Well, the results of the great Christmas rush are now in, and Coronation Street won this round. Somewhere on a forum a commentator who worships at the altar of the stealth tax that is the BBC is quietly weeping.
That said, as good as EastEnders was (and I've yet to watch Corrie), neither soap did astoundingly well, both failing to top 8 million at Christmas. That's saying a lot about the lack of quality EastEnders endured for most of the year and the similar lack of quality Corrie's suffering now.
And, the Boxing Day episode, for all it finally formally introduced the new landlord of the Vic and his family, was more of a filler episode than anything else, and this is something that the show needs to address - the fact that the thing can produce a masterpiece like the Christmas episode and then fall back casually into mediocrity.
The Bitchells.
One brief glimpse upon which I failed to comment last night. Towards the end of the episode, we saw the Bitchells traipse off to observe the yokels' street party, and there was Roswell Ronnie ...
Phil Mitchell is never better than when he is with Sharon. The chemistry just bounces off Steve McFadden and Letitia Dean. More than likely, DTC has effected a swift damage limitation re Sharon and the atrocious way in which her character has been handled since 2012.
From the moment she entered the cafe and sidled down to sit beside Phil, and they began to reminisce about the Vic and what it meant to them, they clicked again. I loved Sharon's listings of the good things about the Vic - Den and Ange, when they genuinely did love each other, Michelle Fowler (at last she gets a mention), Sharon and Grant - and Sharon and Phil, which provoked a laugh and reminiscences about their naughty carrying-on.
Notice whom she didn't mention ... Dennis.
That's right, the great so-called love of her life didn't rate a mention in her trip down Memory Lane. The Shannis shippers will be livid, especially seeing Sharon and Denny cosily ensconced at Phil's house playing wii games with Phil.
Where, I ask, were the Sugly Blisters? Roxy was hunkered down over a fried breakfast at the cafe, but where was Roswell Ronnie?
Of course, the gist of the episode was made up of the Moons moving from the Vic back to the Slater Arms, Phil gazing about the Vic and a hung-over Shirley baiting him, whilst she and Tina later bait the Walford residents as they helped the Moons move. Of course, Shirley and Tina know the identity of the new landlord, so we're about to see Shirley move, once more, into the "Do-You-Know-Who-I-Am" power mode.
Yes, Shirley, I do know who you are - a guttersnipe drunk and a feckless mother, a bitter and twisted old hag. Shirley seriously has a drinking problem, and her sister is seriously retarded. She deserves to be in the gutter permanently because of some of the decisions she's made about her life, and the sister's ageing teenager act is wearing thin on the charm now. Hand a pub over to an alcoholic and a lamebrain and what will happen?
Of course, the final scene was symbolic, to say the least, when past, present and future of the Vic all met up to find out the real identity of Mick Carter. Why was Sharon strutting in with Phil, who was obviously informed by Roxy the tattletale twit that the Moons were holding a pound-a-drink happy hour as a means of bowing out.
Line of the night goes to Billy-
Roxy: Does Phil know about this?
Billy: I should think not. Pint, please.
I'm actually glad Billy hasn't been mixed up in this silly vendetta, and I still can't fathom Phil going whole hog and selling the Vic over someone's head, much less not telling Peggy, because Roswell Ronnie ordered him to in defence of an honour Roxy gave away to the highest punter back when she described herself as Queen of Eye-Bee-Tha.
How long before Phil's back to disdaining the Sugly Blisters again? Soon, I hope.
The Meales.
Poor Peter Beale. Caught between the rock of his father having been driven to distraction by twenty years of Phil Mitchell's bullying, and the hard place in his trousers for Lola Pearce-not-Mitchell.
Poor Ian Beale, being put in such a position yet again, although I am baffled again at why Phil's adamant that Lola not get involved with Peter Beale. Surely, he isn't keeping her "pure" for Ben? Or does he think that if Lola gets with another man, Lexi will be less of a Mitchell? At least, Ian eventually was able to come clean with Peter about why he had to call it a day with Lola, and Peter was forced to see how Phil's machinations toward Ian over the years, has resulted in Ian becoming the nervous wreck re Phil that he is today.
A lot of that stems from his last encounter with Phil, over Ben's confession to having killed Heather and Ian being bullied into covering that up.
Were I Peter, I'd have told Lola the truth about Phil and what he said. Lola has the trump card, however - Lexi, and she could deny Phil access over his behaviour in this.
Moon Finale.
The Moons went out of the Vic with dignity, and it was a testimony to them that so many of the community helped them leave. Good to see Big Mo about and dropping one-liners to fit young lads like Peter Beale ...
Ain't you got big? Come round later an' I'll give yer a rubdown after this.
Nice of Shirley to snidely ask Kat if what she and Alfie would be doing after being removed from the Vic, as if she cares, the hatchet-faced bitch.
The Big Reveal.
Or not, as it were.
In a curious way, Max finding out about Lauren shagging and chasing after a married man was interesting to watch. One wonders if it jogged any memories for Max, who was pursued, himself, as a married man by Lauren's mother, no less. He even left his wife for a pregnant Tanya. And later, as a married man, he pursued none other than Saint Stacey Slater, and his infidelity was discovered by Lauren.
Now, it's a different kettle of fish, when he finds his daughter doing what her mother effectively did. It's not nice for her to chase a married man, yet Max is a serial cheat, notwithstanding.
Tell me, Lauren. Tell me one thing that's good about this, and I'll walk out the door.
Well, of course she couldn't give any sort of reason, and Jake the peg scarpered home, probably shitting himself. What was more than ironic was Max reminding Lauren that Jake was still with his wife and child at the end of the day, when Max walked out on Rachel for Tanya. However, he didn't walk away from Tanya for Stacey.
Max's threat to Jake, to ensure that he'll lose everything if he continues to sniff around Lauren, will be interesting to watch play out. I think it would be interesting for Max to realise that Lauren's behaviour - from her alcoholism to her lack of morals - has been acquired from both her parents.
Why has putrid Carol got hold of Scarlett? I'm surprised the police allowed the child to be kept there, considering Diane is now on her way to collect her? How nice of Carol to do that, even giving sustenance to David.
The most interesting aspect of the episode tonight occurred in a brief piece of dialogue with David, after he arrived back at the Butcher-Beale-Jackson residence, leaving a voicemail for Roxy.
For Roxy.
He's proposing a bit of business for her. At last, it's finally been remembered that Roxy owns the car lot.
Kirkwood obviously forgot that, because he had Roxy go from profiting from the sale of her house to Greg, the sale of her business to him to being thrown out of her flat by Janine for non-payment of rent. The implication was that she'd spent the entire fortune she'd inherited from Archie, but TPTB forgot she still owned the friggin' car lot. It was 2009, when she rented the place to Max and Bradley Branning. Now David wants to buy it with the money he blackmailed from Janine.
I'm glad Granny Carol isn't buying his lies about being shocked by Janine's confession - correction, by her forced confession.
Kudos to Joey for revealing to Carol that David had the tape of Janine's confession for quite awhile before Carol gave the phone to him.
She doesn't trust him fully now, so why doesn't she kick her arse out, and as far as I know, Janine hasn't sold the house where they live, so who'll collect the rent?
Amidst all of this, amidst the fact that Scarlett was in their midst in the aftermath of Janine's arrest, Bianca still manages to make the situation all about her, moping into the kitchen and crying like a spoiled brat over being taken for granted by a man she hardly knows.
And, finally, we bade good-bye to Joey. David Witts was, arguably, one of the worst actors ever to be in the programme, hired without experience and for his looks only.
Joey thought Carol was smart, which is a joke, because the Brannings are all losers. I want them to have it painfully spelled out that Alice is not innocent. She pleaded guilty to murder. Janine has been charged, but all that means is that there is an investigation again, and, as Billy said, she is sticking to her story, and there's a curious lack of evidence pointing to her involvement. Her prints are not on any of the weapons used, she was photographed because she bore the bruises from Michael's murder attempt. Alice has admitted that she and Michael plotted to kill Janine and kidnap Scarlett. Alice has said that she is guilty. The tape of Janine's forced confession is inadmissable evidence. She needs to inform them of David's blackmail, the tale of the money and also of the fact that Joey was sleeping with Janine and had been doing so since Michael was buried. That's witness-tampering and the case could be thrown out.
But Alice is going to prison.
And with Joey's understated departure (he deserved nothing less), with his farewell speech to ...
THE. WORST. ACTRESS. EVER. TO. APPEAR. IN. EASTENDERS ...
one thing was made painfully obvious - that there was as little sexual chemistry between the quasi-incestuous Joey and Lauren as there is between Jake and Lauren. That's down to the actors involved. Joey's gone. I hope Jake goes this year as well, and I do hope DTC has the balls to call time on Lauren.
The Carters.
I won't comment on the Creature from the Black Lagoon or the latest manifestation of the Village Idiot, but I was favourably impressed by Linda last week and first impressions of Dyer don't seem bad.
But really, who can buy and sell and move into a pub within a week?
The son looks like a cross between Jay and Jamie Mitchell. And the bulldog. Loved the bulldog.
A filler episode on Boxing Day? Give over!
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