I gave that episode 8 out of 10, chiefly because of Daran Little's script and the brilliant discovery scene between Ian and Nick Cotton. Who says EastEnders can't do comedy? Listen, Little cut his teeth on Corrie, and that one scene at the end between Nick and Ian reeked of a Corrie Norris Cole moment, but it worked.
Sorry, add to that the Lauren moment. Now that she's getting ready to depart, the character is being brought to another level. I just hope they don't reunite her with Peter.
Still, even though I found the episode good and well worth the watch, I still found myself getting angrier and angrier about certain characters about whom I can't invest and whom I couldn't like in a million years and whom I feel are somewhat forced upon us or who are presented in such a way as to make the viewer think they should invest sympathy in them. I'm sorry, I don't apportion my sympathy to the entitled, the enablers and the bullies.
Ah, yes ... that was the theme of Thursday's episode.
The Neighbourhood Bully: Tina and Tosh - Let's Get Physical. Yes, I know. Tosh is a violent control freak. And jealous. And insecure. And, yes, most probably her problems lay with her parents and their treatment of her. The way a person is raised says a lot about them.
No one should suffer at the receiving end of domestic violence, and The Court Jester is right to bow out of the relationship, but there were some powerful home truths exchanged between Tina and Tosh tonight. First of all, their very existence as a couple was doomed from the start. Tosh was accurate in saying that Tina pushed the right buttons which provoked a violent reaction on Tosh's part. She was also right in accusing Tina of cheating on her with Sonia, because that's exactly what Tina did and proceeded to lie about it. Even now, she's denying cheating on her, but she did. Not once, but twice. And the reaction from Tina to Bianca's veiled threat echoing Sonia's lesbian past led the viewer to have every belief that Tina thought she was in with a chance of winning Sonia. Add to that the fact that Tina also surreptitiously manipulated Sonia into further disparaging Martin, even going so far,when Martin arrived back in Walford, of interposing herself into the couple's dynamic as if she felt Martin some kind of threat. Both women admitted to having hit each other at times, and that isn't the cornerstone of a healthy relationship.
Nor is having a child, for the reason Tosh wants to do so. Tosh's family have essentially disowned her because of her lifestyle. She wants a child because she feels a child would be the sort to give her unconditional love, but from the brief glimpse we got of Tosh babysitting Amy, that would be a recipe for disaster. Tosh would love her child, but her controlling nature would take over, and even though she said she would never strike a child tonight, her fuse is short, and once the child started exhibiting individualism or not adhering to Tosh's rigid code of behaviour, the fists would fly.
It was also true what Tosh said about the Carters encouraging Tina's inane childlike behaviour. Tina was a feckless mother who ignored her child. Where were the Carters to pick up the pieces of Zsa Zsa? Instead, they thought of Tina's puerile behaviour as eccentric and cute.
Let me be clear, in case I haven't been so before: I don't like either Tina or Tosh, but I was impressed with Tina's reaction to events tonight. She was beaten to a pulp, she was sore, and she was physically and emotionally hurting, yet she dealt with Tosh in a far more understanding, compassionate and non-judgemental way than her putrid family ever thought to have done. The Carter answer to dealing with Tosh - at least as far as Mr Passive-Aggressive, the Queen of Mean and Shirley Queen of Scrotes were concerned - is to deal her a taste of her own medicine - in short, beat her up.
Yeah, like meeting violence with violence is OK. Not. Magic Mick was too much of a gentleman to hit a woman, but he wasn't above letting Shirley do the honours, and whilst this unfettered response might have made them feel good, it really didn't make them any better than Tosh, herself. They lowered themselves to her level and without the psychological trauma behind the reason Tosh lashes out.
Mind you, that doesn't excuse Tosh's behaviour, but at least Tina was - surprisingly - mature enough to confront her and urge her to seek help, correctly analysing, in a pop psychology way, that Tosh's behavioural problems lay in her parents' treatment of her. It was surprisingly deft that Tina suggested she seek out her parents and clear the air with them, then seek help for her emotional and psychological situation. Then Tina removed herself from the equation, but not before she emphasised to Tosh how much she loved and cared about her, which is why she was doing what she did - out of concern for Tosh and self-preservation for herself.
Like Lauren this week, Tina moved onto another level, and in doing so, she made her family look peevish, chavvy, common and small. Of course, she could have gone to the police, even, ironically, as Babe the Queen of Mean reminded them that lashing out and beating Tosh might bring the police into the situation as well.
Tosh is a bully, but the way the Carters reacted - and en masse - was typical of the worst sort of bullies.
The only stinker part of this storyline was the ever present Sonia, whose emotional range ran the gamut from open-mouthed, bewildered concern to that awful pose she assumes when she wants to appear to be the noble hero - the chin tilted upwards and out, the eyes gazing tragically into the distance, as she cradled Tina and kissed her forehead tenderly.
Puke. Puke. Puke, Pukity. Puke. Puke. Puke.
I could almost have liked Tina tonight, had it not been for Sonia being part of the equation.
Do yer fink I should go wiv yer to see her?
No, Sonia, but as the educated professional you're supposed to be, I think you should seriously think about evening classes in grammar and elocution.
Tina stood out in that storyline, far above the emotionally-insecure bully who is Tosh and the out and outright bullies who make up the Carter Conundrum.
The Neighbourhood Bully: Mr Passive-Aggressive and His Minions. The Carter group hug was cringeworthy.
Now that Tina has left Tosh, why are she and Shirley even living in the home that should be Mick's and Linda's? This couple have retained their child-like and childish attitudes because they've never lived as adults, rulers of their own domestic domain, in all of their lives. Mick went, a child-father, himself, from Stan's domain to live with Linda and her mother, where - make no mistake - Elaine ruled the roost. Now, they've got a home and business of their own, and Shirley Queen of Scrotes and The Court Jester Auntie have to take up residence.
There's no need for either Shirley or Tina to live there. They could rent a flat together. Now, there's the situation of Tina on the couch and Nancy sharing a room with Shirley.
Eeeeeuuuuuuw! Can you imagine being Nancy trying to sleep of a night when Shirl's been heavy on the booze - the stench of alcohol, vomit, and farting?
I was having a nice cup of tea when I was watching the initial scene between Mick and Tina on the couch. I almost spewed my brew when Mick started calling Tosh a controlling bully, waxing lyrical about how bullies got off on control ... Enter Linda, on the tail end of that conversation - abso-bloody-lutely brilliant timing and writing of that scene on the part of Daran Little.
There are seven different shades of bullies. Tosh is one sort. Shirley is another, and Magic Mick is the third and worst type - a passive-aggressive, emotional blackmailer. And he is very into control. Based on the spoilers released today about his Peggy-and-the-baseball-bat moment coming up Christmas, I'd say Johnny was right when he was euphemistic when he assured Mick that Mick didn't force them to do things, they just "didn't want to let him down."
Well, there's another reason for it.
My heart went out to Linda tonight. She has her reasons for keeping schtum about the rape, and that's wrong. Once again, this is an incident which should have been reported immediately it happened to the police, and they should have been allowed to deal with this, family member or not. The vigilante justice and wanton destruction that's about to ensue as a result of this serves no purpose except sensationalism, and after the fact, there will always be a grain of doubt in Magic Mick's mind that Linda's baby isn't his.
Linda had made her mind up, and I thought she was right to attend the clinic on her own. In fact, when she arrived, her reticent reason for the termination, in the scene with the counsellor, was beautifully and tragically eloquent.
Something happened, and I just want rid of it. I can't have it. I want it out of me and over!
It was Blanche DuBois in A Streetcar Named Desire who, in her madness, ultimately had to depend on the kindness of strangers, and this is as close as Linda came to admitting, to a stranger, that she was raped. The "something happened" euphemism wasn't lost on the counsellor. She knew exactly what Linda meant, and she didn't judge; and Linda was adamant, and truthful, forcefully so, about why she could not have this baby.
Then Mr Passive-Aggressive showed up.
I just wanna be'ere wiv ya.
Yep. Just sit there and say nothing, Mick. Just hold her hand, toy with your phony wedding ring and look at her sadly, just enough to well the guilt up as she walks into the room for the termination. Give the girl something to think about as what you think is your baby and may very well not be is being suctioned from her insides. And just think of the godalmighty guilt trip - the silent shunning, the poked-out lower lip, the tear-filled eyes - that you'd lay on her, had she gone through with this procedure - not to mention your ultimate confession to your sibling-mother about this.
Linda got rid of our bay-beee, Shirl. She didn't want it. (Cue sobs and enough ammunition to give a woman who systematically abandoned all of her children, including a disabled child, to take the moral high groound, and the next thing you'd see was Shirley grinding Linda's head against the bar of the Vic.)
Because that's what the Carters do, innit?
But Mr Passive-Aggressive achieved mission accomplished. No sooner than Linda had gone into the room than she came out, pregnancy intact. Mick got what he wanted, and his final pronouncement of the situation was creepily foreshadowing.
The next 18 years are going to be great.
Which means it's going to be anything but, especially if Sprog Carter turns out to be Dean's boy or girl. Why am I suddenly reminded of a classic Bette Davis moment?
Of course, the brilliance of DTC, aided by Daran Little, was also achieved by a prop as tiny and insignificant as Sonia's misplaced watch. Tosh's final scene had her shove the offending article into Tina's palm and advise her to give Sonia's watch back to her. (Gee, you'd think Sonia would have missed her watch by now, but she's been too busy feeling sorry for herself and blaming Martin). Shirley Queen of Scrotes remembers Babe the Queen of Mean telling Tosh that this wasn't Sonia's watch, but Tosh actually manages to convince Shirley that she didn't, which then makes Detective Shirl realise that Babe had actually set Tina up to get the shit beaten out of her by Tosh.
In a New York minute, Shirley and Mick are off down the Yellow Brick Road - well, probably the Old Kent one - desperate to confront the now-hidden Babe. Entering Babe's house, which once was a flat until it grew, they hear some weird old-fashioned music that suddenly stops.
Well, you know who they find.
Sylvie.
Another Carter. Another Carter duff-duff. Three generations of bullies in that scene.
The Neighbourhood Bully: Old Nick. John Altman and Pauline McLynn were a comic diversion tonight in an otherwise angering and disturbing EastEnders. It was a hoot of a farce.
Of course, Nick Cotton is theoriginal bullyboi of the show. Fed up with being held prisoner, Nick escapes his house arrest, followed desperately by Yvonne. John Altman's treating this stint as a realtour de force. He's loving it, and I'll bet the viewers are as well, especially those of us who've known Nick from the getgo.
The dialogue between him and Yvonne was hilarious, although I have a hard time believing that Nick and Yvonne were seeing each other in the late Seventies when Grease was the rage or that they had known each other that long before they married and had Charlie. Her lines were as good as his - My mother told me never to trust a boy on a bike - double entendre much?
Their slink through the market - lucky for Nick that there aren't too many people about now who'd recognise him - including their brief encounter with Masood was a treat, especially Nick "nicking" the phony string of pearls for Yvonne.
'Ere, I gotcher somefink.
You STOLE it!
The obvious ploy of this storyline was Ian Beale spotting Nick, in one of the funniest scenes to date. Ian has problems enough of his own, and he steps outside for a brief moment to spy a familiar figure legging it to Dot's and wearing a leather coat. Ian jogging and juggling after a sprinting Nick right up to Dot's doorstep was great, especially when he called out ~Cotton!~ and Nick turned to pull him inside.
This was a real Norris Cole moment and excellent light relief.
The Neighbourhood Bully: The Bullies Beale. Please, can either Carol or Sharon smack the living shit out of Jane? The way she makes a living out of parading around the Beale dynamic, looking self-satisfied and appointing herself the arbiter of judging Ian's behaviour is wrong, wrong, wrong.
She has her head so far up her arse that she's even more insufferable than normal. What the feck does she actually do? I mean, how does she sustain herself financially? We've seen her swanning about the Square, dispensing unsolicited wisdom and even presuming to take a turn on the Beale veg stall.
God, I wanted to punch the screen when she returned to the Beale home and started shouting the odds to Ian. Both she and that insignificant, rude and totally despicable little bitch Cindy should just slither off and leave well enough alone. Is Jane so smug and supercilious that she cannot see Ian is hurting? Ian's not a perfect man, but his world has been turned upside down by his daughter's death and the knowledge that his son, her twin, enabled her drug addiction. Disappointment and insecurity are what Ian's feeling at the moment, and despair. And he's striving to do all he can to prevent slipping down the slope into mental illness again - struggling to fit in with what's normal and what he should be doing.
It's Christmas so he wants a tree. There's a child in the house again, Bobby, and he wants what's normal at this time of year for him; but there's Jane, not only bringing Bobby into the difficulties that exist between Peter and Ian - something a child cannot understand or fathom - but harping on and on at Ian as if he's the villain of the piece. Talk to Peter, talk to Peter ... I wanted him to scream at her and run her from the house.
Jane may not realise it, but sometimes the people you love can disappoint you to such an extent that you need time away from confronting them in order to accept and cope with the awful truth. At the moment, Ian doesn't want to speak to Peter. He doesn't even want to see him. He's that angry, that emotional and that insecure with the situation. The Queen of Bovine can't know, because she was away pursuing her high-flying career, that the one thing that triggered Ian's last mental breakdown was finding out that Ben had killed Heather and being sworn to secrecy over this. Now he's found out that, not only was his daughter an addict, rather than dabbling in the occasional hit of cocaine, her twin brother was providing her with the drug, in a misguided attempt to "control" her addiction, and now Ian wonders if he may have been indirectly responsible for Lucy's death, as well as blaming himself for the way his children have turned out.
Jane had some bloody nerve tonight, and Peter needs to grow a pair, grow up and take responsibility for his actions. He's throwing a massive pity party for himself, and he's another one who's painting himself as a victim. He spoke to Ian like a piece of shit, and now he's whining and wondering if Ian doesn't love him anymore? Pay the piper and dance to the music, sunshine. After that performance, he's still wondering why Ian didn't show up to his widdle birfday party.
Jane's not-so-sound piece of advice? Oh, Ian still loved Peter, but everybody knows that Ian is always wrong. Besides, it didn't matter so much that Ian wasn't there. Peter's friends were there. Really? Johnny Carter, who's barely spoken to him? Tamwar? Abi and Ben? With friends like that, who needs enemies?
Then Jane strides back into the Beale home and starts shouting the odds to Ian about how bad he is, how Peter's on drugs and how Ian - Ian! is breaking that family apart.
Bravo, Ian! He handed her her arse. Jane can swan off to wherever, but only decides to start calling the Beales her family when it's on the point of imploding. One niggling criticism - I'd have had Ian remind the bitch that his family ceased to have anything to do with her when she signed the divorce papers and left Walford calling herself Jane Clark. Besides, the teenaged mother, who so sullenly had to go tend to the child she clearly cannot abide, is also nothing to do with Ian. Lucy was a cokehead, and Peter was not only her enabler, he had to sample the ware, himself. Is it any wonder that Ian is worried how Bobby will turn out? Where the feck was Jane when Lucy was holding the fort for Bobby when Ian went walkabout? Not in Walford, and this is the same Jane who smugly told Peter not to bother her with Ian's problems anymore, bother Denise instead ... and that went down so well, didn't it? She walked away and came back to undermine, interfere and maliciously intrude.
And bravo Lauren! Peter is so obtuse that he doesn't understand either that what he's done is not only wrong, but stupid, and why Lauren wants nothing to do with him. Peter's stupidity and self-pity are stuff of the arrogant and entitled.
Good Daran Little episode.
Sorry, add to that the Lauren moment. Now that she's getting ready to depart, the character is being brought to another level. I just hope they don't reunite her with Peter.
Still, even though I found the episode good and well worth the watch, I still found myself getting angrier and angrier about certain characters about whom I can't invest and whom I couldn't like in a million years and whom I feel are somewhat forced upon us or who are presented in such a way as to make the viewer think they should invest sympathy in them. I'm sorry, I don't apportion my sympathy to the entitled, the enablers and the bullies.
Ah, yes ... that was the theme of Thursday's episode.
The Neighbourhood Bully: Tina and Tosh - Let's Get Physical. Yes, I know. Tosh is a violent control freak. And jealous. And insecure. And, yes, most probably her problems lay with her parents and their treatment of her. The way a person is raised says a lot about them.
No one should suffer at the receiving end of domestic violence, and The Court Jester is right to bow out of the relationship, but there were some powerful home truths exchanged between Tina and Tosh tonight. First of all, their very existence as a couple was doomed from the start. Tosh was accurate in saying that Tina pushed the right buttons which provoked a violent reaction on Tosh's part. She was also right in accusing Tina of cheating on her with Sonia, because that's exactly what Tina did and proceeded to lie about it. Even now, she's denying cheating on her, but she did. Not once, but twice. And the reaction from Tina to Bianca's veiled threat echoing Sonia's lesbian past led the viewer to have every belief that Tina thought she was in with a chance of winning Sonia. Add to that the fact that Tina also surreptitiously manipulated Sonia into further disparaging Martin, even going so far,when Martin arrived back in Walford, of interposing herself into the couple's dynamic as if she felt Martin some kind of threat. Both women admitted to having hit each other at times, and that isn't the cornerstone of a healthy relationship.
Nor is having a child, for the reason Tosh wants to do so. Tosh's family have essentially disowned her because of her lifestyle. She wants a child because she feels a child would be the sort to give her unconditional love, but from the brief glimpse we got of Tosh babysitting Amy, that would be a recipe for disaster. Tosh would love her child, but her controlling nature would take over, and even though she said she would never strike a child tonight, her fuse is short, and once the child started exhibiting individualism or not adhering to Tosh's rigid code of behaviour, the fists would fly.
It was also true what Tosh said about the Carters encouraging Tina's inane childlike behaviour. Tina was a feckless mother who ignored her child. Where were the Carters to pick up the pieces of Zsa Zsa? Instead, they thought of Tina's puerile behaviour as eccentric and cute.
Let me be clear, in case I haven't been so before: I don't like either Tina or Tosh, but I was impressed with Tina's reaction to events tonight. She was beaten to a pulp, she was sore, and she was physically and emotionally hurting, yet she dealt with Tosh in a far more understanding, compassionate and non-judgemental way than her putrid family ever thought to have done. The Carter answer to dealing with Tosh - at least as far as Mr Passive-Aggressive, the Queen of Mean and Shirley Queen of Scrotes were concerned - is to deal her a taste of her own medicine - in short, beat her up.
Yeah, like meeting violence with violence is OK. Not. Magic Mick was too much of a gentleman to hit a woman, but he wasn't above letting Shirley do the honours, and whilst this unfettered response might have made them feel good, it really didn't make them any better than Tosh, herself. They lowered themselves to her level and without the psychological trauma behind the reason Tosh lashes out.
Mind you, that doesn't excuse Tosh's behaviour, but at least Tina was - surprisingly - mature enough to confront her and urge her to seek help, correctly analysing, in a pop psychology way, that Tosh's behavioural problems lay in her parents' treatment of her. It was surprisingly deft that Tina suggested she seek out her parents and clear the air with them, then seek help for her emotional and psychological situation. Then Tina removed herself from the equation, but not before she emphasised to Tosh how much she loved and cared about her, which is why she was doing what she did - out of concern for Tosh and self-preservation for herself.
Like Lauren this week, Tina moved onto another level, and in doing so, she made her family look peevish, chavvy, common and small. Of course, she could have gone to the police, even, ironically, as Babe the Queen of Mean reminded them that lashing out and beating Tosh might bring the police into the situation as well.
Tosh is a bully, but the way the Carters reacted - and en masse - was typical of the worst sort of bullies.
The only stinker part of this storyline was the ever present Sonia, whose emotional range ran the gamut from open-mouthed, bewildered concern to that awful pose she assumes when she wants to appear to be the noble hero - the chin tilted upwards and out, the eyes gazing tragically into the distance, as she cradled Tina and kissed her forehead tenderly.
Puke. Puke. Puke, Pukity. Puke. Puke. Puke.
I could almost have liked Tina tonight, had it not been for Sonia being part of the equation.
Do yer fink I should go wiv yer to see her?
No, Sonia, but as the educated professional you're supposed to be, I think you should seriously think about evening classes in grammar and elocution.
Tina stood out in that storyline, far above the emotionally-insecure bully who is Tosh and the out and outright bullies who make up the Carter Conundrum.
The Neighbourhood Bully: Mr Passive-Aggressive and His Minions. The Carter group hug was cringeworthy.
Now that Tina has left Tosh, why are she and Shirley even living in the home that should be Mick's and Linda's? This couple have retained their child-like and childish attitudes because they've never lived as adults, rulers of their own domestic domain, in all of their lives. Mick went, a child-father, himself, from Stan's domain to live with Linda and her mother, where - make no mistake - Elaine ruled the roost. Now, they've got a home and business of their own, and Shirley Queen of Scrotes and The Court Jester Auntie have to take up residence.
There's no need for either Shirley or Tina to live there. They could rent a flat together. Now, there's the situation of Tina on the couch and Nancy sharing a room with Shirley.
Eeeeeuuuuuuw! Can you imagine being Nancy trying to sleep of a night when Shirl's been heavy on the booze - the stench of alcohol, vomit, and farting?
I was having a nice cup of tea when I was watching the initial scene between Mick and Tina on the couch. I almost spewed my brew when Mick started calling Tosh a controlling bully, waxing lyrical about how bullies got off on control ... Enter Linda, on the tail end of that conversation - abso-bloody-lutely brilliant timing and writing of that scene on the part of Daran Little.
There are seven different shades of bullies. Tosh is one sort. Shirley is another, and Magic Mick is the third and worst type - a passive-aggressive, emotional blackmailer. And he is very into control. Based on the spoilers released today about his Peggy-and-the-baseball-bat moment coming up Christmas, I'd say Johnny was right when he was euphemistic when he assured Mick that Mick didn't force them to do things, they just "didn't want to let him down."
Well, there's another reason for it.
My heart went out to Linda tonight. She has her reasons for keeping schtum about the rape, and that's wrong. Once again, this is an incident which should have been reported immediately it happened to the police, and they should have been allowed to deal with this, family member or not. The vigilante justice and wanton destruction that's about to ensue as a result of this serves no purpose except sensationalism, and after the fact, there will always be a grain of doubt in Magic Mick's mind that Linda's baby isn't his.
Linda had made her mind up, and I thought she was right to attend the clinic on her own. In fact, when she arrived, her reticent reason for the termination, in the scene with the counsellor, was beautifully and tragically eloquent.
Something happened, and I just want rid of it. I can't have it. I want it out of me and over!
It was Blanche DuBois in A Streetcar Named Desire who, in her madness, ultimately had to depend on the kindness of strangers, and this is as close as Linda came to admitting, to a stranger, that she was raped. The "something happened" euphemism wasn't lost on the counsellor. She knew exactly what Linda meant, and she didn't judge; and Linda was adamant, and truthful, forcefully so, about why she could not have this baby.
Then Mr Passive-Aggressive showed up.
I just wanna be'ere wiv ya.
Yep. Just sit there and say nothing, Mick. Just hold her hand, toy with your phony wedding ring and look at her sadly, just enough to well the guilt up as she walks into the room for the termination. Give the girl something to think about as what you think is your baby and may very well not be is being suctioned from her insides. And just think of the godalmighty guilt trip - the silent shunning, the poked-out lower lip, the tear-filled eyes - that you'd lay on her, had she gone through with this procedure - not to mention your ultimate confession to your sibling-mother about this.
Linda got rid of our bay-beee, Shirl. She didn't want it. (Cue sobs and enough ammunition to give a woman who systematically abandoned all of her children, including a disabled child, to take the moral high groound, and the next thing you'd see was Shirley grinding Linda's head against the bar of the Vic.)
Because that's what the Carters do, innit?
But Mr Passive-Aggressive achieved mission accomplished. No sooner than Linda had gone into the room than she came out, pregnancy intact. Mick got what he wanted, and his final pronouncement of the situation was creepily foreshadowing.
The next 18 years are going to be great.
Which means it's going to be anything but, especially if Sprog Carter turns out to be Dean's boy or girl. Why am I suddenly reminded of a classic Bette Davis moment?
Of course, the brilliance of DTC, aided by Daran Little, was also achieved by a prop as tiny and insignificant as Sonia's misplaced watch. Tosh's final scene had her shove the offending article into Tina's palm and advise her to give Sonia's watch back to her. (Gee, you'd think Sonia would have missed her watch by now, but she's been too busy feeling sorry for herself and blaming Martin). Shirley Queen of Scrotes remembers Babe the Queen of Mean telling Tosh that this wasn't Sonia's watch, but Tosh actually manages to convince Shirley that she didn't, which then makes Detective Shirl realise that Babe had actually set Tina up to get the shit beaten out of her by Tosh.
In a New York minute, Shirley and Mick are off down the Yellow Brick Road - well, probably the Old Kent one - desperate to confront the now-hidden Babe. Entering Babe's house, which once was a flat until it grew, they hear some weird old-fashioned music that suddenly stops.
Well, you know who they find.
Sylvie.
Another Carter. Another Carter duff-duff. Three generations of bullies in that scene.
The Neighbourhood Bully: Old Nick. John Altman and Pauline McLynn were a comic diversion tonight in an otherwise angering and disturbing EastEnders. It was a hoot of a farce.
Of course, Nick Cotton is theoriginal bullyboi of the show. Fed up with being held prisoner, Nick escapes his house arrest, followed desperately by Yvonne. John Altman's treating this stint as a realtour de force. He's loving it, and I'll bet the viewers are as well, especially those of us who've known Nick from the getgo.
The dialogue between him and Yvonne was hilarious, although I have a hard time believing that Nick and Yvonne were seeing each other in the late Seventies when Grease was the rage or that they had known each other that long before they married and had Charlie. Her lines were as good as his - My mother told me never to trust a boy on a bike - double entendre much?
Their slink through the market - lucky for Nick that there aren't too many people about now who'd recognise him - including their brief encounter with Masood was a treat, especially Nick "nicking" the phony string of pearls for Yvonne.
'Ere, I gotcher somefink.
You STOLE it!
The obvious ploy of this storyline was Ian Beale spotting Nick, in one of the funniest scenes to date. Ian has problems enough of his own, and he steps outside for a brief moment to spy a familiar figure legging it to Dot's and wearing a leather coat. Ian jogging and juggling after a sprinting Nick right up to Dot's doorstep was great, especially when he called out ~Cotton!~ and Nick turned to pull him inside.
This was a real Norris Cole moment and excellent light relief.
The Neighbourhood Bully: The Bullies Beale. Please, can either Carol or Sharon smack the living shit out of Jane? The way she makes a living out of parading around the Beale dynamic, looking self-satisfied and appointing herself the arbiter of judging Ian's behaviour is wrong, wrong, wrong.
She has her head so far up her arse that she's even more insufferable than normal. What the feck does she actually do? I mean, how does she sustain herself financially? We've seen her swanning about the Square, dispensing unsolicited wisdom and even presuming to take a turn on the Beale veg stall.
God, I wanted to punch the screen when she returned to the Beale home and started shouting the odds to Ian. Both she and that insignificant, rude and totally despicable little bitch Cindy should just slither off and leave well enough alone. Is Jane so smug and supercilious that she cannot see Ian is hurting? Ian's not a perfect man, but his world has been turned upside down by his daughter's death and the knowledge that his son, her twin, enabled her drug addiction. Disappointment and insecurity are what Ian's feeling at the moment, and despair. And he's striving to do all he can to prevent slipping down the slope into mental illness again - struggling to fit in with what's normal and what he should be doing.
It's Christmas so he wants a tree. There's a child in the house again, Bobby, and he wants what's normal at this time of year for him; but there's Jane, not only bringing Bobby into the difficulties that exist between Peter and Ian - something a child cannot understand or fathom - but harping on and on at Ian as if he's the villain of the piece. Talk to Peter, talk to Peter ... I wanted him to scream at her and run her from the house.
Jane may not realise it, but sometimes the people you love can disappoint you to such an extent that you need time away from confronting them in order to accept and cope with the awful truth. At the moment, Ian doesn't want to speak to Peter. He doesn't even want to see him. He's that angry, that emotional and that insecure with the situation. The Queen of Bovine can't know, because she was away pursuing her high-flying career, that the one thing that triggered Ian's last mental breakdown was finding out that Ben had killed Heather and being sworn to secrecy over this. Now he's found out that, not only was his daughter an addict, rather than dabbling in the occasional hit of cocaine, her twin brother was providing her with the drug, in a misguided attempt to "control" her addiction, and now Ian wonders if he may have been indirectly responsible for Lucy's death, as well as blaming himself for the way his children have turned out.
Jane had some bloody nerve tonight, and Peter needs to grow a pair, grow up and take responsibility for his actions. He's throwing a massive pity party for himself, and he's another one who's painting himself as a victim. He spoke to Ian like a piece of shit, and now he's whining and wondering if Ian doesn't love him anymore? Pay the piper and dance to the music, sunshine. After that performance, he's still wondering why Ian didn't show up to his widdle birfday party.
Jane's not-so-sound piece of advice? Oh, Ian still loved Peter, but everybody knows that Ian is always wrong. Besides, it didn't matter so much that Ian wasn't there. Peter's friends were there. Really? Johnny Carter, who's barely spoken to him? Tamwar? Abi and Ben? With friends like that, who needs enemies?
Then Jane strides back into the Beale home and starts shouting the odds to Ian about how bad he is, how Peter's on drugs and how Ian - Ian! is breaking that family apart.
Bravo, Ian! He handed her her arse. Jane can swan off to wherever, but only decides to start calling the Beales her family when it's on the point of imploding. One niggling criticism - I'd have had Ian remind the bitch that his family ceased to have anything to do with her when she signed the divorce papers and left Walford calling herself Jane Clark. Besides, the teenaged mother, who so sullenly had to go tend to the child she clearly cannot abide, is also nothing to do with Ian. Lucy was a cokehead, and Peter was not only her enabler, he had to sample the ware, himself. Is it any wonder that Ian is worried how Bobby will turn out? Where the feck was Jane when Lucy was holding the fort for Bobby when Ian went walkabout? Not in Walford, and this is the same Jane who smugly told Peter not to bother her with Ian's problems anymore, bother Denise instead ... and that went down so well, didn't it? She walked away and came back to undermine, interfere and maliciously intrude.
And bravo Lauren! Peter is so obtuse that he doesn't understand either that what he's done is not only wrong, but stupid, and why Lauren wants nothing to do with him. Peter's stupidity and self-pity are stuff of the arrogant and entitled.
Good Daran Little episode.
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