Mr Little delivers.
I gave that a resounding nine. Normally, I'm all for giving my favourite EastEnders' writer the full whack of ten, but the bleeding obvious spoiled the show for me tonight, but I'll save the worst for last.
The Beginning of a Happy Ending.
The Millennium's favourite couple are an item again. Haters, keep on hating, because Alfie and Kat are an endgame couple. It was only a matter of time, and it had to be sooner, rather than later because they're off on the ubiquitous EastEnders' "break" in a couple of weeks.
The culmination of tonight's storyline was one of the most easily sussed surprises since the hint was dropped. DTC is losing his knack for surprises. To date, we've all guessed that Vincent was not only Kim's husband, but also Claudette's son; we knew from the moment we got fed the Lottery hint that this was going to land at Alfie's and Kat's door; and it's almost a foregone conclusion that Kathy's husband Gavin is Sharon's birth father.
Not only that, but there was all manner of foreshadowing the coming good fortune throughout the episode tonight - the loss of the compensation, the frigid and snobby atmosphere in the posh restaurant, and Kat's repeated assertions that money meant nothing to her and that it was a curse; but you always felt that, the Moons being the Moons, something would go awry with the scratch card and someone else would own it.
The one real surprise in their portion of the episode was the fact that Kat had heard from her solicitor, who'd told her that she didn't qualify for compensation owing to her suspended sentence. Go figure that one. Go figure the compensation angle anyway. I thought, originally, the private investigator only wanted Kat to testify about her own abuse by Harry in order that another one of his victims might get compensation. She'd turned down - actually burned - the money left her, via Zoe, in Harry's will and always had an aversion, even to the compensation. As she stated tonight, it was blood money.
No, the real surprise here was that she'd heard from the solicitor and was all right about it.
I suppose some would say that for the umpteenth time the Moons have reconciled, and against the picturesque backdrop of the London everyone knows and recognises - Trafalgar Square, reminiscing about the absent pigeons; declaring their undying, but cautious, love against Big Ben's silhouette in the distance. Yes, it was contrived, and probably a little bit schmaltzy, but it worked.
There was just one little niggle.
Alfie assumed too much of the role of sin-eater. This was more than a slight re-writing of history here. Alfie kept reiterating how they always come together, only for him to hurt her - never intentionally, only accidentally - and yet he'd never stopped loving her. More than loving her, she was his best friend, and you really can't go wrong if your soulmate is also your best friend. The only other couple to man up to that requirement on the show at the moment is Mick and Linda.
But nothing was made of the fact that Kat has - repeatedly and sometimes intentionally - hurt Alfie. She didn't even acknowledge it beyond a reluctant admission that perhaps she hurt him at times also, but take a sip of tea during that scenen, and you'd have missed that line. The fact is stark: Kat's hurt Alfie repeatedly with her infidelities. Alfie is a father to a son she conceived by his cousin, when she was still married to Alfie.
Kat has publically humiliated Alfie, she's had a full-on affair behind his back, she's questioned his manhood and she's assaulted him; yet he was always there for her. Even after he kicked her out, he stumped the money to get her a market pitch and got Ian onside to prevent the market traders from spurning her.
But this is the 21st Century world of the man-hating EastEnders, where the man always does wrong, and the woman is always the victim.
Of all the scenes in the Alfie-and-Kat vignette tonight, the one in the posh restaurant had to be the weakest of the lot. The behaviour of both of them was exaggerated, OTT and almost a raving caricature of East meets West as in EastEnd and WestEnd, complete with Kat raucously ticking off a Samantha Cameron lookalike surrounded by a bevy of Hooray Henries.
The final foreshadowing of fortune to come came after they'd bought the scratchcard and sat munching a sarnie in front of Beales' when Kat implored Alfie to take a gamble on her, as she would on him. We knew then that their fate and fortune was sealed.
For once, EastEnders had a happy duff-duff, complete with Alfie rubbing the scratchcard on Kat's tits for luck. Line of the night to Kat:-
I must have some lucky tits.
Scene of the night was Stacey's face when she'd heard the Moons had won a million quid.
I just hope that this money doesn't bring them sorrow.
The Fox, theDonkey Hound and the Psychopath.
I'm not sure about Vincent. I like him well enough when he's with Kim, but I detest him when he's hanging about the putrid psychopath in the hospital bed.
Ronnie is everything I sublimely hate about the Mitchells. Since she's been in a coma, she's had a designer haircut and condition and a spray tan, and I hated the way she openly implied that Vincent would always be on hand to do her bidding because she was "worth it."
Because she's worth it?
Who the fuck does she think she is, some asshat in a L'Oréal commercial? It wouldn't surprise me, because L'Oréal tests on animals, and Ronnie thinks everyone who walks and breathes is a sub-human form of life put on earth to do her bidding. I'm not sure that the person she wants killed is the drug dealer who's due to testify against Dot. Phil understood implicitly that it was Charlie she wanted disappearing. He wouldn't go there. Why? Because (a) he isn't a killer and (b) because Ronnie would ensure that he would get the blame for the murder, and somewhere along the line, she'd link him to Carl White.
Whatever telephone number she's given Vincent has given him pause for thought. Maybe it's one of his own telephone numbers. It wouldn't be difficult to think Vincent was mixed up in something of this sort, but then again, he hasn't seen Charlie and doesn't know who he is. All in all, I think wanting the dealer killed is a ruse. Thing is, Roswell Ronnie isn't as clever as she gives herself credit for. She's the only member of her Appreciation Society - except for Roxy, who's held there much against her will when she chooses to wake up and smell the coffee.
On the other hand, Kim has Vincent's child. Since Kim and Pearl pretty much come as a package these days, Vincent has to have one in order to get the other. Kim's still wary of him, but she's easily swayed by flattery and an appeal to her ego. She'd best heed Kat's advices about falling for his charm. But then - and it's early days and way too early to tell - maybe, just maybe, Vincent might have a bit of depth. Maybe he's caught between the devil with the blue eyes and the deep blue sea of a wife and child who love him - not to mention his mother, who probably wouldn't take too kindly to the shit going down with Ronnie.
I can easily imagine Claudette, or even Kim, doing this to Vincent ...
A Day in the Life of the House of Death. I find it significant that so much of the action in the creepy Beale household takes place around the exact area where Lucy was killed. Ian sit, hacking, coughing and sneezing, on the sofa where his daughter died, not even thinking of the consequences of that night, and wholly subservient to his domineering, sociopathic wife, who gets what she wants.
Consider this: Lucy was indirectly responsible for Jane getting shot and having to have a hysterectomy, effectively prohibiting her from having children. It was Jane, who scooped up Lucy's body, bunged her in the boot of her car, dragged her across the Common (stuff that "I carried her like a baby" shit) and dumped her there.
Now Jane has the opportunity to have a baby of her own, and she's manipulated a clearly reluctant Cindy, who didn't seem quite convinced that Jane's passive aggressive desire for a child was totally the right thing for her child.
We don't want Beth adopted out to strangers. She needs to be here with her family.
Well, Jane, you and Ian aren't Beth's family. Gina and Bev Williams are, so Cindy's assertion that she'd never had a family was more than a bit of a porky pie, and at times tonight, she came across as yet another entitled, spoiled little madam; yet the furtive, glances, almost of fear, Jane's way when she was speaking with the Social Worker and giving her view of the adoption proposal, seemed to me that Cindy wasn't exactly convinced of the proceedings, but was going along with what Jane wanted out of fear of something - what? That she'd be sent back to Bev? That she'd be dealt with in the same way as Lucy?
There was one brassive bit of foreshadowing tonight that was totally and utterly chilling - Jane's rationale for wanting to adopt Beth.
Beth belongs here. She'll be good for Bobby. He has to learn to share.
Woa-HO! Believe me, Beth is the last thing Bobby needs, and belonging to the Beales who are wantonly concealing the fact that Bobby is a killer is the last thing Beth needs, and I think this is what's worrying Cindy. No, Cindy can't be a mum. She's too immature, but having Beth close by,where she can keep an eye on Beth and - more importantly - Bobby's behaviour around her, is tantamount to Cindy.
If this storyline is modeled on the We've Got to Talk about Kevin, then I fear for Beth. Kevin put his younger sister's eye out. And then he killed her.
The Stench of the Carters and the Stink of Sonia.
Sonia is one rancid, self-centred bitch, who callously uses her daughter as a mealy-mouthed means to cover her arse. Martin had it right - Sonia enjoyed having sex with him, and that's what Sonia's all about. She simply wants sex and tells herself that it's affection - unless she has sex with Fatboy,and I'm surprised she didn't pursue him in the aftermath. If she can't get sex from a man, she'll have it from a woman. For some reason, the show seems loathe to use the word bisexual, but I don't think Sonia even considers herself that.
She's shitting herself because she's afraid Martin might reveal what happened between them, when Martin knows she enjoyed what happened. Once again, Sonia uses Rebecca as an excuse, imploring Martin to keep quiet. She tries a little emotional blackmail.
You wouldn't want Rebecca finding out.
Sonia, you ignorant slut, of course that's exactly what Martin would want, and that's what Rebecca would want to happen; and Martin is quick off the mark to identify Sonia's selfish, craven fear.
You mean you wouldn't want your girlfriend to find out.
What a callous bitch Sonia is! She deserves someone as feckless and dishonest as Tina, because she's as bad as Tina - cheating, keeping secrets, lying. It was singularly cruel for her to stage her make-up scene with Tina, after sitting between Carol and Dot and lying about her concern for Dot. She was thinking about her own skanky arse and fearful that a beetle-browed Martin might make trouble. So she lies to her dimwitted girlfriend. (Even more than I hate Sonia, I hate that sullen, sulky little girl look Tina adopts when she's upset - with the lip poked out and the eyes veering from side to side. She looks like the cheap chav reprobate that she is); and Sonia, after lying about going straight home to go to sleep, she even compliments Tina on the appalling tribute she gave Tina, in front of her young daughter.
I'll bet she never, in a million years, imagined that Cindy would be the one to reveal her dirty little secret - and to Rebecca, of all people.
There was, however, a good scene between Ian and Martin, discussing Martin's feelings about Sonia. He doesn't love her anymore. She's familiar and comfortable, but he doesn't love her. However as much as Ian cautions him to move on, Martin is convinced that Sonia isn't a full-on lesbian, but someone who dabbles with whatever sex is available when the gender she's with isn't satisfying her. Ian points out that he's remained with Jane because she hasn't gone lesbian - but she has gone murder accomplice of Ian's daughter.
(Sigh) ... then there's the same old same old Carters - Shirley sat opposite Tina in the cafe bleating on about Bloodvessel defending her so-called honour in the face of Babe, and wondering if he still loved her. (Puke) And Court Jester whining about Shirley not listening to he moaning about Sonia's defection. Oh, and I hated pukewad Tina's reaction to Sonia's locket as a gift from Martin. Martin is the father of Sonia's child, who gave her a memento of her child at a time when she wasn't with them. If Tina resents Martin, she will surely resent Rebecca as well. I want someone to smack these two.
Once again, we have the old, familiar scene of Shirley marching into the Vic, ostensibly to make peace with Mick. Why doesn't she understand that there can be no peace as long as Shirley is fighting Dean's corner and as long as Shirley continues to trashmouth Linda, calling her a liar. She thinks she and Mick can meet on the common ground of their distaste for Babe, but I loved the moment Mick shoved the money at Shirley as a down payment, informing her that they were buying her out of her share.
Then we had the odious Court Jester running around like a headless chicken -and that's what Tina reminds me of! a flapping chicken screeching about!
Mick! Mick! You can't do this Mick! I've lost me faiiiiiirrrmly! Dad's dead! (Shut up, you bitch! You didn't even know him until last year). I've lost Zsa Zsa! You never had Zsa Zsa, you dozy cow, she's got more sense in her arse than you have in the one brain you possess from time to time. If you don't have a fairrrmly, it's your own fault.Don't bring Mick into this.
The Carters were in the background today, but not enough, and I'm tired of seeing the same old runaround. Shirley needs to be removed from the Vic, and Tina and Sonia need to go.
Good episode, but not the Carter or the Sonia bit. Max works well with Carol.
I gave that a resounding nine. Normally, I'm all for giving my favourite EastEnders' writer the full whack of ten, but the bleeding obvious spoiled the show for me tonight, but I'll save the worst for last.
The Beginning of a Happy Ending.
The Millennium's favourite couple are an item again. Haters, keep on hating, because Alfie and Kat are an endgame couple. It was only a matter of time, and it had to be sooner, rather than later because they're off on the ubiquitous EastEnders' "break" in a couple of weeks.
The culmination of tonight's storyline was one of the most easily sussed surprises since the hint was dropped. DTC is losing his knack for surprises. To date, we've all guessed that Vincent was not only Kim's husband, but also Claudette's son; we knew from the moment we got fed the Lottery hint that this was going to land at Alfie's and Kat's door; and it's almost a foregone conclusion that Kathy's husband Gavin is Sharon's birth father.
Not only that, but there was all manner of foreshadowing the coming good fortune throughout the episode tonight - the loss of the compensation, the frigid and snobby atmosphere in the posh restaurant, and Kat's repeated assertions that money meant nothing to her and that it was a curse; but you always felt that, the Moons being the Moons, something would go awry with the scratch card and someone else would own it.
The one real surprise in their portion of the episode was the fact that Kat had heard from her solicitor, who'd told her that she didn't qualify for compensation owing to her suspended sentence. Go figure that one. Go figure the compensation angle anyway. I thought, originally, the private investigator only wanted Kat to testify about her own abuse by Harry in order that another one of his victims might get compensation. She'd turned down - actually burned - the money left her, via Zoe, in Harry's will and always had an aversion, even to the compensation. As she stated tonight, it was blood money.
No, the real surprise here was that she'd heard from the solicitor and was all right about it.
I suppose some would say that for the umpteenth time the Moons have reconciled, and against the picturesque backdrop of the London everyone knows and recognises - Trafalgar Square, reminiscing about the absent pigeons; declaring their undying, but cautious, love against Big Ben's silhouette in the distance. Yes, it was contrived, and probably a little bit schmaltzy, but it worked.
There was just one little niggle.
Alfie assumed too much of the role of sin-eater. This was more than a slight re-writing of history here. Alfie kept reiterating how they always come together, only for him to hurt her - never intentionally, only accidentally - and yet he'd never stopped loving her. More than loving her, she was his best friend, and you really can't go wrong if your soulmate is also your best friend. The only other couple to man up to that requirement on the show at the moment is Mick and Linda.
But nothing was made of the fact that Kat has - repeatedly and sometimes intentionally - hurt Alfie. She didn't even acknowledge it beyond a reluctant admission that perhaps she hurt him at times also, but take a sip of tea during that scenen, and you'd have missed that line. The fact is stark: Kat's hurt Alfie repeatedly with her infidelities. Alfie is a father to a son she conceived by his cousin, when she was still married to Alfie.
Kat has publically humiliated Alfie, she's had a full-on affair behind his back, she's questioned his manhood and she's assaulted him; yet he was always there for her. Even after he kicked her out, he stumped the money to get her a market pitch and got Ian onside to prevent the market traders from spurning her.
But this is the 21st Century world of the man-hating EastEnders, where the man always does wrong, and the woman is always the victim.
Of all the scenes in the Alfie-and-Kat vignette tonight, the one in the posh restaurant had to be the weakest of the lot. The behaviour of both of them was exaggerated, OTT and almost a raving caricature of East meets West as in EastEnd and WestEnd, complete with Kat raucously ticking off a Samantha Cameron lookalike surrounded by a bevy of Hooray Henries.
The final foreshadowing of fortune to come came after they'd bought the scratchcard and sat munching a sarnie in front of Beales' when Kat implored Alfie to take a gamble on her, as she would on him. We knew then that their fate and fortune was sealed.
For once, EastEnders had a happy duff-duff, complete with Alfie rubbing the scratchcard on Kat's tits for luck. Line of the night to Kat:-
I must have some lucky tits.
Scene of the night was Stacey's face when she'd heard the Moons had won a million quid.
I just hope that this money doesn't bring them sorrow.
The Fox, the
I'm not sure about Vincent. I like him well enough when he's with Kim, but I detest him when he's hanging about the putrid psychopath in the hospital bed.
Ronnie is everything I sublimely hate about the Mitchells. Since she's been in a coma, she's had a designer haircut and condition and a spray tan, and I hated the way she openly implied that Vincent would always be on hand to do her bidding because she was "worth it."
Because she's worth it?
Who the fuck does she think she is, some asshat in a L'Oréal commercial? It wouldn't surprise me, because L'Oréal tests on animals, and Ronnie thinks everyone who walks and breathes is a sub-human form of life put on earth to do her bidding. I'm not sure that the person she wants killed is the drug dealer who's due to testify against Dot. Phil understood implicitly that it was Charlie she wanted disappearing. He wouldn't go there. Why? Because (a) he isn't a killer and (b) because Ronnie would ensure that he would get the blame for the murder, and somewhere along the line, she'd link him to Carl White.
Whatever telephone number she's given Vincent has given him pause for thought. Maybe it's one of his own telephone numbers. It wouldn't be difficult to think Vincent was mixed up in something of this sort, but then again, he hasn't seen Charlie and doesn't know who he is. All in all, I think wanting the dealer killed is a ruse. Thing is, Roswell Ronnie isn't as clever as she gives herself credit for. She's the only member of her Appreciation Society - except for Roxy, who's held there much against her will when she chooses to wake up and smell the coffee.
On the other hand, Kim has Vincent's child. Since Kim and Pearl pretty much come as a package these days, Vincent has to have one in order to get the other. Kim's still wary of him, but she's easily swayed by flattery and an appeal to her ego. She'd best heed Kat's advices about falling for his charm. But then - and it's early days and way too early to tell - maybe, just maybe, Vincent might have a bit of depth. Maybe he's caught between the devil with the blue eyes and the deep blue sea of a wife and child who love him - not to mention his mother, who probably wouldn't take too kindly to the shit going down with Ronnie.
I can easily imagine Claudette, or even Kim, doing this to Vincent ...
A Day in the Life of the House of Death. I find it significant that so much of the action in the creepy Beale household takes place around the exact area where Lucy was killed. Ian sit, hacking, coughing and sneezing, on the sofa where his daughter died, not even thinking of the consequences of that night, and wholly subservient to his domineering, sociopathic wife, who gets what she wants.
Consider this: Lucy was indirectly responsible for Jane getting shot and having to have a hysterectomy, effectively prohibiting her from having children. It was Jane, who scooped up Lucy's body, bunged her in the boot of her car, dragged her across the Common (stuff that "I carried her like a baby" shit) and dumped her there.
Now Jane has the opportunity to have a baby of her own, and she's manipulated a clearly reluctant Cindy, who didn't seem quite convinced that Jane's passive aggressive desire for a child was totally the right thing for her child.
We don't want Beth adopted out to strangers. She needs to be here with her family.
Well, Jane, you and Ian aren't Beth's family. Gina and Bev Williams are, so Cindy's assertion that she'd never had a family was more than a bit of a porky pie, and at times tonight, she came across as yet another entitled, spoiled little madam; yet the furtive, glances, almost of fear, Jane's way when she was speaking with the Social Worker and giving her view of the adoption proposal, seemed to me that Cindy wasn't exactly convinced of the proceedings, but was going along with what Jane wanted out of fear of something - what? That she'd be sent back to Bev? That she'd be dealt with in the same way as Lucy?
There was one brassive bit of foreshadowing tonight that was totally and utterly chilling - Jane's rationale for wanting to adopt Beth.
Beth belongs here. She'll be good for Bobby. He has to learn to share.
Woa-HO! Believe me, Beth is the last thing Bobby needs, and belonging to the Beales who are wantonly concealing the fact that Bobby is a killer is the last thing Beth needs, and I think this is what's worrying Cindy. No, Cindy can't be a mum. She's too immature, but having Beth close by,where she can keep an eye on Beth and - more importantly - Bobby's behaviour around her, is tantamount to Cindy.
If this storyline is modeled on the We've Got to Talk about Kevin, then I fear for Beth. Kevin put his younger sister's eye out. And then he killed her.
The Stench of the Carters and the Stink of Sonia.
Sonia is one rancid, self-centred bitch, who callously uses her daughter as a mealy-mouthed means to cover her arse. Martin had it right - Sonia enjoyed having sex with him, and that's what Sonia's all about. She simply wants sex and tells herself that it's affection - unless she has sex with Fatboy,and I'm surprised she didn't pursue him in the aftermath. If she can't get sex from a man, she'll have it from a woman. For some reason, the show seems loathe to use the word bisexual, but I don't think Sonia even considers herself that.
She's shitting herself because she's afraid Martin might reveal what happened between them, when Martin knows she enjoyed what happened. Once again, Sonia uses Rebecca as an excuse, imploring Martin to keep quiet. She tries a little emotional blackmail.
You wouldn't want Rebecca finding out.
Sonia, you ignorant slut, of course that's exactly what Martin would want, and that's what Rebecca would want to happen; and Martin is quick off the mark to identify Sonia's selfish, craven fear.
You mean you wouldn't want your girlfriend to find out.
What a callous bitch Sonia is! She deserves someone as feckless and dishonest as Tina, because she's as bad as Tina - cheating, keeping secrets, lying. It was singularly cruel for her to stage her make-up scene with Tina, after sitting between Carol and Dot and lying about her concern for Dot. She was thinking about her own skanky arse and fearful that a beetle-browed Martin might make trouble. So she lies to her dimwitted girlfriend. (Even more than I hate Sonia, I hate that sullen, sulky little girl look Tina adopts when she's upset - with the lip poked out and the eyes veering from side to side. She looks like the cheap chav reprobate that she is); and Sonia, after lying about going straight home to go to sleep, she even compliments Tina on the appalling tribute she gave Tina, in front of her young daughter.
I'll bet she never, in a million years, imagined that Cindy would be the one to reveal her dirty little secret - and to Rebecca, of all people.
There was, however, a good scene between Ian and Martin, discussing Martin's feelings about Sonia. He doesn't love her anymore. She's familiar and comfortable, but he doesn't love her. However as much as Ian cautions him to move on, Martin is convinced that Sonia isn't a full-on lesbian, but someone who dabbles with whatever sex is available when the gender she's with isn't satisfying her. Ian points out that he's remained with Jane because she hasn't gone lesbian - but she has gone murder accomplice of Ian's daughter.
(Sigh) ... then there's the same old same old Carters - Shirley sat opposite Tina in the cafe bleating on about Bloodvessel defending her so-called honour in the face of Babe, and wondering if he still loved her. (Puke) And Court Jester whining about Shirley not listening to he moaning about Sonia's defection. Oh, and I hated pukewad Tina's reaction to Sonia's locket as a gift from Martin. Martin is the father of Sonia's child, who gave her a memento of her child at a time when she wasn't with them. If Tina resents Martin, she will surely resent Rebecca as well. I want someone to smack these two.
Once again, we have the old, familiar scene of Shirley marching into the Vic, ostensibly to make peace with Mick. Why doesn't she understand that there can be no peace as long as Shirley is fighting Dean's corner and as long as Shirley continues to trashmouth Linda, calling her a liar. She thinks she and Mick can meet on the common ground of their distaste for Babe, but I loved the moment Mick shoved the money at Shirley as a down payment, informing her that they were buying her out of her share.
Then we had the odious Court Jester running around like a headless chicken -and that's what Tina reminds me of! a flapping chicken screeching about!
Mick! Mick! You can't do this Mick! I've lost me faiiiiiirrrmly! Dad's dead! (Shut up, you bitch! You didn't even know him until last year). I've lost Zsa Zsa! You never had Zsa Zsa, you dozy cow, she's got more sense in her arse than you have in the one brain you possess from time to time. If you don't have a fairrrmly, it's your own fault.Don't bring Mick into this.
The Carters were in the background today, but not enough, and I'm tired of seeing the same old runaround. Shirley needs to be removed from the Vic, and Tina and Sonia need to go.
Good episode, but not the Carter or the Sonia bit. Max works well with Carol.
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