Honk - Review:- 05.05.2014

I want to start a campaign. Hell, I want to issue a challenge to everyone who reads this blog.

If you post on a forum, start referring to Sonia as "Honker" because that's what she is and it's what she sounds like.

G'wan (to use a catchphrase of the actress who's soon to play Yvonne Cotton), I dare you. Beat the fanbois at their own self-righteous hypocrisy. From here to eternity, that misshapen lump of adenoidal flesh and furrowed brow will forever be known as "Honker."

Once again, I ask, why the hell is Katie Douglas still stinking up the joint?

Nurse Honker.

Here's a bit of medical information that "Nurse" Honker should know. (Pssssst, most nurses do know this, and not just "oncology" nurses). Here it is: Chemotherapy makes a person sick in order to make them well again. Chemotherapy kills off the bad abnormally growing cells causing the cancer, but it also kills off a lot of the white blood cells which fight infection. This is why cancer patients taking chemo have to be extra careful not to catch colds or chest infections or even cut themselves. This is why they have to take their temperatures daily and report even the slightest increase because that's a sign of incipient infection.

Considering that Carol lives in a house where 3 residents are schoolchildren (schools are rife with cold germs) and one who works in a school, and considering she's been bopping about the cafe, serving people who cough and hack all over their food, plus bullying her way around the Square exerting energy she needn't (because that would lower your resistance even further), Carol was a prime candidate to catch an infection whilst under chemo. 

Yet there goes stupid Honker honking her mouth off at the nurse and blaming her for not realising Carol's condition. Pardon me, but it was up to Carol to advise her primary care resource - starting with her GP - of any increase in temperature. She chose to keep this information to herself, and she suffered for it. Rest assured that this would have been explicitly explained to Carol at the time she began her chemo. At least, she acknowledged responsibility for this.

But, once again, Saint Honker makes this all about her. Oh, her "little girl" could be sitting outside an ICU waiting on Honker's results. Put a LID on it! She harps on about this ad nauseamso much you begin to wonder if she actually wants this to happen so she gets attention. I'm getting totally browned off having to look at Honker's wrinkled browed, sad-eyed, mouth-breathing look of tragedy, which says it's all all about her and sod everyone else. As for her "little girl," when does she ever see her? Its a bank holiday, and yes, her mother is in hospital, but no word about where hairy weird Rebecca is or what she's doing?

I wonder if she killed Lucy.

Go away, Honker. Just go away. I know Bianca has her bad points and they've been thoroughly exaggerated her vilest points, now that she's leaving, but on a good day, Bianca is a million miles better a character than that awful, self-righteous, self-absorbed Honker.

Here's something I find inordinately hilarious. The Honker everyone found so labouriously hateful, smug, self-obsessed and self-righteous last time around is the Honker everyone is tolerating now.

He's Just Not That into You, Carol.

Sorry, Carol, but the truth is almost out. David's just not that into you. Oh, you were fine for comfort sex, after the initial bunk-up in back of the bikesheds, which produced Bianca, and the odd slap and tickle when the chips were down - such as when all of Walford and their dog (including your mother, your aunt and your brother) was shunning you for having broken up your brother's marriage or when your old mum died - and you're now fine for some pity sex, after you've moved in for a roof over your head and to play Grandaddy Cool for the grandkids; but Carol's beginning to remember what she hopes David isn't going to say - that he doesn't do commitment.

Yes, David's scared, but not for the reasons Carol thinks. David's scared that he's being sucked into a situation with which he's emotionally incapable of handling. Seeing Carol ill reminds him of her mortality, and the last thing he needed was her charging him with keeping the family together in the event of her death. David compartmentalises his life - he can deal with commitment up to a point, but when it starts impeding on his personal space, then he's out of there or looking elsewhere. If he can drive away, leaving his fifteen year-old mentally ill son crying after him in the rain, he can cheat on his sick partner.

It's only a matter of time before he finds his way to Nikki Spraggan.

The worst day's work anyone ever did was retcon the Carol-and-David bunk-up into something it wasn't. Truth is, it was a one-off behind the bikesheds between two horny teenagers. Carol was a teenaged kappaslappa who handed it out on a plate, and even today, she's one of the most promiscuous women on the Square. She's certainly not a role model to hold before young girls, and the ultimate truth is, whoever happens to be with Carol at this moment in time is "the one."

If Dan Sullivan had been hanging around that hospital, Carol would have given the same maudlin speech to him. Or Eddie Moon. Or Masood.

David had been avoiding visiting her all day, until he had to do so, and the single worst thing she could have done is commit her family to him.

Domesticating David Wicks has been a bad, bad move. Leopards don't change their spots, and David doesn't do commitment.

Gurn Gurn Gurn.

She's B-A-A-A-C-K!

THE. WORST. ACTRESS. EVER. TO. 

APPEAR. IN. EASTENDERS.

Just when you thought she was improving, eh? Well, she's not, nor is her insipid character.

 I knew the gurning girl couldn't keep a lid on it for a long time. Lauren's back with the funny faces and the silly voices, affronted that the whole of Walford is going about its business and not in the deepest mourning for Lucy Beale. The idea of Lauren going back into the letting business where she'd worked for only two weeks with no previous experience is laughable beyond belief. Would you rent a property from someone like that? Of course, you wouldn't.

The shit it going to hit the fan when everyone finds out that Max and Lucy were having it off. At least we got to see the CCTV scenes of a bad imitation of a scene from filme noir of a man getting binned by a woman who had that loping, preening walk of a catwalk model. As Cora says, life goes on. I wonder how many people in Walford actually liked Lucy, and thinking back to her "memorial" arranged by Lola, I wonder if Peter knows that Lucy called the police on Lola when she was pregnant with Lexi and got her arrested and tagged, fro vandalising Max's car lot with oil from the chippie, which she stole after Lucy sacked her?

And just to refresh Lauren's memory, Lucy was the friend with whom she passed Joey here and about. I'm surprised the two of them, and Whitney, aren't - to use Ian Beale's words - walking STDs. Lucy was the one who pressed criminal charges, before being charmed out of doing so by Big Daddy Max, when Lauren assaulted her and criminally vandalised the caff.

Do me a favour.

Granny Goodwitch the Thief.

Granny Goodwitch Cora and her widdle repulsive racial stereotype DexTAAAA are about to be made homeless. Feckless DexTAAAA could give a rat's arse, because all he's worried about is getting a flat with Jay and a 60-inch flatscreen television. Size matters,so I guess that means DexTAAAA isn't amply endowed. But if this little turd has enough money to indulge in a luxury like a 60-inch screen, he can loan his grandmother the dough for a deposit.

I actually do feel sorry for Cora. I know her situation is largely her own fault, but Patrick did invite her to stay, and I thought it pretty low that Tanya wouldn't loan money to her own mother or even invite her to stay. Instead, she suggested Cora ask Max for a loan. Hello? Max owes Cora nothing. She's not even his mother-in-law anymore, but then that's Tanya the Selfish through and through.

That Stink.

I like the Carters, but I have two concerns - is that all they expect of Nancy, just to pull pints in their pub? One brother is in the army, and the other is supposed to be a law student and working in another pub. Why doesn't she have another job? If this is to do with her epilepsy, she can have a fit in the pub as well as anywhere; she may not have passed muster with the army, but she could teach PE. Instead, she's twenty-one and working for her family at the pub. Please don't pair her with the awful Dexter. He's another dead weight that should go.

And there was Queen Shirley shouting the odds tonight. Nancy is right - Shirley came from nowhere, destroyed Mick's previous business, stole from him and emotionally blackmailed him into making her landlady of the pub, and Nancy is treated like a bloody skivvy. And there was Queen Shirley, propping up the bar whilst Mick, Shirley and Linda (who's been dreadfully sidelined at the expense of Queen Shirley that she's virtually non-existent) work. And Queen Shirley commands that they have a party to organise for the Court Jester.

Shirley and Tina stink up the Carter dynamic. I wish they'd bugger off too.

I liked the connection between Stan and Cora.

Typical Katie Doublas tripe. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ...