Charlie's last line of dialogue tonight applied to Max, but it may as well have applied to the entire show, for what it was worth.
Charlie, reluctantly but disgustedly, accepted Max's bribe to take Matthew and disappear forever (well, we know Declan Bennett's in Brooklyn, probably at the Tony Awards tonight and subsequently beginning rehearsals for Jesus Christ Superstar). The last words he said to Max were to inform Max that he (Max) was dead inside.
That could be true for the entire show. Although this was, arguably, the best episode of the week - chiefly, because there was no scene including and no mention at all of Queen Denise, the patron saint of cougars with no common sense, attracting all manner of self-righteous trolls and passive-aggressives touting phony progressivism in fighting her corner - but it still felt hollow, incomplete and, above all, insincere.
It harkened back to the days when the Brannings ruled the Square, as most of the action centered around Lauren and her foibles, Jack and his grief and Max.
But something is missing in this programme at the moment, and that is its soul. It's incomplete. It's missing something on the one hand and touting what it shouldn't be on the other.
Of course, we had the ubiquitous contemporary scene to honour the election result of the day before with a Minute Mart conflab consisting of Honey, Billy, Carmel and Abi, put together and written in a way that the viewer, safely, doesn't have a clue in hell as to what the characters really think of the election result, bar the fact that Honey,of all people, reckoned the result would be tight and - with a tip to poll inconsistency of late, both she and Abi reckoning a child of five would have had better insight than a pollster.
That was the bland opinion of a producer who doesn't take risks. It would have been better had the scene included those characters arguing about the efficacy of Tory vs Labour vs anyone in control of the government. I could see Carmel as a dedicated Tory, Billy as a Brexiteer, ex-Labour who, of late, had been pushing the UKIP ticket and Abi in the Corbyn camp,but since the show no longer takes such contemporary risks, this was the safest, and blandest, of bets.
The Baby Game: Lauren, Stacey and Little White Lies. Stacey and Martin see the ultrascan of their healthy baby, whilst Lauren sheds what remains of hers. The Fowlers' news looks good, and I hope it stays that way. Stacey is the iconic remnant of the premier family of Millennial EastEnders, married to the man who was the first baby born on the show, a scion of onf of the show's original family. Baby Fowler will be a fusion of Old and New Walford.
Needless to say, Lauren goes through with the abortion of Steven's baby, and now Abi is caught in her web of lies, being forced to think on her feet and concoct a lie to explain to Steven why someone saw Lauren at Walford General that morning. She's also acting as the classical chorus to Lauren's conscience in this instance as well, as she never gives up reminding her that she should really should tell Steven, even threatening to tell him if Lauren wouldn't.
I must say I don't for one minute believe Lauren either wants to be with Steven or wants to have children with him at a later date. I know this because the reason she's keeping the abortion a secret is about self-preservation. In fact, everything about Lauren is self-preservation, and I suppose, this goes way back to her childhood in a dysfunctional, co-dependent family. The only thing that worries her about Steven finding out is Ian and Jane throwing her and Louis out. Lauren should think again. This is Ian Beale about whom we're talking. Louis is Peter's son, with the all-important Cindy gene, and so Ian would keep Louis under lock and key, whilst Lauren could go to hell in a handcart. At the moment, I think Steven is a convenience for her. He's more bonded with her son than she is, and he's always on hand for babysitting duties. Lauren's guilt at aborting her child isn't the guilt of ending a pregnancy, it's the guilt about being caught out.
Maybe she does remember how mental Steven can be.
Max, Charlie and Jack. Amy and Ricky have both written letters to Matthew already, who hasn't even arrived in Ireland yet. I have a question. Amy is almost 9 years old. Ricky is 6. Why is Amy's handwriting as puerile as Ricky's? Seriously, she prints as if she's 5 years old. She talks that way as well. And what is this addressing the envelopes simply to "Matthew?" Don't they know Matthew's surname? It's Mitchell-Cotton. In fact, these kids are curious. Wouldn't they want to know why their surnames are both "Mitchell" and their father's surname is "Branning?" (Actually, Amy's legal surname is "Slater," since Sean Slater was put on her birth certificate, being married to her mother at the time of her birth). "Mitchell-Cotton" might have been too much for their little pea-brains to have coped with the writing, but you'd think they would have remembered "Mitchell" alone.
Jack's obsessing about never having heard from Charlie, and he assumes the worst after he drags the truth from a grieving Dot as to why she didn't go to Ireland after all. Really, Dot's telling the truth. Her remaining was a misunderstanding as such, and it really had nothing to do with Charlie (who wanted her to go) as much as it had to do with Liz.
Charlie has, indeed, contacted Jack, but Max has also contacted Charlie. And later he sees him, with two bulging envelopes full of fifty pound notes and instructions for Charlie to take Matthew and disappear. This was pretty cryptic all around. For example, it seems that Liz's tale of a house with a big garden and a paddock and pony was a porky pie, although Charlie insists that they are doing OK. It also seems that Liz has yet another session of IVF booked, which needs paying for and Max's extra bonus is for Charlie really to disappear with Matthew. Max takes Charlie's phone and destroys it.
But Charlie hits a nerve with Max, wondering how he can be all smiles and concern to his brother's face and then exercise a caper like this. Charlie's estimation of Max is that he's completely and morally dead inside. Max's revenge has more to do than just exacting revenge on the Beales and the Mitchells. Remember in this escapade, he was betrayed by both his daughters as well, and that, I think, was the final straw with Max. His using Jack as the object of his revenge has everything to do with Jack's position of favour in his family and Max's place as the black sheep. Maybe this is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The Battle for Ian. What the fuck is going on between Jane and Kathy? Last week, Jane ripped Kathy a new arsehole because she gave Ian a biscuit, and now she's bitching because Kathy ordered a box full of low-fat margarine and marmalade for Ian's breakfast, which Jane squirrels away and hides from Ian, without telling Kathy.
Suddenly, she's become a control freak, not only controlling what Ian eats - and Adam Woodyatt has lost an amazing amount of weight - but also ensuring that he sells the chippie at the first, and lowest, price offered.
I know Ian is yet another male character on the Square who hasn't progressed emotionally past adolescence, but the battle of the mothers is just too bizarre.
If this is Kathy's so-called "big story", it's insulting to her. Be that as it may, considering the fact that Jane colluded in the killing of Ian's oldest daughter, dumping her body in the back of her car and dragging it across the Common, I'm Team Kathy all the way in this.
More Phony Teen Angst. Watching twentysomethings pretend to be teens. Travis looks his age, which is 21 and not 16. This is yet another storyline about angst at losing your virginity. Shakil looks and acts more mature since shedding that ridiculous manbun.
Charlie, reluctantly but disgustedly, accepted Max's bribe to take Matthew and disappear forever (well, we know Declan Bennett's in Brooklyn, probably at the Tony Awards tonight and subsequently beginning rehearsals for Jesus Christ Superstar). The last words he said to Max were to inform Max that he (Max) was dead inside.
That could be true for the entire show. Although this was, arguably, the best episode of the week - chiefly, because there was no scene including and no mention at all of Queen Denise, the patron saint of cougars with no common sense, attracting all manner of self-righteous trolls and passive-aggressives touting phony progressivism in fighting her corner - but it still felt hollow, incomplete and, above all, insincere.
It harkened back to the days when the Brannings ruled the Square, as most of the action centered around Lauren and her foibles, Jack and his grief and Max.
But something is missing in this programme at the moment, and that is its soul. It's incomplete. It's missing something on the one hand and touting what it shouldn't be on the other.
Of course, we had the ubiquitous contemporary scene to honour the election result of the day before with a Minute Mart conflab consisting of Honey, Billy, Carmel and Abi, put together and written in a way that the viewer, safely, doesn't have a clue in hell as to what the characters really think of the election result, bar the fact that Honey,of all people, reckoned the result would be tight and - with a tip to poll inconsistency of late, both she and Abi reckoning a child of five would have had better insight than a pollster.
That was the bland opinion of a producer who doesn't take risks. It would have been better had the scene included those characters arguing about the efficacy of Tory vs Labour vs anyone in control of the government. I could see Carmel as a dedicated Tory, Billy as a Brexiteer, ex-Labour who, of late, had been pushing the UKIP ticket and Abi in the Corbyn camp,but since the show no longer takes such contemporary risks, this was the safest, and blandest, of bets.
The Baby Game: Lauren, Stacey and Little White Lies. Stacey and Martin see the ultrascan of their healthy baby, whilst Lauren sheds what remains of hers. The Fowlers' news looks good, and I hope it stays that way. Stacey is the iconic remnant of the premier family of Millennial EastEnders, married to the man who was the first baby born on the show, a scion of onf of the show's original family. Baby Fowler will be a fusion of Old and New Walford.
Needless to say, Lauren goes through with the abortion of Steven's baby, and now Abi is caught in her web of lies, being forced to think on her feet and concoct a lie to explain to Steven why someone saw Lauren at Walford General that morning. She's also acting as the classical chorus to Lauren's conscience in this instance as well, as she never gives up reminding her that she should really should tell Steven, even threatening to tell him if Lauren wouldn't.
I must say I don't for one minute believe Lauren either wants to be with Steven or wants to have children with him at a later date. I know this because the reason she's keeping the abortion a secret is about self-preservation. In fact, everything about Lauren is self-preservation, and I suppose, this goes way back to her childhood in a dysfunctional, co-dependent family. The only thing that worries her about Steven finding out is Ian and Jane throwing her and Louis out. Lauren should think again. This is Ian Beale about whom we're talking. Louis is Peter's son, with the all-important Cindy gene, and so Ian would keep Louis under lock and key, whilst Lauren could go to hell in a handcart. At the moment, I think Steven is a convenience for her. He's more bonded with her son than she is, and he's always on hand for babysitting duties. Lauren's guilt at aborting her child isn't the guilt of ending a pregnancy, it's the guilt about being caught out.
Maybe she does remember how mental Steven can be.
Max, Charlie and Jack. Amy and Ricky have both written letters to Matthew already, who hasn't even arrived in Ireland yet. I have a question. Amy is almost 9 years old. Ricky is 6. Why is Amy's handwriting as puerile as Ricky's? Seriously, she prints as if she's 5 years old. She talks that way as well. And what is this addressing the envelopes simply to "Matthew?" Don't they know Matthew's surname? It's Mitchell-Cotton. In fact, these kids are curious. Wouldn't they want to know why their surnames are both "Mitchell" and their father's surname is "Branning?" (Actually, Amy's legal surname is "Slater," since Sean Slater was put on her birth certificate, being married to her mother at the time of her birth). "Mitchell-Cotton" might have been too much for their little pea-brains to have coped with the writing, but you'd think they would have remembered "Mitchell" alone.
Jack's obsessing about never having heard from Charlie, and he assumes the worst after he drags the truth from a grieving Dot as to why she didn't go to Ireland after all. Really, Dot's telling the truth. Her remaining was a misunderstanding as such, and it really had nothing to do with Charlie (who wanted her to go) as much as it had to do with Liz.
Charlie has, indeed, contacted Jack, but Max has also contacted Charlie. And later he sees him, with two bulging envelopes full of fifty pound notes and instructions for Charlie to take Matthew and disappear. This was pretty cryptic all around. For example, it seems that Liz's tale of a house with a big garden and a paddock and pony was a porky pie, although Charlie insists that they are doing OK. It also seems that Liz has yet another session of IVF booked, which needs paying for and Max's extra bonus is for Charlie really to disappear with Matthew. Max takes Charlie's phone and destroys it.
But Charlie hits a nerve with Max, wondering how he can be all smiles and concern to his brother's face and then exercise a caper like this. Charlie's estimation of Max is that he's completely and morally dead inside. Max's revenge has more to do than just exacting revenge on the Beales and the Mitchells. Remember in this escapade, he was betrayed by both his daughters as well, and that, I think, was the final straw with Max. His using Jack as the object of his revenge has everything to do with Jack's position of favour in his family and Max's place as the black sheep. Maybe this is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The Battle for Ian. What the fuck is going on between Jane and Kathy? Last week, Jane ripped Kathy a new arsehole because she gave Ian a biscuit, and now she's bitching because Kathy ordered a box full of low-fat margarine and marmalade for Ian's breakfast, which Jane squirrels away and hides from Ian, without telling Kathy.
Suddenly, she's become a control freak, not only controlling what Ian eats - and Adam Woodyatt has lost an amazing amount of weight - but also ensuring that he sells the chippie at the first, and lowest, price offered.
I know Ian is yet another male character on the Square who hasn't progressed emotionally past adolescence, but the battle of the mothers is just too bizarre.
If this is Kathy's so-called "big story", it's insulting to her. Be that as it may, considering the fact that Jane colluded in the killing of Ian's oldest daughter, dumping her body in the back of her car and dragging it across the Common, I'm Team Kathy all the way in this.
More Phony Teen Angst. Watching twentysomethings pretend to be teens. Travis looks his age, which is 21 and not 16. This is yet another storyline about angst at losing your virginity. Shakil looks and acts more mature since shedding that ridiculous manbun.
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