Eternal Victims Weak Not Brave - Review: 10.12. 2013

Eternal victims, weak not brave
Your sympathy is what they crave
They need a man, a man the same
Who'll become someone they can blame

A dirty girl, misunderstood,
A broken home and sisterhood

He doesn't love me, woe is me,
And that's nuffink to do wiv me,
I'll misbehave, what I do well
And blame it on my past from hell

A major storyline I'll see
As a favourite of DTC.

________________________________________________________________________

News of another possible return with Nina Wadia throwing out hints that she's available saying she'd be open to having Zainab return "for a bit." (Nudge nudge wink wink). The operative phrase is "a bit." That's like, you know, how long is a piece of string? Letitia Dean took a short break in 2006, and only returned six years later. Zainab being around for "a bit" could mean a couple of episodes or ... well, forever.

And just when we thought we'd got rid of yo-yo couples, with Max and Tanya splitting at last and Alfie and Kat getting together.

Haroon, my arse!

Baby Doll, or The Thirty-Six Year-Old ChildWoman with Mommie Dearest.

By far the most interesting piece in what was mostly a filler episode, was Roxy trying to assert independence, indulging in a bit of self-pity and recognising that Nostril Dearest, the current resident psychopath on the block, was trying to ensure that Roxy returned to her usual Ronnie state of behaving like a recalcitrant adolescent.

Roxy is told whom she can and cannot see, to whom she can and cannot speak, with whom she can and cannot associate. More than once, Ronnie reiterates that nothing will ever come between them as sisters, but they aren't your usual sister act.

Ladies and gentlemen, these are not the Mitchell sisters ...

Lord, help the mister who comes between the Mitchell sisters, especially if the object of his affections happens to be Roxy.

Bad Roxy! She must not, not, not ever think that any man's love and affection would be worth more than that which Mommie Dearest Ronnie holds for her.

Roxy is feeling sorry for herself because she's elected to get an annulment of her marriage, rather than waiting an entire year to get a divorce.

Several things were interesting about this storyline, which is obviously the beginning of Carl's leaving line. First, in his very first scene, clock the look on Phil Mitchell's face, as he gazed over his shoulder at the "For Sale" sign on the Vic. Second thoughts, Phil?

Secondly, there's Carl's offer to buy the Vic, coupled with the fact that he now seems to have got himself a flat - Max's and Kirsty's old flat, as a matter of fact. With what,  precisely? The pub is under-valued by London standards at £850,000. How would Carl ever hope to raise finance to buy that white elephant - or even the cash, itself? We know he probably deals in drugs - even his extortion of Ian Beale didn't go that far - but even so, he'd have to be a major dealer, in order to effect this.

Then there's Roxy's behaviour, which follows the usual pattern - and that's thus: Roxy gets dumped and she immediately makes a sexual move on another man. She gets dumped by Sean, and the next day - with her sister scurrying off in a huff at finding out her niece's father was her boyfriend - she makes a play for Jack. 

Max compares her as hamburger to Tanya's sirloin steak, and she moseys on over to Alfie, married at the time, and tells him she loves him. It simply doesn't matter to her that she's pursued one man in a committed relationship (who was also married to another woman at the same time); she was simply entitled to do so, being a Mitchell.

And now, after having Alfie dump her, she behaves in kind. She ensures that he knows exactly how ashamed she is of having to tell a legal authority in writing about why her husband didn't want to consummate their marriage. You could feel sympathy with Roxy at this point, because I feel she was right in having it hit home to him, exactly how much he'd shamed her as much as hurt her.

But then, Roxy does what she really does best - she drinks. And drinks. And drinks some more, to drown her sorrows - after Kat gives her £410 of what is essentially Phil's profits, in order to pay for her annulment, which was all that shamefest was about, really.

And up pops Carl again, just about the same time that Mommie Dearest Ronnie and Phil show up to rescue Roxy from misbehaving. You see, Roxy is such an immature wreck, she can't even be trusted to be out in public on her own. So Ronnie's got be right on her heels to pick up whatever mess she makes, and Ronnie senses she's about to make a mess with Carl.

Something just occurred to me ... where is Kirsty? She's not been seen for dust, since the non-wedding, when she showed up after busting Alfie's stag night, drunk, the night before. And I thought she was the love of Carl's life, yet there he is winding up the Mitchells again with Roxy.

So just to make Roxy feel better, Ronnie takes her home and makes her feel even more like a child by trying to get her excited by putting up the Christmas decorations. She also talks to her as if she were a baby. Wook, Woxy, here's Wonnie pwaying Fat Pat! Wook, Woxy, heres Wonnie pwaying Auntie Sal!

And, wook, Woxy, someone else wants your autograph. Just sign on the dotted line, like a good girl.

Either Roxy's playing Ronnie or Ronnie misjudged her own control techniques. Roxy's convinced Mommie Dearest that she needs a little space, so off she trots to fuck Carl.

It's Amy for whom I feel the sorriest. Roxy is at the same time, one of the most appealing, but one of the most selfish characters on the show - even more selfish than Dawn Swann. As a mother, Roxy's absconded her responsibilities now that her sister-mother is back, but Phil Mitchell and Ronnie Mitchell are the last people I'd entrust to look after and influence a child.

Moving On.

Message to Masood:-

You know it's a filler episode when so much of the thirty minutes is spent following Masood with a Christmas present around the Square, and involving the monotoned Tamwar and Fatboy.

Masood Skypes Kamil, a lovely little boy, only to hear Kamil go on and on about Haroon, whom Masood thinks is Kamil's latest little friend; but Tamwar knows different.

Zainab's moving on. She's got herself a new fella, and she's kept it in the family - Haroon is her second cousin, and they're thinking of getting engaged. Of course, Tamwar and Fatboy tell Mas this, after he's gone and bought Kamil and his little "friend" a Christmas gift to send to Pakistan - ne'mind that these are Muslims who don't celebrate Christmas, much less in Pakistan and ne'mind that he was going to post the package with ordinary Christmas wrapping paper and not the sturdy brown parcel paper recommended by the Post Office, the entity for which he works and for which Zainab used to work.

So Mas throws the parcel away. As you do.

Oh well, a fool and his money and all that ...

Zainab's moving on, all right, and my money is on her being right back in Walford and in a yo-yo relationship with Masood as if nothing had ever happened.

Chickens Coming Home to Roost.

I actually like Terry Spraggan. Tonight I found myself liking his son, who - like James Forde - is clearly older than fourteen. The daughter, I'm not so sure about. She's too much of a drama school brat crossed with Heather Trott.

But it looks as though Terry has been less than honest with his children regarding the woman with whom he wants to spend the rest of his life and her brood. So hairy Cindy the Greek decides to clue him in on the Butcher-Jackson family history. How she knows is anyone's guess, considering she's only and unbelieveably been in Walford since September. Ian must talk about his niece and great nieces and nephews incessantly, considering what she knows.

In one fell swoop, Terry Jr finds out that Liam was in a gang and how much trouble he encountered as a result of that, that Whitney was a prostitute and that Bianca had been in prison twice, once for GBH.

Line of the night goes to Whitney:-

Please don't make me a bad person.

Really, Whitney? Yes, you unwittingly got embroiled in a prostitution ring, through your own bull-headedness. But, nice person? I wonder if Cindy told Terry Jr that Whitney's party piece is to get involved with a nice bloke until a ubiquitous bad boy appears, then she goes to bed with bad boy and dumps nice bloke. One of the nice blokes happens to be hairy Cindy the Greek's half-brother Peter Beale. Another one is Fatboy, who bought her a car, no less. And her latest trick has been to sleep with her best friend's cousin and boyfriend (one and the same person).

She's also self-righteous, judgemental and bullying. So, no, Whitney, you're not a nice person, and Terry Jr was right to inform his mother of the sort of people with whom he was supposed to consort. It seems as if the Spraggan children have been well-brought up, if erratically brought up.

I liked the dynamic between Terry and Terry Jr, with him assuring the boy that he'd always put him and his sister first, then confident enough to inform Bianca that Terry Jr would be along directly to apologise (just after he rings his mother first).

Hmmmmm ... I wonder if hairy Cindy the Greek told Terry Jr that Carol was the most promiscuous grandmother this side of Pat Evans?

The Bitch Is Back.

Janine is a bitch, and, unlike the majority of females resident in the Square, she owns it. Now that she's sussed Joey, she's back at work with a vengeance. The audacity of Joey to come seeking a loan from her isn't lost on Janine as well:-

You want a loan from me to hire a solicitor to help your sister tell lies about me!

I'm Team Janine on this one. She was manipulated and undermined from the getgo by Michael Moon, and subsequently by an ungrateful Alice. Alice and Joey were two Brannings too many, and Janine should stick it to both of them.

Speaking of Brannings ...

THE. WORST. ACTRESS. EVER. TO. APPEAR. IN. EASTENDERS ...

... is back.

Her chief contribution in playing Stacey to Sadie's Tanya and Jake the Peg's Max is to gurn, gurn, gurn. Most of her scenes last night consisted of her tagging along after Sadie, her new BFF and employer, in the same way Stacey would always manage to be on hand to "help" Tanya out, making weird faces at Jake. 

It's a wonder he doesn't lift the bottle again. He's clearly a man caught between wanting to do right by his wife and child and one who, for some reason known only to the writers, seems to have the hots for a self-entitled little bitch who looks no more than twelve years old.

After this abysmal storyline, in which the romantic leads not only do not exude any sexual chemistry, they are both thoroughly unlikeable characters, Lauren has no moral high ground to take with Max in the way he behaves. This should be an epiphany for her, starting her on the selfish road her parents took, but it won't be. We're meant to root for Jake and Lauren, and Sadie is presented as a demanding bitch, who - all of a sudden - thinks Walford needs a Christmas Day street party of all things. Who is she?

The Newman Negroes.

Ava the Rava's been offered a job in Newcastle. Could she get any further away? Well, there's Aberdeen. So now she'll troll the streets of GeordieLand.

Dexter, the entitled, spoiled and rude piece of shit, treats Max's home as a doss house, puking in the kitchen sink and coming in at all hours. He's even skiving off work. This is Max's house. Can't he toss his skank arse back to the ghetto from whence he came, since Ava the Rava did such a good job of bringing him up. Not.

I've never bought the Ava-Cora dynamic, all the more because, apart from her real (as in adoptive) mother sending Dexter a shirt, she seems to have abandoned her parents for this drunken old witch with a sense of entitlement as big as Dexter's.

The sooner this lot leave, the better. Alas, we're stuck with Dexter morphing into Black Bradley.

Not one of Pete Lawson's best, I'm afraid; but it was nice to see the Moons together and facing their fate with aplomb,now they're secure with each other. I know they're unpopular with a lot of viewers, but that's down to Bryan Kirkwood, Lorraine Newman and the writers.