According to the Gospel according to Lorraine Newman, we're all supposed to feel sorry for poor, pitiful Lauren Branning.
She's troubled.
According to the article on Digital Spy, EastEnders is going to tackle Lauren's "binge drinking" this year. Bullshit.
Lauren is an alcoholic, pure and simple, who emanates genetically from a family of women who have always used reaching for the bottle as the only exercise they are willing to undertake for whatever purpose. And if EastEnders is going to examine Lauren's drink dependency, they need to involve all her relatives who contribute to her behaviour and from whom she's learned that drinking is the best way to cope with anything.
Cora is a putrid old drunk. She's never seen without a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Face it, Dot's house probably always smelled of stale cigarettes, but now it's got the aromatic fragrance of sodden whiskey to add to its mystique. Cora always has a buzz on; you can tell by the way she has to struggle to focus on the person to whom she's speaking.
Besides which, Cora's a seasoned drinker. She probably learned it from her childhood, herself. In fact, she was probably three sheets to the wind when she conceived Ava, three sheets to the wind when she conceived Tanya (or Rainie - depending on what day of the week it is, sometimes Rainie's older than Tanya, sometimes younger).When she pulled a drunken Lauren from the Vic at the end of last March, her first reaction on reaching Max's house was to pour herself a stiff one from Max's whiskey supply.
Rainie is a full-blown alcoholic, receiving help through AA and cognizant enough to realise that her mother and sister encourage her drunken behaviour, most likely with their own.
Tanya uses any excuse to have an over-sized wineglass in her hand. She drinks to cope with Max's lies and infidelities, she drinks to cope with the copious number of secrets she, herself, keeps from him. She drinks to celebrate anything from buying a new handbag to setting a date for her nineteenth wedding. She drinks when she's lonely, she drinks when she's bored. When she was having chemotherapy and feeling right sorry for herself, she even encouraged an underaged Lauren to drink with her - as did Cora recently on the pretext that she was "listening" to Lauren.
Newman says:-
She's troubled.
According to the article on Digital Spy, EastEnders is going to tackle Lauren's "binge drinking" this year. Bullshit.
Lauren is an alcoholic, pure and simple, who emanates genetically from a family of women who have always used reaching for the bottle as the only exercise they are willing to undertake for whatever purpose. And if EastEnders is going to examine Lauren's drink dependency, they need to involve all her relatives who contribute to her behaviour and from whom she's learned that drinking is the best way to cope with anything.
Cora is a putrid old drunk. She's never seen without a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Face it, Dot's house probably always smelled of stale cigarettes, but now it's got the aromatic fragrance of sodden whiskey to add to its mystique. Cora always has a buzz on; you can tell by the way she has to struggle to focus on the person to whom she's speaking.
Besides which, Cora's a seasoned drinker. She probably learned it from her childhood, herself. In fact, she was probably three sheets to the wind when she conceived Ava, three sheets to the wind when she conceived Tanya (or Rainie - depending on what day of the week it is, sometimes Rainie's older than Tanya, sometimes younger).When she pulled a drunken Lauren from the Vic at the end of last March, her first reaction on reaching Max's house was to pour herself a stiff one from Max's whiskey supply.
Rainie is a full-blown alcoholic, receiving help through AA and cognizant enough to realise that her mother and sister encourage her drunken behaviour, most likely with their own.
Tanya uses any excuse to have an over-sized wineglass in her hand. She drinks to cope with Max's lies and infidelities, she drinks to cope with the copious number of secrets she, herself, keeps from him. She drinks to celebrate anything from buying a new handbag to setting a date for her nineteenth wedding. She drinks when she's lonely, she drinks when she's bored. When she was having chemotherapy and feeling right sorry for herself, she even encouraged an underaged Lauren to drink with her - as did Cora recently on the pretext that she was "listening" to Lauren.
Newman says:-
"It's a tough one covering the issue of binge drinking because inevitably, in order for it to have sufficient impact, it has to go on for a considerable amount of time. There's a real danger that it will become unpalatable and that you won't have too much empathy for the character."Two things interpret this asinine remark:-
- Because it's "tough" covering this issue, that usually means she'll be cured overnight. Just like Ian, there's be some vague reference to counseling etc, and she'll be miraculously restored to health - even able to drink moderately.
- Losing empathy for this character is the last thing this EP should be worried about. The viewing public, apart from fourteen year-old girls and horny fanbois who get off wanking at Jossa's collagen enhanced upper lip and her new boob job, long ago lost any feeling of empathy with Lauren. It seemed as if the actress actually attempted to learn and ply her trade until she started winning popularity contests (which she and EastEnders obviously confuse with awards meted out on talent) and then started believing her own hype. Anyone whose father was a public servant and who's been imprisoned for embezzling money for the public fund from taxpayers, who goes on her (verified) Twitter account and her cleverly-disguised Facebook page bragging about how much money she's making isn't worthy of anyone's empathy - especially since the character she portrays comes across as lazy, entitled, rude, self-obsessed and petulant. Jossa gets by on exaggerated hand and arm movement, shouting, and gurning, and she gets by because she can.
"We weren't sure quite how [Lauren and Joey] being cousins would sit with the audience, but the audience do seem to adore them as a pairing over and above this. So there's clearly still plenty of story to unfold there,"
The audience adores them? Please, Newman, kindly explain to me, a long-term viewer, just whom you mean to describe as "the audience?" Of course, if she hangs out reading the tweenies' twitter, she'll be mistaken for thinking that Lauren and Joey are popular; but damn it, EastEnders isn't a teenaged angst show. Nor is David Witts even a semblance of a poor man's Nigel Harman. He looks nothing like him, and EastEnders can remould Jossa all they want as a Jennifer Lawrence clone, she has none of Lawrence's talent. Newman obviously got into the habit of reading the text-esed "Jamie iz fit" shite when she was Series Producer under Berridge and Harwood, more's the pity.
As for there being plenty of story left to tell, how about a deformed baby, since Ms Newman seems so intent on fostering incest?
This woman really hasn't got a clue. She should be off editing racy versions of Jackie or sexing up CBeebies instead of navigating what's supposed to be the BBC's flagship programme.
Give me a fucking break!
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