As much as I like the Carters, I didn't miss not seeing them, and now we're in the familiar circular cycle of Carol sighing and humpfing about enough to concern Mick and saying nothing when asked what's wrong ... along with the inevitable winding down of what's turned out to be a fascinating storyline about the Cottons.
100% Cotton.
Nick still comes up with the best lines, and John Altman is having a whale of a time doing camp tour de force. It's almost become a French farce, the way the Cottons are harbouring Nick and trying to his presence from the local yokels. I actually felt sorry for Dot, one of life's real innocents, caught up in the mire this motley lot of Gothic reprobates have brought to her house. She's really caught between a rock and a hard place.
Fatboy's no sooner whisked out the door than Nick appears, complaining about having to sleep on the floor.
Looking at Yvonne in the cold light of day, I'm reminded of something she said the other night, when she was urging Charlie to leave and Charlie was arguing about his impending fatherhood. She told him that he'd only desert this child, the way Nick had deserted him. A mother knows the character of her son, and already Charlie's looking decidedly fishy and smelling that way too.
Dot's made her choice, and she's frightened now that people might see Nick ,which would not only be against the law, but would heighten her shame. Nick hasn't literally got a pot in which to piss and holds out for ten grand, which sparks another farce of epic proportions - the flight to raise ten grand as quickly as possible - twenty even to make Nick disappear forever. Until that time, which might take forever, Nick's staying put, which means Fatboy has to go, which prompts another funny line from Nick.
Ne'mind, Ma. Yer still have me.
Dot's even reluctant to go to the launderette.
Go on, Ma. Yer'll need every penny to pay me.
The Cottons' secret saga has inadvertantly brought the Mitchells into the frame as well as the Brannings. Phil's trick shot in giving Charlie phony money is now linked to Max being tricked into giving Charlie a job at the carlot. Why do I sense some money is going to be embezzled or even nicked (pun intended) there?
This storyline holds my interest, because it's a fusion of old and new. It centres on the Cottons, Nick being an original character, allies them to the Mitchells, a family established in the second phase of the show in the early Nineties, and also ties them to the Brannings, the signature family of the 21st Century edition, EastEnders 2.0. Curiously, I think the action centering around the Cottons may just have something to do with Lucy's death. Although it would be too easy for Nick to have been her killer, even in his recently-acquired alter ego of Reg Cox, I don't think it past Ronnie and/or Charlie, if the final look we got of Charlie's face in his last scene with Dot is anything to go by.
Charlie buys off Fatboy and bins him, kicking him out in Dot's name. The scales are beginning to fall from Dot's eyes regarding Charlie now. Her final words to him were some of the most powerful dialogue June Brown has had in recent times.
I'll never forgive you for this. Or forget. Ever.
She knows now that Charlie is, first and foremost, a liar, and the only thing holding him to her is the fact that he's fathering her vanity - a great-grandchild, a Cotton that's related to her by blood far more than the Branning stepchildren and grandchildren who made her their own, is what she craves, but she doesn't realise that now Charlie may realise that Ronnie's baby might be his bargaining chip, and the tool he needs to make Dot do what he wants.
The look in his eyes after she morally washed her hands of him was very interesting. Very hard and interesting, indeed.
I don't think Charlie is a very nice person, and note that Yvonne isn't above dishing out orders to Dot in her own home.
Branning Blunders.
The highlight of this storyline is seeing DI Keeble again. Summerhayes really is a bimbo. Bim-Bo. Keeble gives her credit for thinking on her feet about the journalist cover re Bryant, but that's about it. Keeble is right - Summerhayes really doesn't know that much about Max's family. I'm betting, by virtue of Lauren's attempt to kill Max and Keeble having investigated that, means they're tailing Little Miss Branning whom, as Keeble remarked,
trouble seems to follow. I'll also wager that Lauren's head is so far up her arse in self-absorption that she hasn't even considered that her form for attempted murder makes her a suspect in Lucy's death.
As for Summerhayes, it seems not only has Max spawned entitled, self-absorbed offspring, he's now got yet another entitled, self-absorbed and stupid girlfriend. All it takes it a nod and a wink from both Bryant and Keeble that the Brannings aren't all they seem to be, for Summerhayes to get the circular syndrome disease yet again and run tiddling from Max. Yet again.
And we end this vignette with another red herring presented to us, in the form of some sort of secret between Max and Abi as to what they did on Good Friday. (Hint: It wasn't one killing Lucy and the other cleaning the blood from Max's car).
The Bores.
That would be Tina and Tosh. In another place and time, these characters would be leaving the show imminently, due to their unpopularity. Yet in the words of the late John Belushi, But Nooooooooooooooo... TPTB are dishing up a storyline of same-sex domestic violence, with Tina simultaneously giving dodgy, stealthy looks at Tosh in worry and Tosh employing subtle passive-aggressive language in an effort to keep Tina onside.
I can't invest in either of them. Or Babe's ironic comments about Tosh's problems being down to her parents and how she was raised. They very well may be, but Tina's upbringing isn't anything to brag about - thieving, cheating and lying, as well as a total avoidance of responsibility. Tina must be as frustrating for Tosh as Tosh is as frightening for Tina. I don't give a rat's arse about either of them, and this story, as worthy as it may be, doesn't interest me in the least. In short, I'd like to see DTC admit that both characters have been a big epic fail and axe the pair of them.
Think Twice, Just Another Day in Carter Paradise.
Gee, yet another Carter do. Guy Fawkes Day, a day in remembrance of religious hatred, is Mick's favourite holiday. I'll bet his other one is St George's day. Will we have some sort of do going on on 23 April, where there'll be another big reveal?
Not only that, we get another Carter dinner too. After a good few weeks of Tina humming, hawing, frowning and insisting nothing is wrong, Mick insists that something is. He's not stupid - well, not that stupid -that it hasn't dawned on him that something's bothering Linda. Most likely, it was probably that she wasn't giving him any nookie. His first guess is that Linda is going through the menopause.
Really, Mick?
I know early menopause does happen, but it's rare, and even though they've been living the lives of people ten years their senior since they started having sex as children, Linda still is only 37 and not 47. Finally, between him and Nancy, pointing to his forehead, he reckons that Linda is going a bit mental, with which Nancy agrees.
I can't believe TPTB are still pushing Nancy and Dexter as a couple. Why? Do they value Dexter that much or is he hanging on as one of a decreasing member of a token dynamic and an offensive racial stereotype? What? The character is pejorative and brings Nancy, a likeable character, down to his mundane level. Nope, in this episode, Dexter is a plot device to further show Linda still isn't at all well. She can't accept the site of the kitchen table, after faffing about in the kitchen earlier in the morning in sight of the table, over which she was raped, so she breaks the table. The smell of lavender makes her vomit, so Mick reckons she's pregnant.
Mick probably isn't wrong.
Cue moreBranning Carter angst. Probably Branning as well, the way that storyline is going. Meh episode, apart from the brilliant John Altman.
100% Cotton.
Nick still comes up with the best lines, and John Altman is having a whale of a time doing camp tour de force. It's almost become a French farce, the way the Cottons are harbouring Nick and trying to his presence from the local yokels. I actually felt sorry for Dot, one of life's real innocents, caught up in the mire this motley lot of Gothic reprobates have brought to her house. She's really caught between a rock and a hard place.
Fatboy's no sooner whisked out the door than Nick appears, complaining about having to sleep on the floor.
Looking at Yvonne in the cold light of day, I'm reminded of something she said the other night, when she was urging Charlie to leave and Charlie was arguing about his impending fatherhood. She told him that he'd only desert this child, the way Nick had deserted him. A mother knows the character of her son, and already Charlie's looking decidedly fishy and smelling that way too.
Dot's made her choice, and she's frightened now that people might see Nick ,which would not only be against the law, but would heighten her shame. Nick hasn't literally got a pot in which to piss and holds out for ten grand, which sparks another farce of epic proportions - the flight to raise ten grand as quickly as possible - twenty even to make Nick disappear forever. Until that time, which might take forever, Nick's staying put, which means Fatboy has to go, which prompts another funny line from Nick.
Ne'mind, Ma. Yer still have me.
Dot's even reluctant to go to the launderette.
Go on, Ma. Yer'll need every penny to pay me.
The Cottons' secret saga has inadvertantly brought the Mitchells into the frame as well as the Brannings. Phil's trick shot in giving Charlie phony money is now linked to Max being tricked into giving Charlie a job at the carlot. Why do I sense some money is going to be embezzled or even nicked (pun intended) there?
This storyline holds my interest, because it's a fusion of old and new. It centres on the Cottons, Nick being an original character, allies them to the Mitchells, a family established in the second phase of the show in the early Nineties, and also ties them to the Brannings, the signature family of the 21st Century edition, EastEnders 2.0. Curiously, I think the action centering around the Cottons may just have something to do with Lucy's death. Although it would be too easy for Nick to have been her killer, even in his recently-acquired alter ego of Reg Cox, I don't think it past Ronnie and/or Charlie, if the final look we got of Charlie's face in his last scene with Dot is anything to go by.
Charlie buys off Fatboy and bins him, kicking him out in Dot's name. The scales are beginning to fall from Dot's eyes regarding Charlie now. Her final words to him were some of the most powerful dialogue June Brown has had in recent times.
I'll never forgive you for this. Or forget. Ever.
She knows now that Charlie is, first and foremost, a liar, and the only thing holding him to her is the fact that he's fathering her vanity - a great-grandchild, a Cotton that's related to her by blood far more than the Branning stepchildren and grandchildren who made her their own, is what she craves, but she doesn't realise that now Charlie may realise that Ronnie's baby might be his bargaining chip, and the tool he needs to make Dot do what he wants.
The look in his eyes after she morally washed her hands of him was very interesting. Very hard and interesting, indeed.
I don't think Charlie is a very nice person, and note that Yvonne isn't above dishing out orders to Dot in her own home.
Branning Blunders.
The highlight of this storyline is seeing DI Keeble again. Summerhayes really is a bimbo. Bim-Bo. Keeble gives her credit for thinking on her feet about the journalist cover re Bryant, but that's about it. Keeble is right - Summerhayes really doesn't know that much about Max's family. I'm betting, by virtue of Lauren's attempt to kill Max and Keeble having investigated that, means they're tailing Little Miss Branning whom, as Keeble remarked,
trouble seems to follow. I'll also wager that Lauren's head is so far up her arse in self-absorption that she hasn't even considered that her form for attempted murder makes her a suspect in Lucy's death.
As for Summerhayes, it seems not only has Max spawned entitled, self-absorbed offspring, he's now got yet another entitled, self-absorbed and stupid girlfriend. All it takes it a nod and a wink from both Bryant and Keeble that the Brannings aren't all they seem to be, for Summerhayes to get the circular syndrome disease yet again and run tiddling from Max. Yet again.
And we end this vignette with another red herring presented to us, in the form of some sort of secret between Max and Abi as to what they did on Good Friday. (Hint: It wasn't one killing Lucy and the other cleaning the blood from Max's car).
The Bores.
That would be Tina and Tosh. In another place and time, these characters would be leaving the show imminently, due to their unpopularity. Yet in the words of the late John Belushi, But Nooooooooooooooo... TPTB are dishing up a storyline of same-sex domestic violence, with Tina simultaneously giving dodgy, stealthy looks at Tosh in worry and Tosh employing subtle passive-aggressive language in an effort to keep Tina onside.
I can't invest in either of them. Or Babe's ironic comments about Tosh's problems being down to her parents and how she was raised. They very well may be, but Tina's upbringing isn't anything to brag about - thieving, cheating and lying, as well as a total avoidance of responsibility. Tina must be as frustrating for Tosh as Tosh is as frightening for Tina. I don't give a rat's arse about either of them, and this story, as worthy as it may be, doesn't interest me in the least. In short, I'd like to see DTC admit that both characters have been a big epic fail and axe the pair of them.
Think Twice, Just Another Day in Carter Paradise.
Gee, yet another Carter do. Guy Fawkes Day, a day in remembrance of religious hatred, is Mick's favourite holiday. I'll bet his other one is St George's day. Will we have some sort of do going on on 23 April, where there'll be another big reveal?
Not only that, we get another Carter dinner too. After a good few weeks of Tina humming, hawing, frowning and insisting nothing is wrong, Mick insists that something is. He's not stupid - well, not that stupid -that it hasn't dawned on him that something's bothering Linda. Most likely, it was probably that she wasn't giving him any nookie. His first guess is that Linda is going through the menopause.
Really, Mick?
I know early menopause does happen, but it's rare, and even though they've been living the lives of people ten years their senior since they started having sex as children, Linda still is only 37 and not 47. Finally, between him and Nancy, pointing to his forehead, he reckons that Linda is going a bit mental, with which Nancy agrees.
I can't believe TPTB are still pushing Nancy and Dexter as a couple. Why? Do they value Dexter that much or is he hanging on as one of a decreasing member of a token dynamic and an offensive racial stereotype? What? The character is pejorative and brings Nancy, a likeable character, down to his mundane level. Nope, in this episode, Dexter is a plot device to further show Linda still isn't at all well. She can't accept the site of the kitchen table, after faffing about in the kitchen earlier in the morning in sight of the table, over which she was raped, so she breaks the table. The smell of lavender makes her vomit, so Mick reckons she's pregnant.
Mick probably isn't wrong.
Cue more
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