I know the Millennials and the whingeing, whining bullybois inhabiting the likes of Walford Web kindergarten hate being told that history matters, but it does, which is why EastEnders is spiralling fast into a welter of retcon and fantasy, with very few brakes being applied. So, in honour of Valentine's Day, I suggest they listen to the words of Bob Dylan as sung by Joan Baez, which describes the romantic sentiment prevalent now on Albert Square ...
The Bovine Blubber-Lipped Bitch and Her Joke.
Seems like only yesterday
I left my mind behind ...
Wow, Dylan could have been writing about Bimbo Sharon, the Branning Satellite of Luuurrrrve.
Sharon is a prime candidate to be played, at the moment, by a drag queen ... or Miss Piggy, whom she closely resembled tonight ...
See the resemblance? I reckon it's the hair, and the fact that - sorry to say it - Letitia Dean is 45 years old, and the stylists at EastEnders are doing her all wrong. I don't know what they're trying to achieve, but with her big hair, the vibrant colours and the heavy-fabrics she wears only emphasize the fact that she's pretty barrel-chested with a wide rib-cage and broad shoulders; like a lot of women approaching menopause, she's gained weight in the face, and the styles the show is making her wear and the way they're doing her hair makes her look like a transvestite on a bad day and a cross between a barfly and a bad country-western singer on a good one.
However, it is interesting to note that she seems to wear this sort of fashion and styling when she's buzzing around the Brannings - you know, those people of whose existence she was totally unaware this time last year.
I was beginning to wonder if she'd really left her mind behind when she made that snide remark about Kirsty having one over on Sharon's best mate. For a moment, I wondered what I'd missed and how Kirsty could have known Michelle and how she could have insulted her ... and then I remembered that the name "Michelle" has yet to cross Sharon's blubber lips, She was talking about Tanya - her new BFF, who can dish dirt and look down in disdain at people who are actually, morally, better than she. It's all too obvious that this Sharon is made in the shallow, yet meaty mould of Tanya - shallow, bitchy, hypocritical, judgemental - nothing of which she was before she arrived.
Dot's handed her her broad arse already, but one yearns for the presence of Pat to rise from the grave and backhand her chubby cheeks, bouncing her all over the Square for her vile treatment of Kirsty, with no cause.
In the course of thirty minutes, she went from hero to zero with BranningBoi Joker Jack. The surprise Valentine scene was butt-clinchingly pukeworthy and forced. Please be advised: Jack doesn't do romance. He simply can't. Scott Maslen, however much TPTB want to tart him up as one, is not a romantic lead. Take your clue from the fact that Maslen's best performances are those whose scenes he shares with Jake Wood and Lindsey Coulsen, not Samantha Womack and definitely not Letitia Dean.
Really, let's be honest: a middle-aged mother, who's a few years Jack's senior, with a high-maintenance six year-old son, is not Jack's rumbling material. However much the main Jack-shipper and bullyboi Bex from Walford Web Kindergarten might want to push the advantages of a Shack relationship (the combined anagrammed name describes the relationship utterly), Jack is a selfish asshole who's a rubbish dad. DamienDen's with Creepy Jean tonight, who also happens to be babysitting Amy and Tommy. Ah well, Ian's in America ... you know, with the best friend Sharon forgot ... Michelle.
When Sharon sees Kirsty, she bloats like a bullfrog, bristling at the slight on the honour of a woman who's wrecked two marriages (one before she was twenty), attempted a murder, is selfish to the core and who isn't even the charming drunk Sharon's mother was - and Sharon's mother was not Cora. Nowhere was she more preposterous than when she saw Bianca in an altercation with Kirsty and thought to take Bianca's side, insinuating that Bianca was accosting Kirsty about something Kirsty had done. So convinced was she that she wasn't prepared to let Kirsty get a word in edgeways, until Jack forced Bianca's hand - and then the whole episode dispelled, because Bianca couldn't confess to her Old Bill Uncle JokerJack that she'd been handling (and selling) stolen goods.
Still, at the end of that foray, Jack scores some points, by handing Sharon her broad arse yet again, by reminding her that - at the moment - Kirsty was family, and Sharon wasn't; and Jack had accommodated Sharon's pretend extended family of Lola, Lexi and Phil, so the least she could do was accommodate the woman who really was Jack's sister-in-law and Max's wife.
A broken clock is right twice a day, and on occasion, even Jack Branning can show some class.
At least Sharon graced us with a blubber-lipped look of indignation at the end of her adventure this evening. She looked vaguely familiar.
Love is just a four-letter word ... like puke.
Damon Albarn and Baby Huey.
Jay:-
Me, I kept my mouth shut
To you I had no words to say
My experience was limited and underfed ...
Abi:-
I could only think in terms of me
And now I understand.
Wow, Bob Dylan's writing about Jay and Abi about forty years before they were born!
And even Lauren the Lip ...
After searching for my double, looking for
Complete evaporation to the core
Though I tried and failed at finding any door ...
Probably because she was drunk.
As it was a Valentine's Day theme, we couldn't have had this pushed at us more than by the cornucopeia of roses being passed about. Of course, we had to visit the younger generation, considering that they're cheaper to film, and this means this Valentine's day - based on an indoor firework display that set a smoke alarm off, a computer-enhanced Valentine's Day card, a teddy bear, a meal and - yes - some roses, Abi is ready to drop her knickers for Jay.
Cora the Bora is nowhere to be found - not in the pub or the launderette or visiting Patrick - Lauren is off drinking at the pub and getting jealous that her clusterfuck cousin is flirting, so they have the house to themselves. After all this humming and hawing, lighting candles in a firetrap like the salon (think of all the chemicals which could have prompted an explosion), Abi is anybody's for a meal, a teddybear and some flowers. He should have thrown in a box of choccies - she'd have given him a blow job and all.
To his credit, Jay was reluctant. Let's hope he couldn't get it up when faced with the prospect of boning a sixteen year-old who looks and acts as though she's twelve.
He must love her, however; otherwise, he'd see what a perfectly vile and selfish little bitch she is. Jay's lost his parents, both in tragic circumstances; yet this Jay stood by and said nothing when Abi, who says she's not a kid anymore, acts exactly like a spoiled brat when Max tries to give her a Valentine's Day card, wondering sarcastically what Tanya was doing. (I'll tell you what she's doing ... on the prowl for the man with the fattest wallet, the thickest brain and the biggest dick in London, that's what Mommie Dearest is doing). The old Jay - the Jay from November 2011 - would have ripped her a new one for the way she behaved.
Remember this Jay from Branning Week, November 2011, that fated week when Max was just passing through Walford on the way to meet his wife, Kirsty. Take this from the 2:50 mark, and hark at Jay putting rude, spoiled brat Abi in her place:-
It's fifteen months after the fact. Jay's matured enough to know that Abi's just wanting sex to prove that she's the "adult" she claims to be in front of Max, but Abi hasn't changed at all. This is all about Abi, just like everything for every Branning is all about themselves and sod anyone else. Someone who's stupid enough to play with fireworks inside a house is not mature enough to handle a sexual relationship.
I wonder what you get when you cross Damon Albarn ...
with Baby Huey ...
Topping that off, whilst Abi and Jay were literally playing with matches downstairs, the smoke disrupts Joey ...
and Lauren the Lip, who were celebrating Valentine's Day with an afternoon fuck. Classy Lauren, buttoning up her top as she came downstairs.
By the way ... This is an actress with talent.
And this is ... The. Worst. Actress. Ever. (Who also plays a totally unlikeable character).
Has there ever been a more detestable pair of ingenues in EastEnders than the Branning brats? Apples don't fall far from the tree.
Abi decided to fuck Jay on the spur of the moment. If Jay didn't have a condom (and there's no reason to suppose he did, because he's a virgin also), then we're staring down the barrel of a shotgun wedding, with all of Abi's uni hopes flying out the window - because EastEnders doesn't do Michelle and Sonia types anymore. That would tax Lorraine Newman's integrity, and anyway, her storyliner doesn't remember those girls.
Pretty soon, Abi might be whining and crying for dear old Dad to help her out with an abortion or to help take care of a sprog who's a wannabe Mitchell and nothing of the sort.
Love is just a four letter word ... like fuck (and sometimes mistaken for that).
EastSide Story and the Matron Saint of Sluts. And Alfie and Roxy.
Kat:-
After waking enough times to think I see
The Holy Kiss that's supposed to last an eternity
Blow up in smoke, its destiny
Falls on strangers, travels free
Yes, I know now traps are only set by me ...
Alfie and Roxy:-
Down in the Gypsy Cafe
With a friend of a friend of mine
She sat with a baby heavy on her knee
Yet she spoke of life almost free of slavery
Bianca:-
Cats meowed to the break of day
Bianca's worried about Liam's truancy. Not because she's worried about him missing out on schooling and potentially bettering himself, but because if he doesn't go to school, she goes back to prison. Once again, this is all about Bianca and nothing about her child.
Has Bianca ever encouraged Liam? No. Remember when Liam had his reading difficulties? Bianca came down like a tonne of lead on the teacher, blaming the school and all and sundry. Ricky took a different view, offering to take a reading test with Liam, then working with him after school to help improve his reading.
As a result of this, Liam is a lunk. Liam the Lunk, who doesn't hesitate to remind Bianca that her concern now is out of fear of going back to prison, that she thinks he's as big a loser as his father.
It's not long before the shit hits the fan and she's tipped off that the dresses her mate sold her for fifty quid are stolen. Kat, Brain of Britain that she is, wants to carry on selling them; Bianca doesn't. Clearing that lot would mean cleaning out the stall, and that would mean their livelihood.
Of course, as poor as they are - and Bianca is still poor ...
they still manage to decide to go on a Valentine's night out - forget the stall, the husbands and the kids (again) - and go in search of a man to ply them with drink (and maybe Kat's specialty, a knee-trembler). Instead, Bianca finds her new Aunt Kirsty wearing stolen goods bought from her stall and Kat finds Alfie with Roxy, which prompts some barbed remarks between the two.
Guess what? Alfie has Tommy. Again. Why don't we just say that Alfie cares for Tommy a lot more than Kat does. Kat uses him as a shield or a weapon to promote her interests. I know the remark about Tommy being "poorly" again was a barb by Alfie at Kat's deception, but the fact that Shane Richie mentions a twist in the interminable tale of the inevitable Kalfie reunion could actually be Tommy contracting some sort of illness requiring a blood transfusion only to find out that Alfie really is his biological father.
And of course, we have the totally Newman reincarnation of Roxy the jealous bitch, who finally vocalises that Kat makes her presence all too well-known and Alfie spends all that time whingeing after Kat.
Yes, yes, yes ... this is a blatant attempt by Newman and her merry men and women to manipulate all the sympathy Kat's way.
Poor Kat ... not only is she a saint, she's now a martyr, accepting responsibility as the stall-owner for handling stolen goods to keep poor pitiful Bianca out of prison.
Nice gesture, Lorrraine, but this still doesn't exonerate the slut from admitting responsibility in breaking up her own marriage and we still haven't learned why she had the affair - other than Derek forced her (lie), it was all Roxy's fault (fantasy) and now somehow it's Alfie's fault (sheer bitchiness).
If Newman had had an EP's balls, she'd have axed the bitch.
Love is just a four letter word ... dumb.
Your Cheating Heart Will Tell on You: Max
Strange it is to be beside you, many years the tables turned
You'd probably not believe me if I told you all I'd learned
And it is very, very weird indeed
To hear words like "forever" plead
Though ships run through my mind I cannot cheat
It's like looking in a teacher's face complete ...
Max throws the works on Kirsty - Valentine's present (two, if you count the dress), flowers, a card, an afternoon tea and the promise of a night out at that cubicle known as R and R. Max seems totally invested in Kirsty now, but the truth is that Max simply loves the one he's with, and it's easier if any other loved one (in this case, Tanya and in previous cases, Rachel) be out of sight and out of mind.
However, Max deserts Kirsty for a car auction - if you believe that, you'll believe anything. And so she wings it alone at the Valentine's Day cubicle. She learns that life's a bitch and so is Sharon, and she gains a champion ... Jack. Watch that space. Jack will bed Kirsty before the Little Cock of Walford (that's Dexter) crows thrice.
Here's a song for Max:-
Yep, love is just a four letter word ... dick.
Next-of-Kin.
Undoubtedly the best part of the programme tonight was Patrick's predicament in hospital and Dot's involvement.
First of all, Patrick, from his first scene when he tried reaching for his glass of water, could serve as an issue storyline regarding care for the elderly in local hospitals and also care for the elderly in the community. That's relevant and it's been in the news lately.
However, it morphed into a syntactical storyline about kinship and the legal connotation of "next-of-kin." Patrick's put out that Denise and Kim have listed Anthony as his next-of-kin, which was the thing to do. They cannot put themselves in that category, even though he lives with them and they, to a certain extent, look after him. Anthony is his son. Should anything serious happen to Patrick - as in this case - Anthony should be contacted. It's Anthony who would have the final say should Patrick be on life support about his treatment. It's the next-of-kin whom the medical authorities would contact.
Of course, Anthony is not local, and he could designate Kim and Denise to act in his interests regarding information about his father, as long as he is kept apprised. In fact, he asked at the end of his scenes that the hospital contacf his son. I'm surprised that neither Denise nor Kim hadn't already done so.
His concern and worry about whether or not they would be willing to look after him in his aftercare and his not wanting to be a burden to them is a realistic depiction of elderly people in contemporary society today. Dot highlighted this by mentioning how difficult it was to look after Jim when he became ill, and it wasn't that Kim and Denise were shirking responsibilities when they outlined roping in Cora the Bora (I wouldn't let her near a sick person) or Dot to help with the care (and remember, Dot can easily go into head-bobbing mode), mentioning that they also had jobs. Well, Kim was shirking. We'll see how TPTB present this storyline, but the Fox sisters were not wrong to list Anthony as next-of-kin, because he is. Patrick shouldn't have taken umbrage and he wouldn't have. This reaction was incongruous.
Nice to see Dot remember too that Valentine's Day is hers and Jim's wedding anniversary. Oh, for all you Phil-haters out there, don't forget that Phil Mitchell paid for Dot's and Jim's honeymoon.
I guess Dot, in her little Jim soliloquy there at the end, was the only true depiction of love in the whole ordeal that was tonight's episode. And she was alone.
Final Observation: We got the first sighting of Liam's gangabanga tonight. They were ... er, hanging out. And, yes, they consisted of two white boys and the token black, which shows yet again that EastEnders is copping out on reality, because most EastEnd gangs are Afro-Caribbean or Asian. Shit, this is just a drama school folly. Is Liam the Lunk a candidate for Junior Celebrity Come Dancing, because I expect to see this on Comic Relief ...
The Bovine Blubber-Lipped Bitch and Her Joke.
Seems like only yesterday
I left my mind behind ...
Wow, Dylan could have been writing about Bimbo Sharon, the Branning Satellite of Luuurrrrve.
Sharon is a prime candidate to be played, at the moment, by a drag queen ... or Miss Piggy, whom she closely resembled tonight ...
See the resemblance? I reckon it's the hair, and the fact that - sorry to say it - Letitia Dean is 45 years old, and the stylists at EastEnders are doing her all wrong. I don't know what they're trying to achieve, but with her big hair, the vibrant colours and the heavy-fabrics she wears only emphasize the fact that she's pretty barrel-chested with a wide rib-cage and broad shoulders; like a lot of women approaching menopause, she's gained weight in the face, and the styles the show is making her wear and the way they're doing her hair makes her look like a transvestite on a bad day and a cross between a barfly and a bad country-western singer on a good one.
However, it is interesting to note that she seems to wear this sort of fashion and styling when she's buzzing around the Brannings - you know, those people of whose existence she was totally unaware this time last year.
I was beginning to wonder if she'd really left her mind behind when she made that snide remark about Kirsty having one over on Sharon's best mate. For a moment, I wondered what I'd missed and how Kirsty could have known Michelle and how she could have insulted her ... and then I remembered that the name "Michelle" has yet to cross Sharon's blubber lips, She was talking about Tanya - her new BFF, who can dish dirt and look down in disdain at people who are actually, morally, better than she. It's all too obvious that this Sharon is made in the shallow, yet meaty mould of Tanya - shallow, bitchy, hypocritical, judgemental - nothing of which she was before she arrived.
Dot's handed her her broad arse already, but one yearns for the presence of Pat to rise from the grave and backhand her chubby cheeks, bouncing her all over the Square for her vile treatment of Kirsty, with no cause.
In the course of thirty minutes, she went from hero to zero with BranningBoi Joker Jack. The surprise Valentine scene was butt-clinchingly pukeworthy and forced. Please be advised: Jack doesn't do romance. He simply can't. Scott Maslen, however much TPTB want to tart him up as one, is not a romantic lead. Take your clue from the fact that Maslen's best performances are those whose scenes he shares with Jake Wood and Lindsey Coulsen, not Samantha Womack and definitely not Letitia Dean.
Really, let's be honest: a middle-aged mother, who's a few years Jack's senior, with a high-maintenance six year-old son, is not Jack's rumbling material. However much the main Jack-shipper and bullyboi Bex from Walford Web Kindergarten might want to push the advantages of a Shack relationship (the combined anagrammed name describes the relationship utterly), Jack is a selfish asshole who's a rubbish dad. DamienDen's with Creepy Jean tonight, who also happens to be babysitting Amy and Tommy. Ah well, Ian's in America ... you know, with the best friend Sharon forgot ... Michelle.
When Sharon sees Kirsty, she bloats like a bullfrog, bristling at the slight on the honour of a woman who's wrecked two marriages (one before she was twenty), attempted a murder, is selfish to the core and who isn't even the charming drunk Sharon's mother was - and Sharon's mother was not Cora. Nowhere was she more preposterous than when she saw Bianca in an altercation with Kirsty and thought to take Bianca's side, insinuating that Bianca was accosting Kirsty about something Kirsty had done. So convinced was she that she wasn't prepared to let Kirsty get a word in edgeways, until Jack forced Bianca's hand - and then the whole episode dispelled, because Bianca couldn't confess to her Old Bill Uncle JokerJack that she'd been handling (and selling) stolen goods.
Still, at the end of that foray, Jack scores some points, by handing Sharon her broad arse yet again, by reminding her that - at the moment - Kirsty was family, and Sharon wasn't; and Jack had accommodated Sharon's pretend extended family of Lola, Lexi and Phil, so the least she could do was accommodate the woman who really was Jack's sister-in-law and Max's wife.
A broken clock is right twice a day, and on occasion, even Jack Branning can show some class.
At least Sharon graced us with a blubber-lipped look of indignation at the end of her adventure this evening. She looked vaguely familiar.
Love is just a four-letter word ... like puke.
Damon Albarn and Baby Huey.
Jay:-
Me, I kept my mouth shut
To you I had no words to say
My experience was limited and underfed ...
Abi:-
I could only think in terms of me
And now I understand.
Wow, Bob Dylan's writing about Jay and Abi about forty years before they were born!
And even Lauren the Lip ...
After searching for my double, looking for
Complete evaporation to the core
Though I tried and failed at finding any door ...
Probably because she was drunk.
As it was a Valentine's Day theme, we couldn't have had this pushed at us more than by the cornucopeia of roses being passed about. Of course, we had to visit the younger generation, considering that they're cheaper to film, and this means this Valentine's day - based on an indoor firework display that set a smoke alarm off, a computer-enhanced Valentine's Day card, a teddy bear, a meal and - yes - some roses, Abi is ready to drop her knickers for Jay.
Cora the Bora is nowhere to be found - not in the pub or the launderette or visiting Patrick - Lauren is off drinking at the pub and getting jealous that her clusterfuck cousin is flirting, so they have the house to themselves. After all this humming and hawing, lighting candles in a firetrap like the salon (think of all the chemicals which could have prompted an explosion), Abi is anybody's for a meal, a teddybear and some flowers. He should have thrown in a box of choccies - she'd have given him a blow job and all.
To his credit, Jay was reluctant. Let's hope he couldn't get it up when faced with the prospect of boning a sixteen year-old who looks and acts as though she's twelve.
He must love her, however; otherwise, he'd see what a perfectly vile and selfish little bitch she is. Jay's lost his parents, both in tragic circumstances; yet this Jay stood by and said nothing when Abi, who says she's not a kid anymore, acts exactly like a spoiled brat when Max tries to give her a Valentine's Day card, wondering sarcastically what Tanya was doing. (I'll tell you what she's doing ... on the prowl for the man with the fattest wallet, the thickest brain and the biggest dick in London, that's what Mommie Dearest is doing). The old Jay - the Jay from November 2011 - would have ripped her a new one for the way she behaved.
Remember this Jay from Branning Week, November 2011, that fated week when Max was just passing through Walford on the way to meet his wife, Kirsty. Take this from the 2:50 mark, and hark at Jay putting rude, spoiled brat Abi in her place:-
It's fifteen months after the fact. Jay's matured enough to know that Abi's just wanting sex to prove that she's the "adult" she claims to be in front of Max, but Abi hasn't changed at all. This is all about Abi, just like everything for every Branning is all about themselves and sod anyone else. Someone who's stupid enough to play with fireworks inside a house is not mature enough to handle a sexual relationship.
I wonder what you get when you cross Damon Albarn ...
with Baby Huey ...
Topping that off, whilst Abi and Jay were literally playing with matches downstairs, the smoke disrupts Joey ...
By the way ... This is an actress with talent.
Abi decided to fuck Jay on the spur of the moment. If Jay didn't have a condom (and there's no reason to suppose he did, because he's a virgin also), then we're staring down the barrel of a shotgun wedding, with all of Abi's uni hopes flying out the window - because EastEnders doesn't do Michelle and Sonia types anymore. That would tax Lorraine Newman's integrity, and anyway, her storyliner doesn't remember those girls.
Pretty soon, Abi might be whining and crying for dear old Dad to help her out with an abortion or to help take care of a sprog who's a wannabe Mitchell and nothing of the sort.
Love is just a four letter word ... like fuck (and sometimes mistaken for that).
EastSide Story and the Matron Saint of Sluts. And Alfie and Roxy.
Kat:-
After waking enough times to think I see
The Holy Kiss that's supposed to last an eternity
Blow up in smoke, its destiny
Falls on strangers, travels free
Yes, I know now traps are only set by me ...
Alfie and Roxy:-
Down in the Gypsy Cafe
With a friend of a friend of mine
She sat with a baby heavy on her knee
Yet she spoke of life almost free of slavery
Bianca:-
Cats meowed to the break of day
Bianca's worried about Liam's truancy. Not because she's worried about him missing out on schooling and potentially bettering himself, but because if he doesn't go to school, she goes back to prison. Once again, this is all about Bianca and nothing about her child.
Has Bianca ever encouraged Liam? No. Remember when Liam had his reading difficulties? Bianca came down like a tonne of lead on the teacher, blaming the school and all and sundry. Ricky took a different view, offering to take a reading test with Liam, then working with him after school to help improve his reading.
As a result of this, Liam is a lunk. Liam the Lunk, who doesn't hesitate to remind Bianca that her concern now is out of fear of going back to prison, that she thinks he's as big a loser as his father.
It's not long before the shit hits the fan and she's tipped off that the dresses her mate sold her for fifty quid are stolen. Kat, Brain of Britain that she is, wants to carry on selling them; Bianca doesn't. Clearing that lot would mean cleaning out the stall, and that would mean their livelihood.
Of course, as poor as they are - and Bianca is still poor ...
Guess what? Alfie has Tommy. Again. Why don't we just say that Alfie cares for Tommy a lot more than Kat does. Kat uses him as a shield or a weapon to promote her interests. I know the remark about Tommy being "poorly" again was a barb by Alfie at Kat's deception, but the fact that Shane Richie mentions a twist in the interminable tale of the inevitable Kalfie reunion could actually be Tommy contracting some sort of illness requiring a blood transfusion only to find out that Alfie really is his biological father.
And of course, we have the totally Newman reincarnation of Roxy the jealous bitch, who finally vocalises that Kat makes her presence all too well-known and Alfie spends all that time whingeing after Kat.
Yes, yes, yes ... this is a blatant attempt by Newman and her merry men and women to manipulate all the sympathy Kat's way.
Poor Kat ... not only is she a saint, she's now a martyr, accepting responsibility as the stall-owner for handling stolen goods to keep poor pitiful Bianca out of prison.
Nice gesture, Lorrraine, but this still doesn't exonerate the slut from admitting responsibility in breaking up her own marriage and we still haven't learned why she had the affair - other than Derek forced her (lie), it was all Roxy's fault (fantasy) and now somehow it's Alfie's fault (sheer bitchiness).
If Newman had had an EP's balls, she'd have axed the bitch.
Love is just a four letter word ... dumb.
Your Cheating Heart Will Tell on You: Max
Strange it is to be beside you, many years the tables turned
You'd probably not believe me if I told you all I'd learned
And it is very, very weird indeed
To hear words like "forever" plead
Though ships run through my mind I cannot cheat
It's like looking in a teacher's face complete ...
Max throws the works on Kirsty - Valentine's present (two, if you count the dress), flowers, a card, an afternoon tea and the promise of a night out at that cubicle known as R and R. Max seems totally invested in Kirsty now, but the truth is that Max simply loves the one he's with, and it's easier if any other loved one (in this case, Tanya and in previous cases, Rachel) be out of sight and out of mind.
However, Max deserts Kirsty for a car auction - if you believe that, you'll believe anything. And so she wings it alone at the Valentine's Day cubicle. She learns that life's a bitch and so is Sharon, and she gains a champion ... Jack. Watch that space. Jack will bed Kirsty before the Little Cock of Walford (that's Dexter) crows thrice.
Here's a song for Max:-
Yep, love is just a four letter word ... dick.
Next-of-Kin.
Undoubtedly the best part of the programme tonight was Patrick's predicament in hospital and Dot's involvement.
First of all, Patrick, from his first scene when he tried reaching for his glass of water, could serve as an issue storyline regarding care for the elderly in local hospitals and also care for the elderly in the community. That's relevant and it's been in the news lately.
However, it morphed into a syntactical storyline about kinship and the legal connotation of "next-of-kin." Patrick's put out that Denise and Kim have listed Anthony as his next-of-kin, which was the thing to do. They cannot put themselves in that category, even though he lives with them and they, to a certain extent, look after him. Anthony is his son. Should anything serious happen to Patrick - as in this case - Anthony should be contacted. It's Anthony who would have the final say should Patrick be on life support about his treatment. It's the next-of-kin whom the medical authorities would contact.
Of course, Anthony is not local, and he could designate Kim and Denise to act in his interests regarding information about his father, as long as he is kept apprised. In fact, he asked at the end of his scenes that the hospital contacf his son. I'm surprised that neither Denise nor Kim hadn't already done so.
His concern and worry about whether or not they would be willing to look after him in his aftercare and his not wanting to be a burden to them is a realistic depiction of elderly people in contemporary society today. Dot highlighted this by mentioning how difficult it was to look after Jim when he became ill, and it wasn't that Kim and Denise were shirking responsibilities when they outlined roping in Cora the Bora (I wouldn't let her near a sick person) or Dot to help with the care (and remember, Dot can easily go into head-bobbing mode), mentioning that they also had jobs. Well, Kim was shirking. We'll see how TPTB present this storyline, but the Fox sisters were not wrong to list Anthony as next-of-kin, because he is. Patrick shouldn't have taken umbrage and he wouldn't have. This reaction was incongruous.
Nice to see Dot remember too that Valentine's Day is hers and Jim's wedding anniversary. Oh, for all you Phil-haters out there, don't forget that Phil Mitchell paid for Dot's and Jim's honeymoon.
I guess Dot, in her little Jim soliloquy there at the end, was the only true depiction of love in the whole ordeal that was tonight's episode. And she was alone.
Final Observation: We got the first sighting of Liam's gangabanga tonight. They were ... er, hanging out. And, yes, they consisted of two white boys and the token black, which shows yet again that EastEnders is copping out on reality, because most EastEnd gangs are Afro-Caribbean or Asian. Shit, this is just a drama school folly. Is Liam the Lunk a candidate for Junior Celebrity Come Dancing, because I expect to see this on Comic Relief ...
I loved Scott and Samantha together! I really wished the writers would have kept him single or waiting for Ronnie and forced his character to be more than just someone desperate for a wife like maybe he could be a dad to amy or richard, maybe he takes up knitting, literally anything would be better than watching this forced storyline btw 2 people who have less chemistry than phill and stella. Also loved how Jack tried to remind Sharon who she was when they first met, honey I think your the one in need of the reminder you thought she was your brother's whore and tried to pay for sloppy seconds- ahh true love.
ReplyDeletehonestly its like the writers aren't even trying anymore- if/when Alfie goes back to Kat I might have to stop watching at least until ronnie and roxy are reunited and/if Samantha comes back.
I don't think Sam Womack will be back. She made it quite clear when she did Who Do You Think You Are last year that she was finished with Ronnie. For Ronnie to return would be a jump-the-shark moment. Legally, the terms of her probation would prohibit her living anyplace near the Moons. Womack had a life before EastEnders and she'll have a life afterwards.
DeleteI find it ironic that Ronnie was brought in to replace Sharon- now Sharon's replacing Ronnie.
ReplyDeleteAt least Rack were watchable- Sharon was awful last night. I'd never have dreamed that I would support Jack Branning over Sharon Rickman (supposedly one of the most morally conscious residents- and calling Tanya her best mate sounded badly (Michelle, Ian or at least Phil??)Sharon has become Tanya's sidekick. How awful it is to see a legend act as a subordinate to a Branning
how was ronnie brought in to replace sharon? Ronnie and Roxy arrived on screen together well after Sharon departed at the height of the Stella/Ben thing.
DeleteIt was either Santer or Kirkwood who said Ronnie was brought in as the 'quivery lipped blonde' when Sharon left
DeleteMuch as there seems to be animosity between us, this is a brilliantly funny and insightful review. Spot on and sorry - I agree with all you say!
ReplyDeleteThere is no reason why adversaries can't agree on some things from time to time. With much of what you say, I am in agreement. Thank you.
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