The entry class at Walford Web Kindergarten are jumping up and down in anticipation of the Shagger reveal and also of Max's secret.
Some people think they are one and the same. Some people have a hard time reconciling the fact that the secret Shagger (which really isn't Max's secret) will turn out to be Derek. For some people, it's hard to fathom why a gargoyle like Kat would think of coupling with another gargoyle like Derek. That's not difficult to fathom.
Derek probably has a proportionately large priapus, which he knows how to use to maximum effect. Put plainly: he probably has a big dick and knows what to do with it. That's probably the same for Phil Mitchell or Max Branning.
It always amazes me that people have a hard time understanding why a woman would want to bed down with Phil Mitchell or Derek Branning, but have no difficulty in fathoming why they'd go to bed with Max, who is as plug-ugly as his older brother and Phil combined.
On the other hand,it could be wondered why any man, Alfie included, would want to crawl in bed and inside the greasy, po-faced Kat, who doesn't look clean at the best of times. She's certainly not attractive, and she's well on the road to Shirleydom, give her ten years. Give her ten years and she'll be wrapped in a mangy sleeping bag, begging food off some pub kitchen and passing bed bugs around, if she isn't already.
But since the assorted collection of bullies, passive-aggressives, duel personalitied trolls, baby boys and the occasional sensible commenter have whittled the suspects down to either Max or Derek, let's discuss that, along with what Max's deep, dark secret could possibly be.
First of all, it was always on the agenda for the Shagger to be a Branning. After all, with all three brothers as suspects, there was a 60% chance.
Secondly, at first I thought this storyline may have been the get-out-of-jail card for Jessie Wallace, whose return as Kat has been less than successful. Actually, thanks to a combination of bad writing, disastrous characterisation and the actress's inability to grasp the mettle of a character she created, Kat ca 2010 is now, as per Digital Spy's soaps forum, the undisputed most disliked character on the show.
More than Joey (who's second). More than Derek (who's third). More than Lucy Beale (who's running fourth). And more than Tyler (who's been thrown a lifeline with fifth place).
And most of these people want to see Kat publically humiliated, called out for the slut she is by her husband, kicked back into the gutter and gone - as in, they want Kat to leave. Now. Forever. And don't come back.
Now, however, I'm not so sure TPTB want that. You see, Kat was fine when she left in 2005. Her story arc had been completed and her character had closure. But when Bryan Kirkwood brought her and Alfie back, instead of bringing them back on a higher level, they brought them back broken and virtually destroyed. Kat, herself, had turned into a heartlessly promiscuous spousal abuser, totally vile and unlikeable. TPTB broke their own iconic creation, and since Kat was John Yorke's creation, I suppose the current PTB think they owe it to him to make an effort to repair the damage done.
Also, I think the current Executive Producer is more than aware of the unpopularity of this storyline, arguably the worst in EastEnders' history since Kidneygate, and she wants to wrap this up sooner, rather than later - well, she wants Kat to stop shagging around for the time being. So it's being ended, but not ended.
Alfie will suss that she's having an affair, and she'll confess ... up to a point. She's going to lie and say Alfie doesn't know the Shaggerman. So she's still protecting someone's identity. Of course, this means that ... guess what? ... the storyline can be played out until Christmas, with the viewer knowing just as much as Alfie - that she's had an affair, but with whom?
That gives pause to the fact that the Brannings are having a big Christmas storyline, whilst Shane Richie has said that Alfie and Kat will feature heavily at Christmas also.
All signs point to Derek.
Jamie Foreman's contract expires in October, the month wherein the Christmas episodes are usually filmed. Jamie Foreman plays a Branning, and he's hinted that there's "something big" for the family at Christmas.
Up until this point, Derek has managed to insinuate himself into the lives of most of the other Walford residents - he's bullied Lucy Beale, he's been scammed by Alfie, he's leaned on Masood for damaging his car, he's annoyed Phil by getting close to Ben (especially during the aftermath of the murder).
By drawing out this interminably bad Shagger mystery, we've been given the scenario of Christmas for Alfie to find out that Derek's been porking his missus. He'll discover not only that, but also the fact that his wife is still a lying piece of skank. It will afford him a reason for having it out with Derek and maybe involve him, indirectly, in the Branning storyline.
One way or another, my bet is that Derek is on his way out, most likely, in a pine box, with - yes (sigh) - another whodunnit - just in time to see off a gaggle of main suspects for panto (Phil, Alfie, Ian) or departure in full (Tanya).
As I've said before, most affair storylines finish with the departure of one ot the main proponents. This will most likely be Derek. It could also encompass Kat, but I think TPTB have invested in holding onto her for a bit - the actress is a gong-getter and they rarely dispense with these - more's the pity.
As for Max, he's been shagging all right, but not Kat.
My theory is that Max's big secret is that he's married. As that beacon of wisdom (and I mean that most sincerely) on Walford Web, Sey, reminds us, Jake Wood stated in an interview that Max's secret would mean that he couldn't marry Tanya. Well, a married man can't commit bigamy, can he?
Max was out of the picture for three months, banished from Walford by Lauren the Gurner because Tanya's infidelity to Greg was all Max's fault (or so Tanya would have you believe, because she is so without sin). When he surfaced with Derek, they had a young woman from Walthamstow in the car en route to Manchester. Derek was wittering something about them having been driven from Lewisham by the "Lithuanian mafia."
Most Eastern European organised crime centres around either the sex trade or credit card fraud. "Sex" and "Max" are two words which fit together easily, so it's not difficult to see in which line of trade the Branning brothers involved themselves.
My guess is that Derek and Max were involved in bringing in young Russian women illegally and setting them up in brothels. Perhaps the woman they had in the car, an English girl, was going to act as madam. But somewhere during that three-month period, Max probably married some pretty, little blonde Ukrainian girl who was about to be deported. Being Max, he probably slept with her as well; and now he needs a divorce. Quickly. So there's bound to be a secret wife showing up on Max's wedding day, and - given the time scale - maybe with a baby in tow. (If she joins the cast, we would now not only have the ubiqutous Eastern European token, but an Eastern European Branning as well, just to go along with the Afro-Caribbean Branning who's just visible on the horizon).
Simples.
Some have ventured to surmise that Max's secret wife just might be Ava Anderton, long-lost daughter of Cora; but if Ava Anderton is anyone connected with Walford, she's most likely to be Ray's ex, mother of the infamously bad Sasha.
Anyhoo, here's a song for those slimey, jumped-up chavvy Branning boys, in hopes that they're properly thinned out before long. Really, Max is the only one worth watching.
Some people think they are one and the same. Some people have a hard time reconciling the fact that the secret Shagger (which really isn't Max's secret) will turn out to be Derek. For some people, it's hard to fathom why a gargoyle like Kat would think of coupling with another gargoyle like Derek. That's not difficult to fathom.
Derek probably has a proportionately large priapus, which he knows how to use to maximum effect. Put plainly: he probably has a big dick and knows what to do with it. That's probably the same for Phil Mitchell or Max Branning.
It always amazes me that people have a hard time understanding why a woman would want to bed down with Phil Mitchell or Derek Branning, but have no difficulty in fathoming why they'd go to bed with Max, who is as plug-ugly as his older brother and Phil combined.
On the other hand,it could be wondered why any man, Alfie included, would want to crawl in bed and inside the greasy, po-faced Kat, who doesn't look clean at the best of times. She's certainly not attractive, and she's well on the road to Shirleydom, give her ten years. Give her ten years and she'll be wrapped in a mangy sleeping bag, begging food off some pub kitchen and passing bed bugs around, if she isn't already.
But since the assorted collection of bullies, passive-aggressives, duel personalitied trolls, baby boys and the occasional sensible commenter have whittled the suspects down to either Max or Derek, let's discuss that, along with what Max's deep, dark secret could possibly be.
First of all, it was always on the agenda for the Shagger to be a Branning. After all, with all three brothers as suspects, there was a 60% chance.
Secondly, at first I thought this storyline may have been the get-out-of-jail card for Jessie Wallace, whose return as Kat has been less than successful. Actually, thanks to a combination of bad writing, disastrous characterisation and the actress's inability to grasp the mettle of a character she created, Kat ca 2010 is now, as per Digital Spy's soaps forum, the undisputed most disliked character on the show.
More than Joey (who's second). More than Derek (who's third). More than Lucy Beale (who's running fourth). And more than Tyler (who's been thrown a lifeline with fifth place).
And most of these people want to see Kat publically humiliated, called out for the slut she is by her husband, kicked back into the gutter and gone - as in, they want Kat to leave. Now. Forever. And don't come back.
Now, however, I'm not so sure TPTB want that. You see, Kat was fine when she left in 2005. Her story arc had been completed and her character had closure. But when Bryan Kirkwood brought her and Alfie back, instead of bringing them back on a higher level, they brought them back broken and virtually destroyed. Kat, herself, had turned into a heartlessly promiscuous spousal abuser, totally vile and unlikeable. TPTB broke their own iconic creation, and since Kat was John Yorke's creation, I suppose the current PTB think they owe it to him to make an effort to repair the damage done.
Also, I think the current Executive Producer is more than aware of the unpopularity of this storyline, arguably the worst in EastEnders' history since Kidneygate, and she wants to wrap this up sooner, rather than later - well, she wants Kat to stop shagging around for the time being. So it's being ended, but not ended.
Alfie will suss that she's having an affair, and she'll confess ... up to a point. She's going to lie and say Alfie doesn't know the Shaggerman. So she's still protecting someone's identity. Of course, this means that ... guess what? ... the storyline can be played out until Christmas, with the viewer knowing just as much as Alfie - that she's had an affair, but with whom?
That gives pause to the fact that the Brannings are having a big Christmas storyline, whilst Shane Richie has said that Alfie and Kat will feature heavily at Christmas also.
All signs point to Derek.
Jamie Foreman's contract expires in October, the month wherein the Christmas episodes are usually filmed. Jamie Foreman plays a Branning, and he's hinted that there's "something big" for the family at Christmas.
Up until this point, Derek has managed to insinuate himself into the lives of most of the other Walford residents - he's bullied Lucy Beale, he's been scammed by Alfie, he's leaned on Masood for damaging his car, he's annoyed Phil by getting close to Ben (especially during the aftermath of the murder).
By drawing out this interminably bad Shagger mystery, we've been given the scenario of Christmas for Alfie to find out that Derek's been porking his missus. He'll discover not only that, but also the fact that his wife is still a lying piece of skank. It will afford him a reason for having it out with Derek and maybe involve him, indirectly, in the Branning storyline.
One way or another, my bet is that Derek is on his way out, most likely, in a pine box, with - yes (sigh) - another whodunnit - just in time to see off a gaggle of main suspects for panto (Phil, Alfie, Ian) or departure in full (Tanya).
As I've said before, most affair storylines finish with the departure of one ot the main proponents. This will most likely be Derek. It could also encompass Kat, but I think TPTB have invested in holding onto her for a bit - the actress is a gong-getter and they rarely dispense with these - more's the pity.
As for Max, he's been shagging all right, but not Kat.
My theory is that Max's big secret is that he's married. As that beacon of wisdom (and I mean that most sincerely) on Walford Web, Sey, reminds us, Jake Wood stated in an interview that Max's secret would mean that he couldn't marry Tanya. Well, a married man can't commit bigamy, can he?
Max was out of the picture for three months, banished from Walford by Lauren the Gurner because Tanya's infidelity to Greg was all Max's fault (or so Tanya would have you believe, because she is so without sin). When he surfaced with Derek, they had a young woman from Walthamstow in the car en route to Manchester. Derek was wittering something about them having been driven from Lewisham by the "Lithuanian mafia."
Most Eastern European organised crime centres around either the sex trade or credit card fraud. "Sex" and "Max" are two words which fit together easily, so it's not difficult to see in which line of trade the Branning brothers involved themselves.
My guess is that Derek and Max were involved in bringing in young Russian women illegally and setting them up in brothels. Perhaps the woman they had in the car, an English girl, was going to act as madam. But somewhere during that three-month period, Max probably married some pretty, little blonde Ukrainian girl who was about to be deported. Being Max, he probably slept with her as well; and now he needs a divorce. Quickly. So there's bound to be a secret wife showing up on Max's wedding day, and - given the time scale - maybe with a baby in tow. (If she joins the cast, we would now not only have the ubiqutous Eastern European token, but an Eastern European Branning as well, just to go along with the Afro-Caribbean Branning who's just visible on the horizon).
Simples.
Some have ventured to surmise that Max's secret wife just might be Ava Anderton, long-lost daughter of Cora; but if Ava Anderton is anyone connected with Walford, she's most likely to be Ray's ex, mother of the infamously bad Sasha.
Anyhoo, here's a song for those slimey, jumped-up chavvy Branning boys, in hopes that they're properly thinned out before long. Really, Max is the only one worth watching.
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