What an episode for Friday 13th!
Really, it was horrific! In the fortnight since the departure of David Wicks, the show's quality has dipped in form to near-Newmanesque levels. Last year gave us Snakegate and Tunagate. This year we've got FakeTanGate.
But everyone gives Dominic Treadwell-Collins a bye because he's DTC, he's the Messiah, he's the Suitable Boy, who's going to make everything right. Thursday's episode got 4.6 million viewers. Friday's garnered 3.97 viewers. The fanbois can sit, twiddle their willies and think up all manner of excuses - good weather, the World Cup, time slots being re-arranged ... but they're all excuses which don't mask the fact that the show simply still isn't up to scratch.
Maintaining a ten-month story is heavy-duty work. Matt Robinson accomplished it by making sure that supporting storylines were just as interesting and just as important. He took the devastaing news that Ross Kemp and Patsy Palmer were leaving and gave us some memorable storylines which led up to the Millennial Non-Wedding and the resolution of SaskiaGate.
The aftermath of the Lucy's murder has come to a grinding halt, with the police taking a break in order to allow Lauren Branning and Peter Beale to investigate the situation and also to allow the Police Liaison Officer to fuck Max Branning. Billy's had a little storyline, David's come and gone, now we're into the Ballad of Tina and Tosh. Carol's cancer storyline is hanging in the balance. We're waiting for the Spraggans and Bianca to sod off. The rest doesn't bear talking about.
There's just nothing, simply nothing. On a forum recently, I posted episodes from the 90s, before most of today's Millennials started watching. People who didn't know before were impressed with the quality of writing and the degree of knowledge the writers invested in the characters. We don't have that today. Look no further than Sharon for that, and the show, if they continue with her ruination, will live in shame with that forever.
Here's another home truth the bullybois won't like to hear: EastEnders has a reputation that's pretty stinky right now, something that's been rottening for the better part of a decade. It's been bleeding viewers in earnest since they brought Den back from the grave. The sad truth is that when people turn EastEnders off, they don't come back in the autumn or at Christmas.
My question is: Are we ready to admit that, instead of The Messiah, are we ready to admit that DTC is, in actuality, The Emperor with No Clothes?
There was a thread throughout this episode, and it was all about siblings looking out for sisters. It stank.
A Totally Useless Scene for No Purpose.
The weirdest, most unnecessary scene in the entire programme yielded the best line of the night from Tosh to Tina. It's morning, the Vic doesn't have a letterbox (first time I've noticed that one), a particularly dippy Masood is banging on the door with the post, Tina shows up to have Shirley Queen of Scrotes open the door, belloweathering the demand of what Masood wants.
There's a split second where you see Masood recoil in disgust before Tina pushes past him, remarking to Shirley:-
Ugh! What died in your mouth?
Can you imagine the stench that emits from Shirley's mouth in the morning - a mixture of booze, fags, dried vomit, and whatever greasy substance constituted her dinner. And Phil would rather wake up to that?
I imagine that this convoluted series of scenes which included Masood taking time from his post round to have coffee with the Carter sisters, whilst trash-talking Zainab (thus, Zainab becomes the second unseen and departed character to get slated in her absence by her other half), listen to a totally stupid story told by Tina and then to have Tina announce that she and Tosh were going to try for a baby was merely an excuse to get some screentime in for DTC's designated star of the show, Shirley Queen of Scrotes, who, by virtue of being nothing more than a lowlife, is now the landlady of the Vic and a matriarch who will combine any and all of the good qualities embodied by Pat, Peggy and Pauline, so we'll never have to wish for a matriarch again.
It won't be long before we see Shirley kick Sharon out of Walford, deliver Kat's babies, discover who killed Lucy and ensure that she and Ronnie rule Walford undisturbed. Not only has Shirley covered for Phil's perverting the course of justice, she's also done pretty well in covering up the murder of Carl White. What a shame this producer worships at the altar of such a vile and undeserving character that he makes her the focal point of the show!
I don't like Tina. In fact, I seriously wonder if the character is retarded to a degree, but then, I think she just dresses and acts like a five year-old so that people will think she's retarded and will cut her some slack to speak, live and act as she pleases. It's not charming, especially in a forty year-old. It's not even cute, but the worrying thing is that the EP is sending this actress out on a PR tour of the morning shows, so he's investing a lot of his reputation into making, or attempting to make her a fixture and a popular one. We'll be stuck with Tina as long as the show is stuck with WonderBoy.
Here's what disturbs me about Tina: When she announced her plan to start a family with Tosh, Shirley Queen of Scrotes reminded Tina that Tina didn't like children.
Remember Zsa Zsa? She asked, referring obviously to Tina's previous confession to feeling almost nothing for her daughter and for being off her head all of the times during Zsa Zsa's childhood.
But, Tina protests, she was just a kid.
Really, Tina? Zsa Zsa is twenty. Tina is forty. So Tina gave birth to Zsa Zsa when she was twenty. That's hardly a kid, when you consider that Carol Jackson had Bianca when she was fourteen or that Shirley was married to Kevin and with a toddler by that age. I appreciate that people mature emotionally at different levels and that we have what seems to be a gaggle of thirty-and forty-something women who still want to dress and act either like teenagers (Roxy, Kim) or children (Tina) and also that Roxy Mitchell, who became a mother in her thirties, is arguably the worst mother on the programme, but for Tina to say she was "just a kid" when she had Zsa Zsa is wrong. That's just a sad and sorry excuse for Tina not to admit that she's just one big, selfish and immature bitch who cares nothing about anyone but herself and being babied by her accommodating family, who are getting dumber and more vile by the day.
Besides, if, as she said, she couldn't cope with the child, where were Social Services? Where were her family?
That's just a load of stinking bullshit, designed to make the Carters appealing. It only makes them more white trashey.
The Alex-and-Roxy RomCom Show.
I like Aleks, and I don't know if that's good or bad. He's a refreshing, new character, the first major character who isn't English, but then I wonder if he's the latest representation of the Alpha Male that's so lacking on the programme, if he's indication of how desperately weak male characterisation is at the moment. I also think that, because he's male and popular, the anti-male writing room and production unit will render him a swift exit.
He's already told Ronnie to do one, and we learn at the end of the episode that he's married. He's a married man, working abroad, who's devoted to his family, but who's genuinely fallen in love with Roxy.
And as for her ... Seriously, Roxy needs to take Amy and get as far away from Ronnie as possible. Ms Psychopath all right. Her sister is thirty-six years old and Ronnie dictates whom she sees and the sort of clothes she wears? Thing is, if Ronnie tells Roxy that Roxy can't cope, that she makes bad choices yadda yadda all the time, then Roxy will come to believe that and depend even more on Ronnie - at least, that's what Ronnie hopes.
Roxy is totally frustrating as a character because she is so close to articulating and realising what Ronnie's trying to do and how dangerous she is, yet she allows herself to be distracted back into "mah sistah" mode, letting Ronnie do all the "worrying" (meaning manipulation and control) and freeing up Roxy to do what she does best - party and loll around with assorted and inappropriate men.
The fact that Ronnie's been unseen lately is significant. Roxy almost stumbles upon the reason for Ronnie's strange comings and goings. We witnessed her last strange coming and going ... with Charlie Cotton on the night Lucy was dead.
Watch this space.
Out of this debacle comes words of wisdom from Tosh, of all people, in response to Roxy's moaning about Ronnie and the way Tina behaves around her own family dynamic: that Tina and Roxy are adults, who are supposed to be capable of making decisions for themselves, and if those decisions are bad ones, then an adult has to own up to it. Shame, that's not something most female characters in the programme do.
Of course, the OTT and very camp public argument between Roxy and Aleks was neither funny, nor cute. It's yet another stab by DTC at RomComDom,and it was butt-clinchingly embarrassing.
I would imagine Aleks is on borrowed time when Madame Psychopath finds out his marital status.
Mummy's Home to Beale Appeal.
Poor Denise. She's home to be welcomed by Ian, who's in crying, little boy mode yet again. Well, I suppose that she's comforted that nothing has changed since she's been gone. Ian's over-egging of his grief. It borders on the creepy, especially the contrived scene where he found a remarkably crisp and recent-looking handmade card from Lucy's childhood which just happened to be crammed in a drawer in the lounge. Things like that are put away in the loft. This is something someone made about a couple of hours earlier. Authenticity is now not a strong point on the show.
Really, it was horrific! In the fortnight since the departure of David Wicks, the show's quality has dipped in form to near-Newmanesque levels. Last year gave us Snakegate and Tunagate. This year we've got FakeTanGate.
But everyone gives Dominic Treadwell-Collins a bye because he's DTC, he's the Messiah, he's the Suitable Boy, who's going to make everything right. Thursday's episode got 4.6 million viewers. Friday's garnered 3.97 viewers. The fanbois can sit, twiddle their willies and think up all manner of excuses - good weather, the World Cup, time slots being re-arranged ... but they're all excuses which don't mask the fact that the show simply still isn't up to scratch.
Maintaining a ten-month story is heavy-duty work. Matt Robinson accomplished it by making sure that supporting storylines were just as interesting and just as important. He took the devastaing news that Ross Kemp and Patsy Palmer were leaving and gave us some memorable storylines which led up to the Millennial Non-Wedding and the resolution of SaskiaGate.
The aftermath of the Lucy's murder has come to a grinding halt, with the police taking a break in order to allow Lauren Branning and Peter Beale to investigate the situation and also to allow the Police Liaison Officer to fuck Max Branning. Billy's had a little storyline, David's come and gone, now we're into the Ballad of Tina and Tosh. Carol's cancer storyline is hanging in the balance. We're waiting for the Spraggans and Bianca to sod off. The rest doesn't bear talking about.
There's just nothing, simply nothing. On a forum recently, I posted episodes from the 90s, before most of today's Millennials started watching. People who didn't know before were impressed with the quality of writing and the degree of knowledge the writers invested in the characters. We don't have that today. Look no further than Sharon for that, and the show, if they continue with her ruination, will live in shame with that forever.
Here's another home truth the bullybois won't like to hear: EastEnders has a reputation that's pretty stinky right now, something that's been rottening for the better part of a decade. It's been bleeding viewers in earnest since they brought Den back from the grave. The sad truth is that when people turn EastEnders off, they don't come back in the autumn or at Christmas.
My question is: Are we ready to admit that, instead of The Messiah, are we ready to admit that DTC is, in actuality, The Emperor with No Clothes?
There was a thread throughout this episode, and it was all about siblings looking out for sisters. It stank.
A Totally Useless Scene for No Purpose.
The weirdest, most unnecessary scene in the entire programme yielded the best line of the night from Tosh to Tina. It's morning, the Vic doesn't have a letterbox (first time I've noticed that one), a particularly dippy Masood is banging on the door with the post, Tina shows up to have Shirley Queen of Scrotes open the door, belloweathering the demand of what Masood wants.
There's a split second where you see Masood recoil in disgust before Tina pushes past him, remarking to Shirley:-
Ugh! What died in your mouth?
Can you imagine the stench that emits from Shirley's mouth in the morning - a mixture of booze, fags, dried vomit, and whatever greasy substance constituted her dinner. And Phil would rather wake up to that?
I imagine that this convoluted series of scenes which included Masood taking time from his post round to have coffee with the Carter sisters, whilst trash-talking Zainab (thus, Zainab becomes the second unseen and departed character to get slated in her absence by her other half), listen to a totally stupid story told by Tina and then to have Tina announce that she and Tosh were going to try for a baby was merely an excuse to get some screentime in for DTC's designated star of the show, Shirley Queen of Scrotes, who, by virtue of being nothing more than a lowlife, is now the landlady of the Vic and a matriarch who will combine any and all of the good qualities embodied by Pat, Peggy and Pauline, so we'll never have to wish for a matriarch again.
It won't be long before we see Shirley kick Sharon out of Walford, deliver Kat's babies, discover who killed Lucy and ensure that she and Ronnie rule Walford undisturbed. Not only has Shirley covered for Phil's perverting the course of justice, she's also done pretty well in covering up the murder of Carl White. What a shame this producer worships at the altar of such a vile and undeserving character that he makes her the focal point of the show!
I don't like Tina. In fact, I seriously wonder if the character is retarded to a degree, but then, I think she just dresses and acts like a five year-old so that people will think she's retarded and will cut her some slack to speak, live and act as she pleases. It's not charming, especially in a forty year-old. It's not even cute, but the worrying thing is that the EP is sending this actress out on a PR tour of the morning shows, so he's investing a lot of his reputation into making, or attempting to make her a fixture and a popular one. We'll be stuck with Tina as long as the show is stuck with WonderBoy.
Here's what disturbs me about Tina: When she announced her plan to start a family with Tosh, Shirley Queen of Scrotes reminded Tina that Tina didn't like children.
Remember Zsa Zsa? She asked, referring obviously to Tina's previous confession to feeling almost nothing for her daughter and for being off her head all of the times during Zsa Zsa's childhood.
But, Tina protests, she was just a kid.
Really, Tina? Zsa Zsa is twenty. Tina is forty. So Tina gave birth to Zsa Zsa when she was twenty. That's hardly a kid, when you consider that Carol Jackson had Bianca when she was fourteen or that Shirley was married to Kevin and with a toddler by that age. I appreciate that people mature emotionally at different levels and that we have what seems to be a gaggle of thirty-and forty-something women who still want to dress and act either like teenagers (Roxy, Kim) or children (Tina) and also that Roxy Mitchell, who became a mother in her thirties, is arguably the worst mother on the programme, but for Tina to say she was "just a kid" when she had Zsa Zsa is wrong. That's just a sad and sorry excuse for Tina not to admit that she's just one big, selfish and immature bitch who cares nothing about anyone but herself and being babied by her accommodating family, who are getting dumber and more vile by the day.
Besides, if, as she said, she couldn't cope with the child, where were Social Services? Where were her family?
That's just a load of stinking bullshit, designed to make the Carters appealing. It only makes them more white trashey.
The Alex-and-Roxy RomCom Show.
I like Aleks, and I don't know if that's good or bad. He's a refreshing, new character, the first major character who isn't English, but then I wonder if he's the latest representation of the Alpha Male that's so lacking on the programme, if he's indication of how desperately weak male characterisation is at the moment. I also think that, because he's male and popular, the anti-male writing room and production unit will render him a swift exit.
He's already told Ronnie to do one, and we learn at the end of the episode that he's married. He's a married man, working abroad, who's devoted to his family, but who's genuinely fallen in love with Roxy.
And as for her ... Seriously, Roxy needs to take Amy and get as far away from Ronnie as possible. Ms Psychopath all right. Her sister is thirty-six years old and Ronnie dictates whom she sees and the sort of clothes she wears? Thing is, if Ronnie tells Roxy that Roxy can't cope, that she makes bad choices yadda yadda all the time, then Roxy will come to believe that and depend even more on Ronnie - at least, that's what Ronnie hopes.
Roxy is totally frustrating as a character because she is so close to articulating and realising what Ronnie's trying to do and how dangerous she is, yet she allows herself to be distracted back into "mah sistah" mode, letting Ronnie do all the "worrying" (meaning manipulation and control) and freeing up Roxy to do what she does best - party and loll around with assorted and inappropriate men.
The fact that Ronnie's been unseen lately is significant. Roxy almost stumbles upon the reason for Ronnie's strange comings and goings. We witnessed her last strange coming and going ... with Charlie Cotton on the night Lucy was dead.
Watch this space.
Out of this debacle comes words of wisdom from Tosh, of all people, in response to Roxy's moaning about Ronnie and the way Tina behaves around her own family dynamic: that Tina and Roxy are adults, who are supposed to be capable of making decisions for themselves, and if those decisions are bad ones, then an adult has to own up to it. Shame, that's not something most female characters in the programme do.
Of course, the OTT and very camp public argument between Roxy and Aleks was neither funny, nor cute. It's yet another stab by DTC at RomComDom,and it was butt-clinchingly embarrassing.
I would imagine Aleks is on borrowed time when Madame Psychopath finds out his marital status.
Mummy's Home to Beale Appeal.
Poor Denise. She's home to be welcomed by Ian, who's in crying, little boy mode yet again. Well, I suppose that she's comforted that nothing has changed since she's been gone. Ian's over-egging of his grief. It borders on the creepy, especially the contrived scene where he found a remarkably crisp and recent-looking handmade card from Lucy's childhood which just happened to be crammed in a drawer in the lounge. Things like that are put away in the loft. This is something someone made about a couple of hours earlier. Authenticity is now not a strong point on the show.
And this is exhibited in The Hardy Boy and Nancy Drew Wannabe Detectives, AKA Lauren and Peter.
Why aren't the police scouring London to find this cabbie who'll corroborate Jake's story? That's their job. Yet within two days, we're asked to believe that a self-obsessed dimwit like Lauren can not only find the man, but interview him. I'll tell you another thing that's wearing thin also - the beatification of a skinny little slut who disdained her twin brother's mild demeanor and did her so-called best friend no favours except to share the sexual favour of assorted beefcakes with her.
The cabbie is significant - nonetheless because his story exonerates Jake. But he knows more than he's telling. He drove away and left Jake sodden in the gutter and Lucy standing over him? Jake woke up in his flat, and Lucy's blood was discovered there. Someone got Jake inside that flat -the same two people who killed Lucy. Someone should be checking the Boxing Club.
Just sayin'.
And PC Hollyoaks is still fucking Max. How pathetic is that and how pathetic is she?
Did you notice that at the Soap Awards the actor that plays "Charlie Cotton" had a tattoo on his neck? Just saying...
ReplyDeleteAt the soap awards the actor who plays "Charlie Cotton" had a neck tattoo, so you could be onto something there, love the blog btw :)
ReplyDeleteAnother good write up, at least you can vent your criticisms of EE on this blog without Millenials ripping your opinions to shreads on DS and praising WonderBoy DTC. He is just like all the other EP's before him, big on promise, short on delivery. A few WTF shocking and good moments does not make him Jesus. Many DS fans have only watched since about 2005 and would not even have ever heard of pre Millenial characters like Tricky Dicky or Sanjay Kapoor or the Di Marcos, Hills, Raymonds and Watts families.
ReplyDelete