Saturday, October 6, 2012

A Pointless Attempt at Poignancy - Review: 28.09.2012


This song just about sums up this episode of EastEnders - the most intriguing aspect of which was the scene between Syed and Danny, Gary Lucy's enigmatic character. PR says Lucy's only good for the show for three months. I hope his character proves popular and they extend his run.  Early days yet, but I like him, and it's a shame they've introduced him as a vehicle in the leaving line of Chryed. The attraction between Danny and Syed was apparent, and I'm surprised Tintin Christian wasn't more aware of the sexual tension.

Of course, Syed's in a vulnerable state at the moment. He's a cur for implying to his parents that the problems at the restaurant were all down to Tamwar's ineptitude. Granted, some of the problems are a result of that, but Syed's compounded them with his dishonesty, and one is left to wonder who really is the better businessman. Remember Syed's financial schemes originally led to the downfall of his parents' original business. I think it's safe to say that Syed's business judgement leaves a lot to be desired.

Danny, on the other hand, seems genuinely attracted to him; Syed is looking for a port in a storm for comfort, and Tintin is obliviously happy. And there's the rub. It's totally incongruous watching Zainab as Mrs Open-Minded Gay-Friendly Mother-of-the-Groom, bantering and exchanging jokes with Christian as they laugh their way through the market. This is Zainab the Pure, who still considers herself a practicing Muslim and who would know and be concerned for the fact that her condoning such a relationship between her son and another man would result in her entire family being treated as pariahs by their community. Go figure.

Another incongruity is that Syed's become the hunter-gatherer of his family dynamic, whilst Tintin Christian is left holding the baby.

Amira gets a mention in this episode, which means she's not far off returning. However, IIRC, then doesn't Amira have a stake in Syed's business, which folded? If so, she - or rather, Qadim,  - has lost money. Speaking of more inconsistency, at the beginning of the episode, Mas was said to have had a day's holiday - presumably, from the Post Office, as the teaching assistant's job seems to have been forgotten conveniently by TPTB, after devoting several episodes to Masood's quest for this career earlier in the summer. Again, go figure, but the show has never hit this low of inconsistency.

I guess that's the calibre of viewer it's attracting.

Oh, my godfathers ... talk about dregging the depths ... are we to feel constricted and sympathetic that Phil Mitchell is spending scene after scene worrying and agitating to the point of verbal violence over a colour scheme for the living room of the Vic? Is this supposed to be the comedy element - Fatboy's scene with Phil in the parlour was a paeon to every cardiganed substandard Brit sitcom in the last twenty years. Their "bonding" on the sofa was pukeworthy, and there was no humour. Please, EastEnders, please stop trying to do this sort of humour - or any humour, for that matter. It doesn't work, and especially not with Fatboy, who is a totally spent and stereotypical character.

The fact that Phil would even tolerate the likes of Fatboy or creepy Jean around him speaks volumes for the incompetence of the current writing/production squad. And Jean, who owes her livelihood and her room at the Vic to her relationship with Kat and Alfie, suddenly doesn't seem so concerned with either of them at all and more concerned in keeping her tenure on the Vic staff, especially being put out that she was passed over for a managerial position. OK, Kat and Alfie are on an unplanned holiday, but Jean must have access to Alfie's mobile number that she could ring him and advise what's happening at the Vic. Instead, we have a Jean Dot-moment where she plays perceptive with Phil and ruminates about the fact that Phil's doing a makeover at the Vic but that still only means he's alone, sad and lonely. 

Still, the whole godawful wallpaper affair was worth the chemistry between Phil and Sharon and the genuine smiles exchanged between the two.

But what would the episode be without a Branning involvement? OK, here's a challenge ... how long before Abi quits sixth form college altogether? How long before she's lying about with Jay the unemployed awaiting sentencing for perverting the course of justice and Lola, the epitome of chav entitlement, a feckless single mother with no thought for her child or for any form of order or authority? Abi will  never be a vet. That was a pipe dream, and - for once - Tanya the snob was right about Abi's association with these sorts. She, after all, has been there, done that, read the book, bought the teeshirt and seen the movie.

However, she's not above condoning Max keeping Oscar off school feigning sickness, whilst urging him to castigate Abi for, obviously, skipping school to "clean" with Lola and Jay. Yes, Abi, it was embarrassing what your dad did, but it was also rude the way your so-called "friends" responded to Max's authority as a parent. The more I see her, the more I detest Lola; and Jay, with Lola, doesn't work. Jay is supposed to have a moral compass, but that seems to go by the wayside because I suppose he's got to be edgy and "cool." He just reminds me of an adolescent Damon Albarn.

Parklife even features Phil Daniels, AKA Kevin Wicks. Oh well ...

Which leads us to Roxy ... and Michael Moon ... and Jack, yet another Branning involved in yet another storyline. Honestly, TPTB have made Michael Moon such an anomaly that his total mystique is lost and now he's just as boring and inconsistent as many of the other characters. First, he loves Scarlett, then he doesn't love her and he tells Kat (who bitchily tells Janine), then he loves her, now he's telling Roxy that he doesn't love her, was relieved when he thought she'd been taken from him that morning and was disappointed when Roxy returned her.

He's distraught that he's found that Janine left the country from Heathrow 8 days ago - and, somehow, in this day and age, authorities and private investigators can't seem to determine where she's gone. (Easy ... duh ... Heathrow ... sister in Australia ... it's not rocket science, but I guess EastEnders' budget doesn't allow for a special week in Australia whilst we track Janine). It's amazing how far Michael's head is up his arse that he fails to see what could have led Janine to "abandon" Scarlett to him, after the way he undermined her as a person, a wife and a mother, with his lies and machinations, as well as the rest of the well-meaning souls of Walford who offered their tuppence: Kat "Michael doesn't love you" Moon, Jean "your baby will be unloved" Slater and the various curses and bullyings of that old lag, Cora.

So whilst we have word spreading in Walford about Michael's association with Roxy, we now have Jack the Ethicist, castigating Michael for his abject treatment of Roxy. And at the end of this roundabout, we have Roxy re-installed in the Vic as manager, and Michael full of tears and alone. Do I feel sorry for him? No. Do I miss Janine? Yes. Do I want my old EastEnders back? Most definitely. 

I hate The Branning Show.

1 comment:

  1. Hope all was good in the US, and all is well with Daughter.

    As I am a few weeks behind, Alfie has just given Fatboy a job at the Vic, so I find the fact that Phil has moved back into the Vic interesting. For starters, the (very Kat) decor can only be a couple of years old, wouldnt have thought someone like Phil would be too worried about it. I cant really imagine a friendship between Fatboy and Phil anymore than I can a relationship between Fatboy and Denise. (Actually finding it hard to belive she would even go there). Disappointed Jay hasnt found a new job, or something worthwhile. I always had a lot of time for him. But then, as you say, TPTB seem to want to drag the best characters to the depths of the worse.
    Also, as you predicted, looks like Derek isnt going to make it to/past Christmas.

    Professor Plum

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