Not long ago, when the latest bit of British beefcake, long on looks and short on any acting experience, first graced the Eastenders' screen, men and women shrieked with orgasmic pleasure, especially over photos like this:-
Or this:-
Not long ago - last year, as a matter of fact - those selfsame starfuckers were expostulating over another piece of prime British steak, until they saw for themselves that his acting talents were non-existent. Remember him?
You know, I remember a time when Eastenders hired talented young actors who just happened to be able to act as well as being a bit of eye candy - people like Nick Berry or Michael French or Ross Kemp, even Robert Kazinsky and Nigel Harman more recently. Now, however, all it seems to take to be added to the cast as a principle male ingenue is a background in modeling underwear and the ability to take off your shirt and flash your pecs.
The sad truth about David Witts is, simply, that, like Tony Discipline, there is no acting experience and no noticeable talent. Discipline's diction is non-existent; Witts is obviously a well-spoken lad who can't master (or won't stoop to master) a Cockney accent. His trick around that is to lower his voice to a gravely whisper a la Beppe di Marco or Steve Owen and speak rapidly (but indistinguishably).
He has other tricks as well. Discipline's manner of physically denoting any sort of emotion is to screw his eyes and wrinkle his nose, in a facial pose that can denote anything. You name it - pain, sorrow, anger, threat, sexual allure, constipation. It's straight from the Joey-from-Friends smell-the-fart acting school.
Witts has a trick of his own. In order to denote how sexy and moody and mysterious he is, he rotates his head quickly from left to right, glancing about stealthily, allows his mouth to hang open and lolls his tongue from cheek to cheek. It signifies nothing, but I suppose the actor thinks it's subtly phallic.
Believe me, it's not. In fact, the Italians have a word to describe anyone who'd behave that way in public. Such people are called deficienti. Google the meaning.
However, people were willing to forgive even the basest lack of talent in Witts simply because he physically resembled Dennis Rickman (played by an actor with real talent, Nigel Harman). Want to see how versatile an actor Harman is?
This is Harman's last appearance as Dennis Rickman:-
And here he is in his Olivier Award-winning role as Lord Farquaad in Shrek: The Musical:-
Any resemblance Mr Witts's character bears to the the dear, departed Dennis Rickman is simply passing and nothing more. And, newsflash: A villain can be "hot" too, just like the most hateful of bitches can be painfully attractive - Cindy, anyone?
Even before Joey appeared upon our screens, we were told by the PR blurbs coming from the Eastenders' press office that Joey was a charmer, a pathological liar, a manipulator ... in short, the proverbial bad-boy.
I think people then thought of him as the archetypical Eastenders' bad boy - Grant, Dennis, Sean Slater - hard and bad on the exterior, but with a vulnerable core exposed and ministered to by the love of a good woman/girl. In fact, in the wake of that announcement, the press office then announce a pairing of Joey (whose age must be at least 24) with the elfin rag, bone and hank of hair 18 year-old Lucy Beale, and then proceeded to market the pair as the next Eastenders' power couple, this generation's Grant and Sharon.
Yes, I know that for most long-term viewers, that's total blasphemy; in fact, considering the lack of talent emanating from these two ex-models, instead of resembling Grant and Sharon, I'd say they could be more closely described as charter members of the Society of Mouth-Breathers, as both seem to think it singularly attractive to hold their mouths agape when not speaking lines.
Joey is anything but the next Grant. He isn't the next Dennis and not even the next Sean. Let's be brutally blunt: Joey is not a nice person.
Joey is the son of Derek. Son of Toad equals Tadpole. Derek is a liar. Joey is a liar. Derek is a manipulator (cf: how he got Carol to allow him to move into Casa Butcher); Joey is a manipulater. Derek is over-protective of Alice; Joey is over-protective of Alice. Derek is a control freak; Joey is a control freak. Derek hates Joey; Joey hates Derek.
Do you see why?
Let's be brutally honest about Joey. He is not a nice person, and although he'll never admit it, the apple didn't fall far from the tree in relation to him and his old man. That's why they can't stand each other.
And if there were any doubt about Joey being the soft-centred hard boy whom Lucy would redeem, it was dispelled during the past two episodes, especially last night, when the beefed-up berk actually threw Ian Beale out of the cafe he owned due to the contrived overreaction of Ian's skinny, little bitch of a daughter, Lucy.
In case you haven't twigged, Joey doesn't love Lucy. The only girl Joey thinks anything of is his sister, Alice. Lucy is a convenience, and Joey's recognised the fact that she's stupid enough and desperate enough to give him sex as thanks for him having bailed her out of the shit she was in.
It wasn't rocket science. Joey's dad was bullying her. Easy enough for Joey to flount Derek, scam him out of money and rescue Lucy from the bailiff's plight. Joey gives Lucy money and Lucy allows Joey to live, rent-free, in Ian's home and sleeps with him, someone she's known only a matter of weeks.
There's a name for a girl who'll trade sex for money and protection.
Joey's little set-up gives him a vantage point where he's still able to keep an eye on and exert control over his sister, enables him to needle his old man, and at the same time he's got abag of bones warm body to pork each night. And he's sussed that he'll be able to enjoy these creature comforts for the time being because she's vulnerable and thick, having chosen to cope on her own when her father suddenly disappeared a couple of months ago. Easy-peasy pickings enough to convince her that fathers are a liability and that a gal's better off with beefcake in her bed rather than a daddy breathing down her neck.
Yep, the power couple with their own little empire. Except ... that this doesn't bode well for Joey as a future long-term character. He's actually dissing and pissing on one of two remaining original characters in the show. Ian Beale is Walford royalty, and Joey Branning is pondlife.
I highly suspect Derek's shelf life will come to an end at Christmas, and maybe this interference with Lolligag Luce will last until that time; because once Ian's in command of his faculties again, I don't see the Tadpole being long-term on the Square, once his motives are sussed or once he betrays Lucy or once he and she have managed to run Ian's businesses into the ground.
Tadpoles are sometimes used as bait for bigger fish as well, remember.
Or this:-
Not long ago - last year, as a matter of fact - those selfsame starfuckers were expostulating over another piece of prime British steak, until they saw for themselves that his acting talents were non-existent. Remember him?
You know, I remember a time when Eastenders hired talented young actors who just happened to be able to act as well as being a bit of eye candy - people like Nick Berry or Michael French or Ross Kemp, even Robert Kazinsky and Nigel Harman more recently. Now, however, all it seems to take to be added to the cast as a principle male ingenue is a background in modeling underwear and the ability to take off your shirt and flash your pecs.
The sad truth about David Witts is, simply, that, like Tony Discipline, there is no acting experience and no noticeable talent. Discipline's diction is non-existent; Witts is obviously a well-spoken lad who can't master (or won't stoop to master) a Cockney accent. His trick around that is to lower his voice to a gravely whisper a la Beppe di Marco or Steve Owen and speak rapidly (but indistinguishably).
He has other tricks as well. Discipline's manner of physically denoting any sort of emotion is to screw his eyes and wrinkle his nose, in a facial pose that can denote anything. You name it - pain, sorrow, anger, threat, sexual allure, constipation. It's straight from the Joey-from-Friends smell-the-fart acting school.
Witts has a trick of his own. In order to denote how sexy and moody and mysterious he is, he rotates his head quickly from left to right, glancing about stealthily, allows his mouth to hang open and lolls his tongue from cheek to cheek. It signifies nothing, but I suppose the actor thinks it's subtly phallic.
Believe me, it's not. In fact, the Italians have a word to describe anyone who'd behave that way in public. Such people are called deficienti. Google the meaning.
However, people were willing to forgive even the basest lack of talent in Witts simply because he physically resembled Dennis Rickman (played by an actor with real talent, Nigel Harman). Want to see how versatile an actor Harman is?
This is Harman's last appearance as Dennis Rickman:-
And here he is in his Olivier Award-winning role as Lord Farquaad in Shrek: The Musical:-
Any resemblance Mr Witts's character bears to the the dear, departed Dennis Rickman is simply passing and nothing more. And, newsflash: A villain can be "hot" too, just like the most hateful of bitches can be painfully attractive - Cindy, anyone?
Even before Joey appeared upon our screens, we were told by the PR blurbs coming from the Eastenders' press office that Joey was a charmer, a pathological liar, a manipulator ... in short, the proverbial bad-boy.
I think people then thought of him as the archetypical Eastenders' bad boy - Grant, Dennis, Sean Slater - hard and bad on the exterior, but with a vulnerable core exposed and ministered to by the love of a good woman/girl. In fact, in the wake of that announcement, the press office then announce a pairing of Joey (whose age must be at least 24) with the elfin rag, bone and hank of hair 18 year-old Lucy Beale, and then proceeded to market the pair as the next Eastenders' power couple, this generation's Grant and Sharon.
Yes, I know that for most long-term viewers, that's total blasphemy; in fact, considering the lack of talent emanating from these two ex-models, instead of resembling Grant and Sharon, I'd say they could be more closely described as charter members of the Society of Mouth-Breathers, as both seem to think it singularly attractive to hold their mouths agape when not speaking lines.
Joey is anything but the next Grant. He isn't the next Dennis and not even the next Sean. Let's be brutally blunt: Joey is not a nice person.
Joey is the son of Derek. Son of Toad equals Tadpole. Derek is a liar. Joey is a liar. Derek is a manipulator (cf: how he got Carol to allow him to move into Casa Butcher); Joey is a manipulater. Derek is over-protective of Alice; Joey is over-protective of Alice. Derek is a control freak; Joey is a control freak. Derek hates Joey; Joey hates Derek.
Do you see why?
Let's be brutally honest about Joey. He is not a nice person, and although he'll never admit it, the apple didn't fall far from the tree in relation to him and his old man. That's why they can't stand each other.
And if there were any doubt about Joey being the soft-centred hard boy whom Lucy would redeem, it was dispelled during the past two episodes, especially last night, when the beefed-up berk actually threw Ian Beale out of the cafe he owned due to the contrived overreaction of Ian's skinny, little bitch of a daughter, Lucy.
In case you haven't twigged, Joey doesn't love Lucy. The only girl Joey thinks anything of is his sister, Alice. Lucy is a convenience, and Joey's recognised the fact that she's stupid enough and desperate enough to give him sex as thanks for him having bailed her out of the shit she was in.
It wasn't rocket science. Joey's dad was bullying her. Easy enough for Joey to flount Derek, scam him out of money and rescue Lucy from the bailiff's plight. Joey gives Lucy money and Lucy allows Joey to live, rent-free, in Ian's home and sleeps with him, someone she's known only a matter of weeks.
There's a name for a girl who'll trade sex for money and protection.
Joey's little set-up gives him a vantage point where he's still able to keep an eye on and exert control over his sister, enables him to needle his old man, and at the same time he's got a
Yep, the power couple with their own little empire. Except ... that this doesn't bode well for Joey as a future long-term character. He's actually dissing and pissing on one of two remaining original characters in the show. Ian Beale is Walford royalty, and Joey Branning is pondlife.
I highly suspect Derek's shelf life will come to an end at Christmas, and maybe this interference with Lolligag Luce will last until that time; because once Ian's in command of his faculties again, I don't see the Tadpole being long-term on the Square, once his motives are sussed or once he betrays Lucy or once he and she have managed to run Ian's businesses into the ground.
Tadpoles are sometimes used as bait for bigger fish as well, remember.
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