I gave that a 7, only because the Nick Cotton storyline, and the incongruously funny last scene, made that episode. The rest, I'm afraid, was pure, unadulterated shite, mixed in with a stiff dose of badcontinuity. Even Stacey got sucked into that morass of tripe, becoming "Stacey Slater, Guidance Counsellor and Friend of the Friendless." The only other good spots were Pam Coker and Kush.
Let's shovel the shit out of the way first, going from bad to better, before I comment upon the truly good bit. Here are the bad categories:-
Thick as Pig Shit:- Oh, Lauren and Peter, please eff off! No one cares about you, who's following you or why. There's nothing worse than watching two people so caught up in their own self-importance. Did Rob Gittins think the viewing public would enjoy watching them sit around tonight sucking each others' faces, with appropriate suctioning noises, whilst cooing and telling each other over and over how much they loved each other or loved each other more.
I'm no fan of Abi's, but I was totally in her corner tonight, in respect of Lauren's behaviour. Abi simply asked Lauren to read over her CV, but Lauren was totally into her own interest - Peter. Sucking on his face enough so he'd remember her all the way to New Zealand and back. Priorities. Yes, Lauren, because your priorities are so much more important than anyone else's.
With Abi's sudden turn to walk on the wild side, she's getting just a smidgeon more interesting. Desperate for male attention, she's latched onto whatever crumbs Ben's thrown from his table. Where Lauren fails, Ben succeeds. He'll look at her CV - although how he or Lauren are, in any way, qualified to comment on or criticise Abi's curriculum vitae is beyond me - just as how Ben's suddenly become a qualified mechanic is beyond me also. He's even acquired some of Phil's mannerisms, the way he financially shafted Johnny.
One of the few mini highlights of this episode was the scene in the cafe, when Johnny sat down with Abi and made the remark about what a player her "friend" Ben was, thinking that they "shared a moment" earlier, but he was obviously mistaken, which prompted a jealous Abi to tell Johnny about Ben's "expensive" girlfriend, leading him to believe that was the reason for the shaft. Abi's superior, little smirk as Johnny walked away, disappointed was worth it.
Now for the discrepancy/bad continuity here ... Peter the Prick is off to see the Wizard, none other than Steven Beale. That's right. Steven, who terrorised and emotionally manipulated the Beale family to the nth degree. Steven, who plagued the Beale twins, particularly Lucy, by teasing them into believing that their mother was alive, who broke into their home, kidnapped their father, shot Jane and eventually aide Lucy in running away for a good while.
He left with Ian's admonition not to return and his promise never to bring up anyone else's children. I know Steven's an adult, but would the doltish, morally priggish Peter even be able to forgive Steven everything he did to Ian's family? Would Ian even be as laid back as he was about Peter leaving? I find it totally unbeliveable that Peter would even want to see Steven after everything that went on back in 2007, or has all that become the family joke that Max Branning's burial alive had become within that dynamic? Steven's not even mentioned in all this time, his emotional disruption of the Beale family put on the back burner, and all Peter can do is wax lyrical about how Steven's going to meet him and how they're going to have this amazingly good time?
Please. Pull the other one. Because some of us remember how it was.
Or maybe Peter is just one shallow, entitled arsehole.
The Diarrhea Double - Tosh and Tina: Full of Shite. Here's another couple who evoke no sympathy or antipathy in me. Tina got a black eye, and Stacey becomes a social worker. Is that her new function? To wind her way between the salon and the flat, dispensing compassionate wisdom to all and sundry, even benevolently accepting Ronnie's figurative olive branch. She preaches high-minded moralistic rhetoric to Alfie, never seeing the grey area of problems surrounding why Alfie did what he did and what can transpire from it. Now she does the same to Tina.
True, no one should accept violence in a relationship, but also true what Tina said - that she hit Tosh first. Tosh just hit her harder. And, yes, Tina, like all victims of domestic violence, will make excuses. Even when Stacey appears to have scored some points with Tina, encouraging her to stand up to Tosh's behaviour, it all melts before the way once Tosh brings flowers and an apology to Tina. Whatever these two have between them, they say they love each other. For Tina, that gives her a licence to sneak about and cheat on Tosh; for Tosh, that gives her the licence to react harshly and physically when Tina's actions aren't up to Tosh's high moral standards.
That whole vignette was a waste of space.
Cold Turds. Poor pitiful Sonia. Now we hear what's behind her inappropriate behaviour and her drinking - of course, it's that man again! Martin! Why he hasn't touched her in months - pardon me,monfs. Sonia's an educated person, yet she has the grammar of a guttersnipe. Martin insults her. When she tells him about the calendar idea, he riposts Make sure you're February - get it? The shortest month of the year, so people won't have to look at Sonia that long.
Sorry, but that's banter and British humour, as I'm constantly being told by my own British husband.
But, wait a moment ... can we blame Martin for avoiding Sonia like the plague? Consider how she's behaved the past few months. Even amidst Carol's cancer crisis, Sonia was drinking purloined bottles of wine with Tina in the kitchen of the Vic or even on the Square, snogging Tina, allowing Tina to insult Martin on the phone. I'm not surprised. Then, here she comes along leaning in to try to snog Kush, all the while, trash-mouthing Martin.
Natalie Cassidy was bloody awful in those scenes, with Sonia presenting herself as the victim. Thus, begins the long hello (becoming a tradition on DTC's EastEnders) of Martin Fowler, as he gets more and more mentions. He needs to appear, because poor, pitiful Sonia is convincing Carol that this is all down to dastardly Martin, treating her badly.
What good came out of that fiasco was the performance as ever by the dependable Lindsey Coulson, the presence of Kush, who's slotted in very nicely as part of the market, and the developing friendship between Pam and Carol. It's nice to see Carol have a staid, sensible and compassionate friend like Pam, who offers a far more dependable friendship than the fly-by-night sort she had with Glenda. As soon as Kush made the remark about melons, you knew he'd put his foot in his mouth. I understand that the calendar is going to be a Calendar Girls sort of thing, but a couple of years ago, we had Tyler Moon prancing about the market, shirtless, trying to drum up money, why is it necessary for every new male character to strip to show his torso or more?
Dot's Cottoned On. Welcome back, Mrs Doyle! Pauline McLynn was bloody marvelous tonight, although how she's qualified to make the apt remarks (and make no mistake, they were brilliantly apt) about Dot, when she'd only met the woman once. I have to think Nick had filled her in on Dot's personality.
Dot's been flummoxed by finding Nick's brand of cigarette stuck out of a chocolate roll - her favourite, as she said, and as she pointed out to Charlie, sticking a ciggie in a chocolate roll would be something his father would do, but not Charlie. Fatboy sussed Charlie's lie about smoking, and as Mrs Doyle said, Dot might believe him, but she wouldn't. It was a weak lie.
This whole vignette was a beautiful tour de force, poignantly funny in Charlie's encouraging Dot to scatter Nick's ashes in a way of laying his ghost to rest. That allowed the audience to enjoy a true memorial service for Nick, attended by such people as Ian, Sharon, Peter and Lauren joined at the hip, Fatboy and Patrick, who proved that a stroke-ridden septuagenarian was more than capable of handing Ian his arse, remarking how much better Denise was, having dispensed with him. It gave us, the viewers, yet another chance to watch June Brown at her hammiest, reciting Betty Miller's funeral poem - not found all those years ago, as surmised by Dot, because the poem was only written at the turn of this century - in a totally, over-dramatic way. I wonder if Nick were watching this, black hood up and smoking a cigarette, from the sidelines, unnoticed by anyone and laughing to himself?
The last scene was one of the most wonderful and funniest scenes in recent years. Yes, I said funny. When Dot turned out the light and glance out the window to see Nick's face staring back at her, I whooped with laughter, it was so hilarious. Even moreso, when she glanced again, to find him gone. I find Nick's return eminently more interesting and engaging than the Tina-Tosh tosh, the crap about whoever is following silly Lauren, and Sonia's Eternal Victim of the Heartless Heart routine.
Once again, Nick saved the bacon.
Let's shovel the shit out of the way first, going from bad to better, before I comment upon the truly good bit. Here are the bad categories:-
Thick as Pig Shit:- Oh, Lauren and Peter, please eff off! No one cares about you, who's following you or why. There's nothing worse than watching two people so caught up in their own self-importance. Did Rob Gittins think the viewing public would enjoy watching them sit around tonight sucking each others' faces, with appropriate suctioning noises, whilst cooing and telling each other over and over how much they loved each other or loved each other more.
I'm no fan of Abi's, but I was totally in her corner tonight, in respect of Lauren's behaviour. Abi simply asked Lauren to read over her CV, but Lauren was totally into her own interest - Peter. Sucking on his face enough so he'd remember her all the way to New Zealand and back. Priorities. Yes, Lauren, because your priorities are so much more important than anyone else's.
With Abi's sudden turn to walk on the wild side, she's getting just a smidgeon more interesting. Desperate for male attention, she's latched onto whatever crumbs Ben's thrown from his table. Where Lauren fails, Ben succeeds. He'll look at her CV - although how he or Lauren are, in any way, qualified to comment on or criticise Abi's curriculum vitae is beyond me - just as how Ben's suddenly become a qualified mechanic is beyond me also. He's even acquired some of Phil's mannerisms, the way he financially shafted Johnny.
One of the few mini highlights of this episode was the scene in the cafe, when Johnny sat down with Abi and made the remark about what a player her "friend" Ben was, thinking that they "shared a moment" earlier, but he was obviously mistaken, which prompted a jealous Abi to tell Johnny about Ben's "expensive" girlfriend, leading him to believe that was the reason for the shaft. Abi's superior, little smirk as Johnny walked away, disappointed was worth it.
Now for the discrepancy/bad continuity here ... Peter the Prick is off to see the Wizard, none other than Steven Beale. That's right. Steven, who terrorised and emotionally manipulated the Beale family to the nth degree. Steven, who plagued the Beale twins, particularly Lucy, by teasing them into believing that their mother was alive, who broke into their home, kidnapped their father, shot Jane and eventually aide Lucy in running away for a good while.
He left with Ian's admonition not to return and his promise never to bring up anyone else's children. I know Steven's an adult, but would the doltish, morally priggish Peter even be able to forgive Steven everything he did to Ian's family? Would Ian even be as laid back as he was about Peter leaving? I find it totally unbeliveable that Peter would even want to see Steven after everything that went on back in 2007, or has all that become the family joke that Max Branning's burial alive had become within that dynamic? Steven's not even mentioned in all this time, his emotional disruption of the Beale family put on the back burner, and all Peter can do is wax lyrical about how Steven's going to meet him and how they're going to have this amazingly good time?
Please. Pull the other one. Because some of us remember how it was.
Or maybe Peter is just one shallow, entitled arsehole.
The Diarrhea Double - Tosh and Tina: Full of Shite. Here's another couple who evoke no sympathy or antipathy in me. Tina got a black eye, and Stacey becomes a social worker. Is that her new function? To wind her way between the salon and the flat, dispensing compassionate wisdom to all and sundry, even benevolently accepting Ronnie's figurative olive branch. She preaches high-minded moralistic rhetoric to Alfie, never seeing the grey area of problems surrounding why Alfie did what he did and what can transpire from it. Now she does the same to Tina.
True, no one should accept violence in a relationship, but also true what Tina said - that she hit Tosh first. Tosh just hit her harder. And, yes, Tina, like all victims of domestic violence, will make excuses. Even when Stacey appears to have scored some points with Tina, encouraging her to stand up to Tosh's behaviour, it all melts before the way once Tosh brings flowers and an apology to Tina. Whatever these two have between them, they say they love each other. For Tina, that gives her a licence to sneak about and cheat on Tosh; for Tosh, that gives her the licence to react harshly and physically when Tina's actions aren't up to Tosh's high moral standards.
That whole vignette was a waste of space.
Cold Turds. Poor pitiful Sonia. Now we hear what's behind her inappropriate behaviour and her drinking - of course, it's that man again! Martin! Why he hasn't touched her in months - pardon me,monfs. Sonia's an educated person, yet she has the grammar of a guttersnipe. Martin insults her. When she tells him about the calendar idea, he riposts Make sure you're February - get it? The shortest month of the year, so people won't have to look at Sonia that long.
Sorry, but that's banter and British humour, as I'm constantly being told by my own British husband.
But, wait a moment ... can we blame Martin for avoiding Sonia like the plague? Consider how she's behaved the past few months. Even amidst Carol's cancer crisis, Sonia was drinking purloined bottles of wine with Tina in the kitchen of the Vic or even on the Square, snogging Tina, allowing Tina to insult Martin on the phone. I'm not surprised. Then, here she comes along leaning in to try to snog Kush, all the while, trash-mouthing Martin.
Natalie Cassidy was bloody awful in those scenes, with Sonia presenting herself as the victim. Thus, begins the long hello (becoming a tradition on DTC's EastEnders) of Martin Fowler, as he gets more and more mentions. He needs to appear, because poor, pitiful Sonia is convincing Carol that this is all down to dastardly Martin, treating her badly.
What good came out of that fiasco was the performance as ever by the dependable Lindsey Coulson, the presence of Kush, who's slotted in very nicely as part of the market, and the developing friendship between Pam and Carol. It's nice to see Carol have a staid, sensible and compassionate friend like Pam, who offers a far more dependable friendship than the fly-by-night sort she had with Glenda. As soon as Kush made the remark about melons, you knew he'd put his foot in his mouth. I understand that the calendar is going to be a Calendar Girls sort of thing, but a couple of years ago, we had Tyler Moon prancing about the market, shirtless, trying to drum up money, why is it necessary for every new male character to strip to show his torso or more?
Dot's Cottoned On. Welcome back, Mrs Doyle! Pauline McLynn was bloody marvelous tonight, although how she's qualified to make the apt remarks (and make no mistake, they were brilliantly apt) about Dot, when she'd only met the woman once. I have to think Nick had filled her in on Dot's personality.
Dot's been flummoxed by finding Nick's brand of cigarette stuck out of a chocolate roll - her favourite, as she said, and as she pointed out to Charlie, sticking a ciggie in a chocolate roll would be something his father would do, but not Charlie. Fatboy sussed Charlie's lie about smoking, and as Mrs Doyle said, Dot might believe him, but she wouldn't. It was a weak lie.
This whole vignette was a beautiful tour de force, poignantly funny in Charlie's encouraging Dot to scatter Nick's ashes in a way of laying his ghost to rest. That allowed the audience to enjoy a true memorial service for Nick, attended by such people as Ian, Sharon, Peter and Lauren joined at the hip, Fatboy and Patrick, who proved that a stroke-ridden septuagenarian was more than capable of handing Ian his arse, remarking how much better Denise was, having dispensed with him. It gave us, the viewers, yet another chance to watch June Brown at her hammiest, reciting Betty Miller's funeral poem - not found all those years ago, as surmised by Dot, because the poem was only written at the turn of this century - in a totally, over-dramatic way. I wonder if Nick were watching this, black hood up and smoking a cigarette, from the sidelines, unnoticed by anyone and laughing to himself?
The last scene was one of the most wonderful and funniest scenes in recent years. Yes, I said funny. When Dot turned out the light and glance out the window to see Nick's face staring back at her, I whooped with laughter, it was so hilarious. Even moreso, when she glanced again, to find him gone. I find Nick's return eminently more interesting and engaging than the Tina-Tosh tosh, the crap about whoever is following silly Lauren, and Sonia's Eternal Victim of the Heartless Heart routine.
Once again, Nick saved the bacon.
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