Just think. It won't be long before we may never hear this sound again ...
Yes, the current reigning Village Idiot is on her way out of Walford. Considering the way she's mucked the accommodating production staff around for the past six years, l'm hoping she isn't asked to return. Allegedly, she's off to LA for a fabled Hollywood career. Good luck with that, being ginger, the wrong side of forty (and looking it) and unable to carry an American accent. As loud as they can be at times, Americans don't perceive shouters as being proficient in acting.
She'll be back, no doubt, as they're not killing her character off. And she'll probably get a happy ending where she's reunited with Ricky and they and the kids (well, the appalling Tiffany and Morgan Le Fat) swan off into the sunset. More's the pity, we'll be left with the greasy Walford Mattress and Liam the Lug.
In a way, though, this is sad. We've already lost Janine. In a week's time, Lucy dies, and now Bianca's going. That's three major legacy characters lost under DTC's watch.
Does he care? Does he, bollocks!
Bianca Is Not La Boheme, but They DO Call Her MeeeMeeee!
What a coincidence that we learn of Patsy Palmer's impending departure on the very evening we see Bianca at her vilest, most selfish worst.
I can't reiterate enough that the Bianca of the 1990s was a world away from the feckless, immature, incompetent idiot who trudged, homeless, back to Walford, with a gaggle of kids about whom we'd heard nothing and a lie or two on her lips. This Bianca did things without thinking of the consequences for her children. Even when Social Services took them away from her, she had to get Ricky to lie to get them back.
She immediately settled down in Pat's house, letting Pat do all the heavy work for her children. Instead of disciplining them or accepting constructive criticism from their school, she fought back. She encouraged their rudeness because she was rude. Unbeknownst that her underaged step-daughter was having sex with the man who was supposed to be her partner, she encouraged the fifteen year-old Whitney to have sex with the 21 year-old Callum Monks.
Even the reveal of Whitney's sexual abuse was more about Bianca and less about Whitney. And the aftermath has certainly been all about Bianca. That was even proven in Tuesday's episode, in the very first scene in the Butcher/Beale/Jackson kitchen, when Whitney, mortified at Bianca's treatment of Terry the previous evening, blanks her. When Bianca starts to wail, and Carol remarks that that scene probably brought it all back for Whitney, Bianca screeched:-
It brought it all back for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
You see, yes, Whitney is a dirty girl, but she's managed to trust a few blokes along the way from Tony, most significantly Tyler, with whom she had the longest relationship and who dumped her because she cheated on him.
The difference between Bianca in the 1990s and Bianca post-2010 is as great as the difference between the two Shabnams, but Shabnam has been played by two different actresses, and the writers have written, essentially, two different characters there.
When I think of how Bianca coped with losing a child, setting up her own clothing business, facing a second pregnancy with uncertainty and being supported by Ricky and Tiffany and then dealing with Tiffany's death, it beggars belief, the same character acting so maturely these days. She owned up to her responsibility for breaking up her own marriage via her infidelity as well as scuppering her mother's relationship. Today's Bianca would have done none of that.
Of course, Bianca's focused on getting the results of her gene test back (more of that later, with Honker), but the way she treated Terry Monday, and ultimately treated him on Tuesday, was nothing short of despicable.
Remember that this is a man who loves her, for whatever reason, God only knows. He loved her so much that he uprooted his children on a promise and ferried them back to Walford and into her small house to live with her mother, her father, and her own four children, without so much as a warning. This was the woman who had so ensnared a man, that she was adamant about his children not seeing their mother, even though Terry's son was quick off the mark to contact his mother and get her to Walford as soon as he received word of the Butcher/Jackson pedigree.
Bianca is bad-tempered, common, disrespectful, immature, rude, entitled and incompetent, yet Terry loved her.
I find it odd and disrespectful the way Ricky Butcher has been whitewashed out of Bianca's life entirely. Newman totally retconned Ricky's leaving into Ricky abandoning Bianca and the kids, when we know damned well that Bianca was bullied into exiling Ricky from Walford - bullied by none other than Carol, who patently told her that Bianca's kids didn't need their father and who dismissed Bianca's full-on deception with Dan Sullivan (the affair which made Carol cut Bianca out of her life for a decade) as a youthful indiscretion.
Tuesday, they glossed Ricky out entirely, jumping from Bianca's involvement with Tony King right to her involvement with Terry. Ricky wasn't even mentioned, yet back in 2009, Bianca was wailing that Ricky was "the one." That he'd always been "the one." And as for her protection of Whitney, Whitney is 21. She's an adult. If she wants to bog around with a man as old as Patrick Trueman, there's nothing Bianca can do about it.
I don't know why she's binned Terry off, but Terry's miles better off without her. He's the hero of the piece tonight, for calling out that self-centred bitch of a Village Idiot for being nothing but a self-obsessed drama queen, and he stood up to her when she tried to bully him out of Walford. Bianca wants Terry to leave because she couldn't stand seeing him and his kids every day? Where have I heard that one before? Oh, yeah ... that's what she told Ricky. She wanted him to leave because she couldn't stand seeing him every day. And then the beeyatch has the nerve to tell Terry she never asked him to come to Walford, uproot his children and plop them in a strange area and in a strange home. Who was it who surprised Carol and her own children with the promise that they would be "the most amazing family?"
I agree with Terry. Why doesn't she bugger off and leave? I'd love to see Ricky Butcher return, married to Sam Mitchell and bringing up the child Jack Branning abandoned and fight Bianca for custody of the kids. And win. And throw the stiff middle finger up at Carol as he leaves.
Honker the Sad Trombone.
Well, we knew it would be Honker, didn't we? EgoBoy couldn't resist showcasing her signature tragic Sidney Carton sacrificial look. But take heart!
Psssssssst, Honker! You've got the gene. Please, EastEnders, inform and educate, but don't make a bleeding melodrama out of this. Not only is Natalie Cassidy an awful actress - like Corrie's Sam Aston, she was a natural as a child, but she labours as an adult, depending too much on the sad-eyed tragic look that's really off-putting - but the duff-duff was just meh. Just because you have the BRCA gene, doesn't mean you're going to get breast cancer, or any cancer. It means that you're more susceptible to contracting cancer depending on your lifestyle. The first thing the medical authorities do is work with you in adjusting your lifestyle, if it need be, to a more healthier one. The second is that they ensure that you have frequent and regular check-ups, usually on a three-monthly basis, to keep an eye on any cellular malformations in order to nip the bid in the early stages.
It's far more poignant having Honker mouth-breathe and look tragic than endess shots of Bianca crying. I'm sure there'll be a contrived storyline where we see courageous Honker have a double mastectomy and a hysterectomy as a sacrifice, another contrived (off-screen) story about how wicked, evil Martin rejects her (as bloody if) and then the eventual pairing off of Honker with the resident Court Jester and the inevitable linking of the Carters with the Brannings, the Jacksons and (indirectly) the Beales.
Carol lecturing Honker on politeness was the biggest malapropism going. Carol is one of the rudest people on the Square and a bully in her own right ...
Just a couple of words more ... the excellent James Alexandrou has made a non-statement saying he wouldn't rule out returning to EastEnders in the future. Before the know-it-all Millennial fanbois start their orgasmic frenzy, this statement said nothing. It said as much as Ross Kemp's standard remark when asked if he'd ever consider returning - Never say never.
Those remarks are polite, professional media talk from polished professionals. Of course, Alexandrou and Kemp aren't going to trash-talk the show which gave them their start, even though the show just might choose to trash-talk their characters, which - I feel - it's about to do with Martin, in particular. But they've moved on - Kemp, to heavily researched and informative documentaries and Alexandrou to doing Shakespeare in the West End - and you don't get much better than that.
And finally, a question has been raised about why I refer to Sonia as Honker. I do so because I can. Sonia is a fictitious character. She played a trumpet. Badly. She had a nasally, high-pitched voice which sounded like a goose trying to talk. She's a mouth-breather. Notice, children, I'm talking about a fictitious character - someone who doesn't exist in real life. If some of those characteristics happen to apply to Natalie Cassidy, she has the financial means and wherewithal to have them medically corrected. After all, she couldn't get her boob enhancement quick enough last time around.
Bag O'Bones Bags Two.
First, DTC and Santer gave us Stax. Now, DTC gives us ... LAX, as in "laxative." Lucy Beale could give a master class on how to be a - well, shall we say a bit of a goer? This whole sordid mess, which is a contrived association for the benefit of the death of an important, if unpopular, legacy character, is highly reminiscent of Stax at its height - the meeting on the street near the Square in broad daylight, for Stacey, read Lucy imposing herself on what is clearly a family situation, refusing to believe Max's priorities lay with the son he seldom sees. Stacey's excuse was babysitting duties and cosy afternoons drinking with Tanya. Lucy's excuse is the ludicrous business deal with Lauren. As if Lauren would have a remote clue about writing amendments to contracts! I doubt Lauren can construct a sentence properly. And the "threat" to tell the girls about her five-minute affair with Max was reminiscent of the thirty minutes Stacey gave Max to tell Tanya about her, something that culminated in Max scarpering for Spain with Tanya and the girls. Except that Stax played out over the course of 2007, and Lax, like a laxative, finished quickly.
It was nice seeing Oscar again, who's now speaking. And Max's confliction in all of this is watchable as well. He's really the slimiest of toads, willing to spend a night away from the son he hasn't seen since the summer for a bit of a leg-over with a girl who's not only young enough to be his daughter, but who's a friend of his daughter's as well.
Lucy has a knee-trembler with Lee because Max isn't paying more attention to her than his family so she turns on the tears to get him away from what should have been his first priority. She's just as despicable as he is, and I can't wait for her to die. What an utterly vile human being, and I'm not talking about Max. I rate Lucy lower than he. As for the actress, everything about her demeanor, her delivery and her presence shows that she's easily the weakest and one of the worst, if not the worst, actress to appear in this show, and a living advertisement, along with Tony Discipline and David Witts, of hiring entirely for looks with no previous dramatic experience. Hetti Bywater has learned absolutely nothing in her two years on the programme, except how to pose on the red carpet and how to get snapped by the paps on a night out with the show's BratPack.
Yuck, I just had a thought. I hope Lucy had a shower and douched before she exchanged Lee for Max. But wouldn't it be a hoot (or a honk) if the week after her death, both Max and Lee are shown limping about the Square scratching their respective crotches? STI, anyone?
Neanderthal Boy and Snort-Girl.
Speaking of brats, or should I say "prat?" Lola is right - Jay was acting like a Class A prat with Abi, spoiled, entitled and ignorant, hissy fitting because he's not getting his way. I don't know why he's so worried about her pursuing her dream of going to university, when all he's done is blank her for the past two weeks in favour of ogling Lola. But what annoys me even more is the way DTC has, overnight, turned Peter Beale into a Hooray Henry, pushy sort of snob regarding Lola. It wouldn't surprise me in the least if Peter turns out to be Lucy's killer, something that would utterly destroy the Beales. After all, Peter was not a Treadwell-Collins re-cast. Abi is destined to go - either to university or prison, if - as some speculate - she kills Lucy, and if Peter leaves for whatever reason, then Jay Brown-then Mitchell-now Brown again, can re-establish his Mitchell credentials if he's paired off with Lola.
The good bits were Stan, Lee and Nancy. Timothy West is brilliant as ever, and the dialogue between him and Nancy was bantering and realistic. Lee is AWOL, is that right? And it looks as if the truth will out with whatever will arrive the next morning. For whatever reason, Lee's not going back to the army, and he'll probably soon wish he did. DannyBoy Hatchard has a very natural acting style and holds his own with experienced actors like West and Dyer. The Carters work so much better without the Scrote and the Court Jester.
Yes, the current reigning Village Idiot is on her way out of Walford. Considering the way she's mucked the accommodating production staff around for the past six years, l'm hoping she isn't asked to return. Allegedly, she's off to LA for a fabled Hollywood career. Good luck with that, being ginger, the wrong side of forty (and looking it) and unable to carry an American accent. As loud as they can be at times, Americans don't perceive shouters as being proficient in acting.
She'll be back, no doubt, as they're not killing her character off. And she'll probably get a happy ending where she's reunited with Ricky and they and the kids (well, the appalling Tiffany and Morgan Le Fat) swan off into the sunset. More's the pity, we'll be left with the greasy Walford Mattress and Liam the Lug.
In a way, though, this is sad. We've already lost Janine. In a week's time, Lucy dies, and now Bianca's going. That's three major legacy characters lost under DTC's watch.
Does he care? Does he, bollocks!
Bianca Is Not La Boheme, but They DO Call Her MeeeMeeee!
What a coincidence that we learn of Patsy Palmer's impending departure on the very evening we see Bianca at her vilest, most selfish worst.
I can't reiterate enough that the Bianca of the 1990s was a world away from the feckless, immature, incompetent idiot who trudged, homeless, back to Walford, with a gaggle of kids about whom we'd heard nothing and a lie or two on her lips. This Bianca did things without thinking of the consequences for her children. Even when Social Services took them away from her, she had to get Ricky to lie to get them back.
She immediately settled down in Pat's house, letting Pat do all the heavy work for her children. Instead of disciplining them or accepting constructive criticism from their school, she fought back. She encouraged their rudeness because she was rude. Unbeknownst that her underaged step-daughter was having sex with the man who was supposed to be her partner, she encouraged the fifteen year-old Whitney to have sex with the 21 year-old Callum Monks.
Even the reveal of Whitney's sexual abuse was more about Bianca and less about Whitney. And the aftermath has certainly been all about Bianca. That was even proven in Tuesday's episode, in the very first scene in the Butcher/Beale/Jackson kitchen, when Whitney, mortified at Bianca's treatment of Terry the previous evening, blanks her. When Bianca starts to wail, and Carol remarks that that scene probably brought it all back for Whitney, Bianca screeched:-
It brought it all back for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
You see, yes, Whitney is a dirty girl, but she's managed to trust a few blokes along the way from Tony, most significantly Tyler, with whom she had the longest relationship and who dumped her because she cheated on him.
The difference between Bianca in the 1990s and Bianca post-2010 is as great as the difference between the two Shabnams, but Shabnam has been played by two different actresses, and the writers have written, essentially, two different characters there.
When I think of how Bianca coped with losing a child, setting up her own clothing business, facing a second pregnancy with uncertainty and being supported by Ricky and Tiffany and then dealing with Tiffany's death, it beggars belief, the same character acting so maturely these days. She owned up to her responsibility for breaking up her own marriage via her infidelity as well as scuppering her mother's relationship. Today's Bianca would have done none of that.
Of course, Bianca's focused on getting the results of her gene test back (more of that later, with Honker), but the way she treated Terry Monday, and ultimately treated him on Tuesday, was nothing short of despicable.
Remember that this is a man who loves her, for whatever reason, God only knows. He loved her so much that he uprooted his children on a promise and ferried them back to Walford and into her small house to live with her mother, her father, and her own four children, without so much as a warning. This was the woman who had so ensnared a man, that she was adamant about his children not seeing their mother, even though Terry's son was quick off the mark to contact his mother and get her to Walford as soon as he received word of the Butcher/Jackson pedigree.
Bianca is bad-tempered, common, disrespectful, immature, rude, entitled and incompetent, yet Terry loved her.
I find it odd and disrespectful the way Ricky Butcher has been whitewashed out of Bianca's life entirely. Newman totally retconned Ricky's leaving into Ricky abandoning Bianca and the kids, when we know damned well that Bianca was bullied into exiling Ricky from Walford - bullied by none other than Carol, who patently told her that Bianca's kids didn't need their father and who dismissed Bianca's full-on deception with Dan Sullivan (the affair which made Carol cut Bianca out of her life for a decade) as a youthful indiscretion.
Tuesday, they glossed Ricky out entirely, jumping from Bianca's involvement with Tony King right to her involvement with Terry. Ricky wasn't even mentioned, yet back in 2009, Bianca was wailing that Ricky was "the one." That he'd always been "the one." And as for her protection of Whitney, Whitney is 21. She's an adult. If she wants to bog around with a man as old as Patrick Trueman, there's nothing Bianca can do about it.
I don't know why she's binned Terry off, but Terry's miles better off without her. He's the hero of the piece tonight, for calling out that self-centred bitch of a Village Idiot for being nothing but a self-obsessed drama queen, and he stood up to her when she tried to bully him out of Walford. Bianca wants Terry to leave because she couldn't stand seeing him and his kids every day? Where have I heard that one before? Oh, yeah ... that's what she told Ricky. She wanted him to leave because she couldn't stand seeing him every day. And then the beeyatch has the nerve to tell Terry she never asked him to come to Walford, uproot his children and plop them in a strange area and in a strange home. Who was it who surprised Carol and her own children with the promise that they would be "the most amazing family?"
I agree with Terry. Why doesn't she bugger off and leave? I'd love to see Ricky Butcher return, married to Sam Mitchell and bringing up the child Jack Branning abandoned and fight Bianca for custody of the kids. And win. And throw the stiff middle finger up at Carol as he leaves.
Honker the Sad Trombone.
Well, we knew it would be Honker, didn't we? EgoBoy couldn't resist showcasing her signature tragic Sidney Carton sacrificial look. But take heart!
Psssssssst, Honker! You've got the gene. Please, EastEnders, inform and educate, but don't make a bleeding melodrama out of this. Not only is Natalie Cassidy an awful actress - like Corrie's Sam Aston, she was a natural as a child, but she labours as an adult, depending too much on the sad-eyed tragic look that's really off-putting - but the duff-duff was just meh. Just because you have the BRCA gene, doesn't mean you're going to get breast cancer, or any cancer. It means that you're more susceptible to contracting cancer depending on your lifestyle. The first thing the medical authorities do is work with you in adjusting your lifestyle, if it need be, to a more healthier one. The second is that they ensure that you have frequent and regular check-ups, usually on a three-monthly basis, to keep an eye on any cellular malformations in order to nip the bid in the early stages.
It's far more poignant having Honker mouth-breathe and look tragic than endess shots of Bianca crying. I'm sure there'll be a contrived storyline where we see courageous Honker have a double mastectomy and a hysterectomy as a sacrifice, another contrived (off-screen) story about how wicked, evil Martin rejects her (as bloody if) and then the eventual pairing off of Honker with the resident Court Jester and the inevitable linking of the Carters with the Brannings, the Jacksons and (indirectly) the Beales.
Carol lecturing Honker on politeness was the biggest malapropism going. Carol is one of the rudest people on the Square and a bully in her own right ...
Just a couple of words more ... the excellent James Alexandrou has made a non-statement saying he wouldn't rule out returning to EastEnders in the future. Before the know-it-all Millennial fanbois start their orgasmic frenzy, this statement said nothing. It said as much as Ross Kemp's standard remark when asked if he'd ever consider returning - Never say never.
Those remarks are polite, professional media talk from polished professionals. Of course, Alexandrou and Kemp aren't going to trash-talk the show which gave them their start, even though the show just might choose to trash-talk their characters, which - I feel - it's about to do with Martin, in particular. But they've moved on - Kemp, to heavily researched and informative documentaries and Alexandrou to doing Shakespeare in the West End - and you don't get much better than that.
And finally, a question has been raised about why I refer to Sonia as Honker. I do so because I can. Sonia is a fictitious character. She played a trumpet. Badly. She had a nasally, high-pitched voice which sounded like a goose trying to talk. She's a mouth-breather. Notice, children, I'm talking about a fictitious character - someone who doesn't exist in real life. If some of those characteristics happen to apply to Natalie Cassidy, she has the financial means and wherewithal to have them medically corrected. After all, she couldn't get her boob enhancement quick enough last time around.
Bag O'Bones Bags Two.
First, DTC and Santer gave us Stax. Now, DTC gives us ... LAX, as in "laxative." Lucy Beale could give a master class on how to be a - well, shall we say a bit of a goer? This whole sordid mess, which is a contrived association for the benefit of the death of an important, if unpopular, legacy character, is highly reminiscent of Stax at its height - the meeting on the street near the Square in broad daylight, for Stacey, read Lucy imposing herself on what is clearly a family situation, refusing to believe Max's priorities lay with the son he seldom sees. Stacey's excuse was babysitting duties and cosy afternoons drinking with Tanya. Lucy's excuse is the ludicrous business deal with Lauren. As if Lauren would have a remote clue about writing amendments to contracts! I doubt Lauren can construct a sentence properly. And the "threat" to tell the girls about her five-minute affair with Max was reminiscent of the thirty minutes Stacey gave Max to tell Tanya about her, something that culminated in Max scarpering for Spain with Tanya and the girls. Except that Stax played out over the course of 2007, and Lax, like a laxative, finished quickly.
It was nice seeing Oscar again, who's now speaking. And Max's confliction in all of this is watchable as well. He's really the slimiest of toads, willing to spend a night away from the son he hasn't seen since the summer for a bit of a leg-over with a girl who's not only young enough to be his daughter, but who's a friend of his daughter's as well.
Lucy has a knee-trembler with Lee because Max isn't paying more attention to her than his family so she turns on the tears to get him away from what should have been his first priority. She's just as despicable as he is, and I can't wait for her to die. What an utterly vile human being, and I'm not talking about Max. I rate Lucy lower than he. As for the actress, everything about her demeanor, her delivery and her presence shows that she's easily the weakest and one of the worst, if not the worst, actress to appear in this show, and a living advertisement, along with Tony Discipline and David Witts, of hiring entirely for looks with no previous dramatic experience. Hetti Bywater has learned absolutely nothing in her two years on the programme, except how to pose on the red carpet and how to get snapped by the paps on a night out with the show's BratPack.
Yuck, I just had a thought. I hope Lucy had a shower and douched before she exchanged Lee for Max. But wouldn't it be a hoot (or a honk) if the week after her death, both Max and Lee are shown limping about the Square scratching their respective crotches? STI, anyone?
Neanderthal Boy and Snort-Girl.
Speaking of brats, or should I say "prat?" Lola is right - Jay was acting like a Class A prat with Abi, spoiled, entitled and ignorant, hissy fitting because he's not getting his way. I don't know why he's so worried about her pursuing her dream of going to university, when all he's done is blank her for the past two weeks in favour of ogling Lola. But what annoys me even more is the way DTC has, overnight, turned Peter Beale into a Hooray Henry, pushy sort of snob regarding Lola. It wouldn't surprise me in the least if Peter turns out to be Lucy's killer, something that would utterly destroy the Beales. After all, Peter was not a Treadwell-Collins re-cast. Abi is destined to go - either to university or prison, if - as some speculate - she kills Lucy, and if Peter leaves for whatever reason, then Jay Brown-then Mitchell-now Brown again, can re-establish his Mitchell credentials if he's paired off with Lola.
The good bits were Stan, Lee and Nancy. Timothy West is brilliant as ever, and the dialogue between him and Nancy was bantering and realistic. Lee is AWOL, is that right? And it looks as if the truth will out with whatever will arrive the next morning. For whatever reason, Lee's not going back to the army, and he'll probably soon wish he did. DannyBoy Hatchard has a very natural acting style and holds his own with experienced actors like West and Dyer. The Carters work so much better without the Scrote and the Court Jester.
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