This one's for Derek ...
I've watched EastEnders since the very first episode. I remember the very first scene, when Den Watts, Ali Osman and Pete Beale broke down the door to Reg Cox's flat. I even remember the first line of dialogue uttered. By Den.
Stinks in'ere, dunnit?
Well, almost twenty-eight years later, things have come to a pretty pass when a middling-to-mediocre episode passes muster as watchable. One week before the big Branningapalooza Christmas celebration, the very week when Shaggerman is revealed and headed up to Max's big, bad secret ... and this is the sort of episode we get?
I suppose it was the beginning of the tying up of loose ends, but there have been so many absolutely dire loose ends this year, sometimes they're better off left to dangle and be castrated rather than tying them up nicely just so they can be unraveled in a New York minute next year.
This time last year, Pat was still with us. Dot was on the Square. Jane had returned. Janine had just found out she was pregnant, and she and Michael were uniquely bonding. Now Pat's dead, Jane has left, Janine won't be seen until the spring, and Dot's about to return to find a man in drag renting her house out to all and sundry and sitting in Dot's pinny, dragging on cigarettes and swilling booze in the back of the launderette.
This time around, we have Alfie trying not to be suspicious about his cheating wife, Kat trying to keep him off the scent, Bianca still poor, the usual comedy backdrop of the Masoods and Kim and Brannings to the left of us, Brannnings to the right of us, Brannings in front of us ... Mememememememememememememememememememememememememememememe!!!!! (Three guesses who that is).
Let's start with the poignant bits ...
The Masoods
Oh, the irony of showing this episode literally 48 hours after the announcement that Nina Wadia is leaving the show ...
I couldn't watch any scene involving Zainab tonight without realising that Nina Wadia finishes filming next month and will be gone by March. Was it any coicidence that she was back to the old blustering, interfering, nagging and arrogant Zainab - the best scene being when she was relaxing on the couch with a face pack and cucumbers over her eyes, singing at the top of her voice. Of course, you knew that the door would sound and the beautiful Pakistani girl in the cafe (that's Pakistan-on-the-Tyne, to judge by her accent) would turn out to be her houseguest.
There was the old Zainab badgering Tamwar, more stiff, more miserable, urging him to smile and treating him as if he were Anthony from The Royle Family, ferrying the tea back and forth.
I don't know where this storyline is going or what will happen to Ayesha, how or if she will be involved in any way with Zainab's last storyline. Cap this with Mas, dressed as Santa, calling out to Mama Bear to come to Daddy-ji. The Masoods are on borrowed time, and I can't look at them now without knowing this.
At the same time, I'm at a loss to know why Ayesha would have been handed over to Zainab to chaperone. She is the daughter of an old friend. Surely, her mother would have known of Zainab's infidelity with Masood, years ago, when she was first married to Yusef and the scandal her association with Masood?
The world is a small enough place in the age of internet technology - small enough for people back in Zainab's hometown to realise that her eldest son is gay, that she's condoned that relationship and that she's living in sin, herself, with her ex-husband. Also living in the household is her youngest son, who's separated from but not yet divorced from his wife, and her brother-in-law, a secular Muslim who is divorced from his non-Muslim wife and who drinks, gambles and fornicates regularly.
Yes, the Masoods are, indeed, one of the most respected families around ...
Which leads us to Bianca, who is still poor ...
Well, no wonder she's poor! Have you seen Morgan Le Fat? I thought there was something weird when he came into the kitchen whilst Bianca was talking about her poor morning's take of tips, and sat staring belligerantly at the huge bowl of crisps on the table. She gave him the lot. Morgan has been packing the chicken nuggets away in his fat, little jowls - probably to guard against long, cold winter nights. Morgan Le Fat is eating the Butcher's out of house and home. They've got their very own Pacman.
Terror Alert!!!! (Cue music).
Tiffany's coming home, and she'll need new shoes and a new uniform. Now Bianca's goaded into going back to work, work, work all afternoon and miraculously come up with the funds to buy Tiff some new shoes.
Alas, of course, we know she doesn't. This becomes the clash of the chav mums, when Lola appears to be getting more tips than Bianca.
(Just a slight question on the side: By law, Tanya has to pay Bianca and Lola minimum wage. Of course, the minimum wage for Lola will be less than what it is for Bianca, but they have to be paid a wage, of which tips are supplemental. Someone in the research department hasn't been doing what my licence fee money is paying them to do),
Once again, I'm not keen on Danielle Harold's acting, but she and Bianca produced a pretty amusing dialogue, with the zinger line going to Bianca:-
Lola: I did her nails
Bianca: Well, I washed her hair.
Lola: Well, maybe she liked her nails better.
Bianca: Well, I spent the better part of the afternoon with her dandruff under mine, so the tip belongs to me.
Once again, Bianca finds common ground with an advesary, and this reminded me of someone:- Pauline. Pauline was always falling out with someone who left a bad first impression - most notably, the Millers; but she always ended up finding common ground. I've said before and I'll say again, it's better it TPTB move Bianca away from the Branning lot and more into the Beale domain. She is Ian's niece, and a lot of her traits are Beale traits - the obdurance of Pauline, the speaking before she thought the way her granddad Pete used to do. They need to build on that.
Another funny scene tonight - and that was rare, mind you, was Morgan and Whitney singing with Kim, who was amusihg for once. More good zingers:-
Kim: Me? I can sing like Beyonce.
Denise: Like Beyonce? Like BeHAVE.
I know that scene was there for the subtle attraction that's growing between Ian and Denise, and it's good to see Ian with a broad grin on his face; but I would rather the cache of coins he dropped in the Butcher kids' buckets have been put there because he remembered that he's their great-uncle, and not to impress Ms Foxe.
The German hoopla in the pub was all symbolic of the Moons' happiness that's about to be shattered. It's all a facade, just as Alfie's mein host routine was transparent - it was all to get the punters to buy something from his stall, which is in competition with Derek for the takings.
From the initial scene, Alfie's been thinking about what Michael said in the previous episode - that Kat is the way she is and will never change, that if Alfie loves her, he can do worse than stay with her, because (flawed as she is) without her he'll have a hole in his heart.
I disagree. If she's never going to change, why put himself through more heartache? She never expresses remorse or takes responsibility for her actions. She's awfully sorry when she's been caught, but that's because she's been caught. Something's still going on, and she's trying to keep Alfie super sweet and satisfied, so he'll be off the scent of her Shaggerman, but his jealousy is aroused, even when - for a fleeting second - he tries to heed Michael's advice and make it work, he sees the way she puts the flirt about the men in the pub and he's annoyed.
Good scene was Alfie and Tommy. LIke Steve McFadden and Jake Wood, Shane Richie is good with kids. The little boy obviously saw his mum off screen, but stopped in full flow of "oh-oh-oh" to give Richie a kiss on cue.
I thought Kat's outfit that she wore to the play group with Tommy totally inappropriate - boobs hanging out all over the place and make-up looking like Morticia Addams on the tiles. She had the same "tits-out" appeal in her fraulein get-up. Alfie would have been better off slipping a hint to Kat by having a karaoke and getting her to sing this song - the words are so approrpiate for her:-
Really, "subtlety" must be synonymous with "brick" in the EastEnders' writers' room here lately. How much more did Roxy have to make of someone leaving a key on the bar - and, conveniently, at a time when the three Branning brothers were there. Alfie noticed it, Kat noticed it. You knew Kat took it, and you knew Alfie would find it - although why he had to look, once again, at that engagement ring was beyond me. Plot device, and Kat caught in a lie again.
And Now for Something Completely Different ...
It's MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Time ....
Where everything is all about Tanya and her fifteenth wedding of the year. It just occurred to me that Lauren has been present at all of her mother's weddings. She was four months old when Max and Tanya married the first time. She was a bridesmaid at her wedding to gormless Greg and now she's about to attend Tanya's third wedding and her second to Max. Somewhere upstairs in the loft is another, tasteless cream puff creation similar to this one which was worn two years ago.
Tanya is supposed to be thirty-six. Why do women like Tanya and - on a worse point - Stella, try to wear these strapless, meringue creations. Strapless wedding dresses are not the classiest thing, but that's just my opinion. Besides, Tanya shouldn't be having a super big do at all. What would be classy would be a sedate, quiet registry office wedding with only close friends and family and a sit-down meal at a Michelin-ranked restaurant afterward.
Tanya would still be the bride and still be centre of attention. Is something so severely lacking in her life and self-esteem that each consecutive wedding has to be bigger and whiter? Is she the prototypical self-perpetuating virgin?
Tonight, everything - absolutely everything - paled beside the fact that this was Tanya's wedding and she was waiting for her dress. Jack is surprised that he's been bumped as best man - actually, I'm surprised that Jack was ever asked to be best man, considering the low trick he pulled with and against Max during 2008. Isn't Tanya annoyed that Derek is now best man?
No problem. She just wants her wedding to go smoothly.
Lauren is just as selfish as her putrid mother and just as condescending. Kudos to Lucy that she is at least trying to work, when she isn't trying to walk as though she's on a katwalk or a catalogue shoot. Lauren wants to go "up West."
Errrr .. with what? She may have a Tube card, but she'll need money to spend when she gets there, and when I last looked, she didn't have a job. I hate this entitlement, that she holds her hand out and Max and Tanya fork over, obviously afraid that if they don't she'll storm off in a huff and find a means of getting drunk. I would love to see someone smack the living shit out of her - right across the gob, which would alleviate the need for those collagen treatments she's been having. If TPTB want to present her as sympathetic, it's not working. She's easily one of the most ungrateful, pejorative and unlikeable adolescents the show has ever produced; but then, when Lorraine Newman says that the writers mould the character to fit the actor, what does this say about Jacqueline Jossa? Not much.
Still, Lucy, like a real Beale, jumps at the chance to earn a few easy quid by helping Tanya with her wedding decorations. Lauren can't even be bothered - not even with the bribe of - yes - more money.
That was an interesting scene, listening to Tanya, after five years on the show, numerous infidelities, an attempted murder, one year of humiliating Max, unmentioned drinks-related issues, committing adultery on her second husband and prostituting herself to the local psycho, wax lyrical about how she knew from the very beginning that Max was "the one." (Ne'mind that he was "the one" all bound up legal-like with his first wife Rachel and with a child as well; he was "the one", all right. "The One" that Tanya wanted).
He was "the one" because he had a white collar job and a fat wallet when he met Tanya. Max was her ticket to ride away from Cora the Bora and raving Rainie and their addictions. Max was a faux Henry Higgins to her Eliza Doolittle in denial, because the only time the rain in Spain fell mainly on Tanya's plain was when Max whisked her and the girls there in order to flee Stacey's demands that he leave Tanya.
Into all this mix, plop the inarticulate Tadpole with some booze and what TPTB hoped was a sexually tense moment in the kitchen when Lauren broke a wineglass and conveniently cut herself on it. Trust me. There was no sexual tension there at all.
I'll tell you a scene where there was sexual tension, from a few years back, and it will creep you out. I only wish I could find the YouTube clip, and hope someone can.
Den is not pleased that Sharon is seeing Dennis. They are alone in the house one night when Sharon comes into the kitchen area where Den is alone. She's wearing a black silk nightshirt and is barefoot. During the course of their conversation, Den calls her either a whore or a slut and, of course, she's offended. She's trying to explain to Den why her relationship with Dennis isn't wrong in her eyes, and in the course of the conversation - surprise - someone shatters a wineglass. Sharon takes a step forward and steps on glass.
Den sits her down at the table, kneels on the floor and, one by one, tenderly removes the glass shards from her foot. The sexual tension in that scene - creepy, though it was - cut the viewer like a knife. That's when long-term viewers knew that this Den was really Zombie Den. Soulless.
Lauren and Joey? Two pretty people, who know how pretty and lucky they are. And all of that was a big and badly-written plot contrivance for Lucy to show how a mannerism Joey had, toward people he liked - the tucking their hair behind their ear - meant that he loved them. Since he hadn't done that to Lucy, she knew he didn't love her. LipGirl gave us the full-on collagen effect, because the Prize of the Century had done just that to her ... and more.
Please. Dispense with this completely and totally pejorative couple sooner, rather than later. Maybe Jacqueline Jossa can use her earnings to take some proper acting lessons, and maybe David Witts can take some articulation courses.
His line of the night:-
Lauraaaaghdoantuchatsglahhhhs!
Derek brought a whole new meaning to the phrase "throwing your weight about" tonight - from dictating orders to Alfie about the decor of the pub to telling Max he had to "pay up or get out of the game" to the literal throwing his weight about when he was jiggling away from those thugs - who, it seems, aren't Eastern European at all, but your common-and-garden South London variety.
That scene alone made it obvious now why Jamie Foreman was only usually shot from a shoulders or waist-high shot and always with his jacket or overcoat buttoned. Moobs and a sizeable paunch. Love handles for Kat. Maybe Alfie should go on a lard diet.
All this does is makes me wonder what Max has done so bad that they can't even bear the mention of his name or the sound of his voice. I still say this has to do with a woman, because when Max brought that big envelope of money around to that council estate house a few months back, he was sorely tempted to knock on the door and see the person on the other side.
Although Max is a totally amoral character and owns that fact, he is also - like his brothers - a moral coward. Booted and suited, they'd rather walk or run away from the real trouble, leaving lackies to clear up their mess ... unless a woman is involved. Max would never have faced down a thug with that money. Money or no, he'd have had the shit kicked out of him or worse. No, this is about a woman. Or a child. Or both.
And Derek? Well, Derek took the hit for Max, so now Max owes him. On Christmas Day, Derek will die for Max's sins, and Simon Ashdown will be in a perfect state of religious ecstacy, for on Christmas Day, he will have turned Derek into Jesus.
Whoda thunk that?
I've watched EastEnders since the very first episode. I remember the very first scene, when Den Watts, Ali Osman and Pete Beale broke down the door to Reg Cox's flat. I even remember the first line of dialogue uttered. By Den.
Stinks in'ere, dunnit?
Well, almost twenty-eight years later, things have come to a pretty pass when a middling-to-mediocre episode passes muster as watchable. One week before the big Branningapalooza Christmas celebration, the very week when Shaggerman is revealed and headed up to Max's big, bad secret ... and this is the sort of episode we get?
I suppose it was the beginning of the tying up of loose ends, but there have been so many absolutely dire loose ends this year, sometimes they're better off left to dangle and be castrated rather than tying them up nicely just so they can be unraveled in a New York minute next year.
This time last year, Pat was still with us. Dot was on the Square. Jane had returned. Janine had just found out she was pregnant, and she and Michael were uniquely bonding. Now Pat's dead, Jane has left, Janine won't be seen until the spring, and Dot's about to return to find a man in drag renting her house out to all and sundry and sitting in Dot's pinny, dragging on cigarettes and swilling booze in the back of the launderette.
This time around, we have Alfie trying not to be suspicious about his cheating wife, Kat trying to keep him off the scent, Bianca still poor, the usual comedy backdrop of the Masoods and Kim and Brannings to the left of us, Brannnings to the right of us, Brannings in front of us ... Mememememememememememememememememememememememememememememe!!!!! (Three guesses who that is).
Let's start with the poignant bits ...
The Masoods
Oh, the irony of showing this episode literally 48 hours after the announcement that Nina Wadia is leaving the show ...
I couldn't watch any scene involving Zainab tonight without realising that Nina Wadia finishes filming next month and will be gone by March. Was it any coicidence that she was back to the old blustering, interfering, nagging and arrogant Zainab - the best scene being when she was relaxing on the couch with a face pack and cucumbers over her eyes, singing at the top of her voice. Of course, you knew that the door would sound and the beautiful Pakistani girl in the cafe (that's Pakistan-on-the-Tyne, to judge by her accent) would turn out to be her houseguest.
There was the old Zainab badgering Tamwar, more stiff, more miserable, urging him to smile and treating him as if he were Anthony from The Royle Family, ferrying the tea back and forth.
I don't know where this storyline is going or what will happen to Ayesha, how or if she will be involved in any way with Zainab's last storyline. Cap this with Mas, dressed as Santa, calling out to Mama Bear to come to Daddy-ji. The Masoods are on borrowed time, and I can't look at them now without knowing this.
At the same time, I'm at a loss to know why Ayesha would have been handed over to Zainab to chaperone. She is the daughter of an old friend. Surely, her mother would have known of Zainab's infidelity with Masood, years ago, when she was first married to Yusef and the scandal her association with Masood?
The world is a small enough place in the age of internet technology - small enough for people back in Zainab's hometown to realise that her eldest son is gay, that she's condoned that relationship and that she's living in sin, herself, with her ex-husband. Also living in the household is her youngest son, who's separated from but not yet divorced from his wife, and her brother-in-law, a secular Muslim who is divorced from his non-Muslim wife and who drinks, gambles and fornicates regularly.
Yes, the Masoods are, indeed, one of the most respected families around ...
Which leads us to Bianca, who is still poor ...
Well, no wonder she's poor! Have you seen Morgan Le Fat? I thought there was something weird when he came into the kitchen whilst Bianca was talking about her poor morning's take of tips, and sat staring belligerantly at the huge bowl of crisps on the table. She gave him the lot. Morgan has been packing the chicken nuggets away in his fat, little jowls - probably to guard against long, cold winter nights. Morgan Le Fat is eating the Butcher's out of house and home. They've got their very own Pacman.
Terror Alert!!!! (Cue music).
Tiffany's coming home, and she'll need new shoes and a new uniform. Now Bianca's goaded into going back to work, work, work all afternoon and miraculously come up with the funds to buy Tiff some new shoes.
Alas, of course, we know she doesn't. This becomes the clash of the chav mums, when Lola appears to be getting more tips than Bianca.
(Just a slight question on the side: By law, Tanya has to pay Bianca and Lola minimum wage. Of course, the minimum wage for Lola will be less than what it is for Bianca, but they have to be paid a wage, of which tips are supplemental. Someone in the research department hasn't been doing what my licence fee money is paying them to do),
Once again, I'm not keen on Danielle Harold's acting, but she and Bianca produced a pretty amusing dialogue, with the zinger line going to Bianca:-
Lola: I did her nails
Bianca: Well, I washed her hair.
Lola: Well, maybe she liked her nails better.
Bianca: Well, I spent the better part of the afternoon with her dandruff under mine, so the tip belongs to me.
Once again, Bianca finds common ground with an advesary, and this reminded me of someone:- Pauline. Pauline was always falling out with someone who left a bad first impression - most notably, the Millers; but she always ended up finding common ground. I've said before and I'll say again, it's better it TPTB move Bianca away from the Branning lot and more into the Beale domain. She is Ian's niece, and a lot of her traits are Beale traits - the obdurance of Pauline, the speaking before she thought the way her granddad Pete used to do. They need to build on that.
Another funny scene tonight - and that was rare, mind you, was Morgan and Whitney singing with Kim, who was amusihg for once. More good zingers:-
Kim: Me? I can sing like Beyonce.
Denise: Like Beyonce? Like BeHAVE.
I know that scene was there for the subtle attraction that's growing between Ian and Denise, and it's good to see Ian with a broad grin on his face; but I would rather the cache of coins he dropped in the Butcher kids' buckets have been put there because he remembered that he's their great-uncle, and not to impress Ms Foxe.
The German hoopla in the pub was all symbolic of the Moons' happiness that's about to be shattered. It's all a facade, just as Alfie's mein host routine was transparent - it was all to get the punters to buy something from his stall, which is in competition with Derek for the takings.
From the initial scene, Alfie's been thinking about what Michael said in the previous episode - that Kat is the way she is and will never change, that if Alfie loves her, he can do worse than stay with her, because (flawed as she is) without her he'll have a hole in his heart.
I disagree. If she's never going to change, why put himself through more heartache? She never expresses remorse or takes responsibility for her actions. She's awfully sorry when she's been caught, but that's because she's been caught. Something's still going on, and she's trying to keep Alfie super sweet and satisfied, so he'll be off the scent of her Shaggerman, but his jealousy is aroused, even when - for a fleeting second - he tries to heed Michael's advice and make it work, he sees the way she puts the flirt about the men in the pub and he's annoyed.
Good scene was Alfie and Tommy. LIke Steve McFadden and Jake Wood, Shane Richie is good with kids. The little boy obviously saw his mum off screen, but stopped in full flow of "oh-oh-oh" to give Richie a kiss on cue.
I thought Kat's outfit that she wore to the play group with Tommy totally inappropriate - boobs hanging out all over the place and make-up looking like Morticia Addams on the tiles. She had the same "tits-out" appeal in her fraulein get-up. Alfie would have been better off slipping a hint to Kat by having a karaoke and getting her to sing this song - the words are so approrpiate for her:-
And Now for Something Completely Different ...
It's MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Time ....
Where everything is all about Tanya and her fifteenth wedding of the year. It just occurred to me that Lauren has been present at all of her mother's weddings. She was four months old when Max and Tanya married the first time. She was a bridesmaid at her wedding to gormless Greg and now she's about to attend Tanya's third wedding and her second to Max. Somewhere upstairs in the loft is another, tasteless cream puff creation similar to this one which was worn two years ago.
Tanya is supposed to be thirty-six. Why do women like Tanya and - on a worse point - Stella, try to wear these strapless, meringue creations. Strapless wedding dresses are not the classiest thing, but that's just my opinion. Besides, Tanya shouldn't be having a super big do at all. What would be classy would be a sedate, quiet registry office wedding with only close friends and family and a sit-down meal at a Michelin-ranked restaurant afterward.
Tanya would still be the bride and still be centre of attention. Is something so severely lacking in her life and self-esteem that each consecutive wedding has to be bigger and whiter? Is she the prototypical self-perpetuating virgin?
Tonight, everything - absolutely everything - paled beside the fact that this was Tanya's wedding and she was waiting for her dress. Jack is surprised that he's been bumped as best man - actually, I'm surprised that Jack was ever asked to be best man, considering the low trick he pulled with and against Max during 2008. Isn't Tanya annoyed that Derek is now best man?
No problem. She just wants her wedding to go smoothly.
Lauren is just as selfish as her putrid mother and just as condescending. Kudos to Lucy that she is at least trying to work, when she isn't trying to walk as though she's on a katwalk or a catalogue shoot. Lauren wants to go "up West."
Errrr .. with what? She may have a Tube card, but she'll need money to spend when she gets there, and when I last looked, she didn't have a job. I hate this entitlement, that she holds her hand out and Max and Tanya fork over, obviously afraid that if they don't she'll storm off in a huff and find a means of getting drunk. I would love to see someone smack the living shit out of her - right across the gob, which would alleviate the need for those collagen treatments she's been having. If TPTB want to present her as sympathetic, it's not working. She's easily one of the most ungrateful, pejorative and unlikeable adolescents the show has ever produced; but then, when Lorraine Newman says that the writers mould the character to fit the actor, what does this say about Jacqueline Jossa? Not much.
Still, Lucy, like a real Beale, jumps at the chance to earn a few easy quid by helping Tanya with her wedding decorations. Lauren can't even be bothered - not even with the bribe of - yes - more money.
That was an interesting scene, listening to Tanya, after five years on the show, numerous infidelities, an attempted murder, one year of humiliating Max, unmentioned drinks-related issues, committing adultery on her second husband and prostituting herself to the local psycho, wax lyrical about how she knew from the very beginning that Max was "the one." (Ne'mind that he was "the one" all bound up legal-like with his first wife Rachel and with a child as well; he was "the one", all right. "The One" that Tanya wanted).
He was "the one" because he had a white collar job and a fat wallet when he met Tanya. Max was her ticket to ride away from Cora the Bora and raving Rainie and their addictions. Max was a faux Henry Higgins to her Eliza Doolittle in denial, because the only time the rain in Spain fell mainly on Tanya's plain was when Max whisked her and the girls there in order to flee Stacey's demands that he leave Tanya.
Into all this mix, plop the inarticulate Tadpole with some booze and what TPTB hoped was a sexually tense moment in the kitchen when Lauren broke a wineglass and conveniently cut herself on it. Trust me. There was no sexual tension there at all.
I'll tell you a scene where there was sexual tension, from a few years back, and it will creep you out. I only wish I could find the YouTube clip, and hope someone can.
Den is not pleased that Sharon is seeing Dennis. They are alone in the house one night when Sharon comes into the kitchen area where Den is alone. She's wearing a black silk nightshirt and is barefoot. During the course of their conversation, Den calls her either a whore or a slut and, of course, she's offended. She's trying to explain to Den why her relationship with Dennis isn't wrong in her eyes, and in the course of the conversation - surprise - someone shatters a wineglass. Sharon takes a step forward and steps on glass.
Den sits her down at the table, kneels on the floor and, one by one, tenderly removes the glass shards from her foot. The sexual tension in that scene - creepy, though it was - cut the viewer like a knife. That's when long-term viewers knew that this Den was really Zombie Den. Soulless.
Lauren and Joey? Two pretty people, who know how pretty and lucky they are. And all of that was a big and badly-written plot contrivance for Lucy to show how a mannerism Joey had, toward people he liked - the tucking their hair behind their ear - meant that he loved them. Since he hadn't done that to Lucy, she knew he didn't love her. LipGirl gave us the full-on collagen effect, because the Prize of the Century had done just that to her ... and more.
Please. Dispense with this completely and totally pejorative couple sooner, rather than later. Maybe Jacqueline Jossa can use her earnings to take some proper acting lessons, and maybe David Witts can take some articulation courses.
His line of the night:-
Lauraaaaghdoantuchatsglahhhhs!
Derek brought a whole new meaning to the phrase "throwing your weight about" tonight - from dictating orders to Alfie about the decor of the pub to telling Max he had to "pay up or get out of the game" to the literal throwing his weight about when he was jiggling away from those thugs - who, it seems, aren't Eastern European at all, but your common-and-garden South London variety.
That scene alone made it obvious now why Jamie Foreman was only usually shot from a shoulders or waist-high shot and always with his jacket or overcoat buttoned. Moobs and a sizeable paunch. Love handles for Kat. Maybe Alfie should go on a lard diet.
All this does is makes me wonder what Max has done so bad that they can't even bear the mention of his name or the sound of his voice. I still say this has to do with a woman, because when Max brought that big envelope of money around to that council estate house a few months back, he was sorely tempted to knock on the door and see the person on the other side.
Although Max is a totally amoral character and owns that fact, he is also - like his brothers - a moral coward. Booted and suited, they'd rather walk or run away from the real trouble, leaving lackies to clear up their mess ... unless a woman is involved. Max would never have faced down a thug with that money. Money or no, he'd have had the shit kicked out of him or worse. No, this is about a woman. Or a child. Or both.
And Derek? Well, Derek took the hit for Max, so now Max owes him. On Christmas Day, Derek will die for Max's sins, and Simon Ashdown will be in a perfect state of religious ecstacy, for on Christmas Day, he will have turned Derek into Jesus.
Whoda thunk that?
Shocking to fathom why such an awful episode was served up 8 days before christmas.They really are assuming that people will just tune in regardless on christmas day.They may get a rude awakening as an award for this complacency.
ReplyDeletewhy is the BBC and Newman so obessed with winning the christmas day ratings instead of a good quality show all year round?Why does the ratings and drama of one episode matter so much more than all the other episodes in the year?EastEnders is the worst of all the soaps for becoming distorted and implausible all for the love of winning on Christmas day
At least it's clear now how Derek will die - heart attack telegraphed loud and clear, and he'll just drop dead. No boring 'whodunnit', thank God - I hate those. Although they've also been laying the groundwork to make it seem like it will be that - the writers' idea of trying to bluff the viewer, no doubt!
ReplyDeleteAnother good review, but although you may feel the young boy who plays Morgan is a little overweight, it's not his fault - either his real-life mum is feeding him things that aren't good for him (which obviously Devon himself isn't in control of) or he's going through that 'chubby' phase that my own daughter did at around that age. It caused her some distress (and no, I wasn't over-feeding her!) but it was just that time in childhood where height hadn't yet caught up with the increase in bulk! As soon as it did she was fine (now a lovely, slim, size 10 - I envy her!) but at the time she'd have hated anyone calling her (made up first name) "Jenny Le-Fat" as some sort of jibe. Another of her friends literally stopped eating after someone made a similar comment - in jest, not meant to cause harm - but it did. I have that in mind when I read the nickname "Morgan Le Fat" for Devon's character. There's a huge difference between good-natured 'teasing' (where both parties are consenting and happy to be part of it) and making personal remarks towards someone who can't help how they look (and one party is certainly not consenting or happy to be part of it). And when one of those parties is a child then you're getting on to dodgy ground.
I'm not being picky for the sake of it, but I've seen too much in my real life where one person's 'joke' became another person's fast route to hating themselves. Let's give Devon some time to see if his height catches up with his body, or if his real-life mum gets a handle of it first, shall we? But whatever happens, he won't shrink overnight! Are you going to carry on calling him "Morgan Le Fat" until such time as you consider him slim enough for you? I do hope not!
But unless or until Devon is in a position to do something about how he looks/how is body is behaving at the moment then it isn't fair to use his real-life physical characteristics as a stick to beat him with. I've seen it too many times at work - an apparently 'innocent' dig is something a child of that age will take to heart. If he sees or hears any of these comments repeated anywhere - and you can bet your bottom dollar someone will show him simply because they can - then it will be an added pressure on a young boy who probably enjoys his 'little acting job', but didn't expect to have his appearance commented on unfairly by an adult who should know better!
I don't expect you to agree with me, and it is only my opinion and it's your blog, but as I have said several times, language is a powerful, and sometimes dangerous tool - handle with care!