I liked that episode, but for all the wrong reasons. If anything, it made it evident, even moreso, to me which characters are totally vile, unlikeable and downright cruel.
Let's call them Donna, Tina and Sonia.
The Beat Goes On: The Masoods.
The beat goes on, all right. Bang that drum in favour of the birth parent, who gave the child up for whatever reason. Shabnam's reason is that she was alone and knew what an illegitimate child would mean in her religion and culture. She also recognised that she wouldn't be a good parent under the circumstances. She's trying to move on now, especially since she and Kush are engaged; but there's Masood, pushing all the buttons - apologising, making concessions, confessing to feeling so guilty that he couldn't sleep, and all the time trying to manipulate Shabnam into admitting that she wanted to find out more about her daughter.
Sometimes, birth parents don't want to know. For whatever reason, they just don't, and people have to accept that. With Shabnam, a great part of her reluctance would stem from having to deal with Dean - and she would - and Shirley, both kick-boxing into the situation.
It's Shabnam's child. It's her choice. Back off.
The show always ups a gear when the Masoods take central stage, and they don't take it enough. The whole scenario os played out against preparations for a family meal in which Kush's mother is introduced. In the midst of all this, Masood confesses to Tamwar that he knows where Shabnam's daughter is.
"Roya" is now Jade - so Chloë is now Rebecca - and she's been fostered, but not adopted. Masood reckons she's been passed from pillar to post, but that may not be necessarily so. Donna was a long-term foster child with Claudette, and it may be that the child has been living with the same foster family. Considering her name, she most likely hasn't been raised in the Muslim faith, and no matter what assumptions Masood might make about her upbringing, she's sure as hell a lot better off than she'd be suddenly plopped amongst the Masoods at this point or even with Dean and Shirley, who don't even have a roof of their own over their heads.
As much as Masood might want to meet and know his granddaughter, and for all he's said he's forgiven Shabnam, he's putting himself to the forefront in this situation, and that's wrong. To begin with, he should have respected Shabnam's wish that she didn't want to know the child; secondly, she's only just got engaged to a man. If - and that should be a big if (but this is EastEndersland, where long-lost children spring into the arms of birth parents) - they succeeded in gaining custody of the child, not only would this be a tremendous adjustment effort for the child, but think of Shabnam and Kush. These are two people who barely know each other and who are starting out, and all of a sudden, there's a child, who's a stranger to them both?
But like a bull in a china shop, Masood is relentless and tells Tamwar that the child is only an hour away, and he's going to try to make an effort to see her; so he calls Social Services, as you do.
Timing is everything in Walford, and when Masood is late in turning up for the dinner party, Tamwar is forced to confess to Shabnam what Masood has done.
Thus beginneth another dinner party from hell.
A word about Bonnie Langford, who debuted tonight as Carmel - pronounced Car-mel and not Carmul as Shabnam muttered. First impression, for me, is this: If Danny Dyer sounds amazingly like Shane Richie in his delivery, then Bonnie Langford is channeling Barbara Windsor.
Of course, Shabnam is distracted by the worry that Masood might show up leading her daughter into the room, but Carmel manages to keep the flow of conversation going. Nancy's face was priceless as Carmel regaled the dinner party with tales of her ex-husbands flatulance after eating curry. I'm glad they're making more of the Nancy-Tamwar relationship. I like them as a couple. Tamwar's face when Carmel described him as a "puppy" and Nancy's reaction to that were both, in and of themselves, precious.
Forget about Kush and Shabnam, forget about Martin and Stacey. Let's see more of Nancy and Tamwar.
The Donkey, the Fox and the Three Bitches of Walford (Plus Martin and Stacey).
Donna is one vile bitch, from beginning to end; but then, so are Tina and Sonia.
Now we know why Vincent was arrested, and it's obvious that Phil shopped him to the police for having beaten up the drug dealer who sold the heroin to Dot. Richard Blackwood should seriously stick to comedy. He's an atrocious actor, who thinks a goggle-eyed stare denotes danger and is threatening. It's not. It makes him look like he's got constipation.
The most ridiculous piece of dialogue (this was written by Lauren Klee, remember) for a long time came in this episode during Vincent's questioning at the copshop, when he cockily asked the questioning policeman if he were guilty of being black. Now, that would normally be a timely and edgy remark for EastEnders to use, and very much akin to the realism espoused during the 80s, except the policeman questioning him ... was black, himself.
He now needs an alibi for the night he was beating the shit out of the dealer, so he turns to his sister, Lady Farquaad, Donna, who can't give him one. Then, he turns naturally to Kim, his wife, and preys on her via their daughter.
My hero in the entire piece is Patrick. He says little, but he totally has the measure of Vincent. From last night, when Kim was asserting that he didn't shop Vincent for assault, when he observed that maybe it wouldn't have been a bad thing if she had done so, to his opinion tonight that Vincent was bad and not a good influence for Kim. Patrick, saying nothing, and sitting in the background in the last scene, when that vicious, little bitch Farquaad took pleasure in telling Kim that Vincent beat the dealer up for Ronnie Mitchell, and how he'd always had a thing for blondes, was profoundly strong - his face a portrait of consternation and disapproval.
I went through a brief period when Alfie was sharing a flat with her, of beginning to like Donna, but now I see her as just a vicious little bully, who uses her disability as a shield which allows her to make ugly comments and be rude and interfering, thinking no one will dare rebuke her. Another thing she was doing this evening, besides baiting Kim, was encouraging Liam to ditch his schooling, before sitting his GCSEs and come to work, for a pittance, on her stall, selling women's clothing. Fit women would buy clothing from Liam was her enticement line, and Liam was dumb enough to believe that. All the time, as well, she was being disrespectful to Carol, calling her names behind her back and undermining her authority, before dismissing Liam with the remark that Liam was treated like a kid because he acted like a kid.
Newsflash: He is a kid. Suck it up, bitch. I really want to see Denise bitchslap this woman.
Oh, and I didn't like the way Vincent referred to Kim in last night's episode as "the piece." The piece of what? The piece of meat whom he impregnated and whom he now encircles, hoping to get access to his daughter by sweet-talking her mother? Kim is so desperate for love, she even takes the psycho back. I sincerely hope Vincent has a short shelf life. The actor is just too bad.
Then there is that pukeworthy couple of asshats known as Tina and Sonia. I get the feeling that Tina's welcome is wearing thin at Carol's house, when Liam complains about Tina's and Sonia's noisy antics. I was totally Team Carol for the way she handed Tina her arse about Liam's need for quiet in order to study and how she needs to haul her skanky arse out of the bed before noon. All the silly bitch could do was laugh behind Carol's back and even Saint Sonia laughed too. Funny, how her sisters' children's education isn't important to Sonia, who - just a few weeks ago - was lecturing Liam about needing to study; but then, don't forget that this selfish bitch emotionally blackmailed her child into giving up a place at a music school for Sonia's own ends.
That wasn't enough. Having to sit through her and Tina pissing on Martin moving in with Stacey, still trashmouthing him, and Tina going on and on about Sonia's tits, was simply disgusting beyond belief as to exhibiting what truly selfish and ugly-souled people they are. I wish someone would stick a tit in Tina's foul mouth so far it chokes her, and someone should shove Sonia's trumpet somewhere where the doctors wouldn't go and the nurses wouldn't reach.
On the other hand, Martin moved in with Stacey, endured her bossiness, and built shelves for Lily. He bought a take-away and admitted this was the first time he'd lived with a woman. Great dialogue followed.
Stacey: Well, what about Sonia.
Martin: She doesn't count.
Nice one, Martin. That bitch shouldn't count for anything. Move on. He's content to be mates with Stacey now and bide his time. I'm just afraid that Stacey is going to use him.
Phoning It In. Please. Samantha Womack was a bleeding disgrace tonight. She barely could be arsed to deliver her lines. It's less than phoning them in now, it's pre-recording them and playing them back on her phone. She's totally lost it as Ronnie, so maybe it's time the character got a dose of the karma she's due.
Let's call them Donna, Tina and Sonia.
The Beat Goes On: The Masoods.
The beat goes on, all right. Bang that drum in favour of the birth parent, who gave the child up for whatever reason. Shabnam's reason is that she was alone and knew what an illegitimate child would mean in her religion and culture. She also recognised that she wouldn't be a good parent under the circumstances. She's trying to move on now, especially since she and Kush are engaged; but there's Masood, pushing all the buttons - apologising, making concessions, confessing to feeling so guilty that he couldn't sleep, and all the time trying to manipulate Shabnam into admitting that she wanted to find out more about her daughter.
Sometimes, birth parents don't want to know. For whatever reason, they just don't, and people have to accept that. With Shabnam, a great part of her reluctance would stem from having to deal with Dean - and she would - and Shirley, both kick-boxing into the situation.
It's Shabnam's child. It's her choice. Back off.
The show always ups a gear when the Masoods take central stage, and they don't take it enough. The whole scenario os played out against preparations for a family meal in which Kush's mother is introduced. In the midst of all this, Masood confesses to Tamwar that he knows where Shabnam's daughter is.
"Roya" is now Jade - so Chloë is now Rebecca - and she's been fostered, but not adopted. Masood reckons she's been passed from pillar to post, but that may not be necessarily so. Donna was a long-term foster child with Claudette, and it may be that the child has been living with the same foster family. Considering her name, she most likely hasn't been raised in the Muslim faith, and no matter what assumptions Masood might make about her upbringing, she's sure as hell a lot better off than she'd be suddenly plopped amongst the Masoods at this point or even with Dean and Shirley, who don't even have a roof of their own over their heads.
As much as Masood might want to meet and know his granddaughter, and for all he's said he's forgiven Shabnam, he's putting himself to the forefront in this situation, and that's wrong. To begin with, he should have respected Shabnam's wish that she didn't want to know the child; secondly, she's only just got engaged to a man. If - and that should be a big if (but this is EastEndersland, where long-lost children spring into the arms of birth parents) - they succeeded in gaining custody of the child, not only would this be a tremendous adjustment effort for the child, but think of Shabnam and Kush. These are two people who barely know each other and who are starting out, and all of a sudden, there's a child, who's a stranger to them both?
But like a bull in a china shop, Masood is relentless and tells Tamwar that the child is only an hour away, and he's going to try to make an effort to see her; so he calls Social Services, as you do.
Timing is everything in Walford, and when Masood is late in turning up for the dinner party, Tamwar is forced to confess to Shabnam what Masood has done.
Thus beginneth another dinner party from hell.
A word about Bonnie Langford, who debuted tonight as Carmel - pronounced Car-mel and not Carmul as Shabnam muttered. First impression, for me, is this: If Danny Dyer sounds amazingly like Shane Richie in his delivery, then Bonnie Langford is channeling Barbara Windsor.
Of course, Shabnam is distracted by the worry that Masood might show up leading her daughter into the room, but Carmel manages to keep the flow of conversation going. Nancy's face was priceless as Carmel regaled the dinner party with tales of her ex-husbands flatulance after eating curry. I'm glad they're making more of the Nancy-Tamwar relationship. I like them as a couple. Tamwar's face when Carmel described him as a "puppy" and Nancy's reaction to that were both, in and of themselves, precious.
Forget about Kush and Shabnam, forget about Martin and Stacey. Let's see more of Nancy and Tamwar.
The Donkey, the Fox and the Three Bitches of Walford (Plus Martin and Stacey).
Donna is one vile bitch, from beginning to end; but then, so are Tina and Sonia.
Now we know why Vincent was arrested, and it's obvious that Phil shopped him to the police for having beaten up the drug dealer who sold the heroin to Dot. Richard Blackwood should seriously stick to comedy. He's an atrocious actor, who thinks a goggle-eyed stare denotes danger and is threatening. It's not. It makes him look like he's got constipation.
The most ridiculous piece of dialogue (this was written by Lauren Klee, remember) for a long time came in this episode during Vincent's questioning at the copshop, when he cockily asked the questioning policeman if he were guilty of being black. Now, that would normally be a timely and edgy remark for EastEnders to use, and very much akin to the realism espoused during the 80s, except the policeman questioning him ... was black, himself.
He now needs an alibi for the night he was beating the shit out of the dealer, so he turns to his sister, Lady Farquaad, Donna, who can't give him one. Then, he turns naturally to Kim, his wife, and preys on her via their daughter.
My hero in the entire piece is Patrick. He says little, but he totally has the measure of Vincent. From last night, when Kim was asserting that he didn't shop Vincent for assault, when he observed that maybe it wouldn't have been a bad thing if she had done so, to his opinion tonight that Vincent was bad and not a good influence for Kim. Patrick, saying nothing, and sitting in the background in the last scene, when that vicious, little bitch Farquaad took pleasure in telling Kim that Vincent beat the dealer up for Ronnie Mitchell, and how he'd always had a thing for blondes, was profoundly strong - his face a portrait of consternation and disapproval.
I went through a brief period when Alfie was sharing a flat with her, of beginning to like Donna, but now I see her as just a vicious little bully, who uses her disability as a shield which allows her to make ugly comments and be rude and interfering, thinking no one will dare rebuke her. Another thing she was doing this evening, besides baiting Kim, was encouraging Liam to ditch his schooling, before sitting his GCSEs and come to work, for a pittance, on her stall, selling women's clothing. Fit women would buy clothing from Liam was her enticement line, and Liam was dumb enough to believe that. All the time, as well, she was being disrespectful to Carol, calling her names behind her back and undermining her authority, before dismissing Liam with the remark that Liam was treated like a kid because he acted like a kid.
Newsflash: He is a kid. Suck it up, bitch. I really want to see Denise bitchslap this woman.
Oh, and I didn't like the way Vincent referred to Kim in last night's episode as "the piece." The piece of what? The piece of meat whom he impregnated and whom he now encircles, hoping to get access to his daughter by sweet-talking her mother? Kim is so desperate for love, she even takes the psycho back. I sincerely hope Vincent has a short shelf life. The actor is just too bad.
Then there is that pukeworthy couple of asshats known as Tina and Sonia. I get the feeling that Tina's welcome is wearing thin at Carol's house, when Liam complains about Tina's and Sonia's noisy antics. I was totally Team Carol for the way she handed Tina her arse about Liam's need for quiet in order to study and how she needs to haul her skanky arse out of the bed before noon. All the silly bitch could do was laugh behind Carol's back and even Saint Sonia laughed too. Funny, how her sisters' children's education isn't important to Sonia, who - just a few weeks ago - was lecturing Liam about needing to study; but then, don't forget that this selfish bitch emotionally blackmailed her child into giving up a place at a music school for Sonia's own ends.
That wasn't enough. Having to sit through her and Tina pissing on Martin moving in with Stacey, still trashmouthing him, and Tina going on and on about Sonia's tits, was simply disgusting beyond belief as to exhibiting what truly selfish and ugly-souled people they are. I wish someone would stick a tit in Tina's foul mouth so far it chokes her, and someone should shove Sonia's trumpet somewhere where the doctors wouldn't go and the nurses wouldn't reach.
On the other hand, Martin moved in with Stacey, endured her bossiness, and built shelves for Lily. He bought a take-away and admitted this was the first time he'd lived with a woman. Great dialogue followed.
Stacey: Well, what about Sonia.
Martin: She doesn't count.
Nice one, Martin. That bitch shouldn't count for anything. Move on. He's content to be mates with Stacey now and bide his time. I'm just afraid that Stacey is going to use him.
Phoning It In. Please. Samantha Womack was a bleeding disgrace tonight. She barely could be arsed to deliver her lines. It's less than phoning them in now, it's pre-recording them and playing them back on her phone. She's totally lost it as Ronnie, so maybe it's time the character got a dose of the karma she's due.
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