Hands up, all of you who are happy in your chosen profession? Have hours suitable to your needs? Enough holiday time? Paid enough?
Now, hands up, all of you who are doing what you're doing because of the wage you get. How many of you are debt collectors? How many work for bailiffs? How many are traffic wardens? How many of you don't give a rat's arse that your profession may exploit others, you just do it because it pays well. If something that paid better came along, even if it were shoveling shit, you'd do it for the money.
In a recent interview, Danny DIRE explained that the reason he took the job this time on EastEnders was the dosh. He's in financial trouble and needs bailing out. No problem there, because EastEnders has a "charitable" habit of bailing out flailing stars by giving them a role in the soap. Shane Richie, in 2002, owed the taxman a cool million, and Jamie Foreman was paying a plethora of back-dated child maintenance.
But before she left the show, Jo Joyner said it would have been easy to stay because of the regular wage and job security. Many of the actors are loathe to leave, because their ample salaries pay for the school fees, the au pairs, the luxury holidays etc. And there ain't no "The Bill" anymore.
The young and inexperienced actors aside - because they think they actually have talent and are too cool for school - the more experienced variety must be able to discern exactly what a load of rubbish the scripts and storylines are. They simply must.
Yet they're happy to collude that this is a functioning soap opera and continue to churn out what is essentially nothing more than shit for the birds, as long as they get paid with the licence fee payers' money.
There are even some who've grown up in family environments where it was perfectly normal to rob from the tax payer to fund a luxury lifestyle, and then take the stealth tax a citizen has to pay in order to have a television, and push forward tripe as entertainment ... mentioning no names ...
Yes, it's a job,and for some, like Jake Wood, it's a second job which allows you three months off annually to fly to the States to do your real job of pretending to be a lizard ...
Nice work, if you can get it - especially if you haven't got the talent it takes.
This was a shit episode, but then Hollyoaks boy, Jesse O'Mahoney wrote it.
Fagin as Mr Mum.
Nurse Ratchit, AKA Mrs B, my old nemesis from Walford Web Bullyboi Emporium, a person who gets my utmost respect for her views, even though they may be divergent from my own, aptly described David's undue attention to Tiffany, including her as a useful tool in his scams, as similar to the dynamic affected by Ryan and Tatum O'Neal in the 1970s film Paper Moon ...
Remind you of an American version of Tiffany?
Ever since he's come back, David's fanagled a place at Carol's, not because he necessarily loves her - a bunk-up behind the bike sheds is not the stuff of Romeo and Juliet - but because the house was his mother's, it's free accommodation and his retarded village idiot daughter is easily snookered by his charm and so will Granny Carol be again, Walford's Over-Fifty Version of the Blackwall Tunnel.
In the meantime, he's snookering the kids - giving second helpings to Morgan Le-Fat, feeding Whitney's enormous ego (pssssst! We're supposed to feel sorry for poor, hard-done-by Whtiney, who still neglected to mention to David that although Dennis is lying, she bullied, thretened and name-called the child to the point where he was frightened).
Today, David enlists the aid of Liam the Lug, the raindrop-headed slow-witted son of Ricky Butcher, whose grandfather was married to Liam's great-grandmother (see how incestuous EastEnders is), for a little lesson in scamming.
Lesson One - know your victim: That victim is the so-called "head of the Branning household", Lauren, who looks as though she's been heavy on the old collagen lately and is trying even more to resemble Academy Award winner Jennifer Lawrence, without the talent.
Lauren's latest gimmick is screeching loudly to Joey and goggling her eyes, but since Lauren is the right side of thirty and causes adolescent boys like Digital Spy cesspit's klendathu to masturbate excessively, then that's OK.
The poor pitiful Brannings are languishing because Max is in prison, Tanya doesn't know and Uncle Jack, who - when all this palaver started - told them not to worry about bills or legal expenses,then promptly scarpered when his Nostril fixation slept with and then dumped him unceremoniously. In fact, he left Walford in record time. So now, not only do they get bills for legal fees, they can't pay the phone bill and the Internet is cut. (I presume the Hag-With-a-Fag contributes nothing beyond buying alcohol and cigarettes for herself.)
David's scam here is to buy all four late-model vehicles from the Branning forecourt (there are more around the back, so the sign says) for the grand sum of £1500. That gives Lauren a bit of cash and it means old car-hand David can sell them on for a profit, which he'll probably split with Janine.
Since David Beale Wicks has returned, he's been used as a Faganish Pied Piper, a beacon which attracts kids of all sorts, whom he can influence by insubordination (Tiff and Bobby) or food (Morgan Le-Fat - did you see the way he tore down the hallway when the word "chips" was mentioned?).
What a waste.
David Beale Wicks is a player, who'd be removing Sadie's wedding ring with one hand and squeezing her thigh with the other, but he wouldn't have a cardie and slippers for a night in with Nana Carol.
This is not David Beale Wicks ...
Monster Mash.
So the ante is upped, and now we know what Michael is planning, but Alice is still too stupid and deluded to realise.
It's creepy watching the lengths to which his control will go, admonishing her into saying "Yes, Michael," but it's also interesting to watch him stitch her up abundantly because she's so easy to stir. She's another, like Whitney, who thinks she's so superior to others, especially Janine, who's done nothing but treat her with actual kindness and compassion.
She was putty in Michael's hands, offering her credit card to pay for their escape to Morocco (surely Alice must be on the barest minimum wage, so how can she even qualify for a credit card is beyond me) - electronic paper trail leading to Alice.
When he reveals to her that he wants to take Scarlett that very evening, that he wants to drug Janine's drink and take the child, dippy Alice offers to go, herself. This is obvious a mile off, even if you didn't see Michael pestle up the tablets, that he plans on killing Janine - rather, he plans on getting Alice to kill Janine, with all the evidence pointing to her. Whether he does plan to scarper or whether he plans to play the outraged husband, pointing the finger of blame at Scarlett, is debatable. We realise, even if that dumb bint doesn't, that she's going to be done for murder, but whose?
There is no such thing as good-bye, Alice.
Well, yes, there is, and we'll be saying goodbye to both very soon.
Here are two questions to ponder: a delivery person has to deliver goods to the address on the order, otherwise he informs the recipient where they might be collected. Deliveryman took Michael's word that he was Janine's husband and gave the package to him.
Second question: How the hell did that proper package get through Janine's letterbox, and why the hell wasn't she suspicious of Alice being in her house on a day when she'd specifically told her not to come into work? Alice has been acting suspicious lately, and Janine must be feeling particularly vulnerable or else she'd have picked up on these suspicions.
Beales 2.0.
Because that's what they are.
Ian's newly-faced family and his ethnic partner, who seems to do nothing but serve up meals, belittle Ian when it suits her, and make remarks about being a stepmother to four children.
Denise, make that three. Hairy Cindy the Greek is not a part of Ian's family. So why is she there?
Yes, we know Ian is a weasel, and we know why he's being forced into lying about Max's involvement in Phil's accident. Ian is right, however. If he confesses the truth to the police, he gets time for perverting the course of justice. In case you don't remember - and I'm not sure that TPTB do - Ian has a criminal record. He stole Archie Mitchell's laptop and had to do community service for that.
Ian could go to prison, and that's something we've never seen on EastEnders.
Yes, he's conflicted over the misery he's causing the Brannings, although it's safe to say that the Brannings wouldn't give a rat's arse if they were inflicting misery on someone else.
I like that Peter's got morals in this situation and that it bothers him what Ian's done and wants to do right. I also like it that Lucy thinks "family first" and wants to protect her father, not wanting him to leave again.
I don't like it that Ian is desperately afraid of losing Denise. You know she'll find out and Ian will be lessened in her eyes, and sometime next year, she'll sleep with David Beale Wicks and then leave in a black taxi.
Line of the night from Peter:-
We're lying to Denise already. She really is a part of this family now.
The Rest.
Bollocks.
Billy's pristine trainers. Billy banging his toe with an incredible sound effect. Secret footie training. Sadie being too stupid to shred her bank statements. Ajay finding out that Sadie is married.
The husband is Jake the Peg.
Dismal episode.
Now, hands up, all of you who are doing what you're doing because of the wage you get. How many of you are debt collectors? How many work for bailiffs? How many are traffic wardens? How many of you don't give a rat's arse that your profession may exploit others, you just do it because it pays well. If something that paid better came along, even if it were shoveling shit, you'd do it for the money.
In a recent interview, Danny DIRE explained that the reason he took the job this time on EastEnders was the dosh. He's in financial trouble and needs bailing out. No problem there, because EastEnders has a "charitable" habit of bailing out flailing stars by giving them a role in the soap. Shane Richie, in 2002, owed the taxman a cool million, and Jamie Foreman was paying a plethora of back-dated child maintenance.
But before she left the show, Jo Joyner said it would have been easy to stay because of the regular wage and job security. Many of the actors are loathe to leave, because their ample salaries pay for the school fees, the au pairs, the luxury holidays etc. And there ain't no "The Bill" anymore.
The young and inexperienced actors aside - because they think they actually have talent and are too cool for school - the more experienced variety must be able to discern exactly what a load of rubbish the scripts and storylines are. They simply must.
Yet they're happy to collude that this is a functioning soap opera and continue to churn out what is essentially nothing more than shit for the birds, as long as they get paid with the licence fee payers' money.
There are even some who've grown up in family environments where it was perfectly normal to rob from the tax payer to fund a luxury lifestyle, and then take the stealth tax a citizen has to pay in order to have a television, and push forward tripe as entertainment ... mentioning no names ...
This was a shit episode, but then Hollyoaks boy, Jesse O'Mahoney wrote it.
Fagin as Mr Mum.
Nurse Ratchit, AKA Mrs B, my old nemesis from Walford Web Bullyboi Emporium, a person who gets my utmost respect for her views, even though they may be divergent from my own, aptly described David's undue attention to Tiffany, including her as a useful tool in his scams, as similar to the dynamic affected by Ryan and Tatum O'Neal in the 1970s film Paper Moon ...
Ever since he's come back, David's fanagled a place at Carol's, not because he necessarily loves her - a bunk-up behind the bike sheds is not the stuff of Romeo and Juliet - but because the house was his mother's, it's free accommodation and his retarded village idiot daughter is easily snookered by his charm and so will Granny Carol be again, Walford's Over-Fifty Version of the Blackwall Tunnel.
In the meantime, he's snookering the kids - giving second helpings to Morgan Le-Fat, feeding Whitney's enormous ego (pssssst! We're supposed to feel sorry for poor, hard-done-by Whtiney, who still neglected to mention to David that although Dennis is lying, she bullied, thretened and name-called the child to the point where he was frightened).
Today, David enlists the aid of Liam the Lug, the raindrop-headed slow-witted son of Ricky Butcher, whose grandfather was married to Liam's great-grandmother (see how incestuous EastEnders is), for a little lesson in scamming.
Lesson One - know your victim: That victim is the so-called "head of the Branning household", Lauren, who looks as though she's been heavy on the old collagen lately and is trying even more to resemble Academy Award winner Jennifer Lawrence, without the talent.
Lauren's latest gimmick is screeching loudly to Joey and goggling her eyes, but since Lauren is the right side of thirty and causes adolescent boys like Digital Spy cesspit's klendathu to masturbate excessively, then that's OK.
The poor pitiful Brannings are languishing because Max is in prison, Tanya doesn't know and Uncle Jack, who - when all this palaver started - told them not to worry about bills or legal expenses,then promptly scarpered when his Nostril fixation slept with and then dumped him unceremoniously. In fact, he left Walford in record time. So now, not only do they get bills for legal fees, they can't pay the phone bill and the Internet is cut. (I presume the Hag-With-a-Fag contributes nothing beyond buying alcohol and cigarettes for herself.)
David's scam here is to buy all four late-model vehicles from the Branning forecourt (there are more around the back, so the sign says) for the grand sum of £1500. That gives Lauren a bit of cash and it means old car-hand David can sell them on for a profit, which he'll probably split with Janine.
Since David Beale Wicks has returned, he's been used as a Faganish Pied Piper, a beacon which attracts kids of all sorts, whom he can influence by insubordination (Tiff and Bobby) or food (Morgan Le-Fat - did you see the way he tore down the hallway when the word "chips" was mentioned?).
What a waste.
David Beale Wicks is a player, who'd be removing Sadie's wedding ring with one hand and squeezing her thigh with the other, but he wouldn't have a cardie and slippers for a night in with Nana Carol.
This is not David Beale Wicks ...
So the ante is upped, and now we know what Michael is planning, but Alice is still too stupid and deluded to realise.
It's creepy watching the lengths to which his control will go, admonishing her into saying "Yes, Michael," but it's also interesting to watch him stitch her up abundantly because she's so easy to stir. She's another, like Whitney, who thinks she's so superior to others, especially Janine, who's done nothing but treat her with actual kindness and compassion.
She was putty in Michael's hands, offering her credit card to pay for their escape to Morocco (surely Alice must be on the barest minimum wage, so how can she even qualify for a credit card is beyond me) - electronic paper trail leading to Alice.
When he reveals to her that he wants to take Scarlett that very evening, that he wants to drug Janine's drink and take the child, dippy Alice offers to go, herself. This is obvious a mile off, even if you didn't see Michael pestle up the tablets, that he plans on killing Janine - rather, he plans on getting Alice to kill Janine, with all the evidence pointing to her. Whether he does plan to scarper or whether he plans to play the outraged husband, pointing the finger of blame at Scarlett, is debatable. We realise, even if that dumb bint doesn't, that she's going to be done for murder, but whose?
There is no such thing as good-bye, Alice.
Well, yes, there is, and we'll be saying goodbye to both very soon.
Here are two questions to ponder: a delivery person has to deliver goods to the address on the order, otherwise he informs the recipient where they might be collected. Deliveryman took Michael's word that he was Janine's husband and gave the package to him.
Second question: How the hell did that proper package get through Janine's letterbox, and why the hell wasn't she suspicious of Alice being in her house on a day when she'd specifically told her not to come into work? Alice has been acting suspicious lately, and Janine must be feeling particularly vulnerable or else she'd have picked up on these suspicions.
Beales 2.0.
Because that's what they are.
Ian's newly-faced family and his ethnic partner, who seems to do nothing but serve up meals, belittle Ian when it suits her, and make remarks about being a stepmother to four children.
Denise, make that three. Hairy Cindy the Greek is not a part of Ian's family. So why is she there?
Yes, we know Ian is a weasel, and we know why he's being forced into lying about Max's involvement in Phil's accident. Ian is right, however. If he confesses the truth to the police, he gets time for perverting the course of justice. In case you don't remember - and I'm not sure that TPTB do - Ian has a criminal record. He stole Archie Mitchell's laptop and had to do community service for that.
Ian could go to prison, and that's something we've never seen on EastEnders.
Yes, he's conflicted over the misery he's causing the Brannings, although it's safe to say that the Brannings wouldn't give a rat's arse if they were inflicting misery on someone else.
I like that Peter's got morals in this situation and that it bothers him what Ian's done and wants to do right. I also like it that Lucy thinks "family first" and wants to protect her father, not wanting him to leave again.
I don't like it that Ian is desperately afraid of losing Denise. You know she'll find out and Ian will be lessened in her eyes, and sometime next year, she'll sleep with David Beale Wicks and then leave in a black taxi.
Line of the night from Peter:-
We're lying to Denise already. She really is a part of this family now.
The Rest.
Bollocks.
Billy's pristine trainers. Billy banging his toe with an incredible sound effect. Secret footie training. Sadie being too stupid to shred her bank statements. Ajay finding out that Sadie is married.
The husband is Jake the Peg.
Dismal episode.
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