It's amazing how the proximity of Christmas casts a rosy glow over most things which, on a normal day, you'd describe as being pretty shitty. Now, the proximity of Christmas makes everything good.
For example, shit can look like chocolate kisses.
So all of a sudden, EastEnders is totally fucking brilliant. Even with dialogue that wouldn't go amiss in a play written by a fifteen year-old for his high school extravaganza. Even with characters so unlikeable you want to rip their eyeballs out. Even though they're played by actors with the talent of a squid.
Everything's wonderful.
So wonderful, that they can't see the forest for the trees. Like Ava is Danielle plus twenty years and the now not-so-shocking story of her skin colour. Ava is a plot device, and I'll explain this later. Like Joey and Lauren is a reprise, speeded up, badly written, and badly performed, of Shannis.
Please.
I feel insulted. In fact, I feel insulted because I think that the BBC is consigning viewers like me to the rubbish bin, wiping us clean of the slate because we remember when the show depicted realism and didn't go in for all this sentimental schmaltz and character realignment, making sure that all characters are moulded in the images and personalities of the actors who play them, thus ensuring that talentless, little entitled no-marks who seek their five minutes of fame get that,with no effort, at the public's expence.
I rarely agree with Walford Web's resident Nurse Ratchet, Mrs B, but I'm sending her a high five for this opinion:-
The elaborate kabuki dance concerning the pointless Poppy, the caricatured Fatboy and Whitney and Lucy (who looked like, respectively, an apprenticed whore and a stick insect) was neither funny, clever or cute.
And I'm at a loss to see how widdle CackyJarr (also known as Jark) assumes that Poppy is an "old school" character. In fact, EastEnders, in current form, does women no favours at all, in that almost all of the female characters have achieved whatever status they maintain on the back of (or under) the weight of a man - Tanya's phoney middle class mores come about as a result of Max's having a white collar job; Shirley acquired power and respect from living with Phil; Zainab's retained her place in the respectable end of her community through Mas's good grace. Jane got the impetus she needed via a divorce from Ian, but benefitted greatly from the years she spent lording it over the peasants as "Mrs Beale." Kim got the B and B via part of a divorce settlement from Dexter and re-did the thing as a result of having received a gift of Yusef's inheritance from Zainab.
Denise got given the franchise for the Minute Mart by Patrick. Kat's reputation remains barely intact due to Alfie's love and compassion. Even Sharon has prostituted herself to Jack for a roof over her head and holds her job via Phil still carrying a torch for her.
And those who haven't achieved the above, aspire to it. Most girls don't think past their next fuck with a piece of beefcake. Whitney and whoever, Lucy mooning after Turdhopper Joey,Katniss dumbass Lauren's wonderful chemistry (not) with the walking turd, Lola looking for a babydaddy. Tanya is more concerned and excited at the prospect of Lauren having a boyfriend than she is for her getting a job. And how many want to place a bet that Abi will drop out of sixth form and get knocked up by Jay - who's only getting community service for perverting the course of justice in a murder case. (Dean Wicks and Chelsea Fox did time for the same, but the connected crime was a mugging and burglary. Go figure).
Based on all of the above, it's patently obvious that the writers of this tripe don't know their arseholes from their elbows in any respect.
Let's take Ava, for example. Ava is theplot device which enables us to feel a soft spot for Cora biracial daughter of Cora. Only she's not biracial. Ava is black. The actress who plays her, Claire Perkins, is an Afro-Caribbean actress who, clearly, has a distant ancestor who was white; but she is not biracial.
Tiger Woods is biracially African-American and Asian. His facial features - the shape of his eyes and brow - denote him as Asian. Barack Obama is biracially African-American and Caucasian. He is a man of colour who strongly resembles his Kansan mother and her father, his paternal grandfather.
Troy Titus-Adams, the actress who played Nina, Irene Raymond's niece, is biracial. The little girl who plays Ray's daughter is biracial. Alicia Dixon, Leona Lewis and the American political commentators Karen Finney and Soledad O'Brien are all biracial.
Claire Perkins is as biracial as Mariah Carey is not. Perkins is a woman of colour with one, possibly more, distant ancestors (great-grandparents, perhaps) who were white. Carey is a white woman who has distant ancestors who were black. Specifically, her father's mother was biracial; he was one-quarter black, and her mother was white. And it's true, as the Walford Web commentator rosalie points out - skin hues vary in people of colour as much as they vary in Caucasians. Geography has as much to do with that as genes.
Mrs B, again, sums up the situation regarding Poppy, the "old school girl" (amongst other things) in an absolutely brilliant smack-down of widdle CackyJarr (AKA Jark). You can almost feel his buttocks burning in shame:-
As Leslie Grantham recently said, Julia Smith would be turning in her grave.
Update: A North American commentator got his logic and explanation twisted recently on Digital Spy regarding a cack-handed criticism of Ava. In such discourse, he referred to women as "broads" and got rightly told off for using such a word, which is not polite in North America. However, some of those selfsame self-righteous hypocrites who told him off for using such a word are most likely some of the same anonymous cowards who have sought to respond to my blogs with invective and who have called me CUNT, which - as a word - is far,far worse than "broad" could ever be and infinitely more rude and ignorant.
Think about it.
For example, shit can look like chocolate kisses.
So all of a sudden, EastEnders is totally fucking brilliant. Even with dialogue that wouldn't go amiss in a play written by a fifteen year-old for his high school extravaganza. Even with characters so unlikeable you want to rip their eyeballs out. Even though they're played by actors with the talent of a squid.
Everything's wonderful.
So wonderful, that they can't see the forest for the trees. Like Ava is Danielle plus twenty years and the now not-so-shocking story of her skin colour. Ava is a plot device, and I'll explain this later. Like Joey and Lauren is a reprise, speeded up, badly written, and badly performed, of Shannis.
Please.
I feel insulted. In fact, I feel insulted because I think that the BBC is consigning viewers like me to the rubbish bin, wiping us clean of the slate because we remember when the show depicted realism and didn't go in for all this sentimental schmaltz and character realignment, making sure that all characters are moulded in the images and personalities of the actors who play them, thus ensuring that talentless, little entitled no-marks who seek their five minutes of fame get that,with no effort, at the public's expence.
I rarely agree with Walford Web's resident Nurse Ratchet, Mrs B, but I'm sending her a high five for this opinion:-
And in agreement with Walford Web's resident Janus, Nebraska, I'd resoundingly say that yes, it is worse than the Ferreiras and kidneygate.I'm sorry to go all old school, but when I think how brilliant the storylines and young cast were in the early EE days of Michelle, Sharon, Kelvin and Ian and compare it to the glossy, magazine ready Lucy, Poppy and Tyler axis I really wonder if I should be watching this show any more....
Is this worse than the Ferreiras and kidneygate?
The elaborate kabuki dance concerning the pointless Poppy, the caricatured Fatboy and Whitney and Lucy (who looked like, respectively, an apprenticed whore and a stick insect) was neither funny, clever or cute.
And I'm at a loss to see how widdle CackyJarr (also known as Jark) assumes that Poppy is an "old school" character. In fact, EastEnders, in current form, does women no favours at all, in that almost all of the female characters have achieved whatever status they maintain on the back of (or under) the weight of a man - Tanya's phoney middle class mores come about as a result of Max's having a white collar job; Shirley acquired power and respect from living with Phil; Zainab's retained her place in the respectable end of her community through Mas's good grace. Jane got the impetus she needed via a divorce from Ian, but benefitted greatly from the years she spent lording it over the peasants as "Mrs Beale." Kim got the B and B via part of a divorce settlement from Dexter and re-did the thing as a result of having received a gift of Yusef's inheritance from Zainab.
Denise got given the franchise for the Minute Mart by Patrick. Kat's reputation remains barely intact due to Alfie's love and compassion. Even Sharon has prostituted herself to Jack for a roof over her head and holds her job via Phil still carrying a torch for her.
And those who haven't achieved the above, aspire to it. Most girls don't think past their next fuck with a piece of beefcake. Whitney and whoever, Lucy mooning after Turdhopper Joey,
Based on all of the above, it's patently obvious that the writers of this tripe don't know their arseholes from their elbows in any respect.
Let's take Ava, for example. Ava is the
Tiger Woods is biracially African-American and Asian. His facial features - the shape of his eyes and brow - denote him as Asian. Barack Obama is biracially African-American and Caucasian. He is a man of colour who strongly resembles his Kansan mother and her father, his paternal grandfather.
Troy Titus-Adams, the actress who played Nina, Irene Raymond's niece, is biracial. The little girl who plays Ray's daughter is biracial. Alicia Dixon, Leona Lewis and the American political commentators Karen Finney and Soledad O'Brien are all biracial.
Mrs B, again, sums up the situation regarding Poppy, the "old school girl" (amongst other things) in an absolutely brilliant smack-down of widdle CackyJarr (AKA Jark). You can almost feel his buttocks burning in shame:-
Perhaps. Once upon a time she could have filled the Lofty role of being the innocent in the midst of a supposedly wiser crowd, much as Honey did. But as Jade says it's the poor characterisation; her dialogue, her unbelievable sister and the way Lucy and Whitney hovered in the background. It seemed more like 'Towie' than EastEnders.I would add to that Alfie's slurping his tea mug, Kat stuffing everything bar the kitchen sink down her bra, Sharon's bizarre morphing into the human version of Miss Piggy, the forced banter of the Branning Bruvs which would be better served with all of them sporting yellow post-its on their foreheads announcing their daily testosterone levels, Joey's gaping mouth (and, most likely, ensuing halitosis), Jacqueline Jossa's pathetic attempts to convince someone that she's really a British version of Jennifer Lawrence, when all she can manage is to look as though she's dressed up as Katniss for Hallowe'en. Double that down with Billy's scrunched-up face arguing that Lola can't be at fault for "anyfink" because she's (a) sixteen, (b) a single mum, (c) got knocked-up, and (d) has been in care; Bianca's threatening any bloke who dumps Whitney because she's been snogging another, with the defence that Whitney is "special" and Kim and Cora doing bad impersonations of Flip Wilson and Nathan Lane in drag, and you've just about got EastEnders at the moment.
It isn't just this aspect that makes me dispair, the ludicrous behaviour of Derek, the bore that is Ray and MyAlice, Tyler asking Patrick if he'd 'copped a feel' of Cora...
As Leslie Grantham recently said, Julia Smith would be turning in her grave.
Update: A North American commentator got his logic and explanation twisted recently on Digital Spy regarding a cack-handed criticism of Ava. In such discourse, he referred to women as "broads" and got rightly told off for using such a word, which is not polite in North America. However, some of those selfsame self-righteous hypocrites who told him off for using such a word are most likely some of the same anonymous cowards who have sought to respond to my blogs with invective and who have called me CUNT, which - as a word - is far,far worse than "broad" could ever be and infinitely more rude and ignorant.
Think about it.
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