Much Ado about Something at the End - Review:- Tuesday 10.01.2017

Let's cut to the chase, because this episode made me angry, and it proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that Denise is nothing more than a self-serving bitch, with no thought at all about anyone but her ... and whatever inappropriate man she's happened to cross.

This was a strange episode, almost surreal, a lot of nothing about nothing - Mick's moobs and his latest bromace, this time with Vincent. It's also bothering me just how much female objectification is being illustrated now in the show. With the Pussy-Grabber-in-Chief about to assume power in the Western World, we get to see EastEnders draw a line under the overt demarcation of women as objects, as well as watching women determine their own destiny in a way that's only insulting to their own gender.

We'll never get gender equality in this world if we look to EastEnders, and the people who produce it, to lead the way by example.

We had to listen to Mick going on and on about how his moobs were "bigger than the old lady's" and how Vincent spent his fortieth celebrations ending up in Surrey in the home of a girl who's "rack" would put Mick's moobs to shame.

Yes, I know men speak this way; and, yes, I know Sean O'Connor is striving for realism (and succeeding sometimes, whilst failing at others), but Mick and Vincent both have daughters. Would they like some man assessing Nancy or, eventually, Pearl, when she's older, in such a manner?

We even got a hefty dose of misogyny in the kitchen scene when Ben condescendingly confronted Abi, who was overwhelmed by Johnny's stupid entitlement at making the kitchen an "event" to be savoured by his uni mates. Abi handed him his arse, but at the same time, she was wittering on and on about having to work when she could be at a vets' practice do trying to entice a partner who has a girlfriend she doesn't deem good enough for him. 

And all the while the insipid Rebecca sat making cow's eyes at Shakil and his misogynistic little scrote, Keegan, who's interested in scoring with the "frigid" Louise.

What a mess, and what a message this show is sending out ... EastEnders in the age of Trump. What next? Nigel Farage doing a cameo at the bar of the Vic? And who the hell runs The Albert, whilst Vincent is drinking in the Vic?

Millennial Michelle's Moping About. Sean O'Connor has made three major mistakes since taking over EastEnders:-

• Killing off Roxy Mitchell
• Attempting to resurrect a character like Denise by linking her to an A-Grade Walford family
• Re-casting Michelle Fowler

I'll rant about the second point below, but the third point was simply, suffice it to say, not only daft, but unforgivable.

I've read countless comments in various fora by viewers who admit that, since they were either too young or not yet born when Susan Tully played Michelle, the re-cast doesn't make any sort of difference to them. Why should it? For them, they'll always accept Jenna Russell as Michelle.

But EastEnders didn't begin in earnest in 2000 when John Yorke took over. It was fifteen years old by then, and the way the show is being written (or rather, rewritten) today seems to imply that everything that went before 2000 and Yorke's tenure didn't count for anything. Hence, we have the Sharon, who's a cross between a doormat and a tragic heroine, the love of whose life was Dennis Rickman. Grant Mitchell never happened, and she actually loved Phil Mitchell, who - since 2000 - has been a continuously more depraved thug, not Grant.

This Michelle still isn't working, but I doubt O'Connor will do anything about that. The people who dislike her are the demographic which doesn't matter, and, besides, the actress is a favourite of the EP, so the opinions of the legions of licence-fee payers who pay his inflated wage don't really matter. But she isn't Michelle. In a million years, no one would chnage this much having lived in a different culture. I've been in the UK for 36 years, and I'm still recognisable, both as an American and as myself, whenever I return.

Michelle says she's leaving on a jet plane, don't know when she'll be back again, the next day and has the ticket all booked and paid for. In fact, as she states, Tim, her husband who has no last name (which means she and her son have to keep the name Fowler) and her effete Surrey-sounding twat of a son will meet her at Pensacola airport.

Wow, she's going to have a looooooong flight. Roughly, a total trip time of about 14 hours. There are no direct flights from London to Pensacola, so Michelle will have to mosey about Atlanta airport for awhile before taking a domestic flight to Pensacola. (Pensacola, incidentally, is a big naval base in the States.)

But we first see her coming out of the local pawn shop, with cash in hand. There's a big farewell do being got together for her at the Vic, courtesy of Sharon and Stacey and with a little help from the Beales.

This was a really weird piece,because half the people there didn't know Michelle at all - Honey and Billy certainly weren't around, and she hasn't said two words to Ian since she's returned. In face, she and Kathy were close as relatives and friends, but she hasn't even acknowledged her.

All in all, this episode, indirectly, was about Sharon, because ultimately, Sharon got the duff-duff, for a heartbreaking reason. 

The vignette centred around the banter about the table, Sharon feeling guilty about making a joke at Denise's shower the other evening, Shirley simmering with suspicion about Buster having fathered Denise's child, and lots of chatter about Denise and childbirth and speculation about the child being healthy- resulting in a lot of faux pas being made - Jane inserting her foot into her mouth about Down's Syndrome in Honey's presence and Honey remarking pointedly about Sharon's biological clock running down, when someone referred to Denise as a "geriatric mother" (it's medical terminology).

As much as we learned about Michelle in all of this is that she's got a big house - well, bigger than the houses in Walford - and a cleaner and a gardener (both of which, I might add, probably are illegal latinos who are paid less than the minimum wage). That's the way things are in Florida, as much as Michelle dispelled the myth that all Americans have guns and drive trucks. (No, they have guns and drive SUVs.)

The cleaner bit I can buy. Mexican labour is cheap, but the gardener takes the mick. Michelle is a high school teacher, and it's implied that she teaches in a state county school. Her husband is a lecturer, ostensibly at one of the three universities/colleges in Pensacola (none of which are top-flight). With this in mind, and considering that even though state school teachers in the US make more than their British counterparts, they are still woefully paid in terms of the relative standard of living, and especially badly paid in Florida, where the governor, Rick Scott, is a Republican and a convicted white collar criminal who steals from the poor regularly and gives to the rich. I don't suppose her husband would earn much more than she, so how they can afford gardeners or how they can laughably send their son to a non-existent British school (Believe me, ain't NO British schools in Pensacola or any other place in the US - there might be some Spanish-speaking schools nearby, however) is beyond my ken.

Michelle is adamant that she's leaving the next day, but what I think niggles me the most about this character is her voice and the dialogue they give her ...

We're survivors, Sharon ...

Really? Really? Do people even talk like that? The entire vignette, instead of focusing on Michelle, and Sharon begging her to stay, instead focused on everyone's concern for Denise (see below) and Shirley confiding in Sharon that she thought Buster fathered Denise's baby - because as Shirley and everyone sussed at that table, it had to be someone they knew.

I doubt Michelle is leaving. This was a calculated lie, either for her to insinuate herself into staying at Sharon's or to slope off to a B and B someplace. Stacey could barely contain her glee at the thought of her leaving ... and neither would I.

The Most Ungraeful Bitch on the Show. I don't know why anyone wastes time worrying and simpering and mollycoddling Denise. She is one of the most ungrateful and rude characters on the show. She honestly never shows gratitude to anyone on that show, even her sister, and she's always looking down her nose at everyone and their motives. No wonder that both her daughters were similarly condescending.

Of course the toilet scene was the apogée of this episode, with Sean O'Connor's own brand of twist at the end. Sharon in crouching in the next cubicle, hearing Denise confess to Shirley that Phil was the father of her child.

This scene was disturbing and angering, because Denise's sole concern about this pregnancy was Phil finding out. Neither she nor Shirley ever mentioned Sharon, or the fact that Phil is a married man. Yet Denise managed to sit at the table next to Sharon for the better part of the evening, as shameless as the sin, itself.

Shirley's tearful reaction was the most baffling, following Denise's remark that she knew that Shirley "had history" with Phil. So, let me get this straight ... that bum-faced bitch is concerned about hurting Shirley's feelings in all of this, but the thought of what this might do to Sharon, should the truth out, never crossed her mind?

Why was Shirley silently crying at the news? Because she was still obsessed with Phil? Because she thought it tragic and sad that Phil wouldn't get to know "his boy"? A few weeks ago she was giving Sharon respect and telling her how lucky Phil was to have her, and now this reaction? Or was she worried about how this would affect Sharon when - I say when - she found out?

I hope, now that Sharon knows, that she doesn't go into doormat mode. I think she should, at the earliest opportunity after the birth, smack the living shit out of Denise, and I would hope Louise is on hand to pack a punch upside Libby's condescending gob.

Roxy should be alive, romping the beds with Max and bantering with Donna, and Denise and po-faced Libby should have been sent packing.

The Situation at the Pub. I guess the next big neal is Mick's 40th, considering that Vincent was employed by Whitney - her face clearly glowing with love for Mick - to find out what he wanted for the big 4-0.

In between laments about his moobs being bigger than Linda's and Vincent's waking up on his fortieth birthday with a girl who had a "nice rack", I gather that things aren't going so well at the pub, with Abi and Johnny left in charge of the kitchen.

What was that scene all about? Johnny is supposed to be clever, but he's pathetically stupid. He's miffed that he's not spending time with his friends at uni - which was a surprise because old Johnny had no uni friends; he holed up on the sofa and was waited on hand and foot by Linda. Then there was Abi, whining on and on about a person at the vets' practice who held her interest - except he had a girlfriend. There was some sort of party, to which she hadn't been invited (she reckoned because they knew she had to work another job, otherwise, they would have really, really invited her), to which the bloke's girlfriend wasn't attending. 

I can't figure out why Johnny invited his uni mates to an "event" in the kitchen when he knew that he and Abi were in charge of the cuisine on a night when the Vic was beginning a series of supper evenings to earn money. And what was the purpose of that wierd scene between Ben and Johnny, as if Ben were trying to come onto Johnny? Didn't he try that once and get rebuffed?

Tantamount to all fo this was Ben's condescending attitude toward Abi, and I was glad she handed him his arse for pretending not to be gay, before storming off to her part and leaving Johnny to fend for himself.

Needless to say, the dinner was a failure, and I think this might be leading to Mick eventually losing his licence at the pub, and perhaps Sharon and Shirley taking it over. 

And what was that all about, Dennis referring to Sharon as a "cow"?

Unusual episode, and quite disturbing.