Straight into the review tonight ...
MeMeMeMeMeMeMe ...
Tanya's theme song:-
Although Tanya's leaving line may be all about Lauren, ultimately, this week is an exercise in all things Tanya and why she's such an appalling human being.
Tonight, we saw her at her utmost worst - as well as her putrid mother, and her abysmal daughter, Abi the Dough-Faced Girl.
I'm going to say it again. And again. And again.
As well as this programme is doing this public service with this all-too-relevant storyline, they're really not doing it justice; because Lauren's affinity with drink is virtually hereditary; and if it isn't, it's certainly an acquired behaviour. Learned from her mother, her aunt and her grandmother.
Rainie is an admitted alcoholic and has been since her teens. She's only just acknowledged it and is in a recovery period via AA; but she's recognised that her condition is encouraged and exacerbated by her mother's behaviour and her sister's behaviour.
Cora the Bora is a functional alcoholic. She, also, has been drinking since she was a teenager. Most likely, she was three sheets to the wind and then some when she conceived The Magic Negro. She was five months pregnant with Tanya and drinking when she married her husband. Cora is the sort of drunk who always has to have a buzz on, so a bottle of booze is never far away, close by enough for her to take the odd nip here and there to get her through the day. She tops it off in the evening. She was drunk on New Year's Day, going to and during Derek's funeral. She is never without booze and openly misses it when it isn't around.
Just a couple of weeks ago, Cora was having a moan, propping up the bar at the Vic and whingeing because Tanya had forbidden drink at the house because of Lauren. Cora was pissing-puke drunk at Tanya's hen night. She was drinking whilst babysitting Oscar, when he fell down the stairs. For all she criticised Dot tonight for upsetting Abi, it was putrid old Cora who, earlier in the year - knowing Lauren had a problem with drink - who was necking whiskey at Dot's house with Lauren. Even before that, she got an underaged Abi drunk one afternoon a couple of years ago.
In 2012, on Lauren's birthday, Cora the Bora hauled her, drunk, from the Vic, only to reward herself with a generous glassful of Max's best Scotch when she'd accomplished her mission.
Then there's Yummy Mummy.
Tanya uses drink as a crutch. Anything is an excuse to crack open a bottle of wine. A birthday celebration, a wedding, doing Ava's nails. When she's happy, she drinks. When she's sad, she reaches for the bottle. When she's bored, she drinks. When she's lonely, a bottle of wine is her best friend. Her friendship with Jane was based on how much of a front Jane could give her for her drinking. Drinking with Jane meant she never had to drink alone.
Let's not forget how, when Tanya, in a swathe of self-pity during her cancer cold scare, went on a drinking binge with Lauren, then underage, at the Vic, only to be told off by Carol. And earlier this year, Tanya was so drunk, she didn't even remember going to bed with Phil Mitchell.
So, yes ...a lot of Lauren's drink-associated behaviour was learned in the home.
Tonight was a night of home truths for Tanya and also for Max, but in the end, this was all about Tanya facing up to what had happened to Lauren and how she had ignored what was happening. And in the end, what she had learned was too late for Lauren and for herself as a parent.
Of course, a study of Tanya would be nothing without mentioning the crux of her life - her relationship with Max. That was made blatantly obvious from the beginning of the episode tonight, with the shot of Max, comfortingly, placing his hand on Tanya's fat knee as they sat in the hospital.
Even though they were undoubtedly worried about Lauren, Tanya made it no secret that she was just as annoyed by the reminder that Max was no longer married to her, when he took a phonecall from Kirstie. This is what's really needling Tanya.
Let's remind ourselves that Tanya had an affair with Max, when she was married to Greg Jessop. Romped the beds with Max whilst "Bob the Builder" babysat Oscar. And when the couple was caught out, Tanya did what Tanya always did - blamed Max for the affair to the extent that their daughters did what they always do in such circumstances: stamp their feet and demand that Max leave Walford. Like forever.
So Max, a free man, met and married Kirstie; and later, when Max couldn't deny that he still had feelings for Kirstie, Tanya made him leave, resolving to make it on her own without him. And in doing that, she did what she always did under such circumstances as well - cut Max out of his children's daily life entirely - unless there was some sort of bill to pay. So the girls were encouraged to disrespect Max, but demand money from him as and when they needed it.
And Tanya was at it again tonight, snidely suggesting that Max go home to his wife and leave her to tend to Lauren.
The initial scene with the hepatologist was brilliant, watching Tanya, more than Max, decompensate in front of a medical professional who was able to see, without commenting, exactly what Lauren's from whence Lauren's real addiction problem stemmed. Neither Max nor Tanya could or would say how long they'd been aware of Lauren's problem. Lauren's been drinking off and on since she was fourteen. But Max seriously recognised a problem in late 2011/early 2012, when he had to ferry her home from the Vic on New Year's Day and later when she got stinking drunk at Pat's funeral. There have been several occasions when her parents have despaired of her drinking, none more than when she ended up in hospital in the Spring of 2012, having been taken there by Lucy Beale on a night out.
Of the two, Tanya was more despicable, in vying for the hepatologist's sympathy ... I'ad cancer, see ... and then bitchily pointing out that Max and his new wife were expecting a baby. I'm glad the hepatologist was savvy and brave enough to suggest openly that neither Tanya's home nor Max's would be a stable environment for Lauren in aftercare.
Later, she was astute enough to suggest that, like Rainie, Lauren wouldn't benefit from being in a family environment, supported by people who loved her ... Cora whining that she needed a drink, are you kidding? And, instead, suggesting a drying-out clinic - in her words, far away. So now we know Tanya's leaving line, because Lauren goes with her on Friday. But we know Lauren returns, so maybe Tanya's drying out permanently.
Easily the creepiest and at once the strongest scene of this storyline occurred when Lauren had returned from her scan and Max had been despatched home summarily to pick up some "things" for Lauren. When the doctor suggested waiting for Lauren's dad in order to discuss Lauren's condition and treatment options, Tanya went full steam ahead and wanted to talk about it there and then. The creepy bit came when she was alone with Lauren, and she started emotionally manipulating her, a sick kid, possibly dying, and there's Yummy Mummy, begging for validation.
C'mon, Lauren, I'm the good cop, we get along, Lauren, we've always got along, we've never really fallen out ...
And then the clincher, which did, indeed, clinch it for Lauren ...
When I'ad me cancer, you was the only one I could trust wiv the secret, you was there for me, now let me be there for you.
All this blathering delivered to a kid who was in humongous pain, who was tired, scared and sick. Lauren's words that shut Tanya's fat mouth were simple, but powerful.
Mum ... I'm tired.
We're tired too, of the hypocrite known as Tanya.
And of her foul mother as well. Her behaviour toward Dot was despicable, especially considering she was the cause of Dot almost being made homeless and has done nothing but dis her and utter rancorous remarks levelled at Dot. Dot was not annoying Abi; Dot was pitching some home truths to Cora about drinking. Yes, Dot has the odd sherry, but it's nothing compared to the sessions Cora's pulled. I hate this old bag, and I hope she soon rots up and goes.
Nobody's Baby
Kirstie's song ...
Her baby is nobody's baby, because it doesn't exist. Well, it might, because she's one day over her time; but if her period comes on, she will be nobody's baby by Friday. Except maybe, Carl's.
My question is this ... if she's one day over her period, why not truck on over to the Minute Mart and buy a home pregnancy test? That's too simple a question. She also needs to comb her hair. As much as Lucy's eyes are annoying, Kirstie's tangled hair is equally so.
She's resisting Carl at the moment, but I wonder how soon she's falling back on him again, literally and figuratively. My guess is sometime within the next couple of weeks, and sooner rather than later, the relationship will turn abusive again. You heard it here first, folks, one of Carl's functions is to be the catalyst that reunites, yes, Max and Kirstie.
Max is a sucker for a damsel in distress. Especially if she'a an estranged wife.
And Now for the Shitty Bits
Running on Empty.
That would be the shit we saw with Alfie and Ajay.
Coupled with a self-confession ...
Ain't She Sweet? Short Answer: NO!
This is not the song of Abi the Dough-Faced Girl:-
I've put these two together because they lead into one another. First of all, let me dispense with Ajay, because he simply is dispensible.
Ajay should go. He should go now. He should not pass go, nor collect £200. He's another pointless character who is a joke, who has had no development and who was only hired to fill and ethnic quota. Oh, they've tarted him up by making him a non-Muslim Muslim, who drinks beer and eats sausages. He's tactless and stupid, and his remark about Lauren being green was puerile and disgusting.
Let's be honest: The remaning Masoods should just call it a day, because when Zainab left, the rest were left as lifeless shells without personality. Masood would never ever in a million years consider associating with, let alone bedding Carol Jackson. Tamwar has been blanded into oblivion, when he used to have an acerbic, dry wit. But Ajay is the worst. Like Ava, he's never seen at work.
In fact, I wonder how the hell Phil Mitchell makes a living at the Arches. Today was obviously a workday, yet Ajay was running relays with Alfie trying to prove a point, and Jay was having a birthday party for Abi at the Arches.
Secondly, TPTB should be smacked for the appalling way they write and present Alfie Moon. On his day and when called upon to do so, Shane Richie is actually one of the stronger actors in the show; yet, he's reduced to playing a parody of his Daz commercial self, and pulling filler storylines about eating healthily, having a race challenge and cheating on the race by copping a beer for refreshment.
And here's where old Thunder Thighs comes in.
I want someone to smack Abi. I really do. I mean, I want someone to haul off and knock the living shit out of her, smack her wobbly dough-faced cheeks so hard that she falls on her fat arse and bounces out of Walford. In fact, I want Courtney Mitchell to come back and nut the snide little bitch.
That outburst at Alfie and Ajay was rude and uncalled for. Yes, yes, yes ... she's worried about Lauren. Yes, yes, yes ... she's feeling guilty because of the usual shallow, selfish Abi thoughts she's thinking, but there was no reason to let rip at two adults having a beer at one o'clock in the afternoon. That's hardly scandalous. In case FatGirl hasn't noticed when she's been hanging around the Vic at noontimes bothering Jay, people do lift a pint at lunchtime, and it wasn't as if these two men were huddled in the park at the light of day, copping a beer for breakfast. That's actually what Lauren would do.
That whole outburst was rude, entitled, and totally uncalled for. Even worse was that she followed the men back to the pub, obviously calmed down, and didn't offer one word of apology.
Instead, she sought out Jay the Boy Without Balls, and played the confessional victim.
Poor pitiful Abi. She's been jealous of all the attention her parents have lavished on Lauren, who has a real problem, for whatever reason. She's wished she's never had a sister. She's wished her parents would walk away from Lauren. She's angry because Lauren's spoiled her birthday. Wah-wah-way. Diddums.
If there were ever any proof needed of Abi's innate selfishness and immaturity, that scene nailed it. What should have happened, when Jay stood up, was this:-
Abi: There, you see. You can't even stand to be around me anymore.
Jay: Ya know somefink? You're right. I can't. I'm sick of you whingeing, whining and moaning, finking the world revolves around you all the time, sitting back on your fat arse and expecting everyone to ask how high every time you say, "Jump!" And me, I've been the biggest mug of all. So, yeah, you're right. You're not a very nice person. You're shallow and selfish and you owe me ten quid for the money you took off me so's your sister could pull a drunk. Hand it over and then it's over. Proper.
That would have been a brilliant scene, but the writing room still doesn't have the integrity to call the Branning girls out on their pejorative qualities. Instead of Abi being handed her enormous arse, she gets a surprise birthday party in the Arches ... The fucking Arches! This is a garage, with oil and petrol and all sorts of hazardous material around and they go lighting candles?! Phil Mitchell would have gone ballistic, especially if that firetrap went up in flames.
Here's how much Abi's matured physically:-
This is Abi at eleven.
And this is Abi at seventeen. Looking like an eleven year-old messing about with her mother's make-up.
And here's a reminder of when Jay actually had a pair ...
What We Could Have Done Without.
Tyler down, Joey to go. But when? He stank up the place tonight. The moralistic scene in the cafe where he had a go at Lucy for her lie about Lauren showed up his acting, his diction and his mouth-breathing at its worst. I really thought Peter was meant to deck him, from the spoilers. Instead, we get some pithy schoolyard push and shove that was stopped by Alice's amazing porcelain veneers - well, actually, the flowers she'd bought for Lauren, followed by a completely moralistic soliloquy about the older Brat Pack abandoning Lauren, their friend and cousin, in her hour of need. Oh, and she threw in the fact that cousinfucker Joey was in love with Lauren, as if this were the most natural thing in the world.
General Observation: Slut Slutter continues to evolve, as per Lorraine Newman's guidance as the conscience and counsellor of the Square.
To Kirsty:-
You can always come to mine if ya fancy a talk.
She's not Pat. She never will be. So stop trying to make out that she is.
Because of the stuff with Lauren and Tanya getting handed her big arse in a bundle, I'll give this episode a B-/C+ grade. Without the Alfie/Ajay and the two Yoof bits malarky, it would have ventured a Class A grade.
Final Observation: Before I forget, Tanya is still lying and trying to exclude Max from involvement in his daughter's life. She was all about to call and arrange to book Lauren into this residential home, without discussing it with Max (whilst expecting Max to pay the expenses), and when he arrived just as she was about to do this, she lied and said she was just about to ring him. Bitch.
MeMeMeMeMeMeMe ...
Tanya's theme song:-
Although Tanya's leaving line may be all about Lauren, ultimately, this week is an exercise in all things Tanya and why she's such an appalling human being.
Tonight, we saw her at her utmost worst - as well as her putrid mother, and her abysmal daughter, Abi the Dough-Faced Girl.
I'm going to say it again. And again. And again.
As well as this programme is doing this public service with this all-too-relevant storyline, they're really not doing it justice; because Lauren's affinity with drink is virtually hereditary; and if it isn't, it's certainly an acquired behaviour. Learned from her mother, her aunt and her grandmother.
Rainie is an admitted alcoholic and has been since her teens. She's only just acknowledged it and is in a recovery period via AA; but she's recognised that her condition is encouraged and exacerbated by her mother's behaviour and her sister's behaviour.
Cora the Bora is a functional alcoholic. She, also, has been drinking since she was a teenager. Most likely, she was three sheets to the wind and then some when she conceived The Magic Negro. She was five months pregnant with Tanya and drinking when she married her husband. Cora is the sort of drunk who always has to have a buzz on, so a bottle of booze is never far away, close by enough for her to take the odd nip here and there to get her through the day. She tops it off in the evening. She was drunk on New Year's Day, going to and during Derek's funeral. She is never without booze and openly misses it when it isn't around.
Just a couple of weeks ago, Cora was having a moan, propping up the bar at the Vic and whingeing because Tanya had forbidden drink at the house because of Lauren. Cora was pissing-puke drunk at Tanya's hen night. She was drinking whilst babysitting Oscar, when he fell down the stairs. For all she criticised Dot tonight for upsetting Abi, it was putrid old Cora who, earlier in the year - knowing Lauren had a problem with drink - who was necking whiskey at Dot's house with Lauren. Even before that, she got an underaged Abi drunk one afternoon a couple of years ago.
In 2012, on Lauren's birthday, Cora the Bora hauled her, drunk, from the Vic, only to reward herself with a generous glassful of Max's best Scotch when she'd accomplished her mission.
Then there's Yummy Mummy.
Tanya uses drink as a crutch. Anything is an excuse to crack open a bottle of wine. A birthday celebration, a wedding, doing Ava's nails. When she's happy, she drinks. When she's sad, she reaches for the bottle. When she's bored, she drinks. When she's lonely, a bottle of wine is her best friend. Her friendship with Jane was based on how much of a front Jane could give her for her drinking. Drinking with Jane meant she never had to drink alone.
Let's not forget how, when Tanya, in a swathe of self-pity during her cancer cold scare, went on a drinking binge with Lauren, then underage, at the Vic, only to be told off by Carol. And earlier this year, Tanya was so drunk, she didn't even remember going to bed with Phil Mitchell.
So, yes ...a lot of Lauren's drink-associated behaviour was learned in the home.
Tonight was a night of home truths for Tanya and also for Max, but in the end, this was all about Tanya facing up to what had happened to Lauren and how she had ignored what was happening. And in the end, what she had learned was too late for Lauren and for herself as a parent.
Of course, a study of Tanya would be nothing without mentioning the crux of her life - her relationship with Max. That was made blatantly obvious from the beginning of the episode tonight, with the shot of Max, comfortingly, placing his hand on Tanya's fat knee as they sat in the hospital.
Even though they were undoubtedly worried about Lauren, Tanya made it no secret that she was just as annoyed by the reminder that Max was no longer married to her, when he took a phonecall from Kirstie. This is what's really needling Tanya.
Let's remind ourselves that Tanya had an affair with Max, when she was married to Greg Jessop. Romped the beds with Max whilst "Bob the Builder" babysat Oscar. And when the couple was caught out, Tanya did what Tanya always did - blamed Max for the affair to the extent that their daughters did what they always do in such circumstances: stamp their feet and demand that Max leave Walford. Like forever.
So Max, a free man, met and married Kirstie; and later, when Max couldn't deny that he still had feelings for Kirstie, Tanya made him leave, resolving to make it on her own without him. And in doing that, she did what she always did under such circumstances as well - cut Max out of his children's daily life entirely - unless there was some sort of bill to pay. So the girls were encouraged to disrespect Max, but demand money from him as and when they needed it.
And Tanya was at it again tonight, snidely suggesting that Max go home to his wife and leave her to tend to Lauren.
The initial scene with the hepatologist was brilliant, watching Tanya, more than Max, decompensate in front of a medical professional who was able to see, without commenting, exactly what Lauren's from whence Lauren's real addiction problem stemmed. Neither Max nor Tanya could or would say how long they'd been aware of Lauren's problem. Lauren's been drinking off and on since she was fourteen. But Max seriously recognised a problem in late 2011/early 2012, when he had to ferry her home from the Vic on New Year's Day and later when she got stinking drunk at Pat's funeral. There have been several occasions when her parents have despaired of her drinking, none more than when she ended up in hospital in the Spring of 2012, having been taken there by Lucy Beale on a night out.
Of the two, Tanya was more despicable, in vying for the hepatologist's sympathy ... I'ad cancer, see ... and then bitchily pointing out that Max and his new wife were expecting a baby. I'm glad the hepatologist was savvy and brave enough to suggest openly that neither Tanya's home nor Max's would be a stable environment for Lauren in aftercare.
Later, she was astute enough to suggest that, like Rainie, Lauren wouldn't benefit from being in a family environment, supported by people who loved her ... Cora whining that she needed a drink, are you kidding? And, instead, suggesting a drying-out clinic - in her words, far away. So now we know Tanya's leaving line, because Lauren goes with her on Friday. But we know Lauren returns, so maybe Tanya's drying out permanently.
Easily the creepiest and at once the strongest scene of this storyline occurred when Lauren had returned from her scan and Max had been despatched home summarily to pick up some "things" for Lauren. When the doctor suggested waiting for Lauren's dad in order to discuss Lauren's condition and treatment options, Tanya went full steam ahead and wanted to talk about it there and then. The creepy bit came when she was alone with Lauren, and she started emotionally manipulating her, a sick kid, possibly dying, and there's Yummy Mummy, begging for validation.
C'mon, Lauren, I'm the good cop, we get along, Lauren, we've always got along, we've never really fallen out ...
And then the clincher, which did, indeed, clinch it for Lauren ...
When I'ad me cancer, you was the only one I could trust wiv the secret, you was there for me, now let me be there for you.
All this blathering delivered to a kid who was in humongous pain, who was tired, scared and sick. Lauren's words that shut Tanya's fat mouth were simple, but powerful.
Mum ... I'm tired.
We're tired too, of the hypocrite known as Tanya.
And of her foul mother as well. Her behaviour toward Dot was despicable, especially considering she was the cause of Dot almost being made homeless and has done nothing but dis her and utter rancorous remarks levelled at Dot. Dot was not annoying Abi; Dot was pitching some home truths to Cora about drinking. Yes, Dot has the odd sherry, but it's nothing compared to the sessions Cora's pulled. I hate this old bag, and I hope she soon rots up and goes.
Nobody's Baby
Kirstie's song ...
Her baby is nobody's baby, because it doesn't exist. Well, it might, because she's one day over her time; but if her period comes on, she will be nobody's baby by Friday. Except maybe, Carl's.
My question is this ... if she's one day over her period, why not truck on over to the Minute Mart and buy a home pregnancy test? That's too simple a question. She also needs to comb her hair. As much as Lucy's eyes are annoying, Kirstie's tangled hair is equally so.
She's resisting Carl at the moment, but I wonder how soon she's falling back on him again, literally and figuratively. My guess is sometime within the next couple of weeks, and sooner rather than later, the relationship will turn abusive again. You heard it here first, folks, one of Carl's functions is to be the catalyst that reunites, yes, Max and Kirstie.
Max is a sucker for a damsel in distress. Especially if she'a an estranged wife.
And Now for the Shitty Bits
Running on Empty.
That would be the shit we saw with Alfie and Ajay.
Coupled with a self-confession ...
Ain't She Sweet? Short Answer: NO!
This is not the song of Abi the Dough-Faced Girl:-
I've put these two together because they lead into one another. First of all, let me dispense with Ajay, because he simply is dispensible.
Ajay should go. He should go now. He should not pass go, nor collect £200. He's another pointless character who is a joke, who has had no development and who was only hired to fill and ethnic quota. Oh, they've tarted him up by making him a non-Muslim Muslim, who drinks beer and eats sausages. He's tactless and stupid, and his remark about Lauren being green was puerile and disgusting.
Let's be honest: The remaning Masoods should just call it a day, because when Zainab left, the rest were left as lifeless shells without personality. Masood would never ever in a million years consider associating with, let alone bedding Carol Jackson. Tamwar has been blanded into oblivion, when he used to have an acerbic, dry wit. But Ajay is the worst. Like Ava, he's never seen at work.
In fact, I wonder how the hell Phil Mitchell makes a living at the Arches. Today was obviously a workday, yet Ajay was running relays with Alfie trying to prove a point, and Jay was having a birthday party for Abi at the Arches.
Secondly, TPTB should be smacked for the appalling way they write and present Alfie Moon. On his day and when called upon to do so, Shane Richie is actually one of the stronger actors in the show; yet, he's reduced to playing a parody of his Daz commercial self, and pulling filler storylines about eating healthily, having a race challenge and cheating on the race by copping a beer for refreshment.
And here's where old Thunder Thighs comes in.
I want someone to smack Abi. I really do. I mean, I want someone to haul off and knock the living shit out of her, smack her wobbly dough-faced cheeks so hard that she falls on her fat arse and bounces out of Walford. In fact, I want Courtney Mitchell to come back and nut the snide little bitch.
That outburst at Alfie and Ajay was rude and uncalled for. Yes, yes, yes ... she's worried about Lauren. Yes, yes, yes ... she's feeling guilty because of the usual shallow, selfish Abi thoughts she's thinking, but there was no reason to let rip at two adults having a beer at one o'clock in the afternoon. That's hardly scandalous. In case FatGirl hasn't noticed when she's been hanging around the Vic at noontimes bothering Jay, people do lift a pint at lunchtime, and it wasn't as if these two men were huddled in the park at the light of day, copping a beer for breakfast. That's actually what Lauren would do.
That whole outburst was rude, entitled, and totally uncalled for. Even worse was that she followed the men back to the pub, obviously calmed down, and didn't offer one word of apology.
Instead, she sought out Jay the Boy Without Balls, and played the confessional victim.
Poor pitiful Abi. She's been jealous of all the attention her parents have lavished on Lauren, who has a real problem, for whatever reason. She's wished she's never had a sister. She's wished her parents would walk away from Lauren. She's angry because Lauren's spoiled her birthday. Wah-wah-way. Diddums.
If there were ever any proof needed of Abi's innate selfishness and immaturity, that scene nailed it. What should have happened, when Jay stood up, was this:-
Abi: There, you see. You can't even stand to be around me anymore.
Jay: Ya know somefink? You're right. I can't. I'm sick of you whingeing, whining and moaning, finking the world revolves around you all the time, sitting back on your fat arse and expecting everyone to ask how high every time you say, "Jump!" And me, I've been the biggest mug of all. So, yeah, you're right. You're not a very nice person. You're shallow and selfish and you owe me ten quid for the money you took off me so's your sister could pull a drunk. Hand it over and then it's over. Proper.
That would have been a brilliant scene, but the writing room still doesn't have the integrity to call the Branning girls out on their pejorative qualities. Instead of Abi being handed her enormous arse, she gets a surprise birthday party in the Arches ... The fucking Arches! This is a garage, with oil and petrol and all sorts of hazardous material around and they go lighting candles?! Phil Mitchell would have gone ballistic, especially if that firetrap went up in flames.
Here's how much Abi's matured physically:-
This is Abi at eleven.
And here's a reminder of when Jay actually had a pair ...
What We Could Have Done Without.
Tyler down, Joey to go. But when? He stank up the place tonight. The moralistic scene in the cafe where he had a go at Lucy for her lie about Lauren showed up his acting, his diction and his mouth-breathing at its worst. I really thought Peter was meant to deck him, from the spoilers. Instead, we get some pithy schoolyard push and shove that was stopped by Alice's amazing porcelain veneers - well, actually, the flowers she'd bought for Lauren, followed by a completely moralistic soliloquy about the older Brat Pack abandoning Lauren, their friend and cousin, in her hour of need. Oh, and she threw in the fact that cousinfucker Joey was in love with Lauren, as if this were the most natural thing in the world.
General Observation: Slut Slutter continues to evolve, as per Lorraine Newman's guidance as the conscience and counsellor of the Square.
To Kirsty:-
You can always come to mine if ya fancy a talk.
She's not Pat. She never will be. So stop trying to make out that she is.
Because of the stuff with Lauren and Tanya getting handed her big arse in a bundle, I'll give this episode a B-/C+ grade. Without the Alfie/Ajay and the two Yoof bits malarky, it would have ventured a Class A grade.
Final Observation: Before I forget, Tanya is still lying and trying to exclude Max from involvement in his daughter's life. She was all about to call and arrange to book Lauren into this residential home, without discussing it with Max (whilst expecting Max to pay the expenses), and when he arrived just as she was about to do this, she lied and said she was just about to ring him. Bitch.
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