinking attitude, acting so abysmally and getting so drunk that she actually killed the Brannings' poor dog. I'll never forgive the little bitch for that.

But kill Lucy?

Even if she did so accidentally (which is how I believe Lucy was killed), Abi would have soldered herself to the upstairs loo since last April, she would be shitting herself so badly.

So the scene tonight, with a worried Lauren sat around a table with Abi and a wittering Whitney, where Abi frantically gave the killer an excuse to run wild and free (there'd be a trial, Ian and Peter would have to relive the events of the past year, Max's and Emma's names would have been dragged through the mud etc) - I mean, why go through a trial and the legal process, just let the killer go free and maybe everyone would forget. Maybe people would never know how or why Lucy was killed. That scene was a big red herring scene.

The other fish in the pond tonight was Whitney. We haven't seen Whitney for the better part of the year. We know she was angry with Lucy because Lee dumped Whitney for Lucy right before her death. We also know that Lucy bullied Whitney because of her weight, which resulted in Whitney saying some nasty things on Lucy's social media pages and leaving a note which hoped she rotted in hell at her funeral. But nothing more has been made of that - not by the police and not by anyone more serious than Tamwar.

Now, at the eleventh hour, we're being asked to watch Whitney quickly change the subject from possible murder trials and Lauren having doubts about marrying Peter to Whitney's trip with a classful of infant schoolers singing "The Wheels on the Bus."

Neither of these girls killed Lucy. Whitney is a character who is full of compassion, and again, whilst Lucy's death may have been accidental, one of the first things Whitney would have done would have been to have told Bianca. Like Abi, I can't see Whitney being cold and composed enough to keep a something of this magnitude a secret.

I kept wanting Lauren to crack the password for Emma's phone, but as she's thrown it across the room, in exchange for a swig of Max's whiskey, I guess that puts paid to that.

On an aside, I thought Abi's rudeness knew no bounds tonight when she upbraided Ian for suggesting Lauren have a drink at his stag do. Yes, he was drunk. Men do get drunk at their own stag dos. It's allowed. And, quite possibly, Ian forgot Lauren couldn't drink, wherein it should have been Peter who gently reminded Ian. Instead, Peter runs after Lauren, and Abi tells Ian he's pathetic.

I so want someone to smack Abi's chops.

One thing for certain ... Lauren's gone off Peter by a mile. I'm still thinking he's the killer, even though the viewers have known Ben Hardy has been leaving for quite awhile. Knowing that has drawn us off the scent of any possibility that he could be the killer.

Kudos to Jacqueline Jossa. She owned that episode tonight.

The Big Barracuda.

Hmmm ... Ian doesn't want a stag do, and his reason is that Jane the Queen thinks it's uncivilised.

But Bossy Jane the Queen wants Ian out of the house and away from her and Cindy tonight. Why?

Alfie's in his element in organising a stag do at the last moment, although the guest list is a little thin - Ben (Ian's brother), Jay (Ben's friend), Billy Mitchell (systematically and ritually verbally abused by Ian, so why wouldn't he come?), and Fatboy (making up the number), along with Lee and Mick behind the bar.

The best and most surprising part of this storyline was the emergence of Donna as a positive character, and Alfie's interaction with her. He's genuinely moved on from Kat. When he first saw Kat, sitting miserably on the stall, he briefly spoke to her and went onto speak at length with Donna. When Donna pulled her trick on Ian, Alfie asked if she'd accompany him to Ian's wedding. 

It's nice to see the Ian-Alfie friendship resume. Their bromance has always been good, and one of the strongest male friendships since the Mitchell brothers and Nigel. Ian doesn't want another stag do because he's reminded of the numerous other ones he's had? Pardon me, if I don't remember. He wants this marriage to last ... ooo-er, as Dot would say. Foreshadowing remark much?

By the way, Ian looks more pregnant than Jacqueline Jossa.

The Slippery Eel.

Well, it's Nick - four days off his death and sitting in the house in which he killed Reg Cox. I wonder if Nick realises this. I actually thought these scenes were the most atmospheric of all - the dusty, ash-filled remnants of the Slater-Moon house, Nick sitting like a sepulchre in his black coat, coughing and shivering. Had he left the house for heroin and run out of the stuff? That's what the dialogue would lead one to believe. 

Nice to know that Dot's at last feeling some remorse for having lied to all and sundry about him, sneaking around, herself - and it's a wonder she hasn't been seen bobble-heading around in that transparent coat. She's even lying to the light of her life, Charlie, about fixing food for the homeless. Now she's being asked by Nick to buy him some smack - not that she hasn't done this before, mind you.

We all know how this is going to end.

The Shark and Son.

Mick doesn't want to lose the only man he considers to be his father. Reasonable enough. But Mick refuses to take his sister-mother's calls. Shirley is taking turns phoning Dean and Mick, neither of whom take her calls. Get the picture, Shirl? They're just not that into you.

Shirley knows Mick is angry with her for siding with Dean in this misadventure, but Stan seems to think he can broker a peace. Really, Stan? It's not just about Shirley's other son raping her oldest son's wife, it's also about Shirley calling the wife a liar.

I didn't like the look Lee gave Grandad as he left the Carter lounge. Just when I'm beginning to like Lee, I don't want him aiding and abetting Stan.

The Missing Minnow and the Blowfish.

Max is one insecure man. And a coward. Yet again, he seeks a bully tactic by storming into the Mitchell home, standing over Ben and Jay and shouting the odds about them not being at work. Actually, I don't think they were phased. They could easily quit on him and await Phil's avenging angel act, but Sharon puts him in his place by saying Phil's bail hearing is today.

Well, it is, except that Phil deliberately gave Sharon the wrong time. She manages to lie to Max - a good one, saying Phil had business to which to attend, but as she says to the boys, Phil's done a runner to punish her for the Arches.

Well, we know where he's gone ... home to Mother, and when Peggy sweeps in, ready to heap all the blame on Sharon, Ben will confess his crime.

Mothers of the Year.

This time, Alfie's moved on, but Kat hasn't. The Dirty Girl is back in full force. She gets a notice that her rent is being raised - and how, exactly, did they manage to get their names on that flat? Dean's the main tenant, and they threw him out. Stacey's unemployed and on benefits, and Kat is earning a pittance.

Anyway, the rent is raised and Kat leaves Stacey to cover the stall while she goes off to drink at the Vic, spending money they don't have. She's drunk and has three very young children at home, being cared for by Stacey and Mo.

Not just Kat, but Roxy is feeling singularly sorry for the fact that her Ice Queen sister is still in suspended animation at the hospital. The doctor warns her that Ronnie might have severe brain damage if and when she should awake, but we all know that the Bride of Frankenstein will bound from the bed in one fell leap, probably on Friday, where she'll run off and kill Nick. And let Dot cop the blame for it.

So Essex and the Dirty Girl share a drink. Or two. Or three. Kids at home? Who cares?

Kudos to Alfie for throwing a drunken Kat out of the pub tonight. Alfie had no right? She's still his wife, and his children are under her care. I am so over the Dirty Girl.

Good episode. We're into the home stretch now.