Yes, I've been ill, so I've been concentrating on other things besides EastEnders - like pain management.
In truth, last night, I could have watched this, but instead, I really couldn't be bothered. There. I said it. Instead of watching Thursday's episode on IPlayer, I opted to watch Henry Cole motorcycle his way from San Francisco to Billings, Montana. Then I watched a documentary on Country Music on BBC Four.
Anything, but watching EastEnders, when EastEnders used to be a no-miss programme for viewers like myself; and that's sad.
Why?
Because the long-term viewer is important to a show's success. They know the history of the programme. They know the characters and are familiar with their behaviour patterns. That's why so many of the few of us long-termers remaining are fighting Sharon's corner. That's why we never really bought into Shannis and why we easily see the po-face-lifted, botoxed, nose-jobbed alien known as RoNostril as the slim-lined, dumbed-down version of Berridge's Sharon, who wasn't even Julia Smith's Sharon.
So this week, not even a month into his tenure as EP, we see the current Saviour, Dominic Treadwell-Collins, make his first mistake.
All hail the impending arrival of Tina Carter, sister of Shirley, to the Square. Played by yet another "Bad Girls" alumna. Her advance publicity blurb describes her as feisty (yes), gobby, hard-nosed, in-your-face and belligerant. In other words, Shirley.
Bad enough that we have another loud-mouthed chav female to add to the list of Bianca, Kat, Kim, Lola etc, we now have Shirley and her sister.
Yes, Shirley; because in announcing Tina's advent, DTC inadvertantly told the viewers that Shirley is, yes, alive and well and would be returning to the Square, thus ending a mystery disappearance.
How not to sustain interest.
Next up, we have Barbara Windsor doing the morning show rounds and, thankfully, telling the truth about the current programme:- that it's in a state, that it was disgraceful the way Bryan Kirkwood treated Pam St Clement, who only asked for a break and got killed off, that the show is desperate for a matriarch figure, citing only one (and you can be sure Windsor wasn't referring to Ann Mitchell). I was hoping she would mention the shit-job the latest bunch have done on Letitia Dean, but that goes without saying.
Maybe DTC will staunch the flow, but he can't depend on stock female characters and sensationalism. He's got to think long-term and invest in some realism.
Fact: society, at large, isn't so understanding of people who commit crimes against children, and someone like RoNostril is not only a babysnatcher, but also a functioning psychopath.
Crap episode Thursday, but then, I suspect Christopher Reason new that as well.
Cheating is Cheating.
I will say this: it's a pretty innovative twist they're putting to the tale of Roxy and Alfie. If anything, this was probably the most interesting bit of the programme on Thursday.
Once again, for the no-brainers (who seem to be the crowd at whom TPTB are aiming), Alfie never stopped or forbade Roxy from visiting her sister. He simply doesn't want RoNostril brought into his home. In this respect, RoNostril was right: Roxy should have simply told Alfie that she was going to visit RoNostril.
Instead, since RoNostril has returned, we're being asked to invest in the inveterate stupidity of Roxy and her misinterpretation that Alfie has forbidden her to see her sister, which he hasn't. But this ties in with the Alfie-haters and TPTB's general view of men on the show as being pejorative and unlikeable; besides, it shows that Alfie's and Roxy's relationship is, indeed, going to be affected by that which goes hand-in-hand with infidelity - lying.
Roxy lies to Alfie in order to see RoNostril. Not that RoNostril cares, herself, because she's a fair-to-midding psychopathic liar, herself. Just ask Sam Mitchell, whenever she finds out that Jack really did want to have Richard. Nope, they laugh the lie off and drink some more.
Interesting to note, however, that Roxy has begun to suspect Jean's ranting about Alfie still having feelings for Kat. Any inkling that Roxy had lied to Alfie would give him just the impetus he needs to boot Roxy out and take up again with Kat.
It's Kat. She's aways sniffing around. She's there now, when I left.
Better the devil Alfie knows than the devil he doesn't. Kat's cheated on Alfie before, and if they reunite this time, let's hope she's had her epiphany; but Roxy came with promises of loyalty, and she's been an epic fail since RoNostril returned. Roxy can never be happy in a relationship as long as her psycho sister's around.
Football's Coming Home (Again).
Why? When will they ever learn that football storylines (or non-storylines) suck shit? What is this anyway?
Obviously, something to give Gary Lucy's character some sort of meat. But a football team consisting of Ajay, Billy, Liam, Jay, Peter, Dexter and two girls (Lola and hairy Cindy the Greek) is totally risible - as risible as the pink-striped football kit.
What really was the purpose of that? And women aren't supposed to do those sorts of push-ups. Their anatomy and weight distribution is so different that that sort of exercise would seriously injure their backs.
Another reason was to point out yet another jibe at Tamwar's masculinity. Line of the night:-
What is it about football that turns grown men into morons?
That, Tamwar, is the $60,000-dollar question. If we knew the answer to that, maybe England might win a trophy or two.
It also gave the viewers a chance to see that Kat's redemption is only selective and still doesn't apply to her insatiable desire to bully and poke fun at Tamwar in a humiliating sort of way, and now RoNostril's male counterpart, Michael, is joining in the so-called fun.
Alice is pathetic.
Tripe.
I am sorry, but Jamie Lomas doesn't fit EastEnders. We all know that it won't be long before he's dishing up black pudding in the Vic and dashing across the Square to do filet mignonl for Ian's clientele.
But he would be far better served to have been Jay's uncle from Manchester, Jase's brother, than some flunkey who picks up ...
THE. WORST. ACTRESS. EVER. IN. EASTENDERS.
at a counselling session.
First of all, there's absolutely no chemistry whatsoever between these two. Jossa's back to gurning mode, showing off her latest collagen injection, and with the Pollyanna-type dresses TPTB are making her wear (obviously, to signify her redemption), she looks more and more lie some little kid, while he looks like some big, leering perv.
Also, the counselling session was a farce, taken straight from some hastily-read psych textbook to serve as adequate research. So Lauren drinks because of trust issues for her parents? That's news to me. Lauren drinks because she likes to drink, because it's a behaviour pattern learned from her mother and aunt, who learned it from their mother. But I'll wager this hasn't entered into any of the counselling she's receiving from this idiot counsellor, spewing textbook crap about transference, which is the set-up for Lauren to transfer her "trust" from Max to some pervy Manc stranger.
Jossa is in dire need of proper drama lessons and a bit of talent, whilst Lomas needs to bow out before his bitch of a wife starts making noises again about her current husband squeezing the EastEnders' ingenue hyped as the show's sex symbol.
As for Abi's sneering curiousity and taking Joey's advice, less said, soonest mended, except that David Witts does a shit impersonation of Jake Wood.
Kidneygate.
I ask you. Do we care?
Whenever an EP is getting ready to fall on her sword, she bows out with a story about a kidney transplant, affecting characters who have been a failure from the start.
In truth, last night, I could have watched this, but instead, I really couldn't be bothered. There. I said it. Instead of watching Thursday's episode on IPlayer, I opted to watch Henry Cole motorcycle his way from San Francisco to Billings, Montana. Then I watched a documentary on Country Music on BBC Four.
Anything, but watching EastEnders, when EastEnders used to be a no-miss programme for viewers like myself; and that's sad.
Why?
Because the long-term viewer is important to a show's success. They know the history of the programme. They know the characters and are familiar with their behaviour patterns. That's why so many of the few of us long-termers remaining are fighting Sharon's corner. That's why we never really bought into Shannis and why we easily see the po-face-lifted, botoxed, nose-jobbed alien known as RoNostril as the slim-lined, dumbed-down version of Berridge's Sharon, who wasn't even Julia Smith's Sharon.
So this week, not even a month into his tenure as EP, we see the current Saviour, Dominic Treadwell-Collins, make his first mistake.
All hail the impending arrival of Tina Carter, sister of Shirley, to the Square. Played by yet another "Bad Girls" alumna. Her advance publicity blurb describes her as feisty (yes), gobby, hard-nosed, in-your-face and belligerant. In other words, Shirley.
Bad enough that we have another loud-mouthed chav female to add to the list of Bianca, Kat, Kim, Lola etc, we now have Shirley and her sister.
Yes, Shirley; because in announcing Tina's advent, DTC inadvertantly told the viewers that Shirley is, yes, alive and well and would be returning to the Square, thus ending a mystery disappearance.
How not to sustain interest.
Next up, we have Barbara Windsor doing the morning show rounds and, thankfully, telling the truth about the current programme:- that it's in a state, that it was disgraceful the way Bryan Kirkwood treated Pam St Clement, who only asked for a break and got killed off, that the show is desperate for a matriarch figure, citing only one (and you can be sure Windsor wasn't referring to Ann Mitchell). I was hoping she would mention the shit-job the latest bunch have done on Letitia Dean, but that goes without saying.
Maybe DTC will staunch the flow, but he can't depend on stock female characters and sensationalism. He's got to think long-term and invest in some realism.
Fact: society, at large, isn't so understanding of people who commit crimes against children, and someone like RoNostril is not only a babysnatcher, but also a functioning psychopath.
Crap episode Thursday, but then, I suspect Christopher Reason new that as well.
Cheating is Cheating.
I will say this: it's a pretty innovative twist they're putting to the tale of Roxy and Alfie. If anything, this was probably the most interesting bit of the programme on Thursday.
Once again, for the no-brainers (who seem to be the crowd at whom TPTB are aiming), Alfie never stopped or forbade Roxy from visiting her sister. He simply doesn't want RoNostril brought into his home. In this respect, RoNostril was right: Roxy should have simply told Alfie that she was going to visit RoNostril.
Instead, since RoNostril has returned, we're being asked to invest in the inveterate stupidity of Roxy and her misinterpretation that Alfie has forbidden her to see her sister, which he hasn't. But this ties in with the Alfie-haters and TPTB's general view of men on the show as being pejorative and unlikeable; besides, it shows that Alfie's and Roxy's relationship is, indeed, going to be affected by that which goes hand-in-hand with infidelity - lying.
Roxy lies to Alfie in order to see RoNostril. Not that RoNostril cares, herself, because she's a fair-to-midding psychopathic liar, herself. Just ask Sam Mitchell, whenever she finds out that Jack really did want to have Richard. Nope, they laugh the lie off and drink some more.
Interesting to note, however, that Roxy has begun to suspect Jean's ranting about Alfie still having feelings for Kat. Any inkling that Roxy had lied to Alfie would give him just the impetus he needs to boot Roxy out and take up again with Kat.
It's Kat. She's aways sniffing around. She's there now, when I left.
Better the devil Alfie knows than the devil he doesn't. Kat's cheated on Alfie before, and if they reunite this time, let's hope she's had her epiphany; but Roxy came with promises of loyalty, and she's been an epic fail since RoNostril returned. Roxy can never be happy in a relationship as long as her psycho sister's around.
Football's Coming Home (Again).
Why? When will they ever learn that football storylines (or non-storylines) suck shit? What is this anyway?
Obviously, something to give Gary Lucy's character some sort of meat. But a football team consisting of Ajay, Billy, Liam, Jay, Peter, Dexter and two girls (Lola and hairy Cindy the Greek) is totally risible - as risible as the pink-striped football kit.
What really was the purpose of that? And women aren't supposed to do those sorts of push-ups. Their anatomy and weight distribution is so different that that sort of exercise would seriously injure their backs.
Another reason was to point out yet another jibe at Tamwar's masculinity. Line of the night:-
What is it about football that turns grown men into morons?
That, Tamwar, is the $60,000-dollar question. If we knew the answer to that, maybe England might win a trophy or two.
It also gave the viewers a chance to see that Kat's redemption is only selective and still doesn't apply to her insatiable desire to bully and poke fun at Tamwar in a humiliating sort of way, and now RoNostril's male counterpart, Michael, is joining in the so-called fun.
Alice is pathetic.
Tripe.
I am sorry, but Jamie Lomas doesn't fit EastEnders. We all know that it won't be long before he's dishing up black pudding in the Vic and dashing across the Square to do filet mignonl for Ian's clientele.
But he would be far better served to have been Jay's uncle from Manchester, Jase's brother, than some flunkey who picks up ...
THE. WORST. ACTRESS. EVER. IN. EASTENDERS.
First of all, there's absolutely no chemistry whatsoever between these two. Jossa's back to gurning mode, showing off her latest collagen injection, and with the Pollyanna-type dresses TPTB are making her wear (obviously, to signify her redemption), she looks more and more lie some little kid, while he looks like some big, leering perv.
Also, the counselling session was a farce, taken straight from some hastily-read psych textbook to serve as adequate research. So Lauren drinks because of trust issues for her parents? That's news to me. Lauren drinks because she likes to drink, because it's a behaviour pattern learned from her mother and aunt, who learned it from their mother. But I'll wager this hasn't entered into any of the counselling she's receiving from this idiot counsellor, spewing textbook crap about transference, which is the set-up for Lauren to transfer her "trust" from Max to some pervy Manc stranger.
Jossa is in dire need of proper drama lessons and a bit of talent, whilst Lomas needs to bow out before his bitch of a wife starts making noises again about her current husband squeezing the EastEnders' ingenue hyped as the show's sex symbol.
As for Abi's sneering curiousity and taking Joey's advice, less said, soonest mended, except that David Witts does a shit impersonation of Jake Wood.
Kidneygate.
I ask you. Do we care?
Whenever an EP is getting ready to fall on her sword, she bows out with a story about a kidney transplant, affecting characters who have been a failure from the start.
I would rather watch the most dire episode of EE than Henry Cole! He cant ride to save himself and knows f all about the places he is visiting!
ReplyDeleteI do sincerly hope that DTC can back up his comments on "saving EastEnders". He can talk the talk, but lets see him walk the walk.
If not......
PP
Please before you shout me down - I am a long term viewer.
ReplyDeleteWhen I saw Alice come down the stairs after her 'transformation' I really didn't recognize her.
I know this is v going to sound like an insult but, it was like watching a reincarnation of Tiffany (MM)