Friday, October 26, 2012

The One-Trick Pony That Is Stacey Slater

Sorry to step on any of the fangirls' toes (and this includes the newest troll of the pack Louisiana), but this song pretty much sums up the talent that is Lacey Turner ...



Sorry, to dispel your illusions but Turner's left Stacey Slater in order to embark upon a career that will consist mainly of one hundred different varieties of playing Stacey Slater. Already she's done Stacey Slater, Witch and Stacey Slater in da Haunted House. She's done Stacey Slater Married with a Child, and soon she's going to do Stacey Slater Goes Large in Afghanistan.

How many other versions of Stacey Slater can she do before she invariably returns to Walford, hailed as the only EastEnders' character, bar Nick Cotton, to successfully beat a murder rap?

Let's be honest, when Ross Kemp left Grant Mitchell behind for ITV, he simply became Grant Mitchell by any other name - debt collector, fireman, barrister, soldier. Even after progressing from Grant-by-any-other-name to a celebrated documentary producer and presenter, those documentaries always carried a whiff of Grant with him. Regrettably, Turner has neither the nous nor the intelligence and knowledge to graduate to something like documentaries.

At the moment, various people are creaming themselves and salivating on it at the tenuous prospect of Stacey returning to the Square - even possibly at Christmas. People have gone so far as to speculate that maybe, just maybe, Stacey is Max's deep dark secret and that he's been supporting her and Lily on the sly.

To be honest, I think Lacey Turner will return to EastEnders. She's subtly letting it be known that she'd be open to offers if and when, and she's smart enough to know that Stacey Slater-ish characters have only so long a shelf life in the real world outside Walford, so when she's past the gamine Cockney sparrow stage, she'll return an snare Max. At last. Because we all know (as does Tanya) that Stacey is really the woman Max wants and loves.

That still doesn't preclude the fact that, like it or not, Stacey is a murderer. She killed Archie Mitchell and then sought to conceal the fact. Yes, we know Archie was a bad man. We know he sexually abused his daughter, manipulated his granddaughter and raped Stacey. That still didn't give Stacey the right to act as judge and jury (and certainly not as moral arbiter) on Archie's life. Besides, Stacey was as much a manipulator in her own way as Archie. In fact, she was the original victim of Albert Square, acting out atrociously, breaking up marriages at will, all the time striving to keep Bradley dangling about dancing attendance in the background, just so he could be there to pick up the pieces when she eventually and inevitable fucked up.

If Stacey were the original victim, then Bradley was the original dependable bloke. She treated him abysmally, administering the ultimate sucker punch when she allowed him to "die for her sins" and then started fucking the no-mark father of her baby (and the husband of another woman) before Bradders even started to rot in the grave.

An, lo, the untainted and virginal whore left Walford, the heroine, with the woman whose husband she'd stolen and discarded, being condemned forever as the evil perpetrator, and at least one daughter of her murder victim giving her a blessing. You couldn't make it up.

Of course, Stacey still has worshippers at her altar. Scores of people too young to remember the likes of Sharon (during her first stint), Bianca (during her first stint) and Mel, consider Stacey iconic, when she's really a mediocre, little squeaky-voiced jobbing actress with altogether too many porcine facial features (especially the eyes and the nose - oink oink).



Stacey Slater - Who SAYS Sharon Is Miss Piggy?

Her biggest shipper at the moment is the newest and most articulate troll, Louisiana



who jumps to Stacey's defence with this eloquent post:-

Ryan, Pat, Janine, Ronnie & Roxy, Peggy, Bradley, Lauren and Max are the only ones who know for sure about Stacey killing Archie.

Max and Lauren are not going to say anything, Pat and Bradley are dead, Peggy, Ronnie and Ryan are not there and Janine is unlikely to care anymore now that Ryan is out of the picture. 

That just leaves Roxy and it would be her word against Stacey's there is no actual proof. 

Anyone else who heard Janine's accusation in the pub have no reason to believe it. 

And re: the stabbing we do not know that Janine followed through with her complaint - she did it to stop Stacey and Ryan running away together and with Stacey leaving on her own there was not much point. Ryan, Jean, Kat & Alfie and others would've told the police about Janine stabbing herself. If the complaint had been followed up then the police would've kept coming back to the square asking questions about Stacey and trying to find her.

Couple of points to dispute ...

Sure, Max might not grass on the woman he really loves - don't forget Stacey was adept at weeping and making Max think that dying a branded man was something Bradley wanted; later she kept the other wolves, like Peggy, at bay by crying about her poor baby, who'd have no one if she paid the price and went to prison for her crime. Lauren's head is so far up her nose, she's amoral enough, herself, not to care; and if Derek ever found out, Stacey would only kill him and receive the thanks of his family.

But I would dispute the fact that Janine wouldn't give a rat's ass as Ryan isn't around. If Louisiana knows anything, she should know that no one carries a grudge like Janine. In this instance, Janine was perfectly in the right to fight against Stacey's destruction of her marriage - a marriage she'd made in good faith. Janine was left with everyone perceiving her to be the bad one in this case. She'll want to rectify that. No one believed Janine's accusation because Max had wiped the tape from Lauren's phone. That's right. Max protected a murderer over two of his children - allowing Bradley to be branded a murderer and wiping Lauren's consideration from the total frame - in order to protect a good fuck. How does Janine's morality hold up in those circumstances? Well, consider this: Janine is a bitch and she owns it. She's not a moral hypocrite like Stacey. 

As for Janine's stabbing of herself, watch the scene again. Janine contrives that Stacey's fingerprints are on the knife with which she stabs herself. The angle of the wound would be from an attacker. She confessed later to Pat and Ricky, but all she'd have to do regarding the police is simply withdraw charges. Stacey left Walford a free woman. Ryan, Jean and the others knew nothing about Janine stabbing herself; otherwise, had they told the police and Pat and Ricky corroborated their accusations, Janine would get arrested, herself, for wasting police time and perverting the course of justice. Well, she's still around, isn't she?

And although Stacey left without compunction and feeling absolutely no guilt for any of the crimes and moral indiscretions she committed, she would still have to answer to Roxy, who didn't forgive her, and Janine's moral revenge when she returned.

I, myself, hope she doesn't return. Turner isn't that great an actress, having to depend on monumental hissy fit enactments to depict that, bi-polar or not, Stacey was just another loud-mouthed, temperamental-prone-to-violence, little chav with dubious morals.

I want her to stay away, because I want Jean and Kat to bugger off and live with her so they can give each other baths.

Two final thoughts: To those of you cooing about Lacey Turner being a great actress, your standards are low or your intellect is. And you want to know who would really be a big surprise as Max's secret - Vanessa, with his baby. Suck on that.





8 comments:

  1. You have overstepped the mark,there is just no need for this!

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    1. Awww diddums ... did I hurt your widdle feewings cwiticising widdle Wacey Turner? Let me be blunt: she's got a face like a piglet waiting to be roasted and precious little talent. I was actually being nice. Suck it up. It's my blog. Now go to the corner and play with yourself.

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    2. Why do you have a comments feature then if I can't have an opinion gobshite!

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    3. No one said you couldn't have an opinion, Louisiana - because I'm sure that's you. My opinion and that of others is that you are the newest type of troll. Suck on that at the altar of Saint Stacey Lacey. I'm a gobshite? You suffer from terminal headuparseitis, especially if you think Turner can vary characterisation, because she can't. She'll forever be a jobbing actress known only as Stacey Slater. If she doesn't come back to EastEnders fucking around with Max in the next two years, she'll be on the panto circuit.

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    4. Fair enugh you don't like her as an actress but to criticise her looks is just plain nasty and uncalled for. I'm sure you're no Supermodel.

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    5. I can say whatever I want. I'm no Supermodel, but neither have I enhanced my assets the way Turner has with her boob implants. She struck lucky. But she has a porcine little face and piggy eyes. Oink oink. And you're probably one of those people who've called Letitia Dean the same in the past. The door's to the Left. Good-bye, Louisiana. Go strengthen the levies.

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  2. i want stacey to return this christmas

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  3. YEAHHHHH Anonymous....well stated...so do I ...she is a good actress and is just playing the script she was given. She is a lot prettier than most of the others on the show. We are all allowed our own opinions and Flaming Emilia can have hers!!!

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