Wow, just what we all wanted and needed! An episode wasn't enough, we had to have an entire week to study in-depth the pitiful, pastiche of a drinking problem suffered by the person Lorraine Newman is trying to stuff down the viewers' throat as the resident ingenue on the Square.
Lauren Branning.
Natural successor to Sharon Watts.
Not.
Natural successor to Bianca Butcher.
Not.
Natural successor to Tiffany Raymond.
Not.
Natural successor to Stacey Slater.
Not.
All of the above had their faults, and there certainly was no young female character (until Lauren) who was more entitled in her outlook than Stacey Slater, but in empathy, sympathy and likeability, Lauren doesn't even come close.
Every previous young female character was basically a positive character. Sharon rose above the catastrophe of her parents' marriage, her father's presumed death and her mother's alcoholism, a stormy marriage and an affair to become landlady of the Vic. When Bianca was Lauren's age, she had her own market stall and was aspiring to go to fashion college. Tiffany went from material girl to serious wife and mother. Stacey, like Bianca, had her own business. Michelle Fowler and Sonia Jackson, as single mothers, rose against all odds to get academic and professional degrees.
And Lauren?
Lauren is the spoiled, lazy, rude, selfish, entitled daughter of selfish parents, one marginally better at parenting than the other. Lauren cares about no one but herself, and like most of the women these days in Walford, she is another prime example of the eternal victim, never taking responsibility for her actions and wallowing in self-pity.
She asserts that she's an adult and wants to be treated as such, yet she expects her parents to finance her lifestyle, and when she doesn't get what she wants from them, she takes.
I appreciate Lorraine Newman wants us all to love and sympathise with Lauren because she's a Branning and she's beautiful, but she's beautiful like a red, shiny apple, who's rotten to the core. And no matter how much she keeps pushing this character at us, we're not going to like her, unless we happen to be a pubescent boy, becoming familiar with his right hand, his willy and a roll of paper towels, or any viewer possessing only one braincell and the inability to think critically.
It doesn't help matters either that Lauren happens to be played by
THE. WORST. ACTRESS. EVER. IN. EASTENDERS.
For every scene
Gurn gurn gurn
There is a chance to
Gurn gurn gurn
And a chance
To speak loudly
And wave arms about.
No one likes Lauren. Or Joey. Or Whitney. Or Tyler. Or Dexter. Abi is becoming more and more unpopular. Jay has been castrated to the point that he's being ordered about by Ajay.
There are too many young characters. Yes, they're cheaper, but this is not a CBBC show or a niche teen soap, and the people playing these kids, for the most part, have neither acting experience nor talent.
Someone has to start wielding an axe with impunity, starting with Lauren.
Poor Little Drunk Girl.
My, oh my! Lauren's got quite a rap sheet, hasn't she?
Attempted murder, drunken driving, and now common assault and vandalism. And all before she's twenty years old.
I hope Lucy calls the Old Bill. This would be a great leaving line for Lauren, to see her being pushed, head first, into a cop car and driven off to prison.
Lauren is not only a budding alcoholic, she's now officially a liar and a thief. And a petty, spoiled child who kicks off and screams bloody murder when she doesn't get what she wants - and what she, inexplicably, wants is her doltish, unintelligible hulking cousin Joey.
If no one else in either the Branning family or Walford questions the dubious white trash propensity to fuck a close relative, then Lucy Beale certainly does and doesn't hesitate to point this out to Lauren. She has two obvious attractions to Joey which Lauren doesn't have - she's not his relative and she's not drunk. That doesn't belie the fact that she's still a Bag o'Bones, but at least she's sober.
The author of tonight's piece is an Australian. 'Strewth. Germaine Greer should be on hand with a cricket bat to beat Peter Matessi's ass. This is the 21st Century, and in EastEndersLand, we still have two women fighting over what amounts to be a pretty ineffectual man - Kat and Roxy fighting over Alfie, Tanya and Krusty fighting over Max, Lucy and Lauren, the first generation of women to come of age in the 21st Century, fighting over Joey.
Not only that, but we have Sharon fanagling to move back in with Phil, and Shirley bitterly resenting that Phil kicked her out. Denise is turned on by Ian's flashing - but wads of money instead of his willie.
Carol is crying over Masood.
The only strong women at the moment in EastEnders are Dot and Janine. Think about it.
Joining Lauren in her sense of entitlement is Abi, who's more and more becoming a sanctimonious, grubby, materialistic, demanding little bitch. The way she hist on Jay for money, constantly whingeing that he doesn't spend enough on her, demanding that he buy her things and take her on holiday and today, publically demanding that he hand over money which she can give to Lauren so she can replace the twenty quid she stole from her putrid grandmother's purse.
Cora the Bora had to go without drink because Lauren stole her booze money.
The latest kick-off was because Lauren took offence at Tanya's cack-handed approach to make her see sense, which ended up, somehow, with Lauren being compared to Rainie, the unacceptable face of Branningdom. You see, Rainie, and her addictions, remind them of that place from whence they came - the gutter.
However, it's Rainie who's seeking help. Rainie's admitted she's an alcoholic, gone on the wagon and distanced herself from the cause and encouragement of her problem.
Let's hope that, along with Tanya, the problems that are Lauren, Abi and Cora the Bora, distance themselves from EastEnders.
Meanwhile, here's a song for Lauren:-
Mamma Tried.
Tanya is just about the worst mother in Walford ... next to Cora the Bora.
She certainly is ineffectual. And stupid.
Tanya's always been the undermining good cop to Max's disciplinarian bad one. One thing Tanya did get right yesterday in her brief moment of sympathy with Kirsty, was telling her that although Max might be many bad things, he was a good dad, and that is essentially true.
At least, he's a better dad than she is mother, although both are intrinsically selfish and often put themselves before their children. But cast your mind back to 2007, when Lauren stole Max's credit card in order to buy a camcorder so she could record and post films of herself on her Mates' Gate page. Of course, Max found out that £300 had been lifted from his credit card when the camcorder came through the door, and quite rightly, he punished Lauren.
But Yummy Mummy rose to the rescue, berating Max for the treatment of his daughter to such an extent that, by the end of the episode, Max not only relieved Lauren of her punishment, he fucking apologised to her.
That's the pattern of events forever in the Branning household. Kid does wrong, Max punishes, Tanya plays Perry Mason for the Defence and Max ends up apologising to the kid. Such is life there that Max's children can dictate when he can and can't stay in Walford. They've ordered him to leave town, and he's left. They've forbidden him the house and he's obliged - but when a bill arrives or they need money for books, clothing or having a good time, they show up wherever he's living with their hands out, palms up.
Tanya's reinforced their sense of entitlement, especially with Lauren, by rewarding her, monetarily, for doing nothing but behaving within the realms of polite normality. FFS, she's almost twenty years old, and - as she never ceases to remind both Max and Tanya -she is an adult. Adults should only be paid for behaving civilly if they're mentally deficient and don't know any better.
The penny's beginning to drop about Lauren with Cora the Bora, but not far enough. She recognises the Rainie symptoms in Lauren - the lying, the stealing of money to fund her addiction. Except that neither Cora nor Tanya realise that Lauren's own behaviour and alcohol dependency has its roots in their own behaviour.
Because as well as Rainie, Cora and Tanya are functioning alcoholics as well. In fact, a few months ago, Cora was sharing a drunken night with a litre of whiskey with Lauren, and a few years ago, she got an underaged Abi drunk one afternoon and laughed it off. She was drunk once and in charge of Oscar, when he fell down the stairs and hurt himself. Cora has a permanent buzz on and probably suffers withdrawal symptoms if she doesn't neck at least 500cl of whiskey per day. Remember the flask she carried to Derek's funeral and her drunken eulogy?
As for Tanya, from Yummy Mummy, Lauren probably learned that it's OK to drink to celebrate or to commiserate. You can drink when you're lonely or in a crowd of people. Just make sure you start drinking before everyone else and finish last. And you should never ever be without a wineglass either to hand or in your hand. Drink while you play, drink while you work, and have a nightcap at the end of the day.
Lauren's alcoholism is an acquired behavioural pattern, and it's a shame TPTB aren't studying it properly as a generational problem rampant in the Cross family. Cora's a drunk, both her white daughters are drunk, her granddaughter's a drunk, and the way Ava the Rava knocks back booze and makes a beeline to the Vic every day, she's probably a drunk too.
And now we have the emergence of St Tanya the Martyr. Once again, she's excluding Max from Lauren's problem. Her reckoning is that Max has his own family now, with Krusty and the non-baby.
Sorry, but Max is still the father of Abi, Lauren and Oscar. He doesn't stop being their father because he's married to another woman, and they don't cease to be a part of Max's family unit. She goes from being concerned about Krusty being upset yesterday to being rude to her today and lying to Max about Lauren.
But we all know that Tanya copes so well on her own. Not. She's a man's woman, and according to EastEnders' version of women in the 21st Century, she's not complete unless she's got a man on her arm, preferably a solvent one.
Her obvious weakness as a parent showed abundantly today in the way she allowed Lauren to walk all over her pithy attempts to pussyfoot around the discovery that not only had Lauren scammed a tenner off one grandmother, she'd actually stolen from another. Sometimes, the short, sharp shock of a situation is the best route. As soon as Lauren walked in that room, Tanya should have told her the facts: that she'd been caught stealing from her grandmother, a pensioner, and she needed to apologise, personally, and return the money stolen (which had been shaken down from her new-found cousin Cock - who admired the shakedown, the unintelligible little cur).
Instead, we get more of Tanya's sweet, understanding little smiles, which say, Vere, vere dahlin'. I ain't angry wiv yer, when she needs to be chewing-nails-and-pissing-rust angry.
Let's face it, if ever any child deserved a smack around the face, repeatedly, it's Lauren.
Tanya can't leave quick enough.
Daddy's Home.
Daddy Phil, that is, and he's all alone in that big, empty house. And there's little Denny, missing him.
And here's bitter and twisted Shirley, encouraging Phil to spell it out to the kid (and the mother) that he's finished with her. As if, Shirl. As if that would make Phil spend the rest of his life gnawing on a gristly scrag-end of meat when he can have a fatty piece of sirloin to nibble each evening.
As much as this episode was more watchable than any other offering thus far this week, the best scenes by far were the early ones between Phil and Sharon and that brief interaction between Phil, Sharon and Janine.
Like Pat, Janine is the only resident of Walford who refuses to kowtow to Phil Mitchell. She never feared him when she was poor, and she certainly doesn't fear him now that she's worth a few bob. Janine inviting Phil to test the new vodka she ordered, then indicating the rubbish bin as the suggestion box for the R and R were priceless remarks. And Sharon standing up to Phil in those moments afterward was definitely the Sharon of old.
Yes, she wants to be back with him, and her weakness and dependency still showed in that clutching-at-straws moment when he invited her around with Denny to spend the afternoon. And, yes, he does want her back. He just needs time to adjust to the fact that the damsel in distress he'd put on a pedestal has feet of clay just like his. In short, Phil needs to stop throwing his toys out of the pram and man up when it comes to Sharon.
And is that the end of her addiction? I don't know, but it seems like a certain EP is doing a bit of damage limitation on Sharon's character at long last.
Ooh Baby, Baby ...
Kirsty is still lying, still looking like she crawled from a hedgerow and still lolling around in bed. Nothing new there. Let's move on.
Lola's not even going to bed, and what is the point of this storyline? To show how stupid Lola is? She's got her child back now, so she's sleeping one hour a night so she can watch Lexi whilst she sleeps and has eschewed work, which Social Services wanted to see her pursue in order to build a career for herself and provide for her daughter. This is David Cameron's Britain, you know, where benefits are few.
Is this leading to some situation where Lola gets so tired, she conks out, and Lexi hurts herself? And strange how, when she asks Poopy-Le-Dim if she can bring Lexi to work, the idea gets poopy-poohed because of 'Elf'n Safety, when it was OK for Lola to bring a much younger Lexi to work and smear her with adult beauty cream.
I also decided tonight that I hated Trish Barnes's whispery voice. It's as if TPTB are trying to tell us something - that Trish, the middle class professional, who used to be an evil force in Walford, doesn't speak in high-toned cacophony like the rest of the hoi-polloi. Neither did May or Stella, come to think of it and they were barking (mad, that is, not Essex).
The whole exercise was pointless. Lola got whispered into using the care plan she and Social Services had developed for Lexi, Phil agreed to babysit Lexi (because he was lonely, Sharon and Denny having, summarily, left) and Lola gets to work ... Easy peasy and boring.
Poopy Goes Political.
Hillary Clinton had style. (Well, no she didn't, actually; she had balls). Margaret Thatcher had style. (Well, no she didn't. She also had balls). Jackie Kennedy - someone I was amazed Poopy knew - had style. (Yes, she did, but that was aided and abetted by the fact that she managed to marry two extremely wealthy men).
So, for Dot to be able to win over the formidable curate Ms (pronounced "Muzzzzz") Quinn, she had to have a style change. Actually, the style change wasn't much of a difference from Dot Mach II, and an elderly woman doesn't look right in skinny jeans.
This was Newman's standard warmth and friendship moment, which usually features Fatboy and Poopy-Le-Dim doing good and spreading sunshine throughout Walford. It's also a prelude to next week's sitcom about Dot and the Snake. If you think that sounds phallic, don't get excited. It's not.
An average episode, better than the previous two, but still drowning in mediocrity.
Lauren Branning.
Natural successor to Sharon Watts.
Not.
Natural successor to Bianca Butcher.
Not.
Natural successor to Tiffany Raymond.
Not.
Natural successor to Stacey Slater.
Not.
All of the above had their faults, and there certainly was no young female character (until Lauren) who was more entitled in her outlook than Stacey Slater, but in empathy, sympathy and likeability, Lauren doesn't even come close.
Every previous young female character was basically a positive character. Sharon rose above the catastrophe of her parents' marriage, her father's presumed death and her mother's alcoholism, a stormy marriage and an affair to become landlady of the Vic. When Bianca was Lauren's age, she had her own market stall and was aspiring to go to fashion college. Tiffany went from material girl to serious wife and mother. Stacey, like Bianca, had her own business. Michelle Fowler and Sonia Jackson, as single mothers, rose against all odds to get academic and professional degrees.
And Lauren?
Lauren is the spoiled, lazy, rude, selfish, entitled daughter of selfish parents, one marginally better at parenting than the other. Lauren cares about no one but herself, and like most of the women these days in Walford, she is another prime example of the eternal victim, never taking responsibility for her actions and wallowing in self-pity.
She asserts that she's an adult and wants to be treated as such, yet she expects her parents to finance her lifestyle, and when she doesn't get what she wants from them, she takes.
I appreciate Lorraine Newman wants us all to love and sympathise with Lauren because she's a Branning and she's beautiful, but she's beautiful like a red, shiny apple, who's rotten to the core. And no matter how much she keeps pushing this character at us, we're not going to like her, unless we happen to be a pubescent boy, becoming familiar with his right hand, his willy and a roll of paper towels, or any viewer possessing only one braincell and the inability to think critically.
It doesn't help matters either that Lauren happens to be played by
THE. WORST. ACTRESS. EVER. IN. EASTENDERS.
Gurn gurn gurn
There is a chance to
Gurn gurn gurn
And a chance
To speak loudly
And wave arms about.
No one likes Lauren. Or Joey. Or Whitney. Or Tyler. Or Dexter. Abi is becoming more and more unpopular. Jay has been castrated to the point that he's being ordered about by Ajay.
There are too many young characters. Yes, they're cheaper, but this is not a CBBC show or a niche teen soap, and the people playing these kids, for the most part, have neither acting experience nor talent.
Someone has to start wielding an axe with impunity, starting with Lauren.
Poor Little Drunk Girl.
My, oh my! Lauren's got quite a rap sheet, hasn't she?
Attempted murder, drunken driving, and now common assault and vandalism. And all before she's twenty years old.
I hope Lucy calls the Old Bill. This would be a great leaving line for Lauren, to see her being pushed, head first, into a cop car and driven off to prison.
Lauren is not only a budding alcoholic, she's now officially a liar and a thief. And a petty, spoiled child who kicks off and screams bloody murder when she doesn't get what she wants - and what she, inexplicably, wants is her doltish, unintelligible hulking cousin Joey.
The author of tonight's piece is an Australian. 'Strewth. Germaine Greer should be on hand with a cricket bat to beat Peter Matessi's ass. This is the 21st Century, and in EastEndersLand, we still have two women fighting over what amounts to be a pretty ineffectual man - Kat and Roxy fighting over Alfie, Tanya and Krusty fighting over Max, Lucy and Lauren, the first generation of women to come of age in the 21st Century, fighting over Joey.
Not only that, but we have Sharon fanagling to move back in with Phil, and Shirley bitterly resenting that Phil kicked her out. Denise is turned on by Ian's flashing - but wads of money instead of his willie.
Carol is crying over Masood.
The only strong women at the moment in EastEnders are Dot and Janine. Think about it.
Joining Lauren in her sense of entitlement is Abi, who's more and more becoming a sanctimonious, grubby, materialistic, demanding little bitch. The way she hist on Jay for money, constantly whingeing that he doesn't spend enough on her, demanding that he buy her things and take her on holiday and today, publically demanding that he hand over money which she can give to Lauren so she can replace the twenty quid she stole from her putrid grandmother's purse.
Cora the Bora had to go without drink because Lauren stole her booze money.
The latest kick-off was because Lauren took offence at Tanya's cack-handed approach to make her see sense, which ended up, somehow, with Lauren being compared to Rainie, the unacceptable face of Branningdom. You see, Rainie, and her addictions, remind them of that place from whence they came - the gutter.
However, it's Rainie who's seeking help. Rainie's admitted she's an alcoholic, gone on the wagon and distanced herself from the cause and encouragement of her problem.
Let's hope that, along with Tanya, the problems that are Lauren, Abi and Cora the Bora, distance themselves from EastEnders.
Meanwhile, here's a song for Lauren:-
Mamma Tried.
Tanya is just about the worst mother in Walford ... next to Cora the Bora.
She certainly is ineffectual. And stupid.
Tanya's always been the undermining good cop to Max's disciplinarian bad one. One thing Tanya did get right yesterday in her brief moment of sympathy with Kirsty, was telling her that although Max might be many bad things, he was a good dad, and that is essentially true.
At least, he's a better dad than she is mother, although both are intrinsically selfish and often put themselves before their children. But cast your mind back to 2007, when Lauren stole Max's credit card in order to buy a camcorder so she could record and post films of herself on her Mates' Gate page. Of course, Max found out that £300 had been lifted from his credit card when the camcorder came through the door, and quite rightly, he punished Lauren.
But Yummy Mummy rose to the rescue, berating Max for the treatment of his daughter to such an extent that, by the end of the episode, Max not only relieved Lauren of her punishment, he fucking apologised to her.
That's the pattern of events forever in the Branning household. Kid does wrong, Max punishes, Tanya plays Perry Mason for the Defence and Max ends up apologising to the kid. Such is life there that Max's children can dictate when he can and can't stay in Walford. They've ordered him to leave town, and he's left. They've forbidden him the house and he's obliged - but when a bill arrives or they need money for books, clothing or having a good time, they show up wherever he's living with their hands out, palms up.
Tanya's reinforced their sense of entitlement, especially with Lauren, by rewarding her, monetarily, for doing nothing but behaving within the realms of polite normality. FFS, she's almost twenty years old, and - as she never ceases to remind both Max and Tanya -she is an adult. Adults should only be paid for behaving civilly if they're mentally deficient and don't know any better.
The penny's beginning to drop about Lauren with Cora the Bora, but not far enough. She recognises the Rainie symptoms in Lauren - the lying, the stealing of money to fund her addiction. Except that neither Cora nor Tanya realise that Lauren's own behaviour and alcohol dependency has its roots in their own behaviour.
Because as well as Rainie, Cora and Tanya are functioning alcoholics as well. In fact, a few months ago, Cora was sharing a drunken night with a litre of whiskey with Lauren, and a few years ago, she got an underaged Abi drunk one afternoon and laughed it off. She was drunk once and in charge of Oscar, when he fell down the stairs and hurt himself. Cora has a permanent buzz on and probably suffers withdrawal symptoms if she doesn't neck at least 500cl of whiskey per day. Remember the flask she carried to Derek's funeral and her drunken eulogy?
As for Tanya, from Yummy Mummy, Lauren probably learned that it's OK to drink to celebrate or to commiserate. You can drink when you're lonely or in a crowd of people. Just make sure you start drinking before everyone else and finish last. And you should never ever be without a wineglass either to hand or in your hand. Drink while you play, drink while you work, and have a nightcap at the end of the day.
Lauren's alcoholism is an acquired behavioural pattern, and it's a shame TPTB aren't studying it properly as a generational problem rampant in the Cross family. Cora's a drunk, both her white daughters are drunk, her granddaughter's a drunk, and the way Ava the Rava knocks back booze and makes a beeline to the Vic every day, she's probably a drunk too.
And now we have the emergence of St Tanya the Martyr. Once again, she's excluding Max from Lauren's problem. Her reckoning is that Max has his own family now, with Krusty and the non-baby.
Sorry, but Max is still the father of Abi, Lauren and Oscar. He doesn't stop being their father because he's married to another woman, and they don't cease to be a part of Max's family unit. She goes from being concerned about Krusty being upset yesterday to being rude to her today and lying to Max about Lauren.
But we all know that Tanya copes so well on her own. Not. She's a man's woman, and according to EastEnders' version of women in the 21st Century, she's not complete unless she's got a man on her arm, preferably a solvent one.
Her obvious weakness as a parent showed abundantly today in the way she allowed Lauren to walk all over her pithy attempts to pussyfoot around the discovery that not only had Lauren scammed a tenner off one grandmother, she'd actually stolen from another. Sometimes, the short, sharp shock of a situation is the best route. As soon as Lauren walked in that room, Tanya should have told her the facts: that she'd been caught stealing from her grandmother, a pensioner, and she needed to apologise, personally, and return the money stolen (which had been shaken down from her new-found cousin Cock - who admired the shakedown, the unintelligible little cur).
Instead, we get more of Tanya's sweet, understanding little smiles, which say, Vere, vere dahlin'. I ain't angry wiv yer, when she needs to be chewing-nails-and-pissing-rust angry.
Let's face it, if ever any child deserved a smack around the face, repeatedly, it's Lauren.
Tanya can't leave quick enough.
Daddy's Home.
And here's bitter and twisted Shirley, encouraging Phil to spell it out to the kid (and the mother) that he's finished with her. As if, Shirl. As if that would make Phil spend the rest of his life gnawing on a gristly scrag-end of meat when he can have a fatty piece of sirloin to nibble each evening.
As much as this episode was more watchable than any other offering thus far this week, the best scenes by far were the early ones between Phil and Sharon and that brief interaction between Phil, Sharon and Janine.
Like Pat, Janine is the only resident of Walford who refuses to kowtow to Phil Mitchell. She never feared him when she was poor, and she certainly doesn't fear him now that she's worth a few bob. Janine inviting Phil to test the new vodka she ordered, then indicating the rubbish bin as the suggestion box for the R and R were priceless remarks. And Sharon standing up to Phil in those moments afterward was definitely the Sharon of old.
Yes, she wants to be back with him, and her weakness and dependency still showed in that clutching-at-straws moment when he invited her around with Denny to spend the afternoon. And, yes, he does want her back. He just needs time to adjust to the fact that the damsel in distress he'd put on a pedestal has feet of clay just like his. In short, Phil needs to stop throwing his toys out of the pram and man up when it comes to Sharon.
And is that the end of her addiction? I don't know, but it seems like a certain EP is doing a bit of damage limitation on Sharon's character at long last.
Ooh Baby, Baby ...
Kirsty is still lying, still looking like she crawled from a hedgerow and still lolling around in bed. Nothing new there. Let's move on.
Lola's not even going to bed, and what is the point of this storyline? To show how stupid Lola is? She's got her child back now, so she's sleeping one hour a night so she can watch Lexi whilst she sleeps and has eschewed work, which Social Services wanted to see her pursue in order to build a career for herself and provide for her daughter. This is David Cameron's Britain, you know, where benefits are few.
Is this leading to some situation where Lola gets so tired, she conks out, and Lexi hurts herself? And strange how, when she asks Poopy-Le-Dim if she can bring Lexi to work, the idea gets poopy-poohed because of 'Elf'n Safety, when it was OK for Lola to bring a much younger Lexi to work and smear her with adult beauty cream.
I also decided tonight that I hated Trish Barnes's whispery voice. It's as if TPTB are trying to tell us something - that Trish, the middle class professional, who used to be an evil force in Walford, doesn't speak in high-toned cacophony like the rest of the hoi-polloi. Neither did May or Stella, come to think of it and they were barking (mad, that is, not Essex).
The whole exercise was pointless. Lola got whispered into using the care plan she and Social Services had developed for Lexi, Phil agreed to babysit Lexi (because he was lonely, Sharon and Denny having, summarily, left) and Lola gets to work ... Easy peasy and boring.
Poopy Goes Political.
Hillary Clinton had style. (Well, no she didn't, actually; she had balls). Margaret Thatcher had style. (Well, no she didn't. She also had balls). Jackie Kennedy - someone I was amazed Poopy knew - had style. (Yes, she did, but that was aided and abetted by the fact that she managed to marry two extremely wealthy men).
So, for Dot to be able to win over the formidable curate Ms (pronounced "Muzzzzz") Quinn, she had to have a style change. Actually, the style change wasn't much of a difference from Dot Mach II, and an elderly woman doesn't look right in skinny jeans.
This was Newman's standard warmth and friendship moment, which usually features Fatboy and Poopy-Le-Dim doing good and spreading sunshine throughout Walford. It's also a prelude to next week's sitcom about Dot and the Snake. If you think that sounds phallic, don't get excited. It's not.
An average episode, better than the previous two, but still drowning in mediocrity.
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