The Branning Show: Entitlement Culture - Review 18.01.2013

Oh, how the mighty are falling! I have never been a Tanya fan like some people, never worshipped at her altar, never thought her a good mother, much less a yummy mummy. I have always thought her to be a selfish, greedy, hypocritical social climber, a wanton kappa slapper chav who'd wrecked a marriage when she was only eighteen and didn't give a monkey's about the people she hurt. She tarted herself up in what she thought was middle-class confinement, but she oozed trailer trash. She hid the fact behind a middle class facade that she was a hop, skip and a jump away from being a common slut.

She has prostituted herself, attempted murder, she is an alcoholic and a user of people to further her own ends. She puts herself first, before her children and their dreams and ambitions. She is an abysmal mother. She is as amoral as Max - a fact proven when she and Max rolled on their sugar shack bed, laughing at Tanya's husband taking care of the son she had with Max. But like the most of the women of Walford, everything she does is never her fault.

Kirsty scares the shit out of her, not only because she's married to Max, but that Max was even attracted to someone as roughewn as Kirsty. Probably, Tanya - at one time - was as rough as Kirsty is now - when Max first met her, and maybe that's what attracted him. Maybe in this instant, it's the bloke who likes a bit of rough.

We all know Tanya's about to end with Max. We hope it's forever. Not only is she spent as a character, but the yo-you marriage meme is a joke. Still, it's nice to see Tanya ending with Max as she began .. as the other woman.

Karma be bitin' that fat arse ...

The Old Grey Grifter.

I can't get over the arrogance and sense of entitlement of the chav class from whence the Cross women crawled. Once again, Cora - the preferred matriarch of foisted upon us by Bryan Kirkwood - is bullying. There's no room in the inn, so she's being turned out onto the streets. Again. Where she belongs, really. So what does she do but bully Kirsty - if Kirsty left Walford, there'd be a bed for Cora at the B and B.

Kirsty's no pushover, and Cora has no right to demand that. After all, Kirsty can pay her rent. Cora simply can't. In fact, Cora simply can't do anything with money except buy booze and fags. She certainly didn't pay Dot's rent - nor did she pay the utilities either. So she's basically left Dot, who'd allowed her to stay in her home, whom she considered her friend, up shit creek without a paddle, most of the time because she was mooning after a daughter who really didn't exist in the writers' minds until last summer, probably when Nina Wadia handed her notice in.

Cora knows she's as welcome to Tanya as a fart in an elevator, but she's brass enough to try another tactic, at the same time revealing to Dot her ineptitude in the launderette, which is, as Dot surmised, a shambles.

Enter Ava the Rava.

Remember how calm and well-spoken Ava the Rava was when we first met her? Since then, she's been shouting and screaming and using bad grammar as if she were to the chav manor of Walford born and bred. But then, Ava, like the little Cock she spawned, is yet another racial stereotype. Ava is the Angry Black Woman. Ava is the up-market, better-educated and younger version of Sanford and Son's (the US version of Steptoe and Son) nemesis, Aunt Esther:-

For the moment, however, Ava is smart, too smart to be taken in by her grifter of a mother. You can choose your friends, all right, but Ava has learned now that you can't choose your relatives, and she's still in a state of shock at what trailer trash chavs they are - which is why she's always at odds with the little Cock she's spawned. She probably has spent the last twenty years wondering, "Where did I go wrong?" Baffled by his attitude, his arrogance, his sense of entitlement, his dishonesty ... and now she knows. It's no wonder the little Cock has bonded so much with his instant ASBO Nan - he's a chip off the old sodden block.

Kudos to Ava for calling Cora the Bora out for the entitled old lag she is - assuming after all those years that she can walk right back into Ava's live and live with her - presumably, Ava was the daughter to whom she was referring when she told Dot she had a daughter who loved her very much. Well, that's debatable. 

The truth is, Ava is not Cora's daughter, and as far as Ava is concerned, Cora is not her mother. She's the woman who gave birth to her and then gave her up for adoption. Just like Carol Hanley with Sharon (who is not Cora's daughter, by the way). For all intents and purposes, these two women are strangers, and Ava would be pretty averse to allowing a stranger into her house. She doesn't know Cora the Bora and her filthy habits. For example, does she realise Cora the Bora's attitude to underaged drinking?

Or remember that time she reluctantly agreed to babysit Oscar while Tanya secretly shagged Max and cosied down with some whiskey, only to have Oscar fall down the stairs? After all that, she still wanted a drink!

So the last thing Ava the Rava would want, if the little Cock is proving to be naturally recalcitrant, is an ASBO granny urging him on, which is what she'd do. But brilliant put-down by Ava, reminding Cora the Bora that she never thought to apologise for having her adopted until she found herself homeless and needed a hand-out. This woman knew right away the type Cora was, surmising that her call was about her needing something, like money. In fact, Ava shouldn't be expecting Cora the Bora to apologise, Ava should be thanking her for doing so. If Ava had stayed with Cora the Bora, she'd be just another council house and violent screaming banshee of the moment, an underachiever, probably an alcoholic like her mother, both her sisters and her niece.

I'm at a loss how Ava the Rava made it over to Walford in her lunch hour. Then, there's the hint that she's got a new job in the area. If EastEnders had done their research, they'd know that, yes, this is the time new interviews for educational posts are held, but they aren't taken up untiil the new term, so it would be months before Ava would take up her post, whatever it is. She and the little Cock will move into the Square just as Ray and/or Kim are departing. Gotta keep those ethnic quotas up!

So Cora the Bora ends up horning her way back into the Branning household, taking advantage of Tanya's distraction and paranoia to get a foot in the door, from whence she'll never leave. Whoda thunk it? Three generations of drunks in one house.

And who'd have thought anyone could have considered Cora the Bora a matriarch? A drunk, yes, an old bag lady, but matriarch? No.

She and her new favourite grandchild are going to be bad news.

Run, Ava, run!

The Wrath of Dot.

Let me digress a moment: for the benefit of all those people on the fora who think that Dot owns her own home, she doesn't. The house in which she lives was the house where Carol lived when she was married to Alan Jackson. When Carol and Alan left and the Roses moved out, Jim arrived and got the house in order to live there with Robbie and Sonia.

Jonnie Allen offered to buy the house from the council and allow Jim and Dot to live there on a low rent, but Jim kindly refused his offer, even though Jonnie did install a burglar alarm, which they could never figure out. So the house is still a council property, although why Walford Council would allow Dot to live there on her own is a mystery. The same with Number 23, the old Slater house. Presumably, the name on the Council listing was Charlie's, but all the girls left, and only Mo was there. Instead of relocating Mo to a flat or a maisonette, she's allowed to "live" there.

On council properties, sublets are illegal. If you remember, Mo originally wanted to sublet the Slater house, split the rent with Kat and pocket the housing benefit ... in Jean's name. Her first tenants were the Moons, Eddie and the Goons paying her £1000 per month. Then Eddie left and Fatboy moved in, then Tyler moved out, etc. Since then, we've had Roxy live there, Lauren for a time, and eventually, Mo sublet it to Derek for £900 per month. Now Kat, Alice and Joey are living there, and goodness knows where they're raking that kind of money from.The gist is, it's illegal.

But I don't think Dot realised that. She's always collected waifs and strays - Rod and Hazel, Donna Ludlow, Nigel Bates, Bradley, Fatboy, and then Cora, Rose and Andrew. The last three helped her, allegedly, with the rent and the utilities; and when she left for her daughter-in-law's, she thought they'd stay there and look after things. Yet, Dot's not stupid. She knew the score, and she was actually contemplating not returning to the Square. In that eventuality, she would have had to inform the council in order to free up the property. Now it looks as though she'd been illegally subletting and her renters failed to keep payments of the rent and other things current.

Then there was the shock of finding a dubious little Cock on her front doorstep, only to find that he's Cora the Bora's grandson. Cora so underestimates Dot, thinking her shock was from finding that Cora had a black grandson. Dot's prejudices have waned over the years; the fact that she's so close to Arthur and is such good friends with Patrick is evidence of that. More to the point, she was shocked because he was such an embodiment of arrogant, entitled chavitude that it revealed to her just how dead common Cora the Bora is.

Best scene of the night was Dot with Abi helping her clean the ornaments. Dot spared no words about Cora the Bora, knowing that she was Abi's grandmother, and even wondered if she'd made the right decision coming back to Walford, with Cora's mess, the crap with Joey and Lauren and Max's latest secret, only to have Abi reassure her that Jay was glad she was back, how much she'd helped him. This is the mark of a matriarch.

The Little Cock Is Just Another Arrogant Prick, and Lola Is a Stupid Girl.

Come on ... have you ever seen a more blatant racial stereotype? This kid embodies everything pejorative about Afro-Caribbean urban culture which leafy suburban numpties like TPTB at EastEnders think is cool.

He is bad news. He's a liar, he's manipulative and he's dirt common, just like his grandmother.

But just look at the racial stereotypes prevalent in the show at the moment:-

• The laid-back, lackadaisical West Indian, complete with 'y-eee-aahhh mon" (Patrick)
• The angry misogynistic black man, who views any woman as a sexual possession (Ray)
• The mouthy black woman who's a cross between Prissy from Gone with the Wind and Flip Wilson (Kim)
• The abrasive, argumentative, interfering, nagging, ambitious Asian woman who interferes with her family's lives (Zainab)
• The nerdy Asian geeky guy (Tamwar)

Now we have the Angry Black Woman and the ghetto blaster, innit, to add to the list. 

Lola needn't think that because he's "easy" about her having a child that he actually likes kids. Also, Lola's taking him back to the flat was stupid too. He may have been Abi's cousin, but until a few days ago, Abi didn't know him from Adam and still doesn't know him at all. He could be capable of anything. And the cocksure way he took over that flat was downright rude.

As for Phil, I know people are confused by the "Daddy Phil" routine, and by the way he's treating Lola; but maybe, just maybe, this is Phil's cack-handed way of seeing if Lola measures up to motherhood for Lexi. Her taking up with a loser like the little Cock would send out all the wrong signals to Phil. This is his granddaughter, after all. Besides, Phil's given the little no-mark a job, and he still hasn't thanked him for that, but presumes to make himself at home with Phil's relatives.

He doesn't give a shit about kids. He said that throwaway line, knowing that someone as dim and horny for a man as Lola would read it the wrong way. Watch out for Cora the Bora to give some drunken advice about this relationship to Lola that's so skewed it can only lead to trouble.

Alfie Still Loves Kat. So What Else Is New?

Yes, he does. In fact, subconsciously, she's on his mind all the time, which is why he called out her name when he had the domestic mishap. Once again, Kirsty gives sound advice - if the ex's ghost is hovering about, get out front and make your presence known. I don't know if Roxy's going about it the right way - organising all those theme nights, blasting music and blatantly flirting like Kat used to do.

I'm certain that Roxy loves Alfie and loves him sincerely, but I'm not certain Alfie's over Kat quite yet. I think he wants to love Roxy, and only responded in kind to her declaration of love. When he said to her that they were only honesty and good times as a couple, he was lying to both her and to himself. After Kat shattered him emotionally, Alfie wanted nothing but someone to love and comfort him for himself and for what he was, and he fell back immediately on Roxy, based on what she'd confessed to him earlier last year. At the moment, Roxy's making Alfie feel loved and needed, which is fine; but he should have been more honest with her about his own feelings, because I think at the end of this whole debacle, Roxy's going to get dumped. The EP wants Kat and Alfie together again and wants Kat repaired, to assauge her own fragile ego.

In another place and time, Kat would have left the Square and we'd have seen Roxy and Alfie building a life together; but as I've said before, this is all kabuki theatre. Roxy deserves better, and Alfie deserves Roxy, because she's loyal, loving and she treats him with respect.

Masood Morphing Into Max.

This is really the Bollywood version of Stax, which tranlates, unfortunately, into "Aas" (yes, pronounced like Tanya's ample one). Rachid is Bradley. It's a rushed version of Stax in order to accommodate Nina Wadia's departure. Rachid even seems to be a nice enough dork like Bradley, but Ayesha's only got eyes for one man.

Still, it doesn't help matters that Max, I mean Mas, lurks about whenever she's wanting advice - which he gives in oblique innuendo which could be taken the wrong way and is by this doltish girl - and hangs around even when her beau is there trying to score a point.

I get the impression that he's tempted, but too afraid of Zainab to make a move, and ashamed of himself for being attracted to her.

Anyway, it's a boring storyline for a prinicipal character like Zainab, who's played by a cracking actress. As they've done before, they're making Zainab bloody unlikeable, but she won't be lonely because most of the cast are unlikeable too.

The Branning Satellite of Love AKA Tanya's BFF.

That would be Bimbo Sharon, dontcha know? Looking chavvier by the minute with the big hair, the big make-up and the permatan, and serving two 20-second scenes as Mother Confessional to Tanya's problems with Max. Sharon is naive, though, to think that Jack doesn't check her phone and other assorted details. As long as she's associated in the remotest way with Phil Mitchell, Jack will check her phone.

How the hell they've dumbed her down to the point where she can sit and listen to Tanya witter on and on and on and on and on ad nauseam, even to the point of sitting in silent judgement of Kirsty, whom she doesn't know and supporting these no-marks, whom she didn't know existed a year ago, is beyond me. Jeff Povey was on board the writing team in the Nineties, when Sharon was a feature. He surely knows her. Either he's as stupid as the rest or he's writing what he's been told to write about Sharon, which is essentially to rewrite her as a totally new character unlike the woman who grew up in the Square and whom most of the long-term viewers knew - and, yes, that was before Saint Dennis.

Epic fail.

Instant Karma Finally Finds Tanya.

Tanya doesn't trust Max. What else is new? Tanya will never trust Max. She never has, not even from the day she actually succeeded in marrying him. Why? Because Max cheated on his wife with Tanya. It probably wasn't the first time he'd played away, but even if it were, Tanya would be savvy enough to know that if he cheated on Rachel, he may cheat on her, which he did, regularly, over eighteen years.

Max was careful, however, not to get too close to any of the women in question, and - above all - not to get any up the duff. If he hadn't got Tanya up the duff, he'd probably still be married to Rachel, happily cheating and ensuring no disaster happened, as long as he had a comfortable life, with wife and kids to return to when he got bored, which is what he's got with Tanya, and that's his comfort zone.

Max compartmentalises relationships. He's got Tanya, whom he says he loves, and then he's got his assorted flings. Once he finishes with them, they're discarded, like old toys, and Max moves on - back to Tanya until the next time. The unpleasantness is thrown away, avoided, because to confront the situation, would bring about guilt and compassion in Max, and that would conflict his feelings with Tanya.

He married Kirsty as a single man, which he was. He deserted her in what, to Kirsty, seemed like a whim, because she never got an explanation. As long as Kirsty were out of sight and out of mind, Max could re-construct his relationship with Tanya. The minute Kirsty showed up at his front door, Max was a welter of confusion. 

Make no mistake. He still loves Kirsty. He has feelings for her. But he's caught between the proverbial rock and hard place. Tanya is his comfort zone. She's the mother of three of his children. There's a curious sense of loyalty there which cannot be met; yet he knows he loves Kirsty. So while Tanya's something comfortable and familiar (and easily manipulated), Kirsty represents the unknown, the dangerous element that Max used to chase, but on this occasion so engulfed him that he realised this is what he wanted and married her.

Kirsty spooks Tanya because she is everything that Tanya was and superficially overcame through marriage to Max and a new wardrobe. Now Kirsty's not only rescued Max's daughter, she's bonded with her to such an extent that Lauren is actually covering for Kirsty's part in her rescue.

Max is such a facile liar, and Tanya knows it. Just as deep down she knows that Kirsty is Max's wife and she, yet again, is the other woman. But such is her sense of entitlement, she thinks Kirsty is the one who is in the wrong, who's wrecking Tanya's marriage that never happened. She's forgetting that her lies and her deceit sent Max away from Walford a single man to do as he pleased. Indirectly, she's got only herself to blame for him marrying Kirsty. 

Kirsty also reminds her of what she was, from whence she came, and where Tanya tries to hide her social origins behind tailored suits, smart leather jackets and gloves, Kirsty doesn't pretend to be anything other than what she is, and Max seems to prefer that. 

I thought it brilliant episode construction that the programme began with Cora the Bora bullying Kirsty and ended with an even more blatant scene of bullying on Tanya's part - finding the key to Kirsty's room, assuming Max had it and that he was with Kirsty before finding Lauren, and presuming to enter Kirsty's room and pack her bags for her, again, presumably to "force" her to leave Walford. The question is, how does Tanya, not the brightest lightbulb in the pack, think she's going to effect that?

The entitlement of these people knows no bounds - Tanya, Cora, Lauren and now the little Cock who's joined their tribe.