Written by the brilliant Natalie Mitchell, whom, as a novice, I seem to recall, wrote the only episode under Newman's tenure which actually felt like an EastEnders' episode of old. A lifelong fan, Natalie Mitchell knows the characters of whom she writes. In fact, I'd like to see her do more writing for Sharon.
There are two stinks hanging around the Square at the moment.
Stink I.
Roswell Ronnie, stand up.
An over-rated, unlikeable character played by a mediocre actress. So shoot me. At the moment, there are three characters on the programme in dire need of instant karma - Jane and Bobby (for obvious reasons) and Ronnie.
I hope this is on the horizon. And soon. Several people think Ronnie, a woman who kills, the epitome of a strong woman. I disagree. Ronnie is as man-dependent as any woman on the Square, even if she only uses the man of the moment as an accessory and a means by which she can obtain a child. If she can control the man to her liking, so much the better, and he'll stick around. But she doesn't love these men, as much as she's obsessed by any of them. They're a means to an end.
Tonight, she purred contentedly as she sat on her sofa about the dream she had of having the three people whom she loved most living with her under the same roof - implied sentiment (so that she could keep an eye on and control all three). Where does that leave Amy, you might ask? Conveniently forgotten, that's where.
Another example of Ronnie's innate weakness is what she does whenever she gets in trouble over her head, and that's most of the time. Ronnie, being a psychopath, has innate arrogance and believes herself far superior to anyone around her. She fucks up, and turns to Phil. Kills a man in cold blood, watches dispassionately as his body is crushed to dust, then she steals a cool million from her cousin Phil and leaves a hold-all covered in his and the murder victim's DNA, along with a blood-stained phone, in his house. In a New York minute, Phil, Sharon and Roxy are all involved in a murder cover-up, and all are forced to keep their mouths shut for fear of prison and losing custody of their children. She gets a gun from Vincent "for protection" from the Whites, who haven't been seen for dust forever, and when it becomes too dangerous for her to handle, she drops it under the kitchen table, yes, at Phil's house.
How ironic that Ronnie's gun got used on Phil.
Tonight is no different.
For about five minutes into tonight's episode, Charlie was interesting once more - when he was refusing her phonecalls and when he found enough scrota to confront her about Vincent's claims. Up until that moment, Ronnie had been all smiles and syrupy sweetness, but that whole demeanor seemed, at one and the same time, so creepy and so false, I'm not surprised Charlie didn't buy it. Clock how quickly the Ice Queen emerged as soon as Charlie questioned her version of events.
To his credit, he didn't back down from her leveling the accusation of infidelity his way. He met it head on, and offered the same, spontaneous and unrehearsed rationale that Roxy has consistently used. And although Charlie denied that there was ever anything permanent in his feelings toward Roxy (a lie, as we all know - don't forget that it was Charlie who reckoned he'd married the wrong sister), Ronnie never once denied that, although she may not have been unfaithful with Vincent, she'd certainly thought about it.
Then, as soon as Charlie starts talking families and referring to Ronnie, Matthew and himself as a "team", he loses his balls again. He concedes to Ronnie, and this is "day one," for them as a family, but Ronnie's already been double-crossed once by Charlie, and now he joins the ranks of the sister she at once obsesses over and disdains as someone whom she cannot trust.
Without trust, there isn't really a marriage.
Her truest colours showed tonight with the snide remark she made about Amy, in an indirect reference to her calling Roxy a slag the day before.
For big, tough Ronnie, she's spooked to the core by the fact that Vincent knows she's killed Carl White. She's spooked enough to enlist Phil's aid by demanding that Phil acquiesce to Vincent's one-off blackmail demand.
Quite honetly, the Mitchell showdown, fronted by Ronnie, tonight against Vincent was - I have to say it - fucking preposterous. Has Phil Mitchell so lost his marbles and his manhood to the extent that he will bow to pressure from Ronnie? He, himself, said she was a liability, and it was her insistence that he kill Nick Cotton, after she was bested by Nick, which brought about the accident she suffered. Oh yes, she'd stolen a hundred grand from Phil at that point, and Phil's said nothing about that.
Well, now, Vincent's demand for his silence is The Albert, and we know from spoilers that Phil will forge Sharon's signature in order to give Vincent (and Ronnie) what they want. He will betray his wife, while his psychopathic cousin demands that Sharon act more like a Mitchell. Really, Ronnie? You seem to be the one who's left your family open to your bad behaviour. It's just dawned on me that Phil would even do something like this to Peggy, whom he also treated like shit from time to time.
Phil harps on about the concept of family. He needs to get his priorities straight. Phil's family is his wife, his son, his stepson and his ward. It's not the ice queen, psychopathic alien who regularly robs from him and leaves incriminating evidence lying about.
Someone needs to bump Ronnie off this time, because the actress playing her is clearly bored with the role.
As well as Sharon, who'll suffer massively in all of this, there's also Roxy to think about.
Roxy is all over the place at the moment. Last night, she had one of many epiphanies she's had about Ronnie in the past - that Ronnie isn't content unless she's controlling every aspect of Roxy's life, so much so that Roxy believes that she can't function unless Ronnie is controlling her being. But last night's episode ended with a drunken Roxy crawling into bed with her self-satisfied sister, who's won the round again.
Tonight, Roxy realises, yet again, that she's been had, and she's doing exactly what Ronnie hopes she'll do. She drinks. Heavily. I felt immensely sorry for Roxy when she was drunkenly unburdening herself to Sharon in The Albert. Roxy's self-esteem is low, she feels inadequate that she isn't Ronnie. I actually liked the bond she was forging with Sharon, and I would love to see these two as friends. Ronnie doesn't need her, and Charlie doesn't need her. I suppose the game plan is for Ronnie to ensure that she and Charlie freeze Roxy out to such an extent that she feels isolated.
I do feel that Ronnie's downfall will come via Roxy. It's time she tore herself away from her sister's tit.
Finally, I loved Rita Simons's drunk scene with the woefully amateurish James Forde. Rita's facial expressions were hilarious.
Stink II.
Patrick is my hero. As he noted, himself, tonight, he sees right through Vincent. We even got a mention of Paul Trueman, one of the best characters on the programme since the Millennium. Patrick was right. As much as he loved Paul, Paul was always laying trouble at his door.
Was that a bit of thick foreshadowing when Vincent asked Patrick where Paul was, and Patrick informed Vincent that Paul was dead? It seemed as such, especially since Patrick was reminded of Paul so strongly by Vincent. The difference between Vincent and Paul is simple - Paul Trueman, ultimately, had compassion and a heart.
It doesn't help that Richard Blackwood continues to underperform, although I would think this is acting to the best of his ability. I hate the way he hisses all his s sounds. If it's supposed to remind us that he's a snake in the grass, it's too obvious. I imagine, since Vincent's sussed that Patrick is having a hard time financially, from the final demand for Council Tax (wait a moment ... don't the Trueman-Foxes pay monthly?), he'll "pay his way" as he said.
As much as I don't like Vincent, I like his family even less. Claudette is another inspid character played by an inadequate actress, and Donna is just vile. It wasn't enough for her to sit at that family get-together and belittle Kim and Denise, she has to accost Liam and undermine Carol's message about his studying, encouraging him to go against the grain of his grandmother's wishes and even encouraging him to pursue older women or girls sexually. She's really a vile creature, deserving of a slap.
Vincent's family looking down their noses at the Truemans?
I totally agree with Patrick. Vincent is a piece of dirt, and the sooner Kim realises that, the better.
The Return of the Native. Kush's useless platitude to Masood about how to deal with his children - Start building. Start building what? Bridges? The Masoods as a unit? I'm not sure, but Masood is. He channels the time when the Masoods were part of the community - owning the Post Office, a restaurant, even a market stall - although not all at once. They were close-knit but an integral part of the community.
Really, Masood? Because I seem to recall that Zainab looked fown her nose at everyone and everybody in the Square. So Masood's idea of building is to re-open the Masala Masood market stall.
That was a really watchable episode fraught with frustrations. I probably over-rated it by giving it 8 out of 10, but that was bolstered by the positives of Patrick's presence and how well Tameka Empson has made the transition from unsuccessful comic character to a very watchable dramatic one. There was also Rita Simons, an actress who is woefully underused in the programme, holding her own against a clearly disinterested Samantha Womack (an over-rated actress even before she set foot in the programme and one who has clearly lost the mojo of her character).
Pit those positives against the inept acting attempts of Richard Blackwood, and the bottling out of Roxy yet again.
Something Seems Oddly Familiar Round at the Masoods.
Shhh! Just listen ...
The first impression continues. Carmel is a flame-haired version of Peggy. The voice, the squeaky laugh. Close your eyes and you're back in PeggyLand. I like her, actually. She's obviously a very materialistic woman, but one who clearly loves her sons - oh, and there are two sons - see the similarities? So Kush has a brother somewhere on the horizon, whom we'll meet sooner or later. Probably someone who'll sweep Nancy off her feet and away from Tamwar, or attempt to do so.
So, did Masood meet his grandchild or is he telling Shabnam the truth? As much as I like Masood, he's capable of taking things into his own hands. Shabnam quite distinctly told him again tonight that she didn't want him interfering, that she was happy and had moved on; yet her first question to Masood when he returned was wanting to know if he'd seen the child. Masood is certainly capable of attempting to make contact with his grandchild.
The dinner eventually went smoother than it initially did with Masood eventually arriving, with Carmel wittering on about herself. It was the scene between Carmel and Masood at the pub where ambiguous revelations came tumbling out - moreso from Carmel, regarding Kush's behaviour in the wake of his wife's death than from Masood, who only admitted to Carmel that Shabnam's "past" consisted rebelling as a teenager (or even well into her twenties, as I recall), staying out all night and getting drunk.
Of course, we came to the real reason for the tete-a-tete at the pub: the tenuous link through all the storylines tonight was family and how family ties are the strongest that there are. Masood asked a cagey question, hypothetically of course, about how Carmel would react if she found out about a relative about whom she'd known nothing before. Would she want to meet this relative, even though it meant upsetting Kush?
Carmel gives the correct answer. She'd go through anything for her family. And so we're left with Carmel ambiguously reassuring Shabnam that Masood had told her all about Shabnam's past, and she was understanding; but of course, we know that Shabnam thinks Masood told Carmel about her secret daughter.
Contrived and typical.
The Jackass and the Fox.
The character of Vincent could be so intriguing and interesting, were he played by a better actor. Richard Blackwood is woefully inadequate. He even made Donkey's signature noise at one point tonight.
Instead, Vincent comes across as someone who conveys emotion by bulging his eyes, whispering his lines as though he were reciting them from rote. Donna is still a vile little bitch, smirking at Kim confronting Vincent in the middle of The Albert (made a change seeing that pub at length for an evening), and cheekily blowing out Kim's birthday candles with a triumphant air.
I don't know if Vincent is serious about Kim. The trump card Kim holds is that she's the mother of his child, and Vincent very much wants to be a part of his child's life. He also knows which buttons to push with Kim, and Kim knows now, deep down, that from the very first moment of their meeting, that, yes, Vincent did settle for Kim when he couldn't have a cold, conniving, psychopathic blonde bitch. Ronnie uses people. She used Vincent to get a gun for her. (Why? We've not seen hide nor hair of the Whites since Roswell sent them packing after having Carl's brother beaten to within an inch of his life). Then she dropped him when he was surplus to requirements.
Ronnie's like that, treating people like commodities - using them for whatever means might enhance her, and then discarding them like rubbish when her needs have been fulfilled.
Kudos to Kim for marching her arse right out of The Albert and into Ronnie's hospital room and taking absolutely no shit from Ronnie, even when Ronnie tried to belittle her by saying all Ronnie had to do was snap her fingers and Vincent was hers. Kim saw through every one of Ronnie's lies about how she met Vincent, and when Kim warned her to stay away from Vincent, Kim is totally able to follow through with the threat. If anyone on the Square can match Ronnie in a fight, I'd be willing to bet that Kim could knock Ronnie for six and not even break sweat.
Throughout all of this, there sat Patrick in the background, as immobile as a sphinx, taking everything in and refusing to allow Richard inside the house when he called, shouting for Kim. Maybe he really does want to make a go of it with Kim. He certainly told Donna where to go and how to get there, and he's now intent on making trouble for Ronnie by telling Charlie that his wife was in love with Vincent.
We had to suffer Tina and Sonia shouting for shots of liquor tonight. How Sonia has descended to trailer trashdom by associating with this scrote; and we caught a fleeting glimpse of Sharon, being proud of her bar. Hold that thought. Phil's about to de-fraud her in the interest of family.
For Vincent, he's got to choose against establishing family life such as the one he never had, or sniffing around a psychopath.
The Sugly Blisters.
For once, just once tonight, I thought Roxy was going to tell Ronnie to piss off totally. But in the end, thanks to Nancy's soliloquy on - yes! family - Roxy buckled, and we were treated to a final, lingering shot of the sisters, which was rife with Sapphic incest.
Nancy did almost hit a nail on the head. Ronnie is, indeed, jealous of Roxy. She's jealous of anyone with whom Ronnie is involved, of anyone whom Roxy could possibly love. Ronnie is allowed to pursue a means to an end for herself - and tonight Roxy sussed, finally, that not only did Ronnie not love Vincent in the least, but that she didn't love Charlie either, that she used both of them for her own ends - Vincent, to get her some protection and to rid the prosecution of a star witness in Dot's trial, and Charlie, to get her a child.
Yes, she's jealous of Charlie's affection for Roxy, because the Ice Queen needs a man at her feet, as Roxy said, to do whatever he was told to do.
Hallelujah! Someone, a character, recognises that Ronnie de-balls any male character who strikes up a close association with her! Charlie lost any intrigue, any insouciance and any depth he had the momet he started simpering around Ronnie. Halle-fucking-lujah! Roxy has seen the light.
But Roxy has seen the light before. Time and time again, she's recognised how Ronnie's sought to control her life, she even expounded on this to Nancy, how for 36 years, Ronnie has sought to convince Roxy that she was blatantly incapable of controlling her own life. After all, she left the hospital with a threat on her lips to tell all to Charlie about what she'd witnessed tonight, and she believed every word Kim, a former party partner of Roxy's, said.
Roxy's threat scared the shit out of Ronnie, but - oh, my godfathers! - Nancy had to inadvertantly offer up a clustefuck of excuses for Ronnie - from Ronnie missing her baby to family, in general, continuing to make and re-make the same mistakes which other people tolerate because - well, because they are family ...innit?
Well, Ronnie hasn't given any sort of impression of missing her child, and the only reason she wants Roxy and Charlie on separate planes of existence is because, united, they make it difficult for her to control either one.
And Walford General must have a pretty crap security system, with a nurse allowing a brazenly drunk Roxy to visit her sister and reconcile herself to Ronnie's will by climbing into bed with her for a cuddle.
Ronnie deserves heavy karma. Sooner, rather than later. Finally, Ronnie did something lower than low tonight, which sums up just how much of a psychopath she is - she swore a lie on her baby's life. Nothing good will come of that. The child means nothing to her. It was simply an obsession she had to fulfill. I hope she dies this year. Miserably.
I liked that episode, but for all the wrong reasons. If anything, it made it evident, even moreso, to me which characters are totally vile, unlikeable and downright cruel.
Let's call them Donna, Tina and Sonia.
The Beat Goes On: The Masoods.
The beat goes on, all right. Bang that drum in favour of the birth parent, who gave the child up for whatever reason. Shabnam's reason is that she was alone and knew what an illegitimate child would mean in her religion and culture. She also recognised that she wouldn't be a good parent under the circumstances. She's trying to move on now, especially since she and Kush are engaged; but there's Masood, pushing all the buttons - apologising, making concessions, confessing to feeling so guilty that he couldn't sleep, and all the time trying to manipulate Shabnam into admitting that she wanted to find out more about her daughter.
Sometimes, birth parents don't want to know. For whatever reason, they just don't, and people have to accept that. With Shabnam, a great part of her reluctance would stem from having to deal with Dean - and she would - and Shirley, both kick-boxing into the situation.
It's Shabnam's child. It's her choice. Back off.
The show always ups a gear when the Masoods take central stage, and they don't take it enough. The whole scenario os played out against preparations for a family meal in which Kush's mother is introduced. In the midst of all this, Masood confesses to Tamwar that he knows where Shabnam's daughter is.
"Roya" is now Jade - so Chloë is now Rebecca - and she's been fostered, but not adopted. Masood reckons she's been passed from pillar to post, but that may not be necessarily so. Donna was a long-term foster child with Claudette, and it may be that the child has been living with the same foster family. Considering her name, she most likely hasn't been raised in the Muslim faith, and no matter what assumptions Masood might make about her upbringing, she's sure as hell a lot better off than she'd be suddenly plopped amongst the Masoods at this point or even with Dean and Shirley, who don't even have a roof of their own over their heads.
As much as Masood might want to meet and know his granddaughter, and for all he's said he's forgiven Shabnam, he's putting himself to the forefront in this situation, and that's wrong. To begin with, he should have respected Shabnam's wish that she didn't want to know the child; secondly, she's only just got engaged to a man. If - and that should be a big if (but this is EastEndersland, where long-lost children spring into the arms of birth parents) - they succeeded in gaining custody of the child, not only would this be a tremendous adjustment effort for the child, but think of Shabnam and Kush. These are two people who barely know each other and who are starting out, and all of a sudden, there's a child, who's a stranger to them both?
But like a bull in a china shop, Masood is relentless and tells Tamwar that the child is only an hour away, and he's going to try to make an effort to see her; so he calls Social Services, as you do.
Timing is everything in Walford, and when Masood is late in turning up for the dinner party, Tamwar is forced to confess to Shabnam what Masood has done.
Thus beginneth another dinner party from hell.
A word about Bonnie Langford, who debuted tonight as Carmel - pronounced Car-mel and not Carmul as Shabnam muttered. First impression, for me, is this: If Danny Dyer sounds amazingly like Shane Richie in his delivery, then Bonnie Langford is channeling Barbara Windsor.
Of course, Shabnam is distracted by the worry that Masood might show up leading her daughter into the room, but Carmel manages to keep the flow of conversation going. Nancy's face was priceless as Carmel regaled the dinner party with tales of her ex-husbands flatulance after eating curry. I'm glad they're making more of the Nancy-Tamwar relationship. I like them as a couple. Tamwar's face when Carmel described him as a "puppy" and Nancy's reaction to that were both, in and of themselves, precious.
Forget about Kush and Shabnam, forget about Martin and Stacey. Let's see more of Nancy and Tamwar.
The Donkey, the Fox and the Three Bitches of Walford (Plus Martin and Stacey).
Donna is one vile bitch, from beginning to end; but then, so are Tina and Sonia.
Now we know why Vincent was arrested, and it's obvious that Phil shopped him to the police for having beaten up the drug dealer who sold the heroin to Dot. Richard Blackwood should seriously stick to comedy. He's an atrocious actor, who thinks a goggle-eyed stare denotes danger and is threatening. It's not. It makes him look like he's got constipation.
The most ridiculous piece of dialogue (this was written by Lauren Klee, remember) for a long time came in this episode during Vincent's questioning at the copshop, when he cockily asked the questioning policeman if he were guilty of being black. Now, that would normally be a timely and edgy remark for EastEnders to use, and very much akin to the realism espoused during the 80s, except the policeman questioning him ... was black, himself.
He now needs an alibi for the night he was beating the shit out of the dealer, so he turns to his sister, Lady Farquaad, Donna, who can't give him one. Then, he turns naturally to Kim, his wife, and preys on her via their daughter.
My hero in the entire piece is Patrick. He says little, but he totally has the measure of Vincent. From last night, when Kim was asserting that he didn't shop Vincent for assault, when he observed that maybe it wouldn't have been a bad thing if she had done so, to his opinion tonight that Vincent was bad and not a good influence for Kim. Patrick, saying nothing, and sitting in the background in the last scene, when that vicious, little bitch Farquaad took pleasure in telling Kim that Vincent beat the dealer up for Ronnie Mitchell, and how he'd always had a thing for blondes, was profoundly strong - his face a portrait of consternation and disapproval.
I went through a brief period when Alfie was sharing a flat with her, of beginning to like Donna, but now I see her as just a vicious little bully, who uses her disability as a shield which allows her to make ugly comments and be rude and interfering, thinking no one will dare rebuke her. Another thing she was doing this evening, besides baiting Kim, was encouraging Liam to ditch his schooling, before sitting his GCSEs and come to work, for a pittance, on her stall, selling women's clothing. Fit women would buy clothing from Liam was her enticement line, and Liam was dumb enough to believe that. All the time, as well, she was being disrespectful to Carol, calling her names behind her back and undermining her authority, before dismissing Liam with the remark that Liam was treated like a kid because he acted like a kid.
Newsflash: He is a kid. Suck it up, bitch. I really want to see Denise bitchslap this woman.
Oh, and I didn't like the way Vincent referred to Kim in last night's episode as "the piece." The piece of what? The piece of meat whom he impregnated and whom he now encircles, hoping to get access to his daughter by sweet-talking her mother? Kim is so desperate for love, she even takes the psycho back. I sincerely hope Vincent has a short shelf life. The actor is just too bad.
Then there is that pukeworthy couple of asshats known as Tina and Sonia. I get the feeling that Tina's welcome is wearing thin at Carol's house, when Liam complains about Tina's and Sonia's noisy antics. I was totally Team Carol for the way she handed Tina her arse about Liam's need for quiet in order to study and how she needs to haul her skanky arse out of the bed before noon. All the silly bitch could do was laugh behind Carol's back and even Saint Sonia laughed too. Funny, how her sisters' children's education isn't important to Sonia, who - just a few weeks ago - was lecturing Liam about needing to study; but then, don't forget that this selfish bitch emotionally blackmailed her child into giving up a place at a music school for Sonia's own ends.
That wasn't enough. Having to sit through her and Tina pissing on Martin moving in with Stacey, still trashmouthing him, and Tina going on and on about Sonia's tits, was simply disgusting beyond belief as to exhibiting what truly selfish and ugly-souled people they are. I wish someone would stick a tit in Tina's foul mouth so far it chokes her, and someone should shove Sonia's trumpet somewhere where the doctors wouldn't go and the nurses wouldn't reach.
On the other hand, Martin moved in with Stacey, endured her bossiness, and built shelves for Lily. He bought a take-away and admitted this was the first time he'd lived with a woman. Great dialogue followed.
Stacey: Well, what about Sonia. Martin: She doesn't count.
Nice one, Martin. That bitch shouldn't count for anything. Move on. He's content to be mates with Stacey now and bide his time. I'm just afraid that Stacey is going to use him.
Phoning It In. Please. Samantha Womack was a bleeding disgrace tonight. She barely could be arsed to deliver her lines. It's less than phoning them in now, it's pre-recording them and playing them back on her phone. She's totally lost it as Ronnie, so maybe it's time the character got a dose of the karma she's due.
I thought that was a very good episode with which to start the week, which sort of amazed me, considering it was a Peter Matessi episode, and I usually don't rate him as a writer; but once again, the pace was good, the characterisation spot on, and from which we learned a lot about both new and existing characters. There was just one bit of bad continuity, but that was minor.
This was a genuinely good episode, even if I'm not overly fond of the storyline.
You see, as I've said elsewhere, I think there's been a skewered meme about parents and children this time under DTC's tenure. There's a worrying tendency to cast aside adoptive or legal parents in favour of people who've fathered of given birth to children and then either adopted them out or abandoned them. There's a subtle encouragment for such children to cast aside the people who've nurtured and loved them in favour of the sperm donor and/or incubator who gave them life.
That doesn't make a parent, and this incipient storyline is just another piss poor excuse for a rapist to hang around like a bad smell.
Don't you think there's something missing? She hisses.
And so we get the great confrontation, and it was contrived, yet clever of the writer to ensure that Nancy was there, as Tamwar's guest, during the reveal. Her face was a picture when the truth came out that, not only did Shabnam have a child, but also that that child's father was none other than Dean.
It was easier for Masood to assume Dean had raped Shabnam, or that, since she'd been drunk at the time, that he'd taken advantage of her without her knowing what she was doing, but Shabnam is quick to deny all of that.
And here's where the slight discrepancy creeps in ...
Masood: Seven years ago ... you were here ... in this house ... pregnant ... with your mother ... and you said nothing?
Shabnam nodded affirmatively.
Hang on ... I remember when Shabnam left. She sat and spoke with Dawn about traveling, about going to Pakistan and working in an orphanage. I thought Shabnam left Walford and instead of going directly to Pakistan, she landed herself in Bow, where she ran into a bitter and twisted Dean, who'd probably gone there directly from his brutal meeting with Shirley after having been released from prison, and there the encounter in the loo of the club took place. Anyway, she must have remained there or thereabouts until the child was born and deposited on the doorstep of Fatima and Imzamam.
Instead, in tonight's episode, the encounter happened when Shabnam was still at home, that she was pregnant and panicking in the house with Zainab, and that this was behind her reason for leaving.
Shabnam is insistent that the child was adopted out, by Fatima and Imzamam, whom she thought would keep the child; and she used this as a means of throwing some home truths in Masood's face. He's understandably angry with her, and she uses that anger as a defence mechanism, telling him she adopted her child out because she recognised she could never be a good parent, unlike Masood, who liked to present himself as such but never gives any sort of compassion or understanding to his children, only anger.
Shabnam says she only returned from Pakistan because Masood was drinking, gambling and hitting Tamwar. Funny. I thought Masood brought her back after his mother's funeral. The drinking, gambling and hitting on Tamwar didn't start until Shabnam was entrenched in the household and showing her big disapproval of Masood seeing a white woman (Carol). Shabnam, herself, knew exactly where her pregnancy would place her in her culture and her religion, and she did the only thing she thought would save face.
Kush, at least, has forgiven and accepted her. He loves her.
Nitin Ganatra was tonight's main star - a man confused and angry at the revelation that he had another grandchild, and yet, recognising his shortcomings as a father and husband. It took removing his children from his presence and the calming influence of Fatima and some tea to get him to talk about the situation. There was another revelation to come, when Mas mused about how Imzamam would sit in judgement of him, yet again, on this situation. That's when Fatima confesses that Imzamam has left her and returned for good to Pakistan. (I'll bet her throwing off the burkha did it for him). Now, she's left alone with their son, Ali - but wasn't there a daughter as well? I seem to remember a child of either sex. What happened to the daughter?
Fatima elicits a bit of sexual tension in wondering if she's married the wrong brother, assuring Masood that he was, indeed, a good man, in the circumstances. Then she confesses that Shabnam's child hasn't been adopted, and that she, Fatima, knows where she is.
My guess is that, as the child is mixed race, adoption may have been hard, and it means that she's with foster carers, which means - yes, it would be possible to re-connect with the child; but not without a thorough vetting by Social Services, of both Shabnam and Dean.
I loved Nancy's presence throughout - silent, mouth agape in worry and disbelief. I kept expecting her to run away, but she didn't. She stuck by Tamwar, and her reaction when they all repaired to the pub was that she certainly was glad it wasn't just her family who were totally bonkers, and topped it off with some champagne, including non-alcoholic champagne, for Tamwar and Shabnam.
The Start of Something Big. There were two stories within this main story tonight, the first being Martin and Stacey's becoming flatmates.
Martin is socially gauche. If that bitch Sonia ...
... thinks Martin's attitude toward her dampened her own self-esteem, I think the opposite is true. Martin's experience with women is limited. He married the first woman with whom he'd had sex, he'd had a girlfriend briefly before marrying Sonia, and afterward, he had a brief fling with Carly Wicks and was stalked by a girl. He's thirty, single again for the first time since he was twenty-one, he's attracted to this young woman, and he doesn't know how to make his feelings known. He hasn't yet sussed that, in many instances, relationships which last, are often slow-burners.
I thought it was a bit brusque of Stacey to hand him the keys and imply that she needed a flatmate to babysit her child and for companionship. Companionship is one thing, but to expect him to babysit Lily is also a bit much. The touching of the knee was totally gauche, but then, Bradley, in his early days of knowing Stacey, often had moments like that; but his subsequent apology was heart-rending. Sonia's convinced him that he's the ultimate turn-off for women, and he believes it.
I've no objection to Stacey charging him rent. That's her right, but to expect him to clean et al and to charge him for not doing so is, once again, a bit much. A little compassion regarding his situation wouldn't go amiss either.
The fact that Martin's aim is to marry Stacey within the year is telling. She's attracted to Kush, who's in love with Shabnam. This is reminiscent of Ian-Cindy-Wicksy without the pregnancy. Martin is going to be used by Stacey, and that's going to be very bad for Martin.
The other sub-story in this tale was Nancy edging a proposal out of Mick for Linda, so there's a Carter wedding on the horizon.
Eeyore.
Let me just say this: Donna is vile. She's the worst sort of person who hides behind her disability and uses this as an excuse to say anything rude she wants about anyone. She was well out of order in referring to Denise as a dog, and I was totally Team Kim when she punched a hole in her wheelchair.
This shit with Phil is ridiculous as well. I can't understand the scope of it. So he's sussed that Ronnie's killed Carl White. There was some heavy foreshadowing tonight when he remarked to Phil that he was enjoying the atmosphere of a bustling pub. Watch this space. This guy is obviously supposed to be a heavier version of Michael Moon, but he's not cutting the mustard.
Clever of Phil, however, to overhear Kim's witterings about assault enough, to call in a favour with some dodgy copper and have Vincent arrested.
Really, this back-and-forth isn't interesting at all.
Watchable episode, but Eeyore and his sister Lady Farquaad, can take a running jump.
I didn't watch this until Saturday. I've got a new type of contact lenses, and one eye isn't taking to them all that nicely, so I opted for an evening of long-awaited sleep, my eyes were watering so badly. Well, I've watched it now, and my eyes are still watering badly, but not because of inflammation. It was truly a nice episode - well-balanced, well-written, poignant and gently funny, and it's surprise was that we finally got to meet Fat Elvis. The downside was the presence of Sonia and Tina, who stank more than Fat Elvis's rotten fish.
The Moon Beams.
Alfie pulls it off. Alfie Moon always does. For the incipient Alfie-haters, he wasn't lying to Kat. He's simply trying to protect her. It seems as if this departure was really final, that the Moons - complete with a brand-new Tommy - are off to pastures new. Even if Shane Richie has decided to pack it in entirely or even if he hasn't, I don't think a return next year or even the year after, is on the cards. One has to remember the ubiquity of the word "break" in EastEnders' parlance. Jo Joyner, busy with other projects, is still on a "break." Alison King, who's leaving Corrie to pursue other roles, will be on a "break" for however long she, herself, determines.
Sonia, a nurse who knows nothing, but who is consulted about everything, suddenly sounds like a walking textbook of medicine, when Alfie quizzes her about the efficacy of someone flying with a "mass" in his brain. Her answer deems it not adviseable for Alfie to fly - so how do he and Kat end up in Ireland later on this year? That's a long trip by sea.
The Moons were at their best in their last episode. So they won't have a bar - and why have a mortgage? Bars in Torremolinos of the sort the Moons would have an interest start at €100,000. They'd be quids in. The fact that Kat felt moved to reiterate the No More Secrets ultimatum for their marriage moved Alfie to confess that he'd failed the medical, but the look on Kat's face of worry meant that he couldn't tell her the real nature of what was wrong. As the doctor said, this mass could be benign. From the MRI scan, it looked fairly big - big enough for Alfie to be suffering some sort of symptoms from such a thing; but as he said, he feels fine, he's lost no weight, he's functioning normally. What was amazing was how quickly, upon hearing Dr Sonia's expert verdict, he managed to organise the purchase of his old car, plus a trailer, and how everything was packed up and ready to go without Kat's knowledge, driving all the way, the length of France and Spain to their new home.
The irony of the departure is not so much Alfie leaving with his usual dark secret, but that Kat's dark secret came seeking her out (Sister Judith, obviously with news of the secret son), but left when she realised how much the nature of her secret would affect a so-called happy ending. One wonders how the couple do end up in Ireland on a mission of sorts.
In truth, they really aren't leaving with a million in their pocket, having paid the rent on Stacey's flat for a year, bought back the Capri (a classic car), and paid Stacey's pitch fees for a year. but - hey! - this is EastEnders.
The real big surprise of the night was, finally, the introduction of Fat Elvis, who is now Big Mo's legal husband (and it looks like her toy boy as well). Big Mo and Fat Elvis are now husband and wife. Does that mean Mo is finished as a character as well, or will she recur from time to time? I'd like to see more of Fat Elvis. For fifteen years, we've heard of the man, and now his presence also reeks of a finality for Mo. I hope not.
The farewell do in the pub was a nice and touching gesture, and Mick served the community well, reminding Walford that Alfie was their former landlord and continuous friend. Alfie's speech was a master of continuity - with nods to Big Mo, Billy being a loser and Ian paying his debts. The parting between Alfie and Billy and Alfie and Ian was touching too, the man hugs, and Ian's charmingly puerile plea that Alfie still be his best mate. You have to remember that Alfie was Ian's only mate, and Ian's going to be in need of mates a lot in the coming months.
The two other significant moments were Alfie, harbouring his secret, reaching out to Kush, who seemed in the depths of despair, advising him with what was essentially a Cockney version of Carpe diem (Seize the day), and then his final message before leaving Walford - how much the community meant to him and how he loved them.
I daresay, I'll watch the episode again, just for that part.
The Moons have been on a momentous journey. They left on a high in 2005, and they returned five years later, only to be destroyed by an inept executive producer. Just now, however, at the end of their tenure, they recaptured their magic, and they're leaving on another poignant and bittersweet high. I loved that Alfie paraphrased his 2005 remark to Kat before scurrying off in the Capri this time:-
I've got two furry dice and a million quid in my pocket.
I love the Moons. Bloody love them. But having said that, I don't want them back a third time. Not either of them. No death off-screen, no death in Ireland, no new family members. Just let's remember them as they were in this episode. Happy.
The Carters and The Masoods Are Now Linked.
Well, Shirley will believe anything that comes out of Dean's mouth. She believes he isn't a rapist because he says so, so she believes what he says about Shabnam having his daughter. Smart Dean, for picking up on Shabnam's slip-up in her lie.
And so we are given the image of Shirley's party piece - stomping around to the Masoods' first thing in the morning and demanding of Shabnam where her "granddaughter" is. Even if she believes Dean, why would she even think Shabnam knows? If the child has been adopted, she won't know. This is Shirley at her worst, even though she was cautioned to leave this well enough alone by Buster, who's actually turned into a stabilising and sensible influence on her, even though she disregards everything he advises.
How incongruent are hers and Buster's presence in what is supposed to be a trendy-wendy hair salon? The salon and this adventure with Dean seems to indicate that Dean is sticking around, like a bad smell, which is an absolute slap in the face to women in general and anyone who's ever been a victim of rape.
Shabnam manages to fend off Shirley, who recognises the lie she's telling. However, Buster still cautions carefulness. Maybe she wasn't lying when she said the child had died. Maybe this was still too much, emotionally, for her to deal with. As Buster said, coming from her faith and culture, this isn't something she'd go shouting the odds about.
Shabnam, however, is in full fear mode, and -once again, in true EastEnders' fashion - she organises an escape route. But not before Kush confronts her with the fact that he now knows her secret. Of course, Shabnam knows how he's found out, and I honestly couldn't believe Stacey's justification that Kush had a right to know, being her reason for telling him. Yes, he did have the right to know, but from Shabnam, not from Stacey. Stacey betraying a trust didn't give her the right to tell Kush something that needed only to come from Shabnam.
Still, Stacey is right about one thing: Kush does still love Shabnam. She's his choice, not Stacey, so anything hampering that relationship will surely come from Stacey's dissatisfaction.
The Masood luncheon party was the one genuinely funny situation in the entire episode. It was tragic, because Shabnam thought, in her own immature fashion, that the only way to escape from Dean bothering her and from Mas potentially finding out, was to accept a marriage proposal (that had yet to be given) from a man whose name she didn't even know - she called Asim "Asher" - and to get out of Walford that very night and go to Newcastle.
I liked Asim. He's a vet - could he be the vet for whom Abi will now work? Poor guy, he was totally bemused by the fact that he'd been summoned to a celebratory lunch. He looked even more amused when Shabnam announced ... We're getting married.
Fatima saw through everything, even though Masood was placated, but it was Tamwar who saved the day, escaping, unnoticed, to find Kush in the cafe and urge him to Shabnam's side. That was as passionate as I've seen Tamwar in years, and Nancy wasn't around to see it.
You're needed at the house right away!
The second big surprise of the night was Kush heeding Alfie's cryptic advice about keeping the people you love closest to you, and barging in on the Masood proceedings to propose to Shabnam. Even bigger was the fact that she accepted.
Poor Asim - Does that mean the engagement is over?
That day must have been like a dream to Mas - first Shirley barging in, then Shabnam announcing she was marrying one man, then deciding to marry another.
The Endpieces.
Sonia finds Martin's burping at the table offensve, yet she's charmed by the fact that Tina farts in her sleep? Please. Remove these two dumbasses from my screen without further ado. Sonia isn't the Wise Woman of Walford and Tina is so up her own arse, her stupidity can't even be recognised. Axe, please.
And Mick and Shirley have reached a reconciliation of sorts. Mick is right. He's accepted that they have to be business partners, but nothing has changed on the personal front, as long as she defends Dean and badmouths Linda, to whom she owes a lifetime of apologies. That's as much as he can do, but Shirley reckons, slyly, that she can alter the situation.
Nothing can be altered until the rapist admits his guilt and goes.
