Out of any darkness, light must come, and to all those intellectually-deprived assholes who think all I do is criticise a show they'd watch if it offered 30 minutes of paint-drying (xTonix and the vapid Hit'Em Up in Style, who has no style, by the way), I can and do offer praise when it's deserved, and this is one of the few episodes where praise is worth given.
It goes without saying that the reason the episode was worth merit tonight was that it not only offered airtime to characters whom we all have known for years on end, but offered them up on ~a plate as characters we recognise and with whom we are familiar, not the same characters as whatever producer might interpret them. But, at the same time, there was a clever blend and balance with newer characters, chiefly those who are associated, in some way, with the more established ones.
Was it watchable? Definitely, but that doesn't mean I liked every character who participated. There were a few, in particular, whom I'd like to see sling their hooks, but on the whole the writing was good, the pace was equivalent, and the suspense was palpable.
Suffice it to say, by my high standards, it was a start.
The Ties That Bind: The Prodigal's Prodigal.
Oh, look, let's cut to the chase, because The Daily Mail broke the embargo. We know Nick's not dead and that this is all a scam. Even if we didn't know this, long-term viewers would have smelled a rat right away. There was something not quite right about the policewoman who told Dot the news. Would the police have really waited a week to advise next-of-kin about a death? They'd have waited until a definite identification had been made, yes; but would they have waited until a post mortem had been carried out before informing Dot?
And would they have allowed a civilian, who was clearly a relative, albeit unknown to the next-of-kin, to attend the informing? I don't get it. Is Charlie Cotton a policeman? He seems to drive a nice, late-model car and wear snazzy, trendy shoes.
Even if I didn't know this was a scam, I'd suspect it was exactly that. From the dodgy policewoman, who - curiously - didn't have a badge or show her identification - to the dodgy long-lost grandson, something smelled distinctively fishy.
Dot's reaction to Nick's "death" was typically Dot - and by that, I mean the Dot that June Brown does best, and that's not the hammy, pantomime, head-bobbing cartoon Dot. Her reaction to the news was perfectly in character.
Nick's death was something for which she'd mentally prepared herself for years, but when what she thinks is the actual moment, she deals with this the only way she knows how - by carrying on as normal: fixing dinner for Arthur, inviting Ian and Sharon to stay for the meal, making small talk.
One of the best scenes for a long time in this programme was the scene in Dot's kitchen between Ian, Sharon and Dot - two of the show's original characters and a near-original - and it worked a treat, especially the moment when Dot reminisced about what a good boy Nick was, how he was her little angel. That was reminiscent of the way Dot was initially, thirty years ago, insisting on the goodness of Nick, reiterating over and over what a "good boy" he was and defending him blindly to all and sundry, and finally doing yet another Dot-like thing - pushing away those people who care about her the most. Dot can still go into martyr mode in a moment, but it was clear, when she went through Nick's effects, that she was privately grieving.
It was also interesting the way the news of Nick's death spread and the way it was spread by the Angel of Death, herself, Ronnie. Ironic at the very best.
Another piece of foreshadowing crossed with a good bit of continuity was the moment when Dot found the pictures of herself, Nick and a very young Ashley, whom she had always thought of as her first grandchild, followed by the return of the "policeman" with the rest of Nick's personal effects.
And so it seems that the newest addition to Dot's brood is yet another Northerner. "Charlie Cotton" and Jake Stone (who will soon re-appear) bring a touch of the cobblestones of Corrie to the programme, which I'm certain will make a certain whinger puke. That was a bit of a shock.
I'm betting this guy is scamming with Nick, that he's not who he says he is, but that he'll develop an affinity with Dot and end up coming good and sloping off, leaving Nick to steam in his shame.
As any long-term viewer will tell you, Nick's created family members out of the blue before. He even gave his daughter a new name for scamming purposes.
This is not a straitforward tale.
The Ties That Bind: Ars Erotica.
I almost feel vindicated. Since her return, I've been speculating about Ronnie being erotically obsessed with Roxy, and someone's pushing the buttons in the writing room.
First, when they'd been thrown out of Eye-BEE-fer, Roxy accuses Ronnie of wanting Roxy all for herself, complete with teasing hair-touching. In the last episode, apart from all this I'm-only-doing-this-to-protect-you-Roxy shit, there was more of the tender hair-touching, and tonight, we got everything except a full-on snog.
Roxy tried to get a mortgage. Come on. She may have 150 thousand quid in the bank, courtesy of David Wicks blackmailing Janine, but she doesn't have a job or any means of income, and - news of news - it seems she has a shit credit rating. So she uses the bad mortgage news as an excuse to take a bottle of vodka to the empty boxing club and indulge in a little same-sex incestuous near-on--'ow's-yer-favvah with Ronnie.
Ronnie offers to help Roxy buy a house. How? Pardon me, but I thought she only took 20K of Phil's money. Or did she take the lot? Because suddenly, after forking out a small fortune to buy the Boxing Club, she's got money enough and credentials enough to get a mortgage? And who's watching Amy during this quasi-love session? It was obvious when Roxy returned home that no one else was there - not Jay and certainly not Amy. Another forgotten child.
But creepiest of the creepies was that surreal scene in the boxing ring, with a shared neat bottle if vodka, Roxy acknowledging she's four years off forty and the scene culminating in Ronnie near-as-dammit dry-humping Roxy.
Someone's knickers were creamed - and she later probably pissed them when she saw someone had spray-painted the word LIAR on the door of the club.
Oh dear ... Nora's not happy.
The Ties That Bind: Two Beales in a Roomful of Strangers.
Spot the Beale. Ok, that's easy. Ian is the obvious one. But who's the second?
I thought it was singularly odd that that gaggle of people were assembled in the Beale sitting room talking about the pregnancy of a kid who's not related to any of the was more than a bit off-putting. Has Ian told Bev and Gina Williams about Cindy's predicament? They should be informed. For all Ian says he's her "guardian," he's not. Gina and Bev are. Do they send money for her support?
This was the weakest and most annoying scene of the episode - for two reasons, neither of them Beales: hairy Cindy the Greek and Jane.
First of all, Cindy's self-pitying assertion that Ian not wanting her in his house is because he's mirroring the fact that no one's wanted her since the day her mother died.
Bitch, please.
That was one big fat retcon. Gina begged Ian to give her custody of Cindy the Greek, and Bev concurred. She was a much-wanted child for her aunt and her grandmother. And quite possibly the only reason Ian didn't want Cindy the Greek in his house was due to the fact that she wasn't invited as a guest, she's treated him like utter and abject shite and it might also be down to the fact that her putrid mother tried to kill him and Cindy the Greek is the result of an affair that Cindy flung into Ian's face whilst trying to take his children from him.
All this is a sympathy ploy for a character who elicits no sympathy whatsoever. She has the most entitled, slappable face, from her chicken-arsed sulking pout to her open-mouthed pout of indignation.
She wants her bay-bay ... but her reply when Ian asks how she would provide for the child was to give him a look of scorn. Of course, she'll use Ian as a cash cow.
What I hated the most was how Jane ...
Once again, this is none of Jane's business. She made it patently clear when she initially returned that she was no longer a part of the Beale family dynamic. Well, neither is Cindy the Greek, but she's a minor and living under Ian's roof and, inadvertantly, is his responsibility.
Oh, and were was Bobby, Jane's son, whilst all this was taking place? Where was Dennis as well? Neither he, Bobby nor Amy was with Dot. They certainly weren't at the Butchers or the Moons. Stretching it a bit, maybe they were with Patrick, but there were three children missing on the Square tonight and no one cared.
Jane should be sticking her oar in Bobby's business, not poking around passing judgement on the way Ian was handling the irresponsible pregnancy of a kid with whom he wanted no dealing because of her mother's past history with him.
So Jane waxes on about how Cindy's already "attached" to the foetus as a child. This is the same Cindy the Greek who went for an abortion weeks ago and when asked by TJ, seated on a busfull of mothers and infants, if she wanted the child, her response was Do I look like a muppet?
All it took was a busful of babies to convince Cindy the Greek that a baby was exactly what she needed. I also didn't like the way Denise, who was speaking solid reason, was presented as the bad cop here. Denise had been a teenaged mother, herself, who was left with a young baby. She was speaking sense. The novelty of a child will wear off a kid, after six months of night feeds, dirty nappies and bawling. Denise knows very well who's going to be lumbered with childcare.
And am I getting the impression now that TJ's becoming more than just a bit circumspect regarding the prospect of parenthood? Terry is to be lauded in wanting to offer financial support for this baby, which is natural; but why, now, out of the blue, has Ian suddenly decided that Cindy the Greek should live with them and they would take care of her.
No, Ian, no! Let this hairy boy in drag go back to from whence she came.
Nope, the other Beale in the room was Bianca, who objected strenuously to Terry's offer of financial support to Cindy the Greek, who's a thief, herself, and a liar and nothing short of a teenaged slut.
Ian and Bianca have more in common than they'd like to admit.
Cindy the Greek makes Lauren likeable, and Jane should just bugger on back to the meadow and chew some cud. Who the fuck does she think she is, deaming Ian's restaurant "mediocre," and full of herself, thinking herself better than he and more dynamic in the catering business than he. When he met her, wasn't she serving cotton candy out of a mobile van?
The Ties That Bind: Living Next Door to Alice.
Who the fuck is Alice?
She's an annoyingly naive and stupid girl, who fell under the sexual sway of a psychopath and plotted to kill another woman and take her baby. She also stabbed a man - that's assault.
That's who Alice is, and she's not so innocent.
In fact, she's not innocent at all, and now Carol, who's invincible to all of the effects of chemotherapy to the extent that she can run rings around Walford and drink champagne until she's tipsy whilst being pumped full of cytoxin, is on the warpath and baying for Kat's blood.
Yep, what Kat is doing is wrong, and this goes to show just how much Stacey fucks up the Square and its inhabitants without even appearing.
The PR blurb said Ronnie wrecks lives. Well, so does Stacey. Maybe Ronnie will kill her. One hopes.
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