Evening, peeps ... the Troll Blog is back for a Saturday edition, catching up on the week's reviews. Of course, it's not a Troll Blog ... that's the name Bullyboi Bex has given me, simply because, like her iconic heroine Kathleen Moon, Matron Saint of Stupid Girls, she doesn't like to be called out on her bullying, her hectoring and her intractably narrow mind. I say "her" only giving the benefit of a doubt to the fact that she's the female she purports to be.
I believe otherwise; but then, if she really is a female, she's a disgrace to the gender, believing women have the entitlement to behave anyway they want with no modicum of responsibility required - the fault will always by assumed by the man.
She and the other Bullyboi of Walford Web, wee willie Will Slater-Mitchell, should just re-define the Book of Morality according to Kat Moon. We'll see what state society would assume then.
Like the song says, they're ....
A Bit About Retconning.
Christopher Reason should know better. He's been with the show for a significant enough amount of time to remember when the programme actually had a Research and Continuity Department, instead of making up the past to fit the storyline.
It has always, only and ever been established that Katshit Slutter Moon slept with The Living Dead once, in a drunken one night stand, and conceived her son. In fact, it was established in 2010, that she had been sent to the Spanish flat of The Living Dead, where the drunken deed occurred and from whence she fled the next day.
It was a One. Night. Stand.
Fast forward to Janine's wedding day, and the ONS - still a one night stand, mind you - was the blossoming of love, until five minutes later Mr Living Dead simply became the man who knocked her up.
Now, let's skip to Christmas, where Mr Living Dead is convincing Alfie to stay with Kat and let her fuck around all she wants - because that's what men should do, right, ladies? Only then, it seemed that the one night stand had grown - like Topsy - to be bigger and bigger and that it lasted all summer and took place in the Moons' flat, in the marital bedroom.
For the record, this is how it happened. When Kat returned to Walford in September 2010, she was six months pregnant. If she had been fucking about with Cadaver-Face, all summer, that psycho skag-end piece of shit would have noticed that she was pregnant. Everything uttered at Christmas and in Thursday's episode is a lie. Kat went directly the next day from Dead Man Walking to Martina's, where she stayed until the thugs chasing her caught up with her, and she scarpered. Martina confirmed that in 2011. On film. In the archive.
This is the principal problem with EastEnders nowadays - the fact that the writers are lazy, don't give a fuck and write what they want to fit whatever cack-handed storyline they are given from a storylining team headed by a schoolkid to whom history means nothing. Oh, we'll make a one night stand a summer affair. Nobody will notice. They know that the only people shipping EastEnders at the moment are lowest common denominator tweenies who share a braincell or fruitflies like
... and man-hating bullybois like Bex (the only man she likes is Jack the Joke) and wee Willie Slater-Mitchell, he who wishes to morph into Kat Slutter.
In other words, it's become The Children's Hour for people who don't think. And as people who tend to like a programme like EastEnders, often identify with it in some way, there must be a helluva lot of stupid girls around.
Katshit.
Pretty will-you-fuck-me girl, silly as a lucky girl,
Pull my head and suck me, girl ... stupid girl!
Maybe if I act like that, flipping my blonde hair back,
Push up my bra like that ... I don't wanna be a stupid girl!
I know there are some female viewers, and many with common sense, who like and are intrigued by Michael Moon. Whilst I think the actor who portrays him does the character justice, I can't stand the character.
Tonight, it was made patently obvious that he is a psychopath. He is also a loser, but more of that later. He has no conscience, no compassion and no idea of remorse. He disdains Alfie, and in the entire interaction between him and that skank piece of shit thrown from the Vic the night before, there was never a mention of the child they allegedly created. Nor any concern.
Why Michael seemed to think it was the done thing to go for a victory fuck after your partner tells you he wants a divorce because you, the perp, have been serially unfaithful, is beyond me? Kat wakes up the next day feeling guilty. Kat always feels guilty after the fact.
Maybe he was trying to tell her that that feeling was no good anymore. What's done was done and it was her own making. Interesting that he thinks that she and Alfie are addicted to each other. That's only partly true.
I would say that Alfie loves Kat - deeply and truly loves her to the core. I would also echo the opinion of someone from the Walford Web Kindergarten and say that Kat loves only Kat, that she suffers from Narcissistic Victim Disorder - and here, Michael's partly right again. She's got to be the drama queen, the diva, the centre of attention. When something isn't all about her, she makes certain that it becomes so.
Of course, there are countless numbers of other women like this in Walford at the moment - Tanya and the recently-departed Zainab spring instantly to mind - but Kat's the mother of them all in being narcissistic.
Alfie loves her and knows her and accepts all her foibles. He's there to pick up the pieces. As for Katshit, Alfie is the dependable bloke who brings order to her world, but when he's been found to look away from her altar - like, you know, to make a living - she goes AWOL, feels guilty and promises to be a good girl, because this really isn't her fault at all. She's just a dirty girl.
Cadaver-Face Moon told the slut tonight that she brought all of what happened onto herself, and now she was free of a marriage she destroyed, she shouldn't feel guilty anymore. He disdains his cousin searching for his estranged wife, out of concern and knowing what had transpired the night before, even sending her voicemails. He disdains that because his own wife doesn't do that to him.
Well, she did, but he undermined her intelligence and her self-esteem and battered her psychologically until he destroyed her and she abandoned Walford and her much-loved baby daughter, broken in spirit.
You weren't dumped, Michael. You destroyed a person, but have no fear ... the Queen of the Night will rise again, and I fear for you and Katshit.
Lauren.
Go to Fred Segal's, you'll find them there
Laughing loud so all the little people stare
Looking for a daddy to pay for the champagne
(Drop a name)
Lauren is a lazy little fuck and easily the most unlikeable female character in the show. Wait, that's not entirely true. Massed at the top of the Hate List for most viewers are:-
Just to think ... this week, we were treated to the acting talents of Tyler Moon, the Little Cock son of Ava the Rava and Jah-WAAAAH ... brought to you by the Conservative Party's Care in the Community.
In Thursday's episode, Lauren, in connection with her essay on Feminism in the British Cinema from 1947 to 1974 (nice to know that Lauren is taking a course which will be really useful to her in the future), inadvertantly offers some sage home truths to Kat - that Kat is the product of her own self-victimisation, or - in other words - everything that happens to Kat, everything bad and adverse, like the situation with Alfie, is brought upon herself.
Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings ...
If an 18 year-old girl can see that, then everyone (except Kat and Lorraine Newman) know that Kat isn't the victim. Even Jah-WAAAH opines that if Kat hadn't broken her marital vows, then she wouldn't be in half the trouble she's in right now.
That entire scene offered proof of Kat the Narcissist. Sod it, that Lauren was in the middle of writing an essay, Kat just enters the room with no compunction and starts a homily about poor memememememememememememe ...
Then Lauren's immaturity comes to the fore when she shrugs off Kat's guilt at fucking The Prince of Darkness, saying it was a step up from Derek; but really, she doesn't understand fuck-all, and neither does Kat. Kat fucked Michael to make herself feel good after being handed her arse on a plate. Now, her interpretation of taking control of the situation, is to march into the Vic, demand her son and tell Roxy, in the presence of Alfie and the pub, that she'd slept with Michael and reprise a scene from 2010, only this time, she's advising Roxy that Michael is more of a man in bed than Alfie and could teach him a few things.
I wanted Roxy to smack the shit out of the skank.
NewsFlash! In writing this review, I've just learned that Scott Maslen has quit the show. Shame it wasn't Jessie Wallace. Can her character get more hateful? The Bullyboi Brigade must have been out in force Thursday, gloating about how "pathetic" Alfie was. Alfie isn't pathetic. Kat is, and the community knows it. As Alfie says, Kat has no friends. Now we know why.
Abi the Non-Virgin
What happened to the dreams of a girl president?
She's dancing in the video next to 50 Cent.
OK, since when did the house where the two spoiled brats are being starved out of existence by the vicious and drunken old man in drag
who is their fetid grandmother, belong to Max Branning? Jack Soon-to-be-Gone Branning bought the house and rented it to Tanya. Then he rented it to Max, when he was alone and with Vanessa. Then he threw Vanessa out and re-rented it to Tanya. Since the electric bill is in Max's name, it's assumed Tanya handed all the household bills and utility authority, including the rent, over to Max, her husband in all but name.
There you go. These three assholes want nothing to do with Max unless they need money. Were I Max, I'd give them the stiff middle finger. What I really wanted was for him to shift his size sevens into the shank of the old hag as she tottered down the stairs (off to stink up the Vic, most likely) and put an end to her.
Abi may have popped her cherry (and here's betting she's pregnant and will come running to Daddy to fix it), but she still acts like a spoiled ten year-old. When Kirsty accosts her, she acts as though Kirsty is the Whore of the Western World, when she's not - that's Tanya on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and Katshit during the rest of the week.
Kirsty has a cunning plan to get Max's daughters talking to him again, only she frightens St Abigail the Miraculous Self-Perpetuating Virgin by appearing in a staid black dress, with the skirt hiked into her tights and showing her crisp white Spankies. Abi didn't know there were women like that and that one of them was her stepmother.
Yummy Mummy has returned.
The Return of the Native.
Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back.
Masood likes Carol. Carol likes Masood. They're having a cooking date and dinner for two. Masood's even chased Ajay and Tamwar, who gave a brilliant, geek-infested comeback to Bianca's motormouth, away from the premises, when his plans are scuppered by the return of the most stunningly beautiful bore in soap opera history ... Ayesha.
And finally ...
Why Michael Moon Is a Loser.
I believe otherwise; but then, if she really is a female, she's a disgrace to the gender, believing women have the entitlement to behave anyway they want with no modicum of responsibility required - the fault will always by assumed by the man.
She and the other Bullyboi of Walford Web, wee willie Will Slater-Mitchell, should just re-define the Book of Morality according to Kat Moon. We'll see what state society would assume then.
Like the song says, they're ....
Christopher Reason should know better. He's been with the show for a significant enough amount of time to remember when the programme actually had a Research and Continuity Department, instead of making up the past to fit the storyline.
It has always, only and ever been established that Katshit Slutter Moon slept with The Living Dead once, in a drunken one night stand, and conceived her son. In fact, it was established in 2010, that she had been sent to the Spanish flat of The Living Dead, where the drunken deed occurred and from whence she fled the next day.
It was a One. Night. Stand.
Fast forward to Janine's wedding day, and the ONS - still a one night stand, mind you - was the blossoming of love, until five minutes later Mr Living Dead simply became the man who knocked her up.
Now, let's skip to Christmas, where Mr Living Dead is convincing Alfie to stay with Kat and let her fuck around all she wants - because that's what men should do, right, ladies? Only then, it seemed that the one night stand had grown - like Topsy - to be bigger and bigger and that it lasted all summer and took place in the Moons' flat, in the marital bedroom.
For the record, this is how it happened. When Kat returned to Walford in September 2010, she was six months pregnant. If she had been fucking about with Cadaver-Face, all summer, that psycho skag-end piece of shit would have noticed that she was pregnant. Everything uttered at Christmas and in Thursday's episode is a lie. Kat went directly the next day from Dead Man Walking to Martina's, where she stayed until the thugs chasing her caught up with her, and she scarpered. Martina confirmed that in 2011. On film. In the archive.
... and man-hating bullybois like Bex (the only man she likes is Jack the Joke) and wee Willie Slater-Mitchell, he who wishes to morph into Kat Slutter.
In other words, it's become The Children's Hour for people who don't think. And as people who tend to like a programme like EastEnders, often identify with it in some way, there must be a helluva lot of stupid girls around.
Katshit.
Pretty will-you-fuck-me girl, silly as a lucky girl,
Pull my head and suck me, girl ... stupid girl!
Maybe if I act like that, flipping my blonde hair back,
Push up my bra like that ... I don't wanna be a stupid girl!
I know there are some female viewers, and many with common sense, who like and are intrigued by Michael Moon. Whilst I think the actor who portrays him does the character justice, I can't stand the character.
Tonight, it was made patently obvious that he is a psychopath. He is also a loser, but more of that later. He has no conscience, no compassion and no idea of remorse. He disdains Alfie, and in the entire interaction between him and that skank piece of shit thrown from the Vic the night before, there was never a mention of the child they allegedly created. Nor any concern.
Why Michael seemed to think it was the done thing to go for a victory fuck after your partner tells you he wants a divorce because you, the perp, have been serially unfaithful, is beyond me? Kat wakes up the next day feeling guilty. Kat always feels guilty after the fact.
Maybe he was trying to tell her that that feeling was no good anymore. What's done was done and it was her own making. Interesting that he thinks that she and Alfie are addicted to each other. That's only partly true.
I would say that Alfie loves Kat - deeply and truly loves her to the core. I would also echo the opinion of someone from the Walford Web Kindergarten and say that Kat loves only Kat, that she suffers from Narcissistic Victim Disorder - and here, Michael's partly right again. She's got to be the drama queen, the diva, the centre of attention. When something isn't all about her, she makes certain that it becomes so.
Of course, there are countless numbers of other women like this in Walford at the moment - Tanya and the recently-departed Zainab spring instantly to mind - but Kat's the mother of them all in being narcissistic.
Alfie loves her and knows her and accepts all her foibles. He's there to pick up the pieces. As for Katshit, Alfie is the dependable bloke who brings order to her world, but when he's been found to look away from her altar - like, you know, to make a living - she goes AWOL, feels guilty and promises to be a good girl, because this really isn't her fault at all. She's just a dirty girl.
Cadaver-Face Moon told the slut tonight that she brought all of what happened onto herself, and now she was free of a marriage she destroyed, she shouldn't feel guilty anymore. He disdains his cousin searching for his estranged wife, out of concern and knowing what had transpired the night before, even sending her voicemails. He disdains that because his own wife doesn't do that to him.
Well, she did, but he undermined her intelligence and her self-esteem and battered her psychologically until he destroyed her and she abandoned Walford and her much-loved baby daughter, broken in spirit.
You weren't dumped, Michael. You destroyed a person, but have no fear ... the Queen of the Night will rise again, and I fear for you and Katshit.
Lauren.
Go to Fred Segal's, you'll find them there
Laughing loud so all the little people stare
Looking for a daddy to pay for the champagne
(Drop a name)
Lauren is a lazy little fuck and easily the most unlikeable female character in the show. Wait, that's not entirely true. Massed at the top of the Hate List for most viewers are:-
- Kat (from hero to zero, a despicable bitch)
- Tanya (yummy mummy hypocrite)
- Lauren (spoiled, entitled, directionless and self-obsessed)
- Whitney (another self-perpetuating victim)
We got treated to Lauren being typically lazy and directionless and still committing incest with her cousin, Jah-WAAAAH, who is still a mouth-breather - make that mouf-breaver - and totally unintelligible.
Just to think ... this week, we were treated to the acting talents of Tyler Moon, the Little Cock son of Ava the Rava and Jah-WAAAAH ... brought to you by the Conservative Party's Care in the Community.
In Thursday's episode, Lauren, in connection with her essay on Feminism in the British Cinema from 1947 to 1974 (nice to know that Lauren is taking a course which will be really useful to her in the future), inadvertantly offers some sage home truths to Kat - that Kat is the product of her own self-victimisation, or - in other words - everything that happens to Kat, everything bad and adverse, like the situation with Alfie, is brought upon herself.
Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings ...
If an 18 year-old girl can see that, then everyone (except Kat and Lorraine Newman) know that Kat isn't the victim. Even Jah-WAAAH opines that if Kat hadn't broken her marital vows, then she wouldn't be in half the trouble she's in right now.
That entire scene offered proof of Kat the Narcissist. Sod it, that Lauren was in the middle of writing an essay, Kat just enters the room with no compunction and starts a homily about poor memememememememememememe ...
Then Lauren's immaturity comes to the fore when she shrugs off Kat's guilt at fucking The Prince of Darkness, saying it was a step up from Derek; but really, she doesn't understand fuck-all, and neither does Kat. Kat fucked Michael to make herself feel good after being handed her arse on a plate. Now, her interpretation of taking control of the situation, is to march into the Vic, demand her son and tell Roxy, in the presence of Alfie and the pub, that she'd slept with Michael and reprise a scene from 2010, only this time, she's advising Roxy that Michael is more of a man in bed than Alfie and could teach him a few things.
I wanted Roxy to smack the shit out of the skank.
NewsFlash! In writing this review, I've just learned that Scott Maslen has quit the show. Shame it wasn't Jessie Wallace. Can her character get more hateful? The Bullyboi Brigade must have been out in force Thursday, gloating about how "pathetic" Alfie was. Alfie isn't pathetic. Kat is, and the community knows it. As Alfie says, Kat has no friends. Now we know why.
Abi the Non-Virgin
What happened to the dreams of a girl president?
She's dancing in the video next to 50 Cent.
OK, since when did the house where the two spoiled brats are being starved out of existence by the vicious and drunken old man in drag
There you go. These three assholes want nothing to do with Max unless they need money. Were I Max, I'd give them the stiff middle finger. What I really wanted was for him to shift his size sevens into the shank of the old hag as she tottered down the stairs (off to stink up the Vic, most likely) and put an end to her.
Abi may have popped her cherry (and here's betting she's pregnant and will come running to Daddy to fix it), but she still acts like a spoiled ten year-old. When Kirsty accosts her, she acts as though Kirsty is the Whore of the Western World, when she's not - that's Tanya on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and Katshit during the rest of the week.
Kirsty has a cunning plan to get Max's daughters talking to him again, only she frightens St Abigail the Miraculous Self-Perpetuating Virgin by appearing in a staid black dress, with the skirt hiked into her tights and showing her crisp white Spankies. Abi didn't know there were women like that and that one of them was her stepmother.
Still, that anecdote serves as an ice-breaker when they all sit down to stab fish and chips, in the Branning front room. Watching the Brannings eat is real entertainment. Max must stab at a chip about six times, the girls about three times each. Still, like every other fabled Branning eat-up (and there have been so many since Christmas), it's interrupted.
Yummy Mummy has returned.
The Return of the Native.
Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back.
Masood likes Carol. Carol likes Masood. They're having a cooking date and dinner for two. Masood's even chased Ajay and Tamwar, who gave a brilliant, geek-infested comeback to Bianca's motormouth, away from the premises, when his plans are scuppered by the return of the most stunningly beautiful bore in soap opera history ... Ayesha.
And finally ...
Why Michael Moon Is a Loser.
- He is living in a house owned entirely by his absent wife.
- He tried to scam a vulnerable woman and was rumbled.
- He nabbed Derek's horde of stolen goods and counterfeit money and endeavoured to get a juvenile to sell the stuff for him.
- He has no friends and no one likes him.
- He even treats his family like shit.
- He's landed Phil Mitchell with counterfeit money and thought Phil would get in on the scam. Phil's smarter than that.
- Janine is coming home. She's Old Walford, the daughter of Frank Butcher and the step-daughter of Pat Evans and also Peggy Mitchell. Janine gonna kick some skinny arse.
My prediction? The Prince of Darkness will be gone by Christmas, and Tommy is not his son.
Can I just say thank you, I agree with about 87% of what you said here and say in general, which trust me is much much higher than anyone else who writes about eastenders. Scott is leaving is announced very soon after Sam saying she would be open to a return, I hope she'll come back pack up Jack go visit Richard, his other child he never seems to notice isn't around, and ride off into the sunset. but my expectations are low because the writing has gotten dumber and dumber and the continuity is all over the place. I really hate that Roxy and Jack friended michael after what he did to Ronnie, I hate that jack announced his engagement at the R&R with zero qualms. I hate that sharon spends so much time with lexi but as far as we know has never interacted with amy her would be step daughter. Thank you for keeping your disdain towards michael consistent, I appreciate that. I hated seeing Kat in what I am assuming is Janine's robe… I hate the pain Janine caused Ronnie, obviously Archie had a lot to do with that also, but she is a full rounded character and a fighter which I respond to and will continue to root for. Michael really destroyed her and I am glad I am not the only one who sees it this way.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I disagree with you on is Max paying for stuff. He is a terrible father, remember when he wanted to run off with Stacey, which would mean leaving all his kids he didn't even hesitate. and I am pretty sure he forgot oscar existed until he walked back in with his mom. The very least he can do is offer child support. I also remember him taking a mortgage out on the salon behind tanya's back and loosing that for her so I wouldn't say Tanya has the salon because of max or greg, but I don't understand why she would leave Poppy and Lola in charge in her absence. I hate seeing stupid characters written so poorly so I hope that changes soon or maybe if actors continue to leave there will be more time to focus on developing plots and characters that we do still care about. I also disagree on lauren and joey but i won't get into that now Ive already gone on too long.