Right to the punchline: I gave that a 7 out of 10. The show's gone back into mediocre mode, but there were some saving graces tonight, none the more than the brilliant Lindsey Coulson and Perry Fenwick, another unsung hero.
Suffice it to say, the sooner Jessie Wallace bows out, the better.
And more power to Stacey, always Stacey. If anyone had ever told me I'd ever be waxing lyrical about Stacey Slater, I'd have brained them, but I am.
This episode was Not Date Night.
Strangers in the Night: Billy and Carol.
OK, I know this was more than a little rom-comy and corny, and I know a lot of people were saying and are saying that Carol deserves better than the writers just throwing her together with Billy Mitchell, runt of the Mitchell litter and perennial loser, but guess what?
This worked for exactly what it was - two fiftysomethings at loose ends and deciding to spend an evening together. Carol started out condescending to feel sorry for Billy, who was stuck in his flat on his own whilst Lola was out in the evening with Lexie and Janet, so secure she was in having a girls' night in with Sonia and Whitney, both of whom had other priorities.
And I felt sorry for Billy, in general. So ingrained is his loser image, that not only do people snicker at anyone wanting to associate with him on a social basis, but he believes that he's on a hiding to nothing, himself. For once, nosy Pam had something important to say when she told him to believe in himself and be brave; but even Carol astounded herself by accepting the invitation of a drink with him, rather than spend the evening on her own.
For Carol, this was something out of the ordinary for her, and her first foray into socialising with someone of the opposite sex since her double mastectomy (and the show doesn't even bother with that myth anymore) and since David's departure, so it calls for some special attention, until Whitney teases her about going on a date with Billy Mitchell - once again, inveighing that loser quality which Billy seems to convey.
I liked it when she entered the pub, unseen by Billy, only to watch Billy making a prat of himself at the bar. For one brief moment, she almost turned and left until he saw her. Hands up, anyone, who's ever almost turned away from a date which worked out fine?
With all the other substandard mess going on in the background, I enjoyed watching the ice thaw between Billy and Carol - Billy liking West Ham and watching television, Carol liking Harry Potter, as well as Billy liking the book. It's nice to see sides to the characters we think we know so well, only to have them reveal little insights into their lives that occur off-screen. (I mean, who'd have ever thought either Lola or Whitney were into reading?) Reminiscing about growing up in the 70's - Carol into The Bay City Rollers and Billy in the punk scene (something which is readily believeable). You forget that, even though Carol was a mother at fourteen and Billy was in care (and getting a girl pregnant at fifteen), these two were, at the end of the day, adolescents.
The whole memories of youth meme continued when Carol, after a few wines, remembered she hadn't eaten, which led to a trip to the chippy for chips, and a double entendre uttered by nosy Pam about Les's battered sausage, whilst once again fishing for gossip about Carol and Billy being on a date.
Laughing about Pam's remark and the absurdity of them being on a date made Carol impusively kiss Billy - not just kiss him, but properly snog him openly, only to pull back at the last moment and wonder what the hell she was doing, snogging Billy Mitchell in the open like a teenager.
I thought this a bit harsh, but perfectly in character with prickly Carol. Not only is she now guarded in herself and her femininity with her cancer op, she's also bought into the meme of Billy being a loser, and that's sad ... because tonight, this couple really worked.
I know it's fashionable to hate Alfie Moon, and everyone believes Billy Mitchell is a no-mark and a wimp, but on their respective days, Shane Richie and Perry Fenwick are two of the show's strongest actors. When asked, they each step up to the plate and knock it out of the park.
I'm Not in Love: Shabnam and Kush.
I'd be wary of Shabnam, were I Kush, unless he's into a bit of sado-masochism, because Shabs likes to give a smack here and there, and she really packed a sudden punch. Can you just imagine her in Kat's thigh-high boots with a whip?
Seriously, why the secrecy? She's single and so is he. It's not as if she's dating out of her faith, although he is secular. And he's bloody fit.
I would think Masood would be pleased she'd met a nice man who liked her, but all this cloak-and-dagger, kissing on the sly and overt secrecy is pretty childlike on her part.
Once again, we had a bit of romcom injected here, with Kush and Shabnam planning a slap-up meal up West where no one would spot them, except Martin happened to see Kush as they were about to depart. Even here, he was intimating that Kush and Shabnam were on a date, and they denied it, even using the stock standard speaking at once and saying something different when asked how they knew each other.
EastEnders should really ditch the attempt at romcoms. Rarely do they work (Carol and Billy); every other time, they are an epic fail (tonight and every other night).
The Kush-and-Shabnam vignette tonight served two purposes, and neither was about this couple.
- First, it served to prove just how much like Bradley NuMartin had become. Bradley waxed lyrical about StarTrek, James Bond and science fiction; NuMartin waxes lyrical about Romanian tomatoes, although I was surprised that Martin managed to spend all evening in the Vic, even ordering rounds of drinks from the bar, with his mother-in-law planted there, and he didn't even acknowledge Carol, nor she him. Sonia did, however, and it seems Rebecca hasn't exactly been forthcoming in contacting her feckless mother.
- Secondly, it proved, fleetingly, how great Stacey and Martin look together, sat, reluctantly, side by side at the impromptu party. Even Stacey's brush-off of him as they left the pub had a soupcon of something yet to come. They are so right for each other - he's from an iconic family, she's the character most likely to become iconic from the revamped EastEnders and would slot right into one of thepremier original families from the show. They're single parents, they have young daughters, and they've both killed a Mitchell. A match made in heaven.
I'll say it here: I want Martin and Stacey to bond, mature and grow old as the Albert and Lou of the 21st Century.
The Curious Affair of Kush and Shabnam ended with Stacey accidentally discovering them down the alleyway in a snog, thinking it was Kat on a knee-trembler. She will keep their secret, but - as Kush said - the world didn't end. This is a promising couple also, but EastEnders has a propensity to shoot itself in the foot by stringing storylines along so long that the viewers lose interest, so we'd best get this couple established sooner, rather than later.
Tub Thumping with Kat.
I am so over Kat. She can go. Go now. Do not pass GO, do not collect 200 pounds. Go.
It's not that I don't like her character - and I used to adore Kat - but even when she's fighting an uphill battle, she's been so vile in the past and has reverted to that same vileness and unpleasantness, that it's hard to invest any sympathy for her character; plus, the actress has lost it, with regard to her portrayal of Kat.
In short, she's phoning it in and it shows.
We get it, that she's suddenly decided to wing off to Spain and live with Zoe, who hasn't even met any of her much younger siblings. Ne'mind, that Alfie would actually have something significant and with the law to say about her taking his two sons away to live abroad, Kat knows exactly what she's doing. Not.
We get it that Mo and Stacey know that Zoe's moved on and doesn't want to know Kat anymore, and - until tonight - we were intrigued about that, since Kat and Zoe parted on fond terms. What's even more intriguing is that dippy, drippy Zoe is now a high-powered estate agentscamming selling properties to unsuspecting Brits in Spain; but Wallace's performance tonight was embarrassing.
Yes, we know Kat was happy; yes, we know she was looking forward to a future in Spain (or escaping her past); but I've never seen such Jessie Wallace so dire. Somewhere along the line - around about 2010, I imagine - Wallace lost faith in Kat. So did most of the viewers, and now, maybe, at the end of this storyline, which will see an eventual reunion with Alfie, when she makes an abject mess of her life and allows Alfie to pick up the pieces again, the pair of them will just bugger off. For good.
More interesting than Kat's stab at being happy was the interplay between Mo and Stacey, both exchanging looks of apprehension, and Mo, as usual, absconding responsibility for telling Kat what she knew about Zoe, to Stacey, the current go-to girl on the Square. In the end, it was Kat texting Zoe, and Zoe's eventual response which put paid to that.
I guess there'll be no Michelle Ryan return now that Zoe has such an amazing life and such an amazing boyfriend that she doesn't want to go back to what she was. (What was she? I've forgotten, she left such a bland impression on me). As Kat's a part of that past life, I can only assume that she doesn't want a mum showing up wearing thigh-high marital aid boots and acting like a dirty girl around Zoe's amazing boyfriend, the way she clocked lasciviously at Martin in the Vic.
So now, she 's going to write to Harry's solicitor to claim the £18k she was awarded as part of Harry's estate. Gee, that's £6000 for each child, hardly a fortune, especially in London.
The Trials and Tribulations of Poor Kat don't move me at all. Moving me even less is Wallace's performance.
Suffice it to say, the sooner Jessie Wallace bows out, the better.
And more power to Stacey, always Stacey. If anyone had ever told me I'd ever be waxing lyrical about Stacey Slater, I'd have brained them, but I am.
This episode was Not Date Night.
Strangers in the Night: Billy and Carol.
OK, I know this was more than a little rom-comy and corny, and I know a lot of people were saying and are saying that Carol deserves better than the writers just throwing her together with Billy Mitchell, runt of the Mitchell litter and perennial loser, but guess what?
This worked for exactly what it was - two fiftysomethings at loose ends and deciding to spend an evening together. Carol started out condescending to feel sorry for Billy, who was stuck in his flat on his own whilst Lola was out in the evening with Lexie and Janet, so secure she was in having a girls' night in with Sonia and Whitney, both of whom had other priorities.
And I felt sorry for Billy, in general. So ingrained is his loser image, that not only do people snicker at anyone wanting to associate with him on a social basis, but he believes that he's on a hiding to nothing, himself. For once, nosy Pam had something important to say when she told him to believe in himself and be brave; but even Carol astounded herself by accepting the invitation of a drink with him, rather than spend the evening on her own.
For Carol, this was something out of the ordinary for her, and her first foray into socialising with someone of the opposite sex since her double mastectomy (and the show doesn't even bother with that myth anymore) and since David's departure, so it calls for some special attention, until Whitney teases her about going on a date with Billy Mitchell - once again, inveighing that loser quality which Billy seems to convey.
I liked it when she entered the pub, unseen by Billy, only to watch Billy making a prat of himself at the bar. For one brief moment, she almost turned and left until he saw her. Hands up, anyone, who's ever almost turned away from a date which worked out fine?
With all the other substandard mess going on in the background, I enjoyed watching the ice thaw between Billy and Carol - Billy liking West Ham and watching television, Carol liking Harry Potter, as well as Billy liking the book. It's nice to see sides to the characters we think we know so well, only to have them reveal little insights into their lives that occur off-screen. (I mean, who'd have ever thought either Lola or Whitney were into reading?) Reminiscing about growing up in the 70's - Carol into The Bay City Rollers and Billy in the punk scene (something which is readily believeable). You forget that, even though Carol was a mother at fourteen and Billy was in care (and getting a girl pregnant at fifteen), these two were, at the end of the day, adolescents.
The whole memories of youth meme continued when Carol, after a few wines, remembered she hadn't eaten, which led to a trip to the chippy for chips, and a double entendre uttered by nosy Pam about Les's battered sausage, whilst once again fishing for gossip about Carol and Billy being on a date.
Laughing about Pam's remark and the absurdity of them being on a date made Carol impusively kiss Billy - not just kiss him, but properly snog him openly, only to pull back at the last moment and wonder what the hell she was doing, snogging Billy Mitchell in the open like a teenager.
I thought this a bit harsh, but perfectly in character with prickly Carol. Not only is she now guarded in herself and her femininity with her cancer op, she's also bought into the meme of Billy being a loser, and that's sad ... because tonight, this couple really worked.
I know it's fashionable to hate Alfie Moon, and everyone believes Billy Mitchell is a no-mark and a wimp, but on their respective days, Shane Richie and Perry Fenwick are two of the show's strongest actors. When asked, they each step up to the plate and knock it out of the park.
I'm Not in Love: Shabnam and Kush.
I'd be wary of Shabnam, were I Kush, unless he's into a bit of sado-masochism, because Shabs likes to give a smack here and there, and she really packed a sudden punch. Can you just imagine her in Kat's thigh-high boots with a whip?
Seriously, why the secrecy? She's single and so is he. It's not as if she's dating out of her faith, although he is secular. And he's bloody fit.
I would think Masood would be pleased she'd met a nice man who liked her, but all this cloak-and-dagger, kissing on the sly and overt secrecy is pretty childlike on her part.
Once again, we had a bit of romcom injected here, with Kush and Shabnam planning a slap-up meal up West where no one would spot them, except Martin happened to see Kush as they were about to depart. Even here, he was intimating that Kush and Shabnam were on a date, and they denied it, even using the stock standard speaking at once and saying something different when asked how they knew each other.
EastEnders should really ditch the attempt at romcoms. Rarely do they work (Carol and Billy); every other time, they are an epic fail (tonight and every other night).
The Kush-and-Shabnam vignette tonight served two purposes, and neither was about this couple.
- First, it served to prove just how much like Bradley NuMartin had become. Bradley waxed lyrical about StarTrek, James Bond and science fiction; NuMartin waxes lyrical about Romanian tomatoes, although I was surprised that Martin managed to spend all evening in the Vic, even ordering rounds of drinks from the bar, with his mother-in-law planted there, and he didn't even acknowledge Carol, nor she him. Sonia did, however, and it seems Rebecca hasn't exactly been forthcoming in contacting her feckless mother.
- Secondly, it proved, fleetingly, how great Stacey and Martin look together, sat, reluctantly, side by side at the impromptu party. Even Stacey's brush-off of him as they left the pub had a soupcon of something yet to come. They are so right for each other - he's from an iconic family, she's the character most likely to become iconic from the revamped EastEnders and would slot right into one of thepremier original families from the show. They're single parents, they have young daughters, and they've both killed a Mitchell. A match made in heaven.
I'll say it here: I want Martin and Stacey to bond, mature and grow old as the Albert and Lou of the 21st Century.
The Curious Affair of Kush and Shabnam ended with Stacey accidentally discovering them down the alleyway in a snog, thinking it was Kat on a knee-trembler. She will keep their secret, but - as Kush said - the world didn't end. This is a promising couple also, but EastEnders has a propensity to shoot itself in the foot by stringing storylines along so long that the viewers lose interest, so we'd best get this couple established sooner, rather than later.
Tub Thumping with Kat.
I am so over Kat. She can go. Go now. Do not pass GO, do not collect 200 pounds. Go.
It's not that I don't like her character - and I used to adore Kat - but even when she's fighting an uphill battle, she's been so vile in the past and has reverted to that same vileness and unpleasantness, that it's hard to invest any sympathy for her character; plus, the actress has lost it, with regard to her portrayal of Kat.
In short, she's phoning it in and it shows.
We get it, that she's suddenly decided to wing off to Spain and live with Zoe, who hasn't even met any of her much younger siblings. Ne'mind, that Alfie would actually have something significant and with the law to say about her taking his two sons away to live abroad, Kat knows exactly what she's doing. Not.
We get it that Mo and Stacey know that Zoe's moved on and doesn't want to know Kat anymore, and - until tonight - we were intrigued about that, since Kat and Zoe parted on fond terms. What's even more intriguing is that dippy, drippy Zoe is now a high-powered estate agent
Yes, we know Kat was happy; yes, we know she was looking forward to a future in Spain (or escaping her past); but I've never seen such Jessie Wallace so dire. Somewhere along the line - around about 2010, I imagine - Wallace lost faith in Kat. So did most of the viewers, and now, maybe, at the end of this storyline, which will see an eventual reunion with Alfie, when she makes an abject mess of her life and allows Alfie to pick up the pieces again, the pair of them will just bugger off. For good.
More interesting than Kat's stab at being happy was the interplay between Mo and Stacey, both exchanging looks of apprehension, and Mo, as usual, absconding responsibility for telling Kat what she knew about Zoe, to Stacey, the current go-to girl on the Square. In the end, it was Kat texting Zoe, and Zoe's eventual response which put paid to that.
I guess there'll be no Michelle Ryan return now that Zoe has such an amazing life and such an amazing boyfriend that she doesn't want to go back to what she was. (What was she? I've forgotten, she left such a bland impression on me). As Kat's a part of that past life, I can only assume that she doesn't want a mum showing up wearing thigh-high marital aid boots and acting like a dirty girl around Zoe's amazing boyfriend, the way she clocked lasciviously at Martin in the Vic.
So now, she 's going to write to Harry's solicitor to claim the £18k she was awarded as part of Harry's estate. Gee, that's £6000 for each child, hardly a fortune, especially in London.
The Trials and Tribulations of Poor Kat don't move me at all. Moving me even less is Wallace's performance.
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