Night falls quickly in Walford. It seemed as though the sun was shining brightly when Tanya left Sharon with a bottle of wine, just popping out for liquid reinforcements, leaving her new BFF to cut her finger and raid her painkillers. It seemed as though the sun was shining when Tanya stormed into the portacabin to confront Max, who had just popped in there himself before scooting off with Kirsty to the abortion clinic. In fact, that was just after lunch, because Katshit had made her opinion of Max's treatment of Kirsty known, albeit no business of hers, in the pub, making Max rush back to the B and B to accompany Kirsty.
In fact, it seemed like early evening when Katshit showed up at Michael's for their dinner date, sans Tommy, whom she'd promised to bring before. In fact, she promised to bring him the last time and didn't. I think Kat the slut's slut is trying to play hard to get, thinking piece of shit Michael might have some sort of feeling for her.
There, I said it, Michael-shippers. He's a piece of shit. Psychopaths are. And, sorry, he hasn't the charm of Dexter (the HBO psychopath, not the little cock who struts the streets of Walford). Psycopaths are capable of turning on the charm, but Michael fails even at that. I'm glad he's going, and I abhor women viewers who swoon at his presence, when he's little more than a bully who manipulates and oppresses psychologically and always, always punches down.
But night falls fast in Walford. What to you expect when it's a programme clearly aiming its content at the benighted, the craven souls with one brain cell, like the pathetic shipper xTonix, who really needs grammar lessons badly (hyuck hyuck), plantpot dan20082 and man-hating irrelevant trolls like ...
and
On a day when the newly recast Peter Beale is announced, with Ian's son having morphed into the lovechild of Neighbours' Brad Willis (from the 90s) and California girl Lindsay Lohan, thus signifying EastEnders steady drift into the realms of niche soapery (becoming the BBC's answer to Hollyoaks where everyone and everything is beautiful, even bad occurrences, we celebrate the return of EastEnders' original wild child, Janine.
As well as Janine being a much-awaited return, having seen how well Kirkwood fucked up and over Katshit and Bianca, and how Newman further fucked Kat over in a pithy and determined attempt to "repair and redeem" her, at the same time fucking Sharon up so badly that no one who remembers her at all from her first or second time back even recognises this fat Barbie bimbo now, one other thing that became glaringly obvious tonight is just how much above and beyond Simon Ashdown is compared to most of the other numpties who cobble together substandard scripts with little resemblance to current reality, much less to historical fact concerned with the show.
Ashdown is a good writer, and he should write more episodes, even if he has to insert the ubiquitous Branning in every episode he contributes. If said Brannings are as good an as relevant to the episode as they were tonight, I'd tolerate them.
But this demographic exemplified in the episode tonight should be the tranche of character on whom emphasis should be placed in the storylines presented - not silly, simpering, calendar pin-up YOOF.
Now that NuPeter is rising from the ashes of his previous existence, maybe Mouth-Breathing Joey or Tyler the Fat can descend therein ... along with Lauren, Whitney and assorted others.
The Mother and Child Reunion
She's back.
And she looks good.
I've always liked Charlie Brooks as a brunette, and she looked the business tonight.
No I would not give you false hope
On this strange and mournful day
But the mother and child reunion
Is only a motion away
Janine is my favourite character. I've watched her through all three characterisations - from the devil child to the quiet tweenie to Charlie Brooks's interpretation of the wild teen, introduced to our screens back in 1998.
Janine is, at once, one of the most nuanced, yet most honest characters ever to appear on the show. Anyone who's watched her in all three personifications understands perfectly why she is the way she is, yet only now - at least, since Bryan Kirkwood's day - are her vulnerabilities being addressed.
She suffers from abandonment issues, and major Daddy issues. She has a big problem with trust, which severely impeded her psyche throughout the latter part of 2011 and the time during 2012 when she was on the screen. She has always felt on the periphery of her family dynamic, something she referenced tonight, and craves acceptance. She's learned early on that she's better off looking after herself as best she can, and she likened security to the combination of financial solvency and any older man who would provide for her.
When Janine got involved with Michael, she may have been financially solvent, but she was coming off a pretty rough period in her life. She married Ryan Molloy in September 2010, who promptly betrayed her trust by fucking around with Stacey Slater, who was encouraged to believe she was entitled to Ryan (the father of her child after a one-night stand), by none other than the Matron Saint of Sluts, Katshit Moon.
Janine was painted the villain at the altar of Saint Stacey, and was abandoned by her family at the end of 2010. Afterward, she lived hand-to-mouth until her ailing grandmother came to live with her, and left her her fortune. Oddly enough, when Janine was on her uppers and made a move on that pinnacle of desire, Michael Moon, he knocked her back.
But once she was an heiress and made a move on him, he was more than interested. Their romantic association made for interesting viewing - two broken people, with simiilar background issues, striving for some normalcy.Janine fell pregnant, but was unsure of continuing with the pregnancy - as she told Pat before she died, she was pregnant by a man she didn't trust. Significantly, Pat told her to have the baby, it would be the making of her. She said nothing about the man.
Grieving for Pat, isolated from her family by Ricky's banishment, reviled by her putrid sister-in-law Bianca, badgered by Jean, who told her that her baby would be unloved, unjustly blamed by Katshit for Michael's scam of Jean, stressed by her wedding arrangements and Michael's eleventh hour insistance that she rip up the pre-nup she'd made him sign, she went into early labour.
For the next four weeks, Janine sat 24/7 by her sick daughter's side, more often than not without any support from Michael, who even tried, at one point, to scarper.It's no wonder that, by the time Scarlett was ready to return home, Janine was suffering from full-on post natal-depression, besides being conflicted with the usual insecurities and worries most young mothers encounter.
It's also important to remember that Michael Moon is a con man, a manipulator and a psychopath who punches down. His major culprits are usually women, usually chosen when they are at an emotionally vulnerable point - Kat, both after Alfie had been imprisoned and after he'd told her he wanted a divorce; Roxy, when she was lonely; Ronnie, when she was insecure about Tommy's identity being discovered; Jean, who had bi-polar issues and who really isn't very bright. Michael shared Janine's daddy issues, her abandonment issues, her detachment from her family dynamic; both had lost their mothers tragically whilst they were still small children. Coupled with her insecurity at being a new mother, Michael knew every button to push in order to chip away at her self-esteem and confidence. Why? Because, being freed from the pre-nup, he wanted to control her and her money.
On the one hand, he belittled her abilities and scorned her insecurities; on the other hand, he bought her increasingly expensive presents in an attempt to keep her distracted.
Everything Janine levelled at him tonight was one hundred percent the truth. He has expensive tastes and a penchant for designer suits, all at her expense; he lied repeatedly to her about his whereabouts and his intentions. He made her doubt her ability to parent and to even love her daughter, making her feel so totally worthless that she thought her daughter would be better off without her presence. On her last day in the house, he told her she was a pathetic mess.
I'm glad she confronted him about it, and I'm glad she levelled the remark about Tommy at Kat's rancid feet. I know a lot of people will think it cruel and over-the-top, but Kat deserves every bit of shit Janine throws at her, for actively breaking up Janine's marriage to Ryan.
This is another of Janine's strengths, and it's what I mean by her honesty: Janine is a bitch, and she owns it. Kat never ever accepts responsibility for her actions, and yet she thinks to sit in judgement of Janine for "abandoning" her child? Kat's no model mother. Most of Tommy's care was and is effected by Alfie, Jean and even Roxy. In fact, so much for Michael being brought to his knees in struggling to care for Scarlett, one of the first things he did was enlist Roxy to move in and care for the child. Now, he simply uses Alice as an unpaid skivvy to do the same.
Kat was constantly clubbing, fucking a deliveryman up against the wall in the alleyway and then romping the beds with Derek Branning. As for her being a working mother, she barely has two copper coins to rub together, and she alternates between hitting Alfie for money and hitting Michael for money as well, when he doesn't have any money at all.
As someone else pointed out to me, Michael is a scrounger. If he can get someone else to take responsibility for his inadequacies and foibles, he will - hence, he was gladder than glad for Alfie to asssume parenting for Michael. It meant he didn't have to do that. It had nothing to do with him feeling a sense of guilt in any way. Psychopaths have no concept of guilt.
And I'm glad that Janine remarked and reminded Michael from the getgo that she owned the house in which he lives. Michael, truth be known, doesn't have a pot to piss in. He takes what money he can from the safe at the boxing club - or what money Jack chooses to give him; but Jack's gone now, and the safe is probably locked - and Michael can't afford to run the place.
The stark difference between Michael and Janine tonight was most obvious in that scene in the bedroom, when she asked if he missed her. He told her she made his skin crawl and that he didn't miss her - know what? That was a psychopath telling the truth, and Janine took it on board, absorbed it, told him her truth: that she did miss him and Scarlett, she even made an analogy to abandoning Scarlett and how she felt each time Frank abandoned her family, leaving her feeling alone, even with Pat and Ricky there; but they were all gone now, and she was alone. But stronger.
She had to hear Michael speak the truth, even if he were unaware of the fact that he couldn't walk those words back; and he had nothing to say, hearing of her infidelities when he knew he'd fucked Katshit-Diseased-Moon and even hankered after Kirsty Branning. He was up for Roxy having a full-on relationship with him when she moved in, but Roxy is once bitten twice shy. She was honest with him, and she knew what he'd been about in her absence too.
Yes, she had to hear Michael level the truth, and then she leveled a truth of her own. She's back for Scarlett. Good. Better for Scarlett to be with a mother capable of loving her, than a father capable of treating her like a queer object whom he can control.
The Queen of the Night returneth. I hope she kicks the Prince of Darkness well into the light.
I can't for the life of me
Remember a sadder day
I know they say let it be
But it just don't work out that way
And the course of the lifetimes runs
Over and over again.
I just can't believe it's so
Though it seems strange to say
I never been laid so low
In such a mysterious way
And the course of a lifetime runs Over and over again.
The words of the song say it all ... but Janine is the one strong woman left in Walford, the natural successor to her stepmother, Pat Evans, and she'll vanquish Michael. (And she can bitchslap that skank Kat whilst she's at it as well).
Welcome home. The bitch is back. Let the games begin.
The Yummy Mummy Martyr
The ubiquitous Ashdown Branning scene was surprisingly good - basically, because he moulded it around the wonderful Jake Wood, who has one of the most expressive male faces on the show.
Even Jo Joyner rose to the occasion, but then, most everyone ups their game when they have to perform opposite Wood, and I'm not the biggest fan of Joyner's acting.
Bad bit out of the way ... I still fail to see why Max had to "report" news of Kirsty's pregnancy to Tanya, even telling her first. The couple are divorced. He's married to Kirsty. It's no business of Tanya's if he has one of a gaggle of kids with Kirsty. But that was the way Tanya barrelled into the scene, full of righteous entitlement.
When was yer gonna tell me ... at the christening?
Well, quite honestly, Tanya, it was really none of your business. (There were plenty of women poking their noses in other people's business tonight, so Tanya wasn't alone.)
However, she was brought down to earth by Max's admission that Kirsty was having an abortion, which made his actions and that fact all the more transparent to Tanya - especially when he told her that he and Tanya hadn't finished yet.
Max is a scumbag. A totally amoral scumbag - but like Janine owns her bitchery, he owns his moral bankruptcy. He admits tonight that, virtually, that he'd like to be rid of Kirsty and get back with Tanya; but he was conflicted by her pregnancy.
The truth is, as we know it, Max is always conflicted by pregnancy. He was conflicted by Rachel's pregnancy, and he married her. He was then, conflicted by Tanya's pregnancy, and he had to abandon Rachel and Bradley, leave them and go elsewhere with Tanya. Kirsty was easy to leave when he'd actually physically left her and returned to aid an ailing Tanya. He can identify with Tanya because she has his children. If Tanya hadn't got pregnant with Lauren, he'd have tired of her, dumped her and returned to Rachel and his son. As it was, he had to leave the entire area, physically abandon Bradley, in order to be with Tanya.
With Max, out of sight really is out of mind. And it's significant to note that he was banished from Walford, away from his children and told never to return, when he met and fell in love with Kirsty.
The fact that she'd already aborted one of his children and wasn't happy about that preyed on his conscience, and Tanya realised that. In one of her very few selfless and rare prescient moments, Tanya realises that Max is bullying Kirsty into aborting their baby, so he can find it easier to abandon her and return to Tanya.
I had to pick my jaw up off the floor when she actually reminded Max that Kirsty loved him, which was why she was having his baby, and that she wouldn't have him returning to her on the heels of an abortion. Her conscience wouldn't allow it - her conscience. Once again, and fittingly, this becomes all about Tanya. She would have been willing to have Max back before, after the fact of an abortion which took place when he was away from Kirsty and based on Derek's lie; but brought closer to the emotional home, Tanya won't deal with it.
There was a good reference as well to Bradley and Stacey's experience with abortion, when Bradley insisted Stacey abort their child. Tanya accused Max of doing to Kirsty exactly what Bradley did to Stacey, but did she realise that it was Max who planted that seed in Bradley's brain, telling him he'd tied himself down too young to Bradley's mother via her pregnancy? At least Ashdown remembers the past ... when he's not retconning it.
And so she actually lets Max go, reminding him that this child might not just be another Lauren (God forbid) or Abi (even moreso) or gurning Oscar, it might even be another chance at Bradley. Nice reference at the end of that scene, with Max looking at a photo of him and Bradley.
Awww ... let's have a little bit of Petula. Tanya looks a bit like her when she was younger ...
Two Sluts Went to Mow, Went to Mow a Meadow ... Slut Mummy and Non-Mummy.
I want Kat to leave. Part of the problem right now with EastEnders, apart from the writing, is that she's a spent character. Yes, we know TPTB ruined her, but they did so irreparably. Now, they're trying to make her SuperKat, but she's still a cackling, mean-spirited, bitch, who always sees herself as a victim.
She's no friend of Michael Moon's either. He's using her as a warm body to pork, hoping that will shut her up in her demands for money to support her son. She thinks she's playing hard-to-get.
As I said before, she has less right than anyone to sit in judgement of Janine. She only told her that she and Alfie had split. I want Janine to find out why they split.
Janine was right to level the fact at her filthy face that what transpired between Michael, their daughter and Janine was none of Kat's business, and she had no reason to be there. And she was right to remind Kat as well, that Tommy was one child in whom Michael had never shown a smidgeon of interest.
I want to see that piece of shit bitch-slapped by Janine all around the Square. Then I hope she leaves. And Tommy should stay with the father who loves and cares for him - Alfie.
She got told to butt out again tonight by Kirsty, who was trying to scarper. Kat never admitted that she was the reason behind Max's sudden change of heart to come with her to the abortion clinic - although, I didn't realise abortion clinics did a 24-hour service, even privately, as it appeared to be rather late in the evening - late enough to be dark, which is about 8pm these days.
Now we know what I'd always expected - that Kirsty wasn't pregnant, that she pulled the lie spontaneously from her silly hat to throw back in Max's face because she felt insecure and fearful that he'd go back to Tanya, because she was the mother of his children. In a way, the abortion scenario was a way out of a lie for her, but it should also have been a wake-up call to how shallow, selfish and ruthless Max can be - how the Branning men stop at nothing to get what they want, even to the point of treating their women like chattel.
And there's no hindsight like 20/20 vision with Katshit urging Kirsty to tell Max the truth ...
Max is a reasonable bloke, 'e'll understand.
Like hell, he will. You were spoiled by Alfie being so reasonable for so long, until you betrayed his trust. Big of you, you skank, to talk about being honest after you lived a lie for so long and were only sorry because you got caught.
I hate the fact that, on the one hand, they've turned Kirsty into bitch mode, but at the end of her vignette, when Max had taken her back to he B and B and confessed that he wanted her to be a mum, her weeping wasn't from happiness, it was from knowing that their relationship is now based, once again, on a lie ... this time, her lie.
Wouldn't surprise me if she gets pregnant by Jack.
Good episode, right number of characters. Well-written.
Observation: Charlie Brooks has said that she would like to see Janine in an association with Max. I think that would be brilliant. Both own what they are, and both are multi-faceted characters. Janine knows Max is a player, and Max has never been in a relationship with a wealthy, independent, strong and powerful woman. Something to consider.
In fact, it seemed like early evening when Katshit showed up at Michael's for their dinner date, sans Tommy, whom she'd promised to bring before. In fact, she promised to bring him the last time and didn't. I think Kat the slut's slut is trying to play hard to get, thinking piece of shit Michael might have some sort of feeling for her.
There, I said it, Michael-shippers. He's a piece of shit. Psychopaths are. And, sorry, he hasn't the charm of Dexter (the HBO psychopath, not the little cock who struts the streets of Walford). Psycopaths are capable of turning on the charm, but Michael fails even at that. I'm glad he's going, and I abhor women viewers who swoon at his presence, when he's little more than a bully who manipulates and oppresses psychologically and always, always punches down.
But night falls fast in Walford. What to you expect when it's a programme clearly aiming its content at the benighted, the craven souls with one brain cell, like the pathetic shipper xTonix, who really needs grammar lessons badly (hyuck hyuck), plantpot dan20082 and man-hating irrelevant trolls like ...
On a day when the newly recast Peter Beale is announced, with Ian's son having morphed into the lovechild of Neighbours' Brad Willis (from the 90s) and California girl Lindsay Lohan, thus signifying EastEnders steady drift into the realms of niche soapery (becoming the BBC's answer to Hollyoaks where everyone and everything is beautiful, even bad occurrences, we celebrate the return of EastEnders' original wild child, Janine.
As well as Janine being a much-awaited return, having seen how well Kirkwood fucked up and over Katshit and Bianca, and how Newman further fucked Kat over in a pithy and determined attempt to "repair and redeem" her, at the same time fucking Sharon up so badly that no one who remembers her at all from her first or second time back even recognises this fat Barbie bimbo now, one other thing that became glaringly obvious tonight is just how much above and beyond Simon Ashdown is compared to most of the other numpties who cobble together substandard scripts with little resemblance to current reality, much less to historical fact concerned with the show.
Ashdown is a good writer, and he should write more episodes, even if he has to insert the ubiquitous Branning in every episode he contributes. If said Brannings are as good an as relevant to the episode as they were tonight, I'd tolerate them.
But this demographic exemplified in the episode tonight should be the tranche of character on whom emphasis should be placed in the storylines presented - not silly, simpering, calendar pin-up YOOF.
Now that NuPeter is rising from the ashes of his previous existence, maybe Mouth-Breathing Joey or Tyler the Fat can descend therein ... along with Lauren, Whitney and assorted others.
The Mother and Child Reunion
She's back.
And she looks good.
I've always liked Charlie Brooks as a brunette, and she looked the business tonight.
No I would not give you false hope
On this strange and mournful day
But the mother and child reunion
Is only a motion away
Janine is my favourite character. I've watched her through all three characterisations - from the devil child to the quiet tweenie to Charlie Brooks's interpretation of the wild teen, introduced to our screens back in 1998.
Janine is, at once, one of the most nuanced, yet most honest characters ever to appear on the show. Anyone who's watched her in all three personifications understands perfectly why she is the way she is, yet only now - at least, since Bryan Kirkwood's day - are her vulnerabilities being addressed.
She suffers from abandonment issues, and major Daddy issues. She has a big problem with trust, which severely impeded her psyche throughout the latter part of 2011 and the time during 2012 when she was on the screen. She has always felt on the periphery of her family dynamic, something she referenced tonight, and craves acceptance. She's learned early on that she's better off looking after herself as best she can, and she likened security to the combination of financial solvency and any older man who would provide for her.
When Janine got involved with Michael, she may have been financially solvent, but she was coming off a pretty rough period in her life. She married Ryan Molloy in September 2010, who promptly betrayed her trust by fucking around with Stacey Slater, who was encouraged to believe she was entitled to Ryan (the father of her child after a one-night stand), by none other than the Matron Saint of Sluts, Katshit Moon.
Janine was painted the villain at the altar of Saint Stacey, and was abandoned by her family at the end of 2010. Afterward, she lived hand-to-mouth until her ailing grandmother came to live with her, and left her her fortune. Oddly enough, when Janine was on her uppers and made a move on that pinnacle of desire, Michael Moon, he knocked her back.
But once she was an heiress and made a move on him, he was more than interested. Their romantic association made for interesting viewing - two broken people, with simiilar background issues, striving for some normalcy.Janine fell pregnant, but was unsure of continuing with the pregnancy - as she told Pat before she died, she was pregnant by a man she didn't trust. Significantly, Pat told her to have the baby, it would be the making of her. She said nothing about the man.
Grieving for Pat, isolated from her family by Ricky's banishment, reviled by her putrid sister-in-law Bianca, badgered by Jean, who told her that her baby would be unloved, unjustly blamed by Katshit for Michael's scam of Jean, stressed by her wedding arrangements and Michael's eleventh hour insistance that she rip up the pre-nup she'd made him sign, she went into early labour.
For the next four weeks, Janine sat 24/7 by her sick daughter's side, more often than not without any support from Michael, who even tried, at one point, to scarper.It's no wonder that, by the time Scarlett was ready to return home, Janine was suffering from full-on post natal-depression, besides being conflicted with the usual insecurities and worries most young mothers encounter.
It's also important to remember that Michael Moon is a con man, a manipulator and a psychopath who punches down. His major culprits are usually women, usually chosen when they are at an emotionally vulnerable point - Kat, both after Alfie had been imprisoned and after he'd told her he wanted a divorce; Roxy, when she was lonely; Ronnie, when she was insecure about Tommy's identity being discovered; Jean, who had bi-polar issues and who really isn't very bright. Michael shared Janine's daddy issues, her abandonment issues, her detachment from her family dynamic; both had lost their mothers tragically whilst they were still small children. Coupled with her insecurity at being a new mother, Michael knew every button to push in order to chip away at her self-esteem and confidence. Why? Because, being freed from the pre-nup, he wanted to control her and her money.
On the one hand, he belittled her abilities and scorned her insecurities; on the other hand, he bought her increasingly expensive presents in an attempt to keep her distracted.
Everything Janine levelled at him tonight was one hundred percent the truth. He has expensive tastes and a penchant for designer suits, all at her expense; he lied repeatedly to her about his whereabouts and his intentions. He made her doubt her ability to parent and to even love her daughter, making her feel so totally worthless that she thought her daughter would be better off without her presence. On her last day in the house, he told her she was a pathetic mess.
I'm glad she confronted him about it, and I'm glad she levelled the remark about Tommy at Kat's rancid feet. I know a lot of people will think it cruel and over-the-top, but Kat deserves every bit of shit Janine throws at her, for actively breaking up Janine's marriage to Ryan.
This is another of Janine's strengths, and it's what I mean by her honesty: Janine is a bitch, and she owns it. Kat never ever accepts responsibility for her actions, and yet she thinks to sit in judgement of Janine for "abandoning" her child? Kat's no model mother. Most of Tommy's care was and is effected by Alfie, Jean and even Roxy. In fact, so much for Michael being brought to his knees in struggling to care for Scarlett, one of the first things he did was enlist Roxy to move in and care for the child. Now, he simply uses Alice as an unpaid skivvy to do the same.
Kat was constantly clubbing, fucking a deliveryman up against the wall in the alleyway and then romping the beds with Derek Branning. As for her being a working mother, she barely has two copper coins to rub together, and she alternates between hitting Alfie for money and hitting Michael for money as well, when he doesn't have any money at all.
As someone else pointed out to me, Michael is a scrounger. If he can get someone else to take responsibility for his inadequacies and foibles, he will - hence, he was gladder than glad for Alfie to asssume parenting for Michael. It meant he didn't have to do that. It had nothing to do with him feeling a sense of guilt in any way. Psychopaths have no concept of guilt.
And I'm glad that Janine remarked and reminded Michael from the getgo that she owned the house in which he lives. Michael, truth be known, doesn't have a pot to piss in. He takes what money he can from the safe at the boxing club - or what money Jack chooses to give him; but Jack's gone now, and the safe is probably locked - and Michael can't afford to run the place.
The stark difference between Michael and Janine tonight was most obvious in that scene in the bedroom, when she asked if he missed her. He told her she made his skin crawl and that he didn't miss her - know what? That was a psychopath telling the truth, and Janine took it on board, absorbed it, told him her truth: that she did miss him and Scarlett, she even made an analogy to abandoning Scarlett and how she felt each time Frank abandoned her family, leaving her feeling alone, even with Pat and Ricky there; but they were all gone now, and she was alone. But stronger.
She had to hear Michael speak the truth, even if he were unaware of the fact that he couldn't walk those words back; and he had nothing to say, hearing of her infidelities when he knew he'd fucked Katshit-Diseased-Moon and even hankered after Kirsty Branning. He was up for Roxy having a full-on relationship with him when she moved in, but Roxy is once bitten twice shy. She was honest with him, and she knew what he'd been about in her absence too.
Yes, she had to hear Michael level the truth, and then she leveled a truth of her own. She's back for Scarlett. Good. Better for Scarlett to be with a mother capable of loving her, than a father capable of treating her like a queer object whom he can control.
The Queen of the Night returneth. I hope she kicks the Prince of Darkness well into the light.
I can't for the life of me
Remember a sadder day
I know they say let it be
But it just don't work out that way
And the course of the lifetimes runs
Over and over again.
I just can't believe it's so
Though it seems strange to say
I never been laid so low
In such a mysterious way
And the course of a lifetime runs Over and over again.
The words of the song say it all ... but Janine is the one strong woman left in Walford, the natural successor to her stepmother, Pat Evans, and she'll vanquish Michael. (And she can bitchslap that skank Kat whilst she's at it as well).
Welcome home. The bitch is back. Let the games begin.
The Yummy Mummy Martyr
The ubiquitous Ashdown Branning scene was surprisingly good - basically, because he moulded it around the wonderful Jake Wood, who has one of the most expressive male faces on the show.
Even Jo Joyner rose to the occasion, but then, most everyone ups their game when they have to perform opposite Wood, and I'm not the biggest fan of Joyner's acting.
Bad bit out of the way ... I still fail to see why Max had to "report" news of Kirsty's pregnancy to Tanya, even telling her first. The couple are divorced. He's married to Kirsty. It's no business of Tanya's if he has one of a gaggle of kids with Kirsty. But that was the way Tanya barrelled into the scene, full of righteous entitlement.
When was yer gonna tell me ... at the christening?
Well, quite honestly, Tanya, it was really none of your business. (There were plenty of women poking their noses in other people's business tonight, so Tanya wasn't alone.)
However, she was brought down to earth by Max's admission that Kirsty was having an abortion, which made his actions and that fact all the more transparent to Tanya - especially when he told her that he and Tanya hadn't finished yet.
Max is a scumbag. A totally amoral scumbag - but like Janine owns her bitchery, he owns his moral bankruptcy. He admits tonight that, virtually, that he'd like to be rid of Kirsty and get back with Tanya; but he was conflicted by her pregnancy.
The truth is, as we know it, Max is always conflicted by pregnancy. He was conflicted by Rachel's pregnancy, and he married her. He was then, conflicted by Tanya's pregnancy, and he had to abandon Rachel and Bradley, leave them and go elsewhere with Tanya. Kirsty was easy to leave when he'd actually physically left her and returned to aid an ailing Tanya. He can identify with Tanya because she has his children. If Tanya hadn't got pregnant with Lauren, he'd have tired of her, dumped her and returned to Rachel and his son. As it was, he had to leave the entire area, physically abandon Bradley, in order to be with Tanya.
With Max, out of sight really is out of mind. And it's significant to note that he was banished from Walford, away from his children and told never to return, when he met and fell in love with Kirsty.
The fact that she'd already aborted one of his children and wasn't happy about that preyed on his conscience, and Tanya realised that. In one of her very few selfless and rare prescient moments, Tanya realises that Max is bullying Kirsty into aborting their baby, so he can find it easier to abandon her and return to Tanya.
I had to pick my jaw up off the floor when she actually reminded Max that Kirsty loved him, which was why she was having his baby, and that she wouldn't have him returning to her on the heels of an abortion. Her conscience wouldn't allow it - her conscience. Once again, and fittingly, this becomes all about Tanya. She would have been willing to have Max back before, after the fact of an abortion which took place when he was away from Kirsty and based on Derek's lie; but brought closer to the emotional home, Tanya won't deal with it.
There was a good reference as well to Bradley and Stacey's experience with abortion, when Bradley insisted Stacey abort their child. Tanya accused Max of doing to Kirsty exactly what Bradley did to Stacey, but did she realise that it was Max who planted that seed in Bradley's brain, telling him he'd tied himself down too young to Bradley's mother via her pregnancy? At least Ashdown remembers the past ... when he's not retconning it.
And so she actually lets Max go, reminding him that this child might not just be another Lauren (God forbid) or Abi (even moreso) or gurning Oscar, it might even be another chance at Bradley. Nice reference at the end of that scene, with Max looking at a photo of him and Bradley.
Awww ... let's have a little bit of Petula. Tanya looks a bit like her when she was younger ...
Two Sluts Went to Mow, Went to Mow a Meadow ... Slut Mummy and Non-Mummy.
I want Kat to leave. Part of the problem right now with EastEnders, apart from the writing, is that she's a spent character. Yes, we know TPTB ruined her, but they did so irreparably. Now, they're trying to make her SuperKat, but she's still a cackling, mean-spirited, bitch, who always sees herself as a victim.
She's no friend of Michael Moon's either. He's using her as a warm body to pork, hoping that will shut her up in her demands for money to support her son. She thinks she's playing hard-to-get.
As I said before, she has less right than anyone to sit in judgement of Janine. She only told her that she and Alfie had split. I want Janine to find out why they split.
Janine was right to level the fact at her filthy face that what transpired between Michael, their daughter and Janine was none of Kat's business, and she had no reason to be there. And she was right to remind Kat as well, that Tommy was one child in whom Michael had never shown a smidgeon of interest.
I want to see that piece of shit bitch-slapped by Janine all around the Square. Then I hope she leaves. And Tommy should stay with the father who loves and cares for him - Alfie.
She got told to butt out again tonight by Kirsty, who was trying to scarper. Kat never admitted that she was the reason behind Max's sudden change of heart to come with her to the abortion clinic - although, I didn't realise abortion clinics did a 24-hour service, even privately, as it appeared to be rather late in the evening - late enough to be dark, which is about 8pm these days.
Now we know what I'd always expected - that Kirsty wasn't pregnant, that she pulled the lie spontaneously from her silly hat to throw back in Max's face because she felt insecure and fearful that he'd go back to Tanya, because she was the mother of his children. In a way, the abortion scenario was a way out of a lie for her, but it should also have been a wake-up call to how shallow, selfish and ruthless Max can be - how the Branning men stop at nothing to get what they want, even to the point of treating their women like chattel.
And there's no hindsight like 20/20 vision with Katshit urging Kirsty to tell Max the truth ...
Max is a reasonable bloke, 'e'll understand.
Like hell, he will. You were spoiled by Alfie being so reasonable for so long, until you betrayed his trust. Big of you, you skank, to talk about being honest after you lived a lie for so long and were only sorry because you got caught.
I hate the fact that, on the one hand, they've turned Kirsty into bitch mode, but at the end of her vignette, when Max had taken her back to he B and B and confessed that he wanted her to be a mum, her weeping wasn't from happiness, it was from knowing that their relationship is now based, once again, on a lie ... this time, her lie.
Wouldn't surprise me if she gets pregnant by Jack.
Good episode, right number of characters. Well-written.
Observation: Charlie Brooks has said that she would like to see Janine in an association with Max. I think that would be brilliant. Both own what they are, and both are multi-faceted characters. Janine knows Max is a player, and Max has never been in a relationship with a wealthy, independent, strong and powerful woman. Something to consider.
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