Masood Week: Salvador Dali Night - Review 15.10.2012

First, some of the good things: Pete Lawson is one of the better writers, and although all in all, there wasn't much middling around in what was supposed to be a double stag night for two "major" characters with most of the guests being people we hadn't seen before, Lawson did a good job at making what could have been uninteresting watchable.

The key is in the dialogue and "getting" the characterisation, and Lawson, tonight, was spot on.

Second, Denise looked absolutely beautiful. And compared to her bling-bling sister and Tanya (who resurrected her two-hour long friendship with Syed for free drink and who came looking like mutton dressed as lamb),

 Tanya

she showed classy.

I admit that I was more than a bit wary when I heard about the impending storyline concerning a Denise-Fatboy relationship; at first, I had thought AJ was targeted for her, and that maybe that would work. But after seeing them tonight, I'm warming to this. It's different than Glenda's backroom bonk with Leon - done because Glenda was perma-horny and (inverse of Joey) because "she could" - or Carol's affair with Connor, which was a reaction to and manifestation of her guilt and grieving for Billie's death. Yes, maybe Denise is lonely, and yes, maybe she's had very bad experiences with two of her husbands and then lost the one who was, arguably, the nicest.

Fatboy seems genuinely attracted, and his attempt at verbalising his uncertainty about Denise's move near the end was touching - he didn't want to be used as a sexual substitute in a one-night stand. On Denise's part, although she started out aiming for AJ (who turned out to be even more immature than Fatboy), I think she was impressed by Fatboy's defending her in the pub and his attention in walking her home. Less of a cougar on the prowl, this relationship, which will probably end with Fatboy leaving the show, might be the making of his character and it's a different sort of tack to what EastEnders normally takes - an attractive older woman with a younger man who's genuinely interested in her.

Anyway, if it gets Fatboy out of Fatboy mode (which is annoying) and into Arthur mode, that can only be good. Here's hoping.

Syed doesn't love Christian. I don't think he ever has. Syed is only concerned about himself, and he will leave the show as he came -  a thieving, dishonest and weak man. Danny actually "gets" Syed. He knows he wants more than Christian will ever be able to give him. Remember when Syed got in touch with his parents after embezzling from their business and causing it to bankrupt (something he's about to do again to his brother)? He was living in a luxury minimalist penthouse flat in the most expensive part of London, probably the flat belonging to a boyfriend or acquaintance. He led Zainab to believe the flat was his, but had to come clean with Mas.

Syed is Zainab's weakness. He is her blue-eyed boy who can do no wrong. Tamwar was right in saying that she thought the sun shone out of Syed's ass. Syed self-destructs, but he brings his nearest and dearest down with him - his parents, Tamwar ... how long before he would have done the same to Christian?

We also know that Syed is a whore - like Danny said, he sold himself, and he was prepared to sleep with Danny for money. Another interesting fact of distinction is the obvious chemistry between Danny and Syed, something that isn't there with Christian. 

Christian is 40. He's found a guy he loves with a ready-made family and he's ready to put down roots and settle. Syed will settle for that only for so long, until he chances upon the next big deal, the next moneymaking scheme, the next risk. He'll gamble, lose and run away. It's his form.

I'm actually glad we're soon to be seeing the last of Syed. He was never developed properly, never made any friends outside his family and Christian, and wasn't terribly likeable to begin with.

More than anything else, he is weak. He dared to accuse Masood of walking out and "leaving" Zainab to Yusef last year, when Zainab - as anyone will recall - actually sidelined Masood from the summer of 2011 onwards. Masood was effectively pushed away from his family - aided and abetted by not only Zainab, but also Tamwar and Syed. And he didn't actually "jump into bed with Jane" until his divorce from Zainab was final. Syed is a good one to talk anyway. If he perceived the danger in which Zainab found herself, he, as the eldest son, could have spoken up anytime; instead, he was playing happy families with Amira and setting up his tat empire with trips to and from Pakistan.

Syed's shitting himself, not because he's upset at what his actions will cost his family and his relationship with Christian, but because he's about to get caught. 

Yes, that's right, folks, another victim.

Then there's Tamwar, who inspires a certain type of music:-

Tamwar the Put-Upon, Tamwar the Unhappy, Tamwar the Unworthy, Tamwar the Boring.

The double stag night was a tribute to Salvador Dali' in its sheer surrealism. EastEnders must be having a budget crunch, when the stag night for someone who's a linear relative of the Beale family and the best friend of a minor Mitchell has more extras whom we've never seen as guests at his stag do than people we recognise.

There was a brief appearance by Jean, AJ flitted about, Tanya's brief and forgotten friendship with Syed was resurrected (only so Tanya could drink Canada - or Walford - dry and drool over the male stripper). We were then treated to two surreal scenes, one of which went nowhere and the other being an attempt at closure for storyline purposes.

Roxy's drunken harangue at Christian, revealing her displeasure, jealousy and loneliness that he'd found someone with whom to spend his life, whilst she remained on the fringes alone and lonely. Her line about "the best looking man" being taken could have referred to Christian and also could have referred to her recent bout of sincere and unrequited love she felt for Alfie (which seems to have been conveniently forgotten in the show's efforts to "repair" a terminably broken Katshit). It came out of nowhere and achieved nothing except to emphasize to the viewer Roxy's isolation. I don't know what TPTB plan for her, but she's wasted.

The second was Zainab's heartfelt 180-degree turn about in her feelings to Christian, apologising for her behaviour at Syed's first wedding back in 2009. She said some terrible things (yes, vile and unforgiveable things), he gave as good as he got (yes, he did) ... but hey, what are a few words amongst friends and near family. Let's kiss and make-up - after her husband left Christian broken and bleeding from a beating by Amira's father's thugs and after Zainab had publically disowned Syed and wouldn't think of blaspheming herself by setting foot inside their flat.

Zainab was openly hostile to Christian right up until March of this year, after Amira left; so people cannot say she's been "growing" and evolving throughout the three years of Syed's relationship with Christian. As I recall, she was even hopeful that Amira and Syed would get back together last autumn. This sudden change from homophobe to fag hag is too unreal.

And Gary Lucy should be given a permanent part in the show.