The Latest Psychopath Is a Killer and a Mitchell.
A soap bitch can last forever. A soap bitch can go from bad to good and back again. Most soap bitches actually do have redeeming qualities.
A villain has a shelf-life. And if that villain is a psychopath, they aren't going to be around for long. I'm one of the people who aren't pleased that Stacey Slater, the founder member of The Walford Entitled Females' Society (latest member Nancy Ca'urgh) is an unconvicted, unpunished murderer returning to live, unfettered, in the community where she committed the crime. The pithy excuse given in an EastEnders Revealed by John Yorke that poor Stacey had suffered enough already was bullshit. They backed themselves into a corner in a storyline meant to herald Peggy's departure when they just couldn't resist putting the then-GoTo Girl centre of action and then realised that her fan base would expect a return.
So Saint Stacey returns.
This is the same bag of shit that enabled the return of the woeful Roswell Ronnie. It was all to please the fangirls. And now, as we did with Michael Moon, we'll have a legion of them willing Roswell on from misdeed to misdeed now that she's been identified as a real villain and a psychopath.
But since this EP is a lover of sensationalism and is an egotist, she just may be around forever, in which case we'll have the next Nick Cotton.
Because that's what Ronnie is now - a psychopathic killer. Ben the sociopath, Ronnie the psychopath.
Please, spare me the whines about Carl being a bad person or Carl trying to rape her. Once he'd come back, she followed through on her threat. With no remorse. The fact that she's now wearing Daddy Dearest's signet ring proves infallibly that she now entirely identifies with him. Ronnie is now Archie, which means that Roxy is now Ronnie. As I said, the ultimate control act is rape, and it would be a challenging episode for Ronnie to meet her ultimate end by raping Roxy and Roxy killing her.
Because she will get her comeuppance.
First, there was Carl's blood on the floor of his flat. Now, Phil's actually incriminated himself by having touched Carl's phone, leaving his fingerprints. The bag containing the money Mick Carter paid for the Vic now has Carl's, Phil's and Mick's DNA on it. As for the car containing Carl's body, the car was being repaired at the Arches, presumably, for a client of Phil's. In order to scrap a car, you have to have the log book, listing your name as the owner of the vehicle in order to sign over to the scrapyard. If this car were being mended for a client, then it's now stolen. If Phil were fixing it up to flog, then he would have bought the car off someone and his name would be on the logbook, which is now held by the scrapyard.
The car was crushed, but not to the extent that the body inside would be rendered unidentifiable or that it wouldn't be discovered that there was a body inside. First of all, after death, there are certain bodily fluids that ooze forth after awhile. Then there's the smell of rotting flesh. That yard wasn't so big that someone wouldn't smell that.
The body will be found, and Carl's absence will be noticed - not by anyone who cares in Walford, but he did have a brother and a mother, who was a hard case. Someone is going to come looking for Carl the way Saskia's sister came looking for her.
And it won't be someone from the Square who discovers the body, but there will be enough of Carl left to be identified. The log book will lead directly to Phil, but if the bag of dosh ever comes to light, then your suspects are Phil and Mick (both of whom have had run-ins with Carl) and in a pinch, Max because of Kirstie.
Whatever happens, Ronnie will get caught, ultimately.
I feel sorry for bloody Amy. First of all, the kid is five years old. Why is she constantly being carried around like a toddler? I know she never talks, but Oscar never talked and yet he was never carried around at the age of five. Roxy hoists her onto her hip. Roswell hoists her onto her hip. The kid can neither talk nor walk properly. And here they are whizzing off to Eye-Bee-tha, literally at the end of the school holidays without a thought of Amy starting the school term again.
School, school, school, school, school, school, SCHOOL! Amy does NOT go to nursery.
And tonight, not only did Amy leave Roxy in Carl's flat with the door open and instructions not to move (she did), whilst Roxy went in search for Carl, but Roswell seemed to leave her on her own in Phil Mitchell's house whilst she traipsed over to the Arches to kill Carl and then drive his body to its place of destruction before returning, collecting Amy and going over to Carl's flat to find Roxy passed out on the sofa and unaware that Amy had been gone.
Final hole in the story ... Roswell is out of prison on licence. She served two years of a four-year sentence. Licencees cannot leave the country. Roswell cannot go to Eye-bee-Tha. And how the hell did she get a credit card without a pot in which to piss? (Memo to Ronnie-Shippers: she does NOT own any share in the R and R. That club now belongs to Phil and Sharon.
Speaking of which, is Carey Andrews one of those writers who doesn't "get" Sharon? Because she came across today as a money-grubber, considering Denny's remark about Sharon saying Phil was "loaded?"
Roswell is a master manipulator. She wanted Phil involved in some way, and the insult about Phil "losing his balls" was prescient. At the end of the day, Phil considered Carl small-time, and Phil isn't a killer. In fact, he wasn't overly worried that Roxy was seeing him; he considered it none of his business. But Roswell stretched the truth about Carl's involvement with Roxy to the point that Phil felt he had to get involved, violently.
Once again, however, Roswell thought she knew best and played the tough woman, thus echoing the entire sentiments of EastEnders' Alpha-male hating writing room regarding men and testosterone-enhanced violence. She thought she could psychologically manipulate him, especially by bringing up "mummy issues." (Think what that did to another psychopath, Michael Moon). Phil was right. Carl would be back.
And in he end, Roswell did the violent act. She'll pay. She'll do more evil, and she'll pay. If she doesn't, let's just re-name this Fantasy EastEnders and bring in the Zombies.
Her last line to Roxy about Roxy's lack of having someone (a man) to love, referred to Amy as being the one worth Roxy giving up her life for, but subliminally, she was talking about herself.
Odds are, I'll bet, Roxy returns from Eye-Bee-Tha before Ronnie, and that she's running away from Ronnie ... as she is wont to do.
The Ca'Urghs.
The Carters (pronounced Ca'Urghs) are patriotic royalists, which sorta kinda flies in the face of the luvvies who produce EastEnders. Because patriotic royalists, with a deep connection to the services, are usually politically RightWing, and in the extreme sense.
Tonight, we met Nancy Carter, whose Mockney accent was done to the extreme, whose chav impersonation was done to the even more extreme, and who's the latest in a long line of self-obsessed, selfish, entitled female characters.
Mick's and Linda's various excuses for not approving of the guy she was marrying was that he was too vain, loved himself too much ... anything but the obvious. The wedding was taking place in the Community Centre of a sink estate in Hertfordshire, the guests were all Islington's stereotypical ideas of what chavs are like, and she was marrying in a track suit ... to a black bloke.
I'd always had a funny feeling about the way the Carters were described, and then I heard the tell-tale line from Mick, coming in response to an off-screen line spoken by Nancy which obviously accused her parents of disapproving of her boyfriend because of his race, and of disapproving of her best friend because she, too, was black.
The parents' response:-
Linda: We ARE patriotic but vat doesn't mean we're racist.
Mick: Some of our best mates are black.
I'm sorry, did I hear that correctly?
Some of our best friends are black.
Anytime anybody says that to excuse what is covert racism, you know that they are closet racists. As we also know that Linda goes ballistic when she finds out Johnnie is gay, we can deduce that the patriotic Carters, with their English Bulldog and their Lady Di cups, toasting their military son in Afghanistan, are RightWing, racists and homophobes.
And you know something? As characters go, that would be interesting. A seemingly nice family moves to the Square, takes over the central business, and bit by bit, it unfolds that, even though they're best mates might be black and their daughter can have her black best mate over anytime, and one of the two aunties is a lezza, they aren't that fond of people of other races or even of people who like people of the same sex.
There are people like that in the world, and that is actually realistic.
However, Linda and Johnnie remain the only two I'm liking at the moment, and even they stretched the limits tonight. The sitcom element of the trip to the wedding, including Mick slinging the bride over his shoulder and walking out in the face of the more-than-stereotypical groom, sucked.
DTC might be the Messiah, but he should realise that EastEnders should avoid at all costs this type of comedy. Yes, we know that Linda and Shirley were hung over, we know they hate each other and it was tiresome listening to them carp in the car and not funny-ha-ha when Mick, playing the beleagured husband trying to get his "two favourite girls" to shake hands and make up under threat of driving off without them, which he did and which we were supposed to think was funny with Shirley and Linda, pretty in pink, running after the car.
That was forced, as well as the contrived sitcom look of alarm on Johnnie's face, which was a cross between constipation and a deer caught in headlights.
And the exaggerated Cockney is getting to be grating.
Not the line of the night:-
Ah fink we're gonna be'appy'ere.
As for Tina, she's the token lezza who's only meant to get laughs, get drunk and shag Billy Mitchell. The pub was a tip, and for all they're trying for some reason, the Carters cannot win Dot around.
Denise or Demise?
Is this the beginning of the end for Ian and Denise? Ian is still nowhere to be found, and Masood reminds Denise of what she said the previous evening in vino veritas.
- That if she had to do it again, she wouldn't get involved with Ian - Alfie, Phil Mitchell, even Archie Mitchell - she'd choose anyone but Ian.
- That in order to stomach Ian in bed, she'd want to put a bag over his head and turn out the light.
- That she'd like to cut his beeping beep off.
We all know that a person's real thoughts and personality emerge when inhibitions are dropped due to drink. If this is what Denise thinks of Ian, why is she with him? Financial security? The prestige of being Mrs Beale? Why? It certainly isn't love.
The subsequent conversation in the pub between Masood and Ajay is obviously the vague beginnings of Ajay's leaving line.
And Danny was sitting in the pub with Lucy, making eyes at Johnnie.
The rest of the episode was inconsequential, except that Alfie now has a clothing stall as well, and that's sure to please Kat. Not.
And Phil answered and then ended Kirstie's call to Carl, which will show, when the phone and the body are discovered, that Phil answered a dead man's phone.
Phil is in deep deep shit. But, hey, Roswell won't give a rat's arse.
Good episode. Shame about the characters.
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