Monday, July 29, 2013

The Times They Are a-Changin' - Review: 29.07.2013

Ya hear the news, right?

Didja hear it? Huh? Huh?

Lorraine is out and DTC is now the main man.

The big (and surprising) news of the day is that Lorraine Newman has resigned, and Dominic Treadwell-Collins is now the new Executive Producer, with Daran Little returning to the writing room.

As much as I sympathise with Lorraine's position (and I do, honestly), she simply wasn't up to the job, despite being a team player for 23 years. She simply wasn't a leader.

As sudden as this seems to the viewers, believe me, it was anything but.

Just surmising, I would imagine the higher-up powers-that-be - the actually BBC, that is, and Kate Harwood - got a wake-up call at the BSA's. Ne'mind that EastEnders won the Christmas battle and came away from the NTA's with the Best Newcomer award. Then came the BAFTA, which further enhanced their false sense of security.

Alas, all was brought home by two painful truths - the total lack of success (being handed their arses by Corrie, Emmerdale and Hollyoaks) at the BSAs and the continual bleeding of viewers as the year progressed. Add to that the fact that Harwood and co recognised something the viewers identified, but Newman did not: there were no discernable storylines.

During this year, we've witnessed Coronation Street saw Karl set fire to the Rovers and kill Sunita, the surrogacy storyline between Gary, Izzy and Tina, David Platt going off the rails when he inadvertantly finds out his brother slept with and possibly impregnated his wife, Peter Barlow go bankrupt and Hayley deal with pancreatic cancer.

On EastEnders we've watched paint dry, including Lauren drunk, endless scenes repeated from every angle about Max and Kirsty, the beatification of Kat, the Magic Negro and Liam's gangabanga, Tyler, Joey and Dex-TAAA speaking another language, the Magic Negro walk the streets of Walford on perpetual patrol but never do a day's teaching, and finally we watch Dot wrestle wth a snake.

Where's the contest?

Coronation Street are promising the Karl murder reveal in the early autumn and a heart-wrenching Christmas as Hayley dies. 

EastEnders promises an exciting autumn.

On Corrie, Bev Callard and Bruno Langley - A-list characters of the past - are returning; on EastEnders, Michael French, Barbara Windsor (for one episode only) and Sam Womack are the returnees. So why are the press and media crying panic on EastEnders' behalf with these returnees? Because EastEnders has bled three million viewers in three years.

I suppose sometime after the BSA debacle, Harwood and Co approached Dominic Treadwell-Collins, who could at least concoct and execute dramatic storylines. He proved amenable to their suggestion and probably gave his notice to Diederick Santer and Lovely Day films. Then, I also suppose they probably told Lorraine her contract wasn't being renewed - hey, nothing personal, this is business. The sweeteners were probably a temporary extension to finish her current work whilst DTC beds in the beginnings of his, another cush job as an executive producer within the BBC (the Peter Principle at work), and allowing Newman the privilege of announcing her "resignation."

Changing times on the horizon. Who knows what will transpire? It's said that DTC's favourite character was Sharon, so Letitia Dean stands to benefit from his tenure. Peggy is also a favourite. He was responsible, during his watch, for creating the Mitchell Sisters, so Roxy (hoping that Womack's tenure really is six months) will benefit; and he's always thought Shirley was underused, so maybe we'll see her children return.

Perhaps (hopefully), we'll see the end of Ava the Rava, Sam, and their unpleasant little sprog Dex-TAAAA; Joey, MyAlice, Ajay, and that drunken old bloat, Cora.

I'm hoping for better things for Janine, the Mitchells and that Alfie and Kat might swan off together into the sunset.

Until then, it's just a waiting game; but hey, there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

This is a Bob Dylan moment.

This was yet another episode where nothing happened. Lots of noise and no content. And all this from a relatively experienced writer, Wendy Granditer.

The Wonderful World of Whitney.

Whitney thinks she's wonderful, when she's really dazed and confused.


Since Kirkwood's time, we've been asked to believe the myth of Whitney the Wonderful. Whitney the Wonderful knows more than parents know about children. She reckons she can hone in on three year-olds, who normally bite and pick at other children in the course of playtime from time to time, as evidence that they're being affected by their parents' quarrelling - knowing the parents in question, mind you.

Whitney the Wonderful was a forerunner of The Magic Negro, trolling the streets of Walford, offering gratuitous parenting advice to assorted strangers. It was Whitney the Wonderful who decided that Morgan Le Fat should be introduced to his retconned father.

But there's another side to Whitney the Wonderful. She's the dicktease who hooks up with the ubiquitous dependable bloke, only to ditch him when the next bad boy arises on the horizon.

She dropped that nice Todd for her step-uncle Billie Jackson. Ne'mind, that she'd only just met Billie that morning; she was in bed with him by that afternoon. When Billie dumped her, she promptly picked up with Peter Beale long enough for him to fall for her, before she started two-timing him for Connor, the next bad boy.

Ian was right to call her a walking STD.

After Connor, she wavered between Tyler and Fatboy, before settling with Fatboy and secretly lusting after Tyler. Eventually, after accepting (and not returning) various gifts (including a car) from Fatboy, she ceremoniously dumped him on Valentine's Day 2012, after finding him a job as a DJ at the R and R in recompense, before settling down with Tyler.

Well, the unintelligible Tyler has now become that infamous dependable bloke, ever since Tony inadvertantly messed with her mind again.

As I've said previously, I could sympathise and feel sorry for Whitney in this instance of her turmoil, if she didn't continuously present herself as a victim with a remit to behave badly and if she didn't look like such a raving little slut. Honestly, if I were a parent of any of those children at the Holiday Club, I'd refuse to send my children there to be ministered to by someone such as Whitney. At worst, she'd give them some sort of disease; at best, well ... there is no best.

Yet TPTB insist on presenting Whitney as someone who's good with kids, who was able to lift the reason behind a sad little boy's depression tonight - his mum was having a baby and he'd no longer be the little prince. All Whitney did was tell him how well she got on with her non-brother and non-sister (conveniently forgetting Liam) and that he should apologise to his mum, and - hey presto! - he began to paint a picture. (OK, he then ran out of the community centre, but that was only a contrived scene for Whitney to run into Joey, thus setting up some sexual tension for later).

Still, Whitney pulled it off. 

She certainly did with Tyler, although what she pulled off was the engagement ring. Whitney wanted to use their dinner together (at Ian's establishment from whence she'd been sacked) to talk about her confused feelings for Tony. This was after wanting Bianca to tell Tiffany and Morgan of Tony's death, especially since he'd been (in her words) such a big part of their lives.

I'm no fan of Tyler's, but I can understand his confusion. Whitney's abuse is something at some point he's going to have to discuss with her; but not within the public confines of a restaurant and with Whtiney sending out mixed signals - first that everything is fine and then that it's all about Whitney and she wants to talk about it. Now.

Tyler wasn't brushing her off. He was just saying that there was a time and place to discuss these things, and he was annoyed because he couldn't understand her conflicting emotions about Tony. Given a couple of other competent actors, and this could have been a powerful scene. Instead, we had Tony Discipline, who was barely intelligible, and lazy Shona McGarty.

Again, it was a contrivance to turn her to the steroidically-enhanced arms of Jahwah.

Joey must be horny, because he didn't put up much resistance to Whitney's greasy charm. He even called her "babe." Well, that was the only word I understood.

So now Joey has the dubious honour of having slept with Lucy, Lauren and Whitney. I hope they all find out and get an STD; or maybe he'll do a Jack and get them all pregnant. Or maybe they could all find out about Joey's indiscretion after a big torrential ran and descend into mud-wrestling for his affections:-


Either way, Whitney's at it again. Slut. I hope she's one of DTC's first casualties when he takes the helm.

Yuck scene: a ten year-old Tiffany plying her face with make-up. Talk about the sexualisation of children!

Two Horny Blokes Fighting for an Heiress; and Two Horny Scrubbers Fighting for a Numptie.

No, it's not Richard III and Henry Tudor locking battle-axes (as in Cora-the-Bora and Big Mo) over Elizabeth of York.

This is Magic Michael and the Mysterious Mr Pennant vying for Janine's attention. This is getting to be boring now. Yet another example of EastEnders' specialty writers' contest of seeing how many times a particular scene can be replayed.

Michael plays Janine; Janine plays Michael; Danny plays Michael.

Is it me, or am I the only one who thought Alice's sickness just might be morning sickness? Is she carrying the seed of the devil incarnate? What's clear is Michael Moon doesn't give a monkey's about her. He wouldn't. She's an instrument to be used at his pleasure for his convenience. She isn't a person to him. Neither is Janine, really; his aim and objective is to blight her confidence and self-esteem, as a mother and a judge of character.

I'm happy that Janine hasn't, as yet, risen to his bait. Michael wants Scarlett - not because he loves her (and it pains me to see otherwise intelligent people, some of the few who comment on DS and Walford Web, defend the fact that Michael "loves" Scarlett; he doesn't.) Scarlett is an object which Michael possessed and used to his fullest advantage. Now her mother has her, and Michael wants his plaything back. If that means the mother comes along for the ride, he'll have her also.

What he doesn't like to see is Janine in cahoots with another man - a young, single and attractive man, who's an alpha male who just might swing both ways.

Although his BBC biography describes Danny as bi-sexual, I wouldn't be surprised if he's more a moral reprobate (which would be an interesting character to have on the programme), who will do anything to achieve his end. He clearly disconcerts Michael, for his influence on Janine s much as for the sexual interest he's shown in Michael.

Well, this could be interesting. Is Michael affronted and wary of Danny because he, himself, is straight? Or could it be that Michael swings both ways, himself?

In the right hands, this could be very interesting and watchable. Over to you, DTC.

In the end, neither man won. Janine turned down Danny's dinner invitation for her daughter, and she stumped Michael by attending the Classical Music for Infants concert and bonding with a mother, herself. Janine marches forward. Let's hope this continues.


And on the other hand, we have poor pitiful Kat, putting a brave face on the fact that Alfie and Roxy are having an engagement party.

Kat's the reason Michael was late to the Toddler do. There was a totally weird scene with Kat, lolled on the Slater Arms' couch, clutching a bottle of red wine and with her tits hanging out all over the place, whining about "Essex" throwing a big bash just to rub her face in the fact that Roxy's won Alfie; sat across from her, a picture of control and repression, is the psychopath, buttoned to the neck, sitting stiffly and saying nothing.

I kept expecting Kat to jump his bones, which is what she really does when she's feeling sorry for herself. Kudos to him for recognising this and for leaving before anything happened.

But of course, we're all supposed to feel sorry for poor, pitiful Kat. Not.

Mean Mr Mustard.


I hate the fact that everyone is depicting Ian Beale as the bad man, even his son. Peter had the audacity to tell Ian that he'd have lost everything had it not been for Lucy this time last year, even mentioning that Bobby would have gone into care.

What a fierce load of bullshit!

Lucy was a very silly girl. She could easily have sought help from the authorities, reporting her father missing. She would then have been instructed to contact his creditors, who - under the circumstances - would have halted all proceedings until the matter was resolved and then in a different manner. And Bobby would not have been taken into care.

It seems the Beales have conveniently forgotten that Bobby has a mother - Jane, who adopted him. For some reason and despite profuse promises, Bobby hasn't seen Jane once since she left Walford. Her name never gets mentioned. Yet she is still Bobby's legal mother. She adopted  him. At anytime, she could apply for custody of the child. At that time, instead of going into care, Bobby would have been despatched to his mother's care.

Lucy neglected to pay the electric bill and was forced for several evenings to sit in the dark with Bobby, eating cold chips from the chippy. She succumbed to Derek's extortion, after targeting Alice. The only thing that saved her was JahWah, and that came with the price of her fanagling the businesses out of her old man, when he was in an emotional and psychological state.

Why Ian doesn't tell his immediate family and the godawful patronising Denise what happened is beyond me. The Ian Beale I knew wouldn't suffer being a martyr. Instead, he's going to suffer being led cock-a-hoop by this spoiled, pouty little stick insect, who's bound and determined to cause Ian another nervous breakdown through her inactivity.

Peter's afraid Ian's going to "lose" Lucy? Well, from the shit Lucy's handed Ian in the past, let her go. How rich of her to disown her father, yet continue to live under his roof and enjoy the fruits of his labour. She's another one I hope becomes a casualty of DTC's regime.

Men Behaving Sadly.

Masood is back from Pakistan. With Kamil. That's a big incongruity, because no way would Zainab, the Tiger Mom, allow her baby to go back to England and live with Masood. So now, we have the conglomerate of Masood, Kamil, Ajay, Tamwar and Fatboy living under one roof.

Tamwar is bullied again, by Kat, for doing his job. This is also an incongruity. Kat is being presented as the soul of compassion for people who need a bit of sympathy and understanding. She's, rightly, off with Bianca, for Bianca's selfish attitude towards Jean's fate during the restaurant vandalism. She's supportive of Alice and a believeable friend to Kirsty. But one wonders why she is so damned mean and bullying to Tamwar, when he's only doing his job, part of which is to collect the pitch rents from the market traders. I'd love to see him order her gone, with a back-up by the police and council officials, that would send a message to the other assholes on the market. The way Winston was overreacting was just stupid. They've always paid pitch rents before, why is now different?

Two other incongruities in one: Masood was invited to a spagbol dinner at the Butchers (as if the Masood of old would leave his baby on his first night back to cuddle up with his latest squeeze). When Bianca was helping Whitney prepare dinner, she remarked that Carol had gone to the Vic to meet Masood before bringing him over. Then, later, we find (as it's not sundown), Masood run into Tamwar, after the scene explaining he was with Carol, only for Tamwar to get a lecture from Masood about eating during Ramadan and his perception of Tamwar's recent loss of faith.

First, what the hell happened to dinner at the Butchers? Or has Masood suddenly remembered his faith and decided to wait until after midnight to sneak over for some nooky with his infidel four-by-four? He's a right hypocrite to lecture Tamwar about loss of faith, considering his behaviour in the wake of Zainab's departure. 

And second, he had a handful of DVDs to watch with Tamwar that evening. Are we suggesting that Masood had a sudden lapse of faith, downed some spagbol during sunlight hours, then rushed to the local DVD rental store and got two films to watch with Tamwar during the evening?

The mind boggles, as do the Masoods. And from Fatboy's choosing mates over dates, it's obvious that Poopy-la-Dim is on the way o-u-t.

Not before DTC's time, either. I fear the Masoods must follow.

Another endless filler episode.


For horny Masood and in memory of JJ Cale, who died this weekend.







2 comments:

  1. Hopefully DTC will axe Sharon. Letitia Dean's portrayal of an addict is woeful. She isn't a patch on the actress who plays Rhona from Emmerdale who plays the part of an addict brilliantly. I don't like Letitia Dean's mannerisms, the thing she does with her mouth and the bobbing up and down. Sharon has run her course and IMO it's time for her and Denny to go. (He needs a haircut!).

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  2. I sure you have noticed, but Kat hasnt been sleeping with any and everyone (that I know of, and Carl has just arrived on my screen) since she broke up with Alfie. What does that tell you?


    PP

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