Didn't I always say the Brannings were losers? Well, here's a song which could have been written for Jack:-
You could almost have a Branning band, there ... Jack on lead vocals, Max and Joey on rythym and bass guitars, the Cock of Stereotypical Black Urban Youth on the drums. The Brannings ... something for everyone a comedy tonight.
Yep, I feel vindicated, having always said the Brannings were losers. Not only losers, but cowards, common and jumped up white trash. All that showed tonight. You know what else showed (and this is really sad)? How common, how loserly and how like jumped-up white trash Sharon's become since associating with that lot.
The Spanish have a proverb:-
Dime con quien andas y te dire; quien eres.
Roughly translated, that means that you're judged by the company you keep.
Sharon Watts. Walford Princess. Iconic original character. Poor white trash.
Jack.
I'm a loser.
I'm a loser ...
And I'm not what I appear to be ...
What have I done to deserve such a fate?
I realise I have left it too late,
And so it's true, pride comes before a fall,
I'm telling you so that you won't lose all ...
The loser lost it with Phil, and when Phil doesn't get up, after being punched silly enough to fall into a pit and hit his head on concrete, when the loser sees blood streaming from Phil's ear, he shits himself. Being an ex-bent copper, Jack would know the ramifications of what bleeding from the ear might signify - anything from mild concussion to a fractured skull to an outright brain haemorrhage. Phil's not moving, and he looks seriously injured enough for Jack, never the brightest lightbulb in the pack, to think he's dead.
Now we get to see Jack the Coward ... he's killed Phil, so all he can think to do is slope off and scarper. Wait a moment, isn't this the guy whom Derek said was handy in knowing how to get rid of a body? Oh, and all of a sudden, Jack's the baby bruvver again, frantically calling Big Brother Max to get him out of a jam. This would be the same Jack who beat the living shit out of Max, himself, back in 2008 - otherwise known as The Year of Max Branning's Shame and Humiliation - and even threatened to kill him.
We got to see, tonight, just how stupid, how recalcitrant and how much of a real bully Jack is, his true colours even coming out in his pithy dismissal of Dot in the pub.
All he could think of was saving his own hide. It was quite enough for him to mumble the ubiquitous "I love you" to the man in drag impersonating Miss Piggy whom he's only known a few months. And what the hell was that "family photo" he's taking of Piggy, DamienDen and Silent Amy, snatched from the side of her mother? No picture of Penny? No mention of Penny? Jack has other children. His criminal activities put his oldest child in a wheelchair.
Yet later in the Vic, when Jack's cowardice gets the better of him, when the ghost of jailbird Derek looms too close - I still cannot believe we are talking about, dealing with and remembering almost daily someone who was arguably the most unpopular character ever in the soap's history going into three fucking months after he died! PAT didn't get such respect - and he starts babbling incoherently about a murder he thinks he's committed, he blames Sharon for his actions. Get that? He blames Sharon. He. Blames. Sharon.
Yep, Jack's snapping, Jack's "slappin' dahn" of Phil Mitchell, is nuffink ter do wiv Jack and everything to do with Sharon. It's all down to Sharon wanting to sign a contract with Phil that will give her 19% stake in the R and R. It's all about Sharon doing what Sharon wanted for Sharon and her silly, little effeminate son, and nothing about Jack.
But, really, the puketard moments of that, besides Jack shitting himself for 30 minutes and showing what a coward he was, were the following:- the awful "family" portrait and Jack's expostulating about Amy hating him in the future because he would be in jail. Just Amy. Not Richard, whom he hasn't seen since he was a few weeks old, not Penny, whom he put in a wheelchair. Just Amy. Am I to understand that the erstwhile Millennial dumbashit storyliner Emer Kenny has blithely signed off on completely obliterating the fact that Jack, one of the biggest sluts the show has ever seen and the resident Sperminator, has fathered three children on two sisters and their cousin, as well as having a teenaged daughter to begin with.
Retconning is nothing when it comes to the Branning family - like Derek's birthday, for example. This time last year, Derek, who was hale and hearty at that point, made no mention of a birthday, and you'd have thought Derek, who had Carol, Bianca and her brood and the rest of the Branning brigade around him then, would have made mincemeat of his birthday, including the pickled herrings and the naff poem. But noooooooooo, as the late John Belushi (Google him, Luddites) would say, the first we hear of this is when MyAlice goes moping around the Square clutching a jar or pickled herrings to her chest.
Jack has confirmed what most long-term (as in "watched since at least the 1990s") viewer has always known about the Brannings - they are cowards who abscond any responsibility for their actions. This is why the Mitchells will always win, and the Brannings will always be losers. How anyone can want this lot of tossers to be the dominant family on an iconic British soap is beyond me.
Here's another song which aptly describes Jack:
Crawling from the Wreckage: Phil
Crawling from the wreckage, crawling from the wreckage
You'd think by now at least
My half a brain would get the message
Crawling from the wreckage, crawling from the wreckage
Bits of me are scattered in the trees and in the hedges
Crawling from the wreckage, crawling from the wreckage
Into a brand new car ...
Simply this: Steve McFadden showed tonight why he stands head and shoulder above the rest in acting ability, and he barely uttered a word. I dare anyone, even the inveterate Phil-haters, which includes most of the Millennium and one brain-celled viewers, the bullybois and those who purport to be female but reek of testosterone (yes, you, Bex), to blame Phil's plight on him and exonerate Jack. At the end of the day, Jack is supposed to be an adult and in control of his actions.
He lost it. Loser.
The Bitches' Coven and Carol.
Why is Sharon still licking Tanya's arse and being snide about Kirsty? Kirsty has done nothing to Sharon, and Tanya is just someone TPTB have made this iconic female character latch onto in a pathetic attempt to validate the Brannings as the reigning First Family of Walford. They sucked Dot into their vortex, but her worth was made self-evident tonight when Jack dismissed her as irrelevant in the pub.
In another day and time, Sharon would recognise Tanya's selfishness, shallowness and hypocrisy, but since Lorraine Newman's head is so far up the collective arse of Alfie and Kat, she doesn't give a rat's arse how Sharon is written and signed off on her being portrayed as TanyaLite. That scene at the table in the Branning kitchen when Sharon was making light of the family getogether as a contrivance to validate Kirsty, well ... Kirsty has more class in her little finger than either of these self-serving glorified prostitutes have in their entire wobbly bodies. I just had the innate desire to reach through the screen and rip their hair extensions out.
Tanya's seen that Max is actually moving on now, and she's acting the exact same way she began to act when she saw Max and the girls were moving on from her when he got together with Vanessa. Just to jolt your memories, watch the green-eyed monster that is jealousy take Tanya over here:-
Tanya still hasn't fathomed, until today, that she is the other woman. Now Bimbo Sharon has to learn this lesson. Max is a married man. He was single when he met Kirsty, and he married her. Tanya, on the other hand, was with Greg within weeks of ditching Max after she'd spent all his money, and didn't get around to divorcing him until months later. Sorry, Luddites, but until you have the decree absolute, you are fucking married. Separation is just a word.
One of the highlights of the episode was watching Tanya and the man-in-drag playingMiss Piggy Sharon swell up like bullfrogs at Max's overt affection to Kirsty. So steeped in hating on this woman were these two bitches that they actually failed to see that this get-together was, in fact, all for MyAlice, who (even though she has a mother) would rather mourn a man she didn't know, and who's alone and rather isolated in the Square, besides working for a psychopath whose turn of heart and whose "guilt" he felt today were purely for manipulative purposes. Watch this space re Alice.
Here's an outtake of Tanya and Sharon hanging out at the local watering hole gossiping about Kirsty:-
Sharon's even developing the bulging eyes.
And how much is Tanya, yet again, playing the victim, using her children as shields - poor, pitiful Yummy Mummy, her delicate nature must be protected from that slut Kirsty, especially judging by Abi's looks-could-kill face when Max and Kirsty left the Vic and Max let Tanya know subtly that she wasn't part of the family. Considering the fact, too, that Tanya sought from the first moment she met Alice to trash talk Derek to her, I'm surprised she even wanted to tag along. I'm even more surprised her drunken lout of a mother didn't show her face.
Ugh! She can't leave quick enough.
Kudos to Carol, who responded to Kirsty's concern about Alice and the fact that it was Derek's birthday, and who was human enough to observe that Kirsty probably wasn't that bad, after all. As for Tanya (a final word), Kirsty was right. Yet again, Tanya doesn't know how to lose graciously or admit that Max has moved on, and at the end of it all, she looked stupid, leaving because her two spoiled brats were seemingly getting along with Kirsty.
The Token (and Stereotypical) Blacks.
Aunt Esther Ava the Rava and her son the little Cock.
That's
Yep, I feel vindicated, having always said the Brannings were losers. Not only losers, but cowards, common and jumped up white trash. All that showed tonight. You know what else showed (and this is really sad)? How common, how loserly and how like jumped-up white trash Sharon's become since associating with that lot.
The Spanish have a proverb:-
Dime con quien andas y te dire; quien eres.
Roughly translated, that means that you're judged by the company you keep.
Sharon Watts. Walford Princess. Iconic original character. Poor white trash.
Jack.
I'm a loser.
I'm a loser ...
And I'm not what I appear to be ...
What have I done to deserve such a fate?
I realise I have left it too late,
And so it's true, pride comes before a fall,
I'm telling you so that you won't lose all ...
The loser lost it with Phil, and when Phil doesn't get up, after being punched silly enough to fall into a pit and hit his head on concrete, when the loser sees blood streaming from Phil's ear, he shits himself. Being an ex-bent copper, Jack would know the ramifications of what bleeding from the ear might signify - anything from mild concussion to a fractured skull to an outright brain haemorrhage. Phil's not moving, and he looks seriously injured enough for Jack, never the brightest lightbulb in the pack, to think he's dead.
Now we get to see Jack the Coward ... he's killed Phil, so all he can think to do is slope off and scarper. Wait a moment, isn't this the guy whom Derek said was handy in knowing how to get rid of a body? Oh, and all of a sudden, Jack's the baby bruvver again, frantically calling Big Brother Max to get him out of a jam. This would be the same Jack who beat the living shit out of Max, himself, back in 2008 - otherwise known as The Year of Max Branning's Shame and Humiliation - and even threatened to kill him.
We got to see, tonight, just how stupid, how recalcitrant and how much of a real bully Jack is, his true colours even coming out in his pithy dismissal of Dot in the pub.
All he could think of was saving his own hide. It was quite enough for him to mumble the ubiquitous "I love you" to the man in drag impersonating Miss Piggy whom he's only known a few months. And what the hell was that "family photo" he's taking of Piggy, DamienDen and Silent Amy, snatched from the side of her mother? No picture of Penny? No mention of Penny? Jack has other children. His criminal activities put his oldest child in a wheelchair.
Yet later in the Vic, when Jack's cowardice gets the better of him, when the ghost of jailbird Derek looms too close - I still cannot believe we are talking about, dealing with and remembering almost daily someone who was arguably the most unpopular character ever in the soap's history going into three fucking months after he died! PAT didn't get such respect - and he starts babbling incoherently about a murder he thinks he's committed, he blames Sharon for his actions. Get that? He blames Sharon. He. Blames. Sharon.
Yep, Jack's snapping, Jack's "slappin' dahn" of Phil Mitchell, is nuffink ter do wiv Jack and everything to do with Sharon. It's all down to Sharon wanting to sign a contract with Phil that will give her 19% stake in the R and R. It's all about Sharon doing what Sharon wanted for Sharon and her silly, little effeminate son, and nothing about Jack.
But, really, the puketard moments of that, besides Jack shitting himself for 30 minutes and showing what a coward he was, were the following:- the awful "family" portrait and Jack's expostulating about Amy hating him in the future because he would be in jail. Just Amy. Not Richard, whom he hasn't seen since he was a few weeks old, not Penny, whom he put in a wheelchair. Just Amy. Am I to understand that the erstwhile Millennial dumbashit storyliner Emer Kenny has blithely signed off on completely obliterating the fact that Jack, one of the biggest sluts the show has ever seen and the resident Sperminator, has fathered three children on two sisters and their cousin, as well as having a teenaged daughter to begin with.
Retconning is nothing when it comes to the Branning family - like Derek's birthday, for example. This time last year, Derek, who was hale and hearty at that point, made no mention of a birthday, and you'd have thought Derek, who had Carol, Bianca and her brood and the rest of the Branning brigade around him then, would have made mincemeat of his birthday, including the pickled herrings and the naff poem. But noooooooooo, as the late John Belushi (Google him, Luddites) would say, the first we hear of this is when MyAlice goes moping around the Square clutching a jar or pickled herrings to her chest.
Jack has confirmed what most long-term (as in "watched since at least the 1990s") viewer has always known about the Brannings - they are cowards who abscond any responsibility for their actions. This is why the Mitchells will always win, and the Brannings will always be losers. How anyone can want this lot of tossers to be the dominant family on an iconic British soap is beyond me.
Here's another song which aptly describes Jack:
Crawling from the Wreckage: Phil
Crawling from the wreckage, crawling from the wreckage
You'd think by now at least
My half a brain would get the message
Crawling from the wreckage, crawling from the wreckage
Bits of me are scattered in the trees and in the hedges
Crawling from the wreckage, crawling from the wreckage
Into a brand new car ...
Simply this: Steve McFadden showed tonight why he stands head and shoulder above the rest in acting ability, and he barely uttered a word. I dare anyone, even the inveterate Phil-haters, which includes most of the Millennium and one brain-celled viewers, the bullybois and those who purport to be female but reek of testosterone (yes, you, Bex), to blame Phil's plight on him and exonerate Jack. At the end of the day, Jack is supposed to be an adult and in control of his actions.
He lost it. Loser.
The Bitches' Coven and Carol.
Why is Sharon still licking Tanya's arse and being snide about Kirsty? Kirsty has done nothing to Sharon, and Tanya is just someone TPTB have made this iconic female character latch onto in a pathetic attempt to validate the Brannings as the reigning First Family of Walford. They sucked Dot into their vortex, but her worth was made self-evident tonight when Jack dismissed her as irrelevant in the pub.
In another day and time, Sharon would recognise Tanya's selfishness, shallowness and hypocrisy, but since Lorraine Newman's head is so far up the collective arse of Alfie and Kat, she doesn't give a rat's arse how Sharon is written and signed off on her being portrayed as TanyaLite. That scene at the table in the Branning kitchen when Sharon was making light of the family getogether as a contrivance to validate Kirsty, well ... Kirsty has more class in her little finger than either of these self-serving glorified prostitutes have in their entire wobbly bodies. I just had the innate desire to reach through the screen and rip their hair extensions out.
Tanya's seen that Max is actually moving on now, and she's acting the exact same way she began to act when she saw Max and the girls were moving on from her when he got together with Vanessa. Just to jolt your memories, watch the green-eyed monster that is jealousy take Tanya over here:-
Tanya still hasn't fathomed, until today, that she is the other woman. Now Bimbo Sharon has to learn this lesson. Max is a married man. He was single when he met Kirsty, and he married her. Tanya, on the other hand, was with Greg within weeks of ditching Max after she'd spent all his money, and didn't get around to divorcing him until months later. Sorry, Luddites, but until you have the decree absolute, you are fucking married. Separation is just a word.
One of the highlights of the episode was watching Tanya and the man-in-drag playing
Here's an outtake of Tanya and Sharon hanging out at the local watering hole gossiping about Kirsty:-
Sharon's even developing the bulging eyes.
And how much is Tanya, yet again, playing the victim, using her children as shields - poor, pitiful Yummy Mummy, her delicate nature must be protected from that slut Kirsty, especially judging by Abi's looks-could-kill face when Max and Kirsty left the Vic and Max let Tanya know subtly that she wasn't part of the family. Considering the fact, too, that Tanya sought from the first moment she met Alice to trash talk Derek to her, I'm surprised she even wanted to tag along. I'm even more surprised her drunken lout of a mother didn't show her face.
Ugh! She can't leave quick enough.
Kudos to Carol, who responded to Kirsty's concern about Alice and the fact that it was Derek's birthday, and who was human enough to observe that Kirsty probably wasn't that bad, after all. As for Tanya (a final word), Kirsty was right. Yet again, Tanya doesn't know how to lose graciously or admit that Max has moved on, and at the end of it all, she looked stupid, leaving because her two spoiled brats were seemingly getting along with Kirsty.
The Token (and Stereotypical) Blacks.
That's
Ava the Rava the Angry Black Woman
and
The Little Cock and a Gang You Will NEVER See on EastEnders
The Little Cock could stand right over the pit where his boss lay injured and not even think to look at it, and there's Ava the Rava popping up again. I guess Lorraine, who made Clare Perkins a permanent cast member on a whim, is going to have her pop up here and there and make sarky observations whilst her Little Cock son tries to do a bad impersonation of a cross between Chris Rock and Will Smith and unintelligibly so, until either a new EP comes along and axes two pointless characters or Clare Perkins quits in frustration.
Still, they had the one good scene in tonight's borefest, and that was when Ava the Rava and the Little Cock were sat in the pub and Ava the Rava was pointing out the deficienti amongst the Little Cock's family. So they are considered Branning satellites, and I suppose if Carol gets her claws into Masood, the Brannings will have an Asian branch too. Gotta beef up the numbers now Jack the Coward and Tanya the Ignorant Slut are leaving.
But Ava the Rava ... pointless character, who barely acknowledged her "sister."
Why Some Children Need To Be Smacked, Beaten, Kicked and Abandoned ...
Lauren and Abi Branning.
That's reason enough. Their behaviour was despicable. Lauren, especially, didn't have one word of comfort or condolence for Alice when Derek died. She even had the audacity to suggest to Joey one day after his father's death that in a couple of weeks everything would be back to normal, and when Max suggests that they remember Derek on his birthday for Alice's sake, Lauren's the first one out with a remark about the object of Derek dying being that they could forget all about him. What a snide little bitch! And of course, the only reason she'd attend something like that wasn't out of concern for her cousin, but because the drink was free.
I hope she dies of liver failure. I have never known a more overtly unlikeable, pointless, pejorative, selfish and entitled young person on the show. It's obvious, too, that Newman is keeping her hanging around because she's passingly pretty, because her character is despicable and she is simply the. worst. actress. ever. on that show.
Contrast her with the brief appearance of Lucy Beale tonight, leaving her job and seeing Joey upset. She stops and asks if he's OK, and she's concerned about his reaction to his father's birthday and death. It's not all about Lucy; she does have the capacity for compassion,and she's worth ten of shitty Lauren.
As for Abi, if she smiled tonight, her face would crack. Both these girls are always harping on about how they are adults, yet they can't go to a get-together for their cousin without their mother's "blessing." In other words, Mummy has to give them the ok to see Daddy. It's time someone spelled it out to them - their putrid mother isn't lillywhite. Do they know that Daddy Dearest was married to Bradley's mother when Mummy Dearest got herself up the duff and broke up Daddy's marriage, before she was even twenty? Do they know about the attempted burial?
Tanya's doing to them exactly what she did to Lauren when she had her cancer-cold, using them as protection from big bad Dad.
Abi acts more and more like a spoiled brat, as well as Lauren. Funny, she was mature enough to enter into a "mature relationship" (read: fuckfest) with Jay, let's see to whom she goes running when she misses a period next month.
If these two left tomorrow, it wouldn't be too soon. As for Lorna Fitzgerald, TPTB are trying to hide the fact that she's a very young sixteen and in doing so, they're creating a paedophile's dream; besides, she's been phoning in her lines since August.
Max
Love has a nasty habit of disappearing overnight ...
You're thinking of me, the same old way
You were above me, but not today
The only difference is you're down there,
I'm looking through you, and you're nowhere.
Perfectly describes Max, the last nuanced character ever created on this sadly diminishing soap. Max carried his tribe of low-lifed white trash tonight - providing sensible advice for Jack (go back and check on Phil), comforting MyAlice, not taking any shit off his ungrateful kids, and showing Tanya that the world does not revolve around her fat arse. I just hope he does well by Kirsty.
Final Observation: Michael Moon.
Please shut up about how Michael's retribution and sense of guilt toward Alice redeems his character. It simply doesn't. Moon is a manipulator, and he knew damned well that Alice would refuse the offer of the expensive Rolex Janine had given him. Besides, if he's so strapped for cash, he could always sell the watch. He also knew his honesty in confessing to Alice his financial predicament and his attempt to palm the dodgy notes off on her would matter greatly to Alice in her naivete.
Don't be fooled. He's grooming her for manipulative purposes. Remember, he did the same with Jean, and look what happened there.
Still, last night Phil mentioned Janine; tonight Michael mentioned her.
The Queen of the Night is coming back, bitches!
Just met the boy in question tonight. Two things stood out for me. 1 Abi was so utterely rude to Jay (I know he has his problems at the moment, but he is basically a pretty decent bloke), picking a stranger over him
ReplyDelete2) At least Abi also has the morals not to jump into the sack with her cousin.
Professor Plum