When Eastenders leaves off the dross, it's still bloody good, and tonight was one of those rare times in recent months. Of course, this is because it all has to do with the ongoing Heather storyline, and I hope the end is near. Tonight was one of those rare occasions where one liked to watch the unwatchable, if you get my drift.
So, from worst to best, here's tonight's episode strengths and weaknesses.
By the way, the two intertwining themes tonight, in case no one noticed, were brotherhood and hypocrisy. So, let's get the shit out of the way, first - the Katshit, that is ...
Katshit: That's exactly what she is. Please, don't even entertain the thought that Ray is Shaggerman. He isn't. They're going down this route as a red herring, but she is despicable to the nth degree. I'm sick of these dresses designed to be worn only by streetcorner sluts, exhibiting the fact that she has a penchant for red bras. Red bras, red dresses, tits hoisted high, why not a red light over the door of the Vic? Because that is exactly what she is - a whore.
The constant and furtive texting tonight - clock the first scene where she contrives to use Kim's Kimba class as a means of getting out of the house for a quick shag and hides the shaggaphone - where? - in her bra, of course - reminds me of Sunita's recent foray into adultery, swanning about the house whilse Dev ministered to the kids, oblivious to her family, lost in a daydream of silly texts from Karl. Except that we don't know who this "Karl" is, and she's not in a welter of illicit happiness. She's just a bitch on heat who wants a fuck and woe betide anyone who denies her that.
And how inconvenient Jean's become now that Kat wants an excuse to get out of the house for her extracurricular fuck? This is Jean to whom she was joined at the hip until recently. This was Jean who got more of her time and compassion than either her son or her husband did. Well, I hope Jean sticks to her ass like glue. Consider this: Remember how Alfie didn't believe Jean in the recent money scam? Well, I think Jean and her trusty telescope are going to be Kat's undoing, and Jean will tell Alfie, who'll believe her becaue Kat's got form. But this time, it will be Kat crying out that Jean is crazy and delusional.
I hate the woman. Hate every scene she's in. Hate the sight of her heavily made-up, miserable face. Hate the way she treats her husband and I hate the way she's never accepting any responsibility for her actions, always the eternal victim. Again. And more than anything, I hate the way TPTB are presenting this storyline as justification for a "girl just wanting to have fun." She's not a girl, and infidelity isn't fun. Bitch. Dirty bitch.
The Myth of Evil Janine: Just as much as Kat, I hated the evil eye the great unwashed threw Janine's way. Why? Janine was not behind Jean's scam, and there we have Jean glowering at her across the Square. People turning their backs on her. Why? Because of the real evil, murdering cow that was Stacey? I wanted to smack Rose's and Lola's ungrateful faces, when they were impudent toward her giving them a bonus in their wages. Someone should remind that hateful, little chav, Lola, that Janine could have had her "Pops" banged up in prison now for stealing off her via her credit card. But she didn't. And Janine could have sacked her scurvy arse any number of times, but kept her on for Billy's sake.
Even Denise and Zainab were pisspoor to her when she went into the shop, taking the moral high ground - who the hell are they? Denise was quite happy to destroy evidence which would have resulted in an innocent man going to prison just to save her worthless daughter's hide; and Zainab disowned her son because of his lifestyle, while her husband stepped over a man bleeding in the street for the same reason. What did Janine ever do to these two?
I'm actually glad she told Michael what Jean said to her on their wedding day about the baby being unloved, but even when Michael gave Jean back "her" money, even when he reminded her that it was Janine's money and Janine had added an extra thousand quid on top, Jean was hard put to even put a smile on her face for Janine. I guess she would have torn up the original cheque for £50k? Now let's see ... Michael said that was twice what was owed "Jean" - or rather, the Vic. So, take off the eight grand that was Jean's lottery win, and that leaves £17k Jean stole from Alfie - £10k VAT money plus £7k for overheads.
But then Jean's another classic Walford "victim." Nothing is ever her fault - and this was reinforced tonight by Alfie, telling her so. Another bitch.
Janine is a bitch, and she owns that fact; and the people in Walford treat her like shit, and that stems from the time when Peggy tossed her onto the street, after Frank left her, when Janine was only sixteen. Yet, whenever the Luddites need something done, now that she's got money and a modicum of power, they go running to Janine.
Zainab the Pure: As much as I love the Masoods, Zainab got right up my tits tonight, moralising over wicked, evil AJ, who's an absolute delight, whilst hiding the fact that she and Mas aren't really married after all. She's so quick to pass judgement on anyone who doesn't meet her high standards, yet she makes an exception for herself - because, again, everything that's happened to Zainab isn't really Zainab's fault. And it speaks volumes that Zainab's so-called best friend, Denise, is so willing to dish the dirt to Zainab's brother-in-law, whom she knows is considered to be slightly lower than a curbside turd by Zainab. With friends like Denise, Zainab will never need enemies. And as much as I like him, I'm glad Denise dished the dirt on Mas's little bunk-up with Jane as well, because even though he was entertaining AJ and wanted him to stay, he wasn't exactly truthful with him either about his and Zainab's circumstances - not even when AJ admitted that his wife had left him, expecting Mas to return the confidence with some truth about his own circumstances. I guess real brothers don't have that much trust themselves.
Which brings me to the other brother act of Walford, the non-brothers.
Weasel-faced Ben and Superhero Jay: Line of the night from Jay: "I ain't no Mitchell! I'm Jay BROWN!"
I wanted to stand up and cheer. If anyone is in any doubt that Ben is a sociopath, it was written all over the place tonight. If a sociopath murders, he keeps a memento of the deed as a trophy. Ben kept the picture frame. I hate Ben. I hate the constant close-ups the show does of his weasly face, his piggy eyes. He is evil personified, and he'd either shop Jay in a New York minute, pinning the murder on him, or he'd kill him, which he was easily prepared to do, if Jay had gone any further about turning the picture frame in. I was actually afraid when he was trying to get the picture of Heather and Shirley away from Amy, judging from the one look he gave her right when Shirley appeared in the doorway.
Ben is totally thinking of nothing but himself and how to get out of this, and the fact that he can't understand how or why Jay is unable to move on in this respect shows a sociopath's inability to act and react within the frame of normal society. In Ben's mind, give it a few months, and everything would get back to normal, Heather would be forgotten. Oh, he loved Hev ... but he killed her, as Jay reminded him. And here's another example of WVS - Walford Victim Syndrome - now Ben shifts the blame on his murder of Heather onto Jay. Jay should have stopped him, and when Jay reiterated that he tried to do so, then Jay didn't try hard enough ... because it's not Ben's fault, you know.
And please ... Ben calling Jase Dyer a thug? Jase had put his bad days behind him. He put his life on the line at one time in order to stand up to his past associates' trying to trash the Vic and all within; he later paid for his desertion of that lifestyle with his life. Jase had a moral core, with which he imbued Jay. Jase was no thug. He was twice the man Ben's father will ever be, and yet there was a time when Phil Mitchell was the Jase Dyer of Walford.
Prescient scene of the night ... all of a sudden Ben can drive a Beemer down the street. Watch this space. Ben will die at the end of this - trying to escape, I reckon, in one of Max Branning's cars or one which Phil's trying to mend. Ben's not going to prison; Ben will leave Walford in a box. My guess.
Pointless Observation: Lola whingeing about Jay "assaulting" her when she was badgering him and he was angry. That's positively rich, considering the havoc she's caused during her year on the Square, and what she's got away with - stealing, lying, general rudeness and vandalism. I hate this totally unlikeable little chav, and I hope her days are numbered too.
Watchable episode.
So, from worst to best, here's tonight's episode strengths and weaknesses.
By the way, the two intertwining themes tonight, in case no one noticed, were brotherhood and hypocrisy. So, let's get the shit out of the way, first - the Katshit, that is ...
Katshit: That's exactly what she is. Please, don't even entertain the thought that Ray is Shaggerman. He isn't. They're going down this route as a red herring, but she is despicable to the nth degree. I'm sick of these dresses designed to be worn only by streetcorner sluts, exhibiting the fact that she has a penchant for red bras. Red bras, red dresses, tits hoisted high, why not a red light over the door of the Vic? Because that is exactly what she is - a whore.
The constant and furtive texting tonight - clock the first scene where she contrives to use Kim's Kimba class as a means of getting out of the house for a quick shag and hides the shaggaphone - where? - in her bra, of course - reminds me of Sunita's recent foray into adultery, swanning about the house whilse Dev ministered to the kids, oblivious to her family, lost in a daydream of silly texts from Karl. Except that we don't know who this "Karl" is, and she's not in a welter of illicit happiness. She's just a bitch on heat who wants a fuck and woe betide anyone who denies her that.
And how inconvenient Jean's become now that Kat wants an excuse to get out of the house for her extracurricular fuck? This is Jean to whom she was joined at the hip until recently. This was Jean who got more of her time and compassion than either her son or her husband did. Well, I hope Jean sticks to her ass like glue. Consider this: Remember how Alfie didn't believe Jean in the recent money scam? Well, I think Jean and her trusty telescope are going to be Kat's undoing, and Jean will tell Alfie, who'll believe her becaue Kat's got form. But this time, it will be Kat crying out that Jean is crazy and delusional.
I hate the woman. Hate every scene she's in. Hate the sight of her heavily made-up, miserable face. Hate the way she treats her husband and I hate the way she's never accepting any responsibility for her actions, always the eternal victim. Again. And more than anything, I hate the way TPTB are presenting this storyline as justification for a "girl just wanting to have fun." She's not a girl, and infidelity isn't fun. Bitch. Dirty bitch.
The Myth of Evil Janine: Just as much as Kat, I hated the evil eye the great unwashed threw Janine's way. Why? Janine was not behind Jean's scam, and there we have Jean glowering at her across the Square. People turning their backs on her. Why? Because of the real evil, murdering cow that was Stacey? I wanted to smack Rose's and Lola's ungrateful faces, when they were impudent toward her giving them a bonus in their wages. Someone should remind that hateful, little chav, Lola, that Janine could have had her "Pops" banged up in prison now for stealing off her via her credit card. But she didn't. And Janine could have sacked her scurvy arse any number of times, but kept her on for Billy's sake.
Even Denise and Zainab were pisspoor to her when she went into the shop, taking the moral high ground - who the hell are they? Denise was quite happy to destroy evidence which would have resulted in an innocent man going to prison just to save her worthless daughter's hide; and Zainab disowned her son because of his lifestyle, while her husband stepped over a man bleeding in the street for the same reason. What did Janine ever do to these two?
I'm actually glad she told Michael what Jean said to her on their wedding day about the baby being unloved, but even when Michael gave Jean back "her" money, even when he reminded her that it was Janine's money and Janine had added an extra thousand quid on top, Jean was hard put to even put a smile on her face for Janine. I guess she would have torn up the original cheque for £50k? Now let's see ... Michael said that was twice what was owed "Jean" - or rather, the Vic. So, take off the eight grand that was Jean's lottery win, and that leaves £17k Jean stole from Alfie - £10k VAT money plus £7k for overheads.
But then Jean's another classic Walford "victim." Nothing is ever her fault - and this was reinforced tonight by Alfie, telling her so. Another bitch.
Janine is a bitch, and she owns that fact; and the people in Walford treat her like shit, and that stems from the time when Peggy tossed her onto the street, after Frank left her, when Janine was only sixteen. Yet, whenever the Luddites need something done, now that she's got money and a modicum of power, they go running to Janine.
Zainab the Pure: As much as I love the Masoods, Zainab got right up my tits tonight, moralising over wicked, evil AJ, who's an absolute delight, whilst hiding the fact that she and Mas aren't really married after all. She's so quick to pass judgement on anyone who doesn't meet her high standards, yet she makes an exception for herself - because, again, everything that's happened to Zainab isn't really Zainab's fault. And it speaks volumes that Zainab's so-called best friend, Denise, is so willing to dish the dirt to Zainab's brother-in-law, whom she knows is considered to be slightly lower than a curbside turd by Zainab. With friends like Denise, Zainab will never need enemies. And as much as I like him, I'm glad Denise dished the dirt on Mas's little bunk-up with Jane as well, because even though he was entertaining AJ and wanted him to stay, he wasn't exactly truthful with him either about his and Zainab's circumstances - not even when AJ admitted that his wife had left him, expecting Mas to return the confidence with some truth about his own circumstances. I guess real brothers don't have that much trust themselves.
Which brings me to the other brother act of Walford, the non-brothers.
Weasel-faced Ben and Superhero Jay: Line of the night from Jay: "I ain't no Mitchell! I'm Jay BROWN!"
I wanted to stand up and cheer. If anyone is in any doubt that Ben is a sociopath, it was written all over the place tonight. If a sociopath murders, he keeps a memento of the deed as a trophy. Ben kept the picture frame. I hate Ben. I hate the constant close-ups the show does of his weasly face, his piggy eyes. He is evil personified, and he'd either shop Jay in a New York minute, pinning the murder on him, or he'd kill him, which he was easily prepared to do, if Jay had gone any further about turning the picture frame in. I was actually afraid when he was trying to get the picture of Heather and Shirley away from Amy, judging from the one look he gave her right when Shirley appeared in the doorway.
Ben is totally thinking of nothing but himself and how to get out of this, and the fact that he can't understand how or why Jay is unable to move on in this respect shows a sociopath's inability to act and react within the frame of normal society. In Ben's mind, give it a few months, and everything would get back to normal, Heather would be forgotten. Oh, he loved Hev ... but he killed her, as Jay reminded him. And here's another example of WVS - Walford Victim Syndrome - now Ben shifts the blame on his murder of Heather onto Jay. Jay should have stopped him, and when Jay reiterated that he tried to do so, then Jay didn't try hard enough ... because it's not Ben's fault, you know.
And please ... Ben calling Jase Dyer a thug? Jase had put his bad days behind him. He put his life on the line at one time in order to stand up to his past associates' trying to trash the Vic and all within; he later paid for his desertion of that lifestyle with his life. Jase had a moral core, with which he imbued Jay. Jase was no thug. He was twice the man Ben's father will ever be, and yet there was a time when Phil Mitchell was the Jase Dyer of Walford.
Prescient scene of the night ... all of a sudden Ben can drive a Beemer down the street. Watch this space. Ben will die at the end of this - trying to escape, I reckon, in one of Max Branning's cars or one which Phil's trying to mend. Ben's not going to prison; Ben will leave Walford in a box. My guess.
Pointless Observation: Lola whingeing about Jay "assaulting" her when she was badgering him and he was angry. That's positively rich, considering the havoc she's caused during her year on the Square, and what she's got away with - stealing, lying, general rudeness and vandalism. I hate this totally unlikeable little chav, and I hope her days are numbered too.
Watchable episode.
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