Hmmmmm ... I'm wondering about the viewing figures, especially now that BBC is in its terminal stages. Not that I didn't like BBC3, I did; but too many people are worrying about what this might do the stagnant viewing malaise under which EastEnders is still labouring.
Let's be honest. No matter how much the manboi/fanbois and one brain-celled dolts like xTonix might try to massage the figures, they really are much the same as they were this time last year under Lorraine Newman - i.e., breaking bad under 8 million. It seems that neither the returns of Ronnie and Stacey have upped the figures, and putting hatchet-faced Shirley front and centre seems to have scared more viewers away.
The difference is that this time last year, people were actively worried about the figures falling under Lorraine Newman, whereas this year, people are making excuses for the same crap being served up by The Messiah.
Excuses like ...
The viewing figures have stabilised. (They're no different than last year's).
We're growing a core of viewers who'll be loyal to the show. (Some people watch paint dry. Whoever thought to bring back Ronnie and Stacey, imagining that these two would get more bums on seats, should be taken out and smacked. Their fans never left, because they knew these two would be back sooner, rather than later).
Corrie's going through a bad patch; we're catching up and will soon overtake it. (Corrie, too, has a loyal base, and it's not lost its brand. True, it's got a pretty shitty EP, but he's also the type who seems to be able to make lemonade from lemons).
We're beating Emmerdale now. (But not on head-to-head. Emmerdale's recent hour-long episode beat EastEnders back below six million, and in a week and an episode where Ronnie returned.)
And then there's the usual ...
Things will pick up when Dean comes back/Stacey's back properly/Lucy's killed/whenever/whatever.
A fish stinks from its head, and too much slack is being cut this particular con artist.
A Killer in the House.
Ronnie's back, and, quite frankly, she looks weird. This isn't the make-up department at Elstree; something seriously happened when Womack was on leave - something like a Harley Street botox clinic and some collagen enhancement to her lips.
The result is her face being near as damn it immobile, her mouth too wide and, for some reason, side shots show her chin and jawline sagging noticeably. It's as if someone had a facelift, but forgot to do the neck. Whatever happened, she just looks even more weird and alien than before.
And with her non-nose and Stacey's ellipse-shaped porcine nostrils, it's clear that 2014 is The Year of the Nostril on EastEnders.
This was quite a significant episode for Ronnie and the direction in which TPTB are taking her. First, the red herring of the police knocking at the door because of Lola's theft was the foreshadowing of an obsession with Lola which Ronnie is developing. The line about Lola becoming "an honorary Mitchell sister," coupled with Ronnie's encouragement of Lola lying to Billy and Peter, as well as egging Phil on to allow her to stay the night at Mitchell Manor, with her child being looked after elsewhere was nothing short of strange.
With Roxy's loyalty in dubious shape now, is Ronnie preparing to envelope Lola in her obsession with control? Note the singularly baby-like way she spoke with Lola, using endearments and speaking to her as if she were a child - much the same as what she does/did with Roxy.
This whole business of Lola was so obviously contrived - now we've got Lola the single and skint mother, yelling OwmIgonnafeedmahkid when she lives with someone who draws a decent wage from being a market gardener. Surely, she could have hit Peter for a loan to buy Lexi some nappies, or - as he indicated last night - Phil? Instead, we're treated to a regressed Lola knicking from the market.
Of course, last night was the night that Roxy discovered Ronnie had killed Carl, and that was pretty creepy too. Rita Simons played a blinder, especially the scene where the show finally addressed the elephant in the room - that Ronnie is sexually attracted to Roxy and wants her all for herself. Simons brought that out beautifully, reminding Ronnie that she had wantonly interfered in every relationship Roxy had had as an adult, and some of those relationships were with perfectly respectable, viable men - Damien, Sean, Alfie ...
At the moment, it appears that the Sugly Blisters are doomed, and I certainly hope that Roxy sticks her guns and shuns Ronnie, instead of forgiving her five minutes down the line.
Arguably, the most memorable scenes were with Phil and Sharon, where Sharon acknowledged why she sought sole directorship of the pub - it's the old trust issue again. She wants something that's exclusively hers in the event that she and Phil split. As I said, the Sharon-and-Phil-Lack-of-Trust-Show goes back two decades. Now, he can't believe he's finally got her, and both are waiting for the other one to throw them under the bus.
Observation: Just how big is the Mitchell house? At one time, it held Shirley, Phil, Ben, Jay, Roxy, Amy, Heather and George. Two per room, that's four bedrooms. As of now, it's housing, Phil, Sharon, Denny, Amy, Jay, Ronnie and Roxy. Amy appears to have her own room. Phil and Sharon obviously share. Does Jay share with Dennis? It was implied that Dennis has his own room. With the sisters sharing, that makes five bedrooms, but I cannot imagine for a moment that Roxy would share with Ronnie.
Yet another Tardis house on the Square.
Feuding, Fussing and Fighting.
Who cares about Cindy? It's difficult to empathise with a prissy little ladyboy who looks and sounds like a spoiled, entitled drama school brat.
The constant sulking, the rudeness to Ian, someone whom she conned into taking her in, the defiance. Someone like that is too immature to even contemplate having a child. As for Honker's assessment of Cindy the Greek being frightened and alone, she's not. She's a wanton little bitch who did exactly what her mother did - sleep with one boy, who got her pregnant, then slept with another, for goodness-knows-why. Her mother did so with Ian, in order to make him believe he'd got her pregnant.
And Liam's ignorant lament about She can't be pregnant, we only did it the once was reminiscent of what happened to Honker after having slept with Martin that one time, when she was crying about an Italian exchange student who'd dumped her. Once was all it took to create the eerily quiet Rebecca, who shouldn't even be there in the first place. And why the hell is Honker so rude to Ian? He is, after all, her husband's closest relative and a relative of her child; yet she continues to speak to Ian as if he were a piece of shit.
The so-called punch thrown between Liam and TJ was an embarrassment. The actor who plays TJ bears an uncanny resemblance to David Scaroboro, who played the original Mark Fowler, but I'm wondering where all the praise for the luglike James Forde is coming from. I realise Lia is supposed to be rather stolid and lumbering like his father, but - Lordy - the actor's monotone delivery is nothing short of comatose. How any girl, even a hirsute quasi hermaprhodite like Cindy the Greek would fall for Liam is beyond my ken.
Also, the whole shouting shabang between Ian and Bianca was awful as well. These two are relations, yet they speak as though they were total strangers. Bianca's double-edged insults about sausage rolls and the like were gross, and how did Ian get to be Cindy's guardian? Presumably, Bev came up with the necessary notarised documents? And David mentions the fact that Ian is his brother.
Ah, David ... yet more retconning, during the ubiquitous talk with Terry, about having no one to talk to when he got that miserable Carol up the duff. David didn't waste time thinking about her pregnancy. He just lied to his dad, Pete Beale, got the 200 knicker and gave it to Carol, who pocketed the cash and sicced her three older brothers on his arse. Derek beat the shit out of him and he left the area, spending the next twenty years thinking that Carol had had an abortion.
I can't buy David-the-father to the increasingly emotionally and intellectually retarded Bianca, not when Patsy Palmer looks as old as Michael French and Lindsey Coulson looks as though she's French's mum. But the scene where he's fighting Bianca to stay in the house was another embarrassment.
Carol's got the BRCA2 gene. It's not a fucking death sentence, and it doesn't mean you have to whack off your boobs our disembowel your ovaries. It means you're monitored, regularly, with scans every three months; but it will probably mean Honker having the gene, lobbing off Pinkie and Perky and her ovaries, which will make offscreen Martin (which equals BAD Martin) reject her and then she can play the butch to Tina's bitch.
So predictable - just like it's so predictable that Ronnie will, most likely, be the person to kill Lucy Beale, although we'll go the better part of the year thinking it's Aleks (or, the numpties will), because this will be Ronnie's trump card in breaking up the incipient couple that will become Roxy and Aleks (Roleks). It's so obvious because of the major impact it will have on two of the Square's most important families - and that doesn't include the Carters.
Predictable episode of EastEnders 2.0, where Ian Beale is treated like a piece of shit and Sharon is relegated to the importance of being Ronnie.
Let's be honest. No matter how much the manboi/fanbois and one brain-celled dolts like xTonix might try to massage the figures, they really are much the same as they were this time last year under Lorraine Newman - i.e., breaking bad under 8 million. It seems that neither the returns of Ronnie and Stacey have upped the figures, and putting hatchet-faced Shirley front and centre seems to have scared more viewers away.
The difference is that this time last year, people were actively worried about the figures falling under Lorraine Newman, whereas this year, people are making excuses for the same crap being served up by The Messiah.
Excuses like ...
The viewing figures have stabilised. (They're no different than last year's).
We're growing a core of viewers who'll be loyal to the show. (Some people watch paint dry. Whoever thought to bring back Ronnie and Stacey, imagining that these two would get more bums on seats, should be taken out and smacked. Their fans never left, because they knew these two would be back sooner, rather than later).
Corrie's going through a bad patch; we're catching up and will soon overtake it. (Corrie, too, has a loyal base, and it's not lost its brand. True, it's got a pretty shitty EP, but he's also the type who seems to be able to make lemonade from lemons).
We're beating Emmerdale now. (But not on head-to-head. Emmerdale's recent hour-long episode beat EastEnders back below six million, and in a week and an episode where Ronnie returned.)
And then there's the usual ...
Things will pick up when Dean comes back/Stacey's back properly/Lucy's killed/whenever/whatever.
A fish stinks from its head, and too much slack is being cut this particular con artist.
A Killer in the House.
Ronnie's back, and, quite frankly, she looks weird. This isn't the make-up department at Elstree; something seriously happened when Womack was on leave - something like a Harley Street botox clinic and some collagen enhancement to her lips.
The result is her face being near as damn it immobile, her mouth too wide and, for some reason, side shots show her chin and jawline sagging noticeably. It's as if someone had a facelift, but forgot to do the neck. Whatever happened, she just looks even more weird and alien than before.
And with her non-nose and Stacey's ellipse-shaped porcine nostrils, it's clear that 2014 is The Year of the Nostril on EastEnders.
This was quite a significant episode for Ronnie and the direction in which TPTB are taking her. First, the red herring of the police knocking at the door because of Lola's theft was the foreshadowing of an obsession with Lola which Ronnie is developing. The line about Lola becoming "an honorary Mitchell sister," coupled with Ronnie's encouragement of Lola lying to Billy and Peter, as well as egging Phil on to allow her to stay the night at Mitchell Manor, with her child being looked after elsewhere was nothing short of strange.
With Roxy's loyalty in dubious shape now, is Ronnie preparing to envelope Lola in her obsession with control? Note the singularly baby-like way she spoke with Lola, using endearments and speaking to her as if she were a child - much the same as what she does/did with Roxy.
This whole business of Lola was so obviously contrived - now we've got Lola the single and skint mother, yelling OwmIgonnafeedmahkid when she lives with someone who draws a decent wage from being a market gardener. Surely, she could have hit Peter for a loan to buy Lexi some nappies, or - as he indicated last night - Phil? Instead, we're treated to a regressed Lola knicking from the market.
Of course, last night was the night that Roxy discovered Ronnie had killed Carl, and that was pretty creepy too. Rita Simons played a blinder, especially the scene where the show finally addressed the elephant in the room - that Ronnie is sexually attracted to Roxy and wants her all for herself. Simons brought that out beautifully, reminding Ronnie that she had wantonly interfered in every relationship Roxy had had as an adult, and some of those relationships were with perfectly respectable, viable men - Damien, Sean, Alfie ...
At the moment, it appears that the Sugly Blisters are doomed, and I certainly hope that Roxy sticks her guns and shuns Ronnie, instead of forgiving her five minutes down the line.
Arguably, the most memorable scenes were with Phil and Sharon, where Sharon acknowledged why she sought sole directorship of the pub - it's the old trust issue again. She wants something that's exclusively hers in the event that she and Phil split. As I said, the Sharon-and-Phil-Lack-of-Trust-Show goes back two decades. Now, he can't believe he's finally got her, and both are waiting for the other one to throw them under the bus.
Observation: Just how big is the Mitchell house? At one time, it held Shirley, Phil, Ben, Jay, Roxy, Amy, Heather and George. Two per room, that's four bedrooms. As of now, it's housing, Phil, Sharon, Denny, Amy, Jay, Ronnie and Roxy. Amy appears to have her own room. Phil and Sharon obviously share. Does Jay share with Dennis? It was implied that Dennis has his own room. With the sisters sharing, that makes five bedrooms, but I cannot imagine for a moment that Roxy would share with Ronnie.
Yet another Tardis house on the Square.
Feuding, Fussing and Fighting.
Who cares about Cindy? It's difficult to empathise with a prissy little ladyboy who looks and sounds like a spoiled, entitled drama school brat.
The constant sulking, the rudeness to Ian, someone whom she conned into taking her in, the defiance. Someone like that is too immature to even contemplate having a child. As for Honker's assessment of Cindy the Greek being frightened and alone, she's not. She's a wanton little bitch who did exactly what her mother did - sleep with one boy, who got her pregnant, then slept with another, for goodness-knows-why. Her mother did so with Ian, in order to make him believe he'd got her pregnant.
And Liam's ignorant lament about She can't be pregnant, we only did it the once was reminiscent of what happened to Honker after having slept with Martin that one time, when she was crying about an Italian exchange student who'd dumped her. Once was all it took to create the eerily quiet Rebecca, who shouldn't even be there in the first place. And why the hell is Honker so rude to Ian? He is, after all, her husband's closest relative and a relative of her child; yet she continues to speak to Ian as if he were a piece of shit.
The so-called punch thrown between Liam and TJ was an embarrassment. The actor who plays TJ bears an uncanny resemblance to David Scaroboro, who played the original Mark Fowler, but I'm wondering where all the praise for the luglike James Forde is coming from. I realise Lia is supposed to be rather stolid and lumbering like his father, but - Lordy - the actor's monotone delivery is nothing short of comatose. How any girl, even a hirsute quasi hermaprhodite like Cindy the Greek would fall for Liam is beyond my ken.
Also, the whole shouting shabang between Ian and Bianca was awful as well. These two are relations, yet they speak as though they were total strangers. Bianca's double-edged insults about sausage rolls and the like were gross, and how did Ian get to be Cindy's guardian? Presumably, Bev came up with the necessary notarised documents? And David mentions the fact that Ian is his brother.
Ah, David ... yet more retconning, during the ubiquitous talk with Terry, about having no one to talk to when he got that miserable Carol up the duff. David didn't waste time thinking about her pregnancy. He just lied to his dad, Pete Beale, got the 200 knicker and gave it to Carol, who pocketed the cash and sicced her three older brothers on his arse. Derek beat the shit out of him and he left the area, spending the next twenty years thinking that Carol had had an abortion.
I can't buy David-the-father to the increasingly emotionally and intellectually retarded Bianca, not when Patsy Palmer looks as old as Michael French and Lindsey Coulson looks as though she's French's mum. But the scene where he's fighting Bianca to stay in the house was another embarrassment.
Carol's got the BRCA2 gene. It's not a fucking death sentence, and it doesn't mean you have to whack off your boobs our disembowel your ovaries. It means you're monitored, regularly, with scans every three months; but it will probably mean Honker having the gene, lobbing off Pinkie and Perky and her ovaries, which will make offscreen Martin (which equals BAD Martin) reject her and then she can play the butch to Tina's bitch.
So predictable - just like it's so predictable that Ronnie will, most likely, be the person to kill Lucy Beale, although we'll go the better part of the year thinking it's Aleks (or, the numpties will), because this will be Ronnie's trump card in breaking up the incipient couple that will become Roxy and Aleks (Roleks). It's so obvious because of the major impact it will have on two of the Square's most important families - and that doesn't include the Carters.
Predictable episode of EastEnders 2.0, where Ian Beale is treated like a piece of shit and Sharon is relegated to the importance of being Ronnie.
EastEnders is always low when it clashes with Emmerdale. Back in 2005/2006 EastEnders would drop to 3, sometimes 4, million when they went head to head. So for it to only drop to 6 million thesedays is good.
ReplyDeleteShould research ratings if you are going to try and make a point of discussing them. No offence.