Get Over Ronnie, FFS!

Of course, Samantha Womack is going to say she'd return to EastEnders. She's a professional actor, and actors deal in the realms of professional lying, just like politicians.

Only in their alternative universe, it's called "spin."

Womack has said repeatedly how the character of Ronnie drained her emotionally; however, she's not stupid, and she's not going to look a gift horse in the mouth - that is to say, she's never going to say "never" to returning to EastEnders. Acting is a precarious profession, and Womack is forty and rising. She's in work at the moment, having just finished a West End run and just initiating filming a television series for Sky Living; but she isn't going to make the mistake of - say, a Leslie Grantham or a Patsy Palmer, and slag off the programme, only to find she's got to go back when the other offers stop ... if she's asked.

If she's asked at all, depending on the Executive Producer, her return won't be anytime soon, and Willie Wanker Slater-Mitchell, he who dreams of waking up one morning to find he's morphed into Kat Moon, bully emeritus of the Walford Web Bully Society and Kindergarten, can  just take his hand out of his trousers right now. 

EastEnders has to maintain some modicum of reality, and even though Kat's allegedly "forgiven" Ronnie for kidnapping her son, making her grieve for him and think he was dead for four whole months, the law in Britain doesn't work like that. Part of Ronnie's probation conditions would mean she would not be allowed to live within a certain mile radius of Tommy Moon's family, irregardless of what his feckless mother may say.

Besides, Jack will be gone, assuming he doesn't make a beeline to the prison where she's incarcerated to begin a vigil; and she and Roxy are getting a bit long in the tooth to be portrayed as dynamic party girls. Roxy is a mother, and Ronnie wants to beat the old biological clock and become one. If she returns (and this being EastEnders, they'll find some way for it to happen if the ratings and the rantings of the fanbois and the cheerleaders merit), there's a legion of new men with whom she could copulate in her quest for a child.

For example:-

• Max. Max is the new Jack, dropping kids with his dripping sperm from corner to corner of the Square. He's a Branning, he's Jack's brother, and there was, at times, a frisson of a possibility that Max would eventually bed Ronnie, if only to get back at Jack for fucking Max's slattern of a wife for over a year.
• Mas. He's a nice guy, he's single, and he's probably missing Kamil.
• Ajay. No strings. He'd give her a kid and not bother her anymore.
• Tamwar. It would cheer him up.
• Ray. He's hunky and he has form - a rap sheet a mile long of amorous conquests, some with children. Besides, she'd now be linked with Bianca, as her child would be the half-sibling of Mowgan Le Fat. And Ray would at least make certain the kid would eat right.
• Joey Branning. He's Jack's nephew, he's a Branning and fucking Ronnie would probably make Lauren cry. Of course, Ronnie would have a child who would be a mouth-breather and may even speak unintelligibly, but at least she'd have a baby.
• Tyler Moon. See Joey, except her baby would be a Moon.
• Alfie Moon. Well, she stole Kat's baby, now she can steal her soon-to-be-reconciled husband and the current squeeze of her sister Roxy. That would be a nice revenge on Roxy, who got pregnant by Jack, especially if Ronnie got pregnant by Alfie.
• Michael Moon. Two weirdo control freaks with daddy issues. Add Michael's wife into that equation and you've got a nice threesome.
• Phil Mitchell. Yes, he's her cousin, but that sort of incest seems acceptable on the Square at the moment. They could make the Mitchell empire even more Mitchell-y. Besides, he slept with her mother. Gotta keep it in the fairmly.

There are other things she can do to occupy her time, if she doesn't want to search for a baby daddy. She can sit around with Kat, comparing botox and being miserable. She can be friends with Sharon and compare notes about Jack. She could scream at Bianca on the market stall. She could engage in a bitch-slapping contest with Janine. She could spend hours crying on Dot's shoulder and receiving Biblical advice. She could trade insults with Kirsty Branning. She could work at McKlunkey's and drink with Shirley.

There's so much she could do, which amounts, really, to so little. Because she's a spent character, basically. Besides, the current Executive Producer stated quite equivocally in two interviews, that she wants to stop the revolving door of actors leaving, only to return a couple of years later because the post-EastEnders' work has dried up. In that respect, Lorraine Newman is right: the show needs to move forward and stop relying on both heretofore unmentioned relatives of various families or old characters returning for an ego-shot and a hefty salary.

Above all, former characters shouldn't return in order to feed the fantasies of the fanbois.

Ronnie's not coming back, and if she is, she shouldn't be, because her return would only confirm the current desperate straits in which the show finds itself.

Get over Ronnie.