Brown Bread

For all the numpties, fanbois and cheerleaders on Digital Spy contorting yourself to come up with an explanation to bring back Kathy Beale, dead for almost a decade ... shut the fuck up.

You are not fans of the show. You are children, with no capacity for logic or critical thought, and fascinated with fantasy and fairy tales. You cannot even denote the difference between the adjectives "possible" and "plausible."

And that's truly sad. Your teachers failed you.

Of course, it's possible for DTC to bring Kathy back. It's possible for Aleks to tell Roxy that he's really from the planet Dick and here to eat her brains, but it's not plausible.

Kathy was killed off-screen, by Tony Jordan, with the permission of Kate Horwood, for a reason. The explained reason was that TPTB wanted a 10 year-old Ben Mitchell back as part of the tribe, but they didn't want his mother. Because they knew Kathy would never allow Ben to live with Phil, they had to rig up a plausible excuse to bring him back to Walford on his own. So she died.

The real reason behind that, too, probably had something to do with Gillian Taylforth's criminal boyfriend (she attracts types) throwing Jordan down a flight of stairs some years before.

Whatever the reason, Kathy's dead. As a doorknob. Dead as Marley's ghost.

TPTB just about got away with Den's Lazarus return, because his death was always ambiguous, but in bringing him back, Louise Berridge started the leaking of viewers who no longer thought the show credible. It's hanging on to the last vestiges of credibility by its fingernails now.

Bringing Kathy back would truly jump the shark. Besides, most of these idiots fail to realise that Kathy would be 65 years old - older than Carol Jackson, about the same age as Pam Coker and four years younger than Cora.

Do you think she'd sit around gossiping with this lot, especially when she looks younger than Ian, her son? Each time Kathy appeared, she shagged men, progressively younger. Can you imagine her having a grandson of twenty and looking the way she did? She'd be off shagging Kush or Lee or Mick Carter and crying at the end about how lonely she is.

I realise Gillian Taylforth is desperate for work after being dumped by Hollyoaks, but if TPTB write some ridiculous story bringing her back to EastEnders, the show deserves to fail, and Taylforth should keep her desperate mouth shut. Awful actress anyway.