Clutching at Straws

I've heard various trolls say some pretty stupid things.

Some are apologists and cheerleaders, angling for a place on Eastenders' production team ...

(like one of the various permutations of "dan" on Digital Spy, who always challenges any criticism of the show).

Some are common-and-garden, plain stupid shit-stirrers ...

But the Queen of the Trolls is also the sovereign of total irrelevance. If she isn't propagating insipid ideas meant to pander to the least significant of brain-dead viewers, she's propagating her own special brand of Sharon-hatred, with the odd sprinkling of Alfie-hatred.

But she outdid herself this week, when she clutched at a straw which wasn't a straw at all. Not even a piece of string. It was air, just air.

This particular troll, who really ought to be kept away from the drinks' cabinet, advovates the show holding onto the totally superfluous character of Ajay Ahmed, totally retconned younger brother of Masood. The reason for her wanting Ajay kept was the total eye-opener of shock.

She thinks Ajay should be kept as a cast member ... wait for it ...

because of his connection with Bianca.

What? Rather, what the fuck?

What connection with Bianca? Bianca and Ajay have shared two brief scenes. Admittedly, in one, he did ask her for a date, and she snookered him, inviting him around her house, only to have her meet him at the door, filch the bottle of wine he'd brought and slam the door in his face.

In the second, she contrived for him to treat her and her kids to a McKlunky's, telling him to bring his wallet; yet when Masood arrived at the restaurant to be told thatTiffany needed help with homework, Ajay was nowhere to be seen.

In fact, the plain truth is that there is no connection between Bianca and Ajay, nor will there be. First of all, the show is incestuous enough without Carol becoming involved with Masood, and her daughter with Masood's brother. Just think of the complications of marriage. Carol would become Bianca's sister-in-law, as well as her mother. Her stepfather would also be her brother-in-law, her stepbrother would be her nephew.

Secondly, and more importantly, Bianca is the village idiot of three Square families - the Beales, the Butchers and the Brannings. Why unite a three-fold village idiot with yet another family's dumbass? Besides, Ajay has made no secret of the fact that he doesn't want children, nor does he like them. Bianca is a feckless parent; Ajay is an even more feckless manchild who can't exist without the earpiece to his ipod feeding supplement to his withered brain.

Goodness knows why Ajay was introduced - probably to make up the quota number of Asian characters in the light of Syed/Zainab leaving - but he hasn't been introduced nor is there any soupcon of a storyline on the horizon.

He's simply another one of these characters introduced to make up the numbers. He's not sexy he's not funny, he's not vibrant (as someone described him on Walford Web), and he certainly has no connection with Bianca, nor will he have. To do so, would be an insult to an iconic character who's been ruined in recent years, and it would be just as disastrous as the Sharon-Jack attempt.

So much for this troll's irrelevance ...