Does anyone ever work in EastEnders? Because there sure were a lot of people hanging around for a lunchtime barbecue in today's episode. The week started out a tripefest, with Wednesday's episode sinking to new depths, and tonight's was a veritable treat for anyone considering himself/herself a victim.
Victim 1: Slut Slutter
Slut's afraid of being found out for being a slut, and EastEnders was doing what's become particularly trite in recent years. TPTB don't want the audience ever to forget that there are five dicks in the frame, one of which dipped itself into the fish-fragrant bush of Slut Slutter, currently the resident whore and Shirley-in-Training of Walford. We watch her eye them all from the upstairs window, whilst her unsuspecting husband promotes the dumbass pub football team.
This forced air of community was so contrived tonight. Kat's got a headache - geddit? She's afraid, all right; and she's sorry - not for what's she's done, but for fear of getting caught, especially when Alfie ubiquitously remarks that he knows. Knows what? That's just it. We don't know what he knows. We do know that he doesn't know what he should know and if he did know it, we'd hope he'd drag her down the stairs by her mingy dyed black hair and present her as a slut to the world of Walford, which would be nothing less than she deserves.
Already, she's bigging up the victim part of her defence. She hates herself. (Because that will surely be what she says, when she whines and cries upon his discovery). There's always the standard double talk like that in Eastenders. One wonders why they do it. It isn't clever, especially since the viewers know the reveal won't be until the autumn. At least what we do know is that Kat has another bow of defence to add to her quiver. Now, in addition to "I'm a dirty girl," she's got "I hate myself." Cue crying as well ... because, you see, it's not her fault.
Another typical trick of Eastenders was also on display tonight - brief shot of Michael saying something which could be taken as referring to Kat in a telephone conversation, then a shot of Kat having a conversation with the shagger on the phone. Later the same thing: Kat ending a conversation and Max, who's missing from the football kit presentations, is seen clutching his phone in the portacabin. So tonight's suspects being pushed to the fore are Max and Michael.
I doubt it. It''s Derek. Why?
Derek spent the bulk of the episode trailing Joey around,remonstrating with him for breathing with his mouth open trying to remind him of his Branninghood. Joey, on the other hand, was too interested in looking at Lucy Beale's skinny ass, which isn't that sexy at all, but rather looks like the bony shanks of a cow. Really, she is too thin to be attractive, and when she and Joey do a lingering kiss, which has about as much sexual chemistry as a wet noodle, one could be forgiven for screaming, "Jailbait!"
Because Lucy looks like a twelve year-old. Her face still has that little girl pout, and he looks like a beefy predator. Seriously, though, David Witts is one very bad actor, but are we surprised? This, after all, is Eastenders, where underwear models with no acting experience can bag (pun intended) overnight fame by being picked by a producer who thinks you're pretty. Whoever told Mr Witts that "bad boy" equals talking in monotone in a whispery voice doesn't know the meaning of the term.
Two planks of steroidal testosterone now on the Square - Joey and Tyler, pillars of male vacuity.
Anyway, Kat's still a slut - a self-pitying, self-obsessed slut. The exlosive reveal at the end of this tripe had better see her walking away, alone, from Walford ... and no Julia's Theme either.
Victim 2: Shirley Carter
Shirley's not going through a midlife crisis. She's grieving Heather, and tonight, drunk and on top of the scaffolding, she wept copiously for the first time since Heather's death. She was coping, or going through the motions of coping, with the burger van on which to focus, when Ben reminded her of Heather's birthday, in his own inimitable Ben way.
Shirley's usually one of the better ones on the show - at least, she's watchable and one of the stronger actresses, but - Lordy - what was that mess with Fatboy? It wasn't funny, and it seemed to me to be a couple of scenes inserted to give Ricky Norwood some purpose. And, of course, Fatboy would just happen to have Phil Mitchell's mobile number on his cellphone. Not. Unless everyone has reason to keep a record of the mobile number of the local 'ard man.
I'm glad Shirley's remembering Heather, because it looks as though Andrew's moved on, bonding with his new BFFs on the footie team; but what's this? Shirley has a new BFF too - Saint Jean, the mad monk Mother Theresa of Walford. And where should she find her, pray tell? Why on the scaffolding as well, and Shirley's afraid of heights. So Jean sits there and smugly ticks off Shirley's numerous faults in a self-satisfied way, before diagnosing her problem as being a mid-life crisis, brought on by the death of a loved one, a malaise particularly prominent in women ... according to Dr Jean's woman's magazine. Put up a shingle on her door and charge for consultation.
Yet I have a feeling that Jean is going to become the skinny version of Heather for Shirley.
Victim 3: Ben (It's Always Ben)
Of course, Ben is worried. He's worried, as usual, about getting caught. And about Shirley knowing. And he thinks Ian phoned Shirley to tell her that Ben killed Heather. (Everything is all about Ben - ne'mind Shirley is grieving Heather, Ben's forcing the situation around to centering on him.
It's odd how, now, of all times, he and Phil seemed to have bonded over this murder, with Phil assuring him confidently, that Ian - Ben's brother - was long gone, and Shirley didn't know a thing. Odd, that Ben doesn't appear to be worried in the least about Ian's whereabouts or the sufferings of Lucy and Bobby, especially since Ian, in that fraught episode where Ben confessed to Heather's killing, confessed, himself, to worrying more about Ben than he did for his own son, Peter. Indeed, he sacrificed Peter's good name so Ben would avoid being sent back to juvy.
But then, Ben's a sociopath.
Non-Victim: Janine
Beautiful scenes with Janine and thedoll baby this evening. Charlie Brooks should have been brought front and centre from last autumn in this soap, and her developing romance with SJS's Michael Moon should have been at the forefront of the programme, certainly in January and February when big guns McFadden and Richie were still at pantomime stages; instead, we got that enduring romance which is Titney. Now we've got either Loey or Jucy, and either one sounds as bad as the non-romance, itself.
Janine is so vulnerable, and still isn't trusting Michael. She needs his support, but he's subtly manipulating her. I liked it that Janine wanted her baby to have her surname, ne'mind, that she's married to the baby's father. This is the real Janine, shielding herself against the eventual betrayal, her trust issues coming to the fore. Still, Scarlett Moon sounds better than Scarlett Butcher. I'm Team Janine. I wouldn't trust the bastard, and I'm glad she isn't.
Assorted Sundries
Drunken Cora. Earlier in the week, we saw Cora do Pat. Then we saw her do Dot. Yesterday, she was in Lou mode. Today, she was in Ethel mode, the drunken "late middle-aged" ASBO tart, looking for her bracelet. Cora is not a matriarch.
Come back, Peggy.
This week was pathetic.
Victim 1: Slut Slutter
Slut's afraid of being found out for being a slut, and EastEnders was doing what's become particularly trite in recent years. TPTB don't want the audience ever to forget that there are five dicks in the frame, one of which dipped itself into the fish-fragrant bush of Slut Slutter, currently the resident whore and Shirley-in-Training of Walford. We watch her eye them all from the upstairs window, whilst her unsuspecting husband promotes the dumbass pub football team.
This forced air of community was so contrived tonight. Kat's got a headache - geddit? She's afraid, all right; and she's sorry - not for what's she's done, but for fear of getting caught, especially when Alfie ubiquitously remarks that he knows. Knows what? That's just it. We don't know what he knows. We do know that he doesn't know what he should know and if he did know it, we'd hope he'd drag her down the stairs by her mingy dyed black hair and present her as a slut to the world of Walford, which would be nothing less than she deserves.
Already, she's bigging up the victim part of her defence. She hates herself. (Because that will surely be what she says, when she whines and cries upon his discovery). There's always the standard double talk like that in Eastenders. One wonders why they do it. It isn't clever, especially since the viewers know the reveal won't be until the autumn. At least what we do know is that Kat has another bow of defence to add to her quiver. Now, in addition to "I'm a dirty girl," she's got "I hate myself." Cue crying as well ... because, you see, it's not her fault.
Another typical trick of Eastenders was also on display tonight - brief shot of Michael saying something which could be taken as referring to Kat in a telephone conversation, then a shot of Kat having a conversation with the shagger on the phone. Later the same thing: Kat ending a conversation and Max, who's missing from the football kit presentations, is seen clutching his phone in the portacabin. So tonight's suspects being pushed to the fore are Max and Michael.
I doubt it. It''s Derek. Why?
Derek spent the bulk of the episode trailing Joey around,
Because Lucy looks like a twelve year-old. Her face still has that little girl pout, and he looks like a beefy predator. Seriously, though, David Witts is one very bad actor, but are we surprised? This, after all, is Eastenders, where underwear models with no acting experience can bag (pun intended) overnight fame by being picked by a producer who thinks you're pretty. Whoever told Mr Witts that "bad boy" equals talking in monotone in a whispery voice doesn't know the meaning of the term.
Two planks of steroidal testosterone now on the Square - Joey and Tyler, pillars of male vacuity.
Anyway, Kat's still a slut - a self-pitying, self-obsessed slut. The exlosive reveal at the end of this tripe had better see her walking away, alone, from Walford ... and no Julia's Theme either.
Victim 2: Shirley Carter
Shirley's not going through a midlife crisis. She's grieving Heather, and tonight, drunk and on top of the scaffolding, she wept copiously for the first time since Heather's death. She was coping, or going through the motions of coping, with the burger van on which to focus, when Ben reminded her of Heather's birthday, in his own inimitable Ben way.
Shirley's usually one of the better ones on the show - at least, she's watchable and one of the stronger actresses, but - Lordy - what was that mess with Fatboy? It wasn't funny, and it seemed to me to be a couple of scenes inserted to give Ricky Norwood some purpose. And, of course, Fatboy would just happen to have Phil Mitchell's mobile number on his cellphone. Not. Unless everyone has reason to keep a record of the mobile number of the local 'ard man.
I'm glad Shirley's remembering Heather, because it looks as though Andrew's moved on, bonding with his new BFFs on the footie team; but what's this? Shirley has a new BFF too - Saint Jean, the mad monk Mother Theresa of Walford. And where should she find her, pray tell? Why on the scaffolding as well, and Shirley's afraid of heights. So Jean sits there and smugly ticks off Shirley's numerous faults in a self-satisfied way, before diagnosing her problem as being a mid-life crisis, brought on by the death of a loved one, a malaise particularly prominent in women ... according to Dr Jean's woman's magazine. Put up a shingle on her door and charge for consultation.
Yet I have a feeling that Jean is going to become the skinny version of Heather for Shirley.
Victim 3: Ben (It's Always Ben)
Of course, Ben is worried. He's worried, as usual, about getting caught. And about Shirley knowing. And he thinks Ian phoned Shirley to tell her that Ben killed Heather. (Everything is all about Ben - ne'mind Shirley is grieving Heather, Ben's forcing the situation around to centering on him.
It's odd how, now, of all times, he and Phil seemed to have bonded over this murder, with Phil assuring him confidently, that Ian - Ben's brother - was long gone, and Shirley didn't know a thing. Odd, that Ben doesn't appear to be worried in the least about Ian's whereabouts or the sufferings of Lucy and Bobby, especially since Ian, in that fraught episode where Ben confessed to Heather's killing, confessed, himself, to worrying more about Ben than he did for his own son, Peter. Indeed, he sacrificed Peter's good name so Ben would avoid being sent back to juvy.
But then, Ben's a sociopath.
Non-Victim: Janine
Beautiful scenes with Janine and the
Janine is so vulnerable, and still isn't trusting Michael. She needs his support, but he's subtly manipulating her. I liked it that Janine wanted her baby to have her surname, ne'mind, that she's married to the baby's father. This is the real Janine, shielding herself against the eventual betrayal, her trust issues coming to the fore. Still, Scarlett Moon sounds better than Scarlett Butcher. I'm Team Janine. I wouldn't trust the bastard, and I'm glad she isn't.
Assorted Sundries
Drunken Cora. Earlier in the week, we saw Cora do Pat. Then we saw her do Dot. Yesterday, she was in Lou mode. Today, she was in Ethel mode, the drunken "late middle-aged" ASBO tart, looking for her bracelet. Cora is not a matriarch.
Come back, Peggy.
This week was pathetic.
No comments:
Post a Comment