Rah-Rah-Siss-Boom-Bah Blue Angel EE's Chief Bitch

Tell me, do you get the impression that you're being coerced, passively-aggressively manipulated into just loving EastEnders?

The shippers are one thing. We can live with a xTonix who'd be happy to love EastEnders if the BBC test card were tarted up with its logo and masqueraded as such, but when sinister forces come into play, it's time to take umbrage.

This happy soul, who likes to make us think she's wittering on with a wit that would rival Dorothy Parker's, is really a public relations bod, sent amongst us to spy. In other words, a plant. 

B's back! It's so nice to see Patsy Palmer return. Bianca isn't always my favourite character in the show (they can sometimes miss-pitch her), but I think she's a legendary character and Patsy has given some great performances as her over the years. Poor Bianca does seem quiet doesn't she? She's always so vivacious usually. I like that they had B apply herself while in prison and gain some experience and qualifications. I really hope it works out for her. Although the fact that she can't get a job on the market or Bridge Street does limit her prospects. If only there were some sort of transport the public could use to leave Albert Square for work...some sort of multi story automobile or underground train service for instance. I know it wasn't all that popular with some people, but I loved the story with her having money troubles before she went back to prison. Yes, it had it's fault, but the essence of the story was great. I know lots of people at the moment who are in financial crisis, then get a job and back on their feet, then made redundant again etc, so it's a particularly important issue to continue with, even if it is in a bit of an over the top EE style. Especially brilliant to have Carol back properly too. There seems to be a story on the horizon for every Branning member, except her though. I really hope they give her a great story soon, as Lindsey is absolutely stellar and deserves it. "I can't live without him" - Lauren...dude...you've been together for a week. Joey dumped you rather than flat share with Derek. This storyline doesn't exactly fall into the 'slow burner' pile. Love means never having to say you're sorry...or having to live with your manipulative father. . Perhaps she may feel slightly different about him once she realises he's been Ben-Styley watching her sleep. Joey's so love sick that he couldn't even eat his iced bun. What a waste. Not to worry though, plenty more finsh in the sea and plenty more cousins to make his way through. I think B has put herself at the front of the line. Even though the Joey/Lauren story doesn't exactly keep me gripped, it's not bad. I'm actually loving the Derek and Tanya tension that's coming from it. That's the best part and great performances from Jo and Jamie there. 'Put the Kettle on Max' is fast becoming the new 'Get the door, Abi'. Not only do I feel like I've missed the episodes where Lauren and Joey became love's young incestuous dream, I've also seemed to have blocked out part of Fat Boy's story. At what point exactly did he move on from Denise to Poppy? I don't care how fit they were, how rich, how smart or how kind...if someone sent me a watch with a time based romantic pun I would never see them again. Take heed, Kat. Today it's a time pun, tomorrow a full barbershop quartet, and they are a lot tougher to shove into a pedal bin. It felt like a bit of a quiet episode after Monday's, but it was nice to see Carol and Bianca back. I also enjoyed the scenes with Tanya and Derek and I think they have a nice dynamic together. I can't say all the stories in this episode were especially cohesive with one another, but there wasn't anyone or anything that especially bored me or got on my nerves. I give this episode a C-.

Make no mistake, the slight criticism is there to confound us, but it's all push, push, push the meme of EastEnders, especially as Christmas approaches and the ratings' wars hot up.

If you've missed blue angel, don't worry. She only appears when there's a message to plug. She slithered around the parameters of Digital Spy before back in the mid-summer, when word of Shaggerman surfaced and Kat was due to return from her suspension break. Talk was pejorative (rightly so) because of Wallace's return, the Shaggerman storyline and the character's general unpopularity.

Up pops blue angel, scattering smidgeons of fairy dust over everyone and trying to promote jittery-gittery excitement about a storyline that was anything but. Now, with the audience faced with watching a Christmas Branningapalooza featuring characters about whom no one really gives a rat's ass and with Derek about to be exposed as the source of bedbugs in the Vic (i.e., he who fucked Kat), up pops EastEnders' own PR Tinkerbell to promote the storylines and the show, in general, surreptitiously.

Ironic that blue angel should try to emulate the classy Marlene Dietrich, whose name in the film was Lola-Lola, in promoting EastEnders' Lola, who is neither blue nor an angel.

Instead, she comes across as a bullying, hectoring cheerleader.

Love, if you're going to do the job, take some cheesy lessons ...

That's about her speed.