Monday, November 5, 2012

Money for Nothing and the Chicks for Free - Review: 05.11.2012

This is a pretty appropriate song for the majority of the Square this Bonfire Night:-


I can't decide whether this episode was watchable or not. I watched it, but felt I was watching nothing. Quite recently, a commentator on Digital Spy Soaps forum remarked that he/she felt that one of the core problems with the show at the moment was the fact that the writers/producers tried to pack as many characters into a 30-minute segment as was humanly possible. The block storylining doesn't help either. An obvious example of that tonight came with the trivialisation of Michael Moon - using him, effectively, as a B-character tonight, for all of five seconds as secondary to a non-starter plot featuring another B-lister, Ray.

It's confusing.

Tonight's episode turned in performances from Masood, AJ, Tamwar, Syed, Christian, Roxy, Jack, Sharon, Phil, Ray, Lucy, Alice, Jean, Mo, Alfie, Kat, Kim, Denise, some dancing girls, and Zainab. Did I leave anyone out? And there must be some rule now from the production staff - well, Simon Ashdown anyway - that at least two Brannings must feature per episode, or else the whole thing goes back for a re-write.

Non-plots: Kim and the dodgy fridge. Apparently, this is going to lead to something. What, I don't know. Yet another storyline concerning 'Elf'n Safety. EastEnders does this from time to time, usually with Ian Beale (Wellard, Bianca and the wet floor etc, Darren Miller serving when underage); but as Ian's been poorly lately and is still functioning in nice mode, the obvious comedy culprit is Kim. Kim is lazy, shiftless, and has a drinking problem; but EastEnders want the viewers to recognise this and laugh. I wonder why. What else is there about Kim that's slightly different from the majority of other characters in the programme? ... Hmmmmmm ...

Non-plot II: Ray and whatever he's starting at the gym The most surreal scene of the night was Ray encouraging the skeletal Lucy Beale on the punch bag. She couldn't hit a leaf and knock it from a tree. Bag o'Bones Beale in a boxing class? The fist hit she'd take would shatter her, literally. Then there's some sub-plot here of Alice the Goon, who looks pretty fit physically, surreptitiously flirting with Ray and incurring bitchy comments from Lucy to Christian about how pathetic Alice was. Er, I guess Lucy hasn't managed to extricate her head from her sharply protruding pelvic bones, because she was pretty pathetic to be taken in by Alice the Goon's brother Turdhopping Mouth-Breather Inbred Joey the Tadpole. I truly can't decide what to call him. Anyway, Ray's got some money for his venture. Michael and Jack are pleased and so is Kim, but for other reasons, I'll bet.

The saga of Chryed continues. This weekend, I re-watched the episodes concerning Syed's wedding to Amira and also the episode when she finds out he's gay and has been sleeping with Christian. There's one scene from the wedding episode and one from the reveal, both with Christian and Syed, which are pretty relevant to what's been going on and, in particular, something that happened between them tonight.

In the wedding episode, in the scene at the empty caff, when Christian confronts Syed about his intending to marry Amira, Christian tells Syed that he's weak and cowardly. That was in relation to Syed not admitting to everyone beforehand that he was gay and that marrying Amira would be a total waste; but it also applied to Syed, in general. He is weak, spineless and a moral coward. He is also another eternal victim. 

In the reveal episode, Syed and Christian are putting the flat together and they share an intimate moment when they reminisce about the night they just spent together. Christian tells Syed that he loves him, but Syed can't say those words back and it upsets Christian. It's that, more than anything, which moves Christian to tear down the wallpaper, showing Lucy's graffiti.

Tonight, the confrontation between Christian and Syed drew the same conclusions. At the end, the only reason Syed wanted Christian to stay was that Yasmin loved and missed him. Nothing about himself. In the past few weeks, we've seen Christian with Yasmin more than Syed, who was actually prepared to run out on  her. Christian refers to Yasmin as their child, when she is, in fact, his stepchild. He actually has no rights to this child, only the rights her parents accord him. It's assumed that Syed shares joint custody with Amira, who's away for awhile and who has left Yasmin with her father, but - sad as it may be - Christian's rights to Yasmin are the rights of a step-parent.

Still and all, Syed cannot tell Christian, honestly, that he loves him. As I said before, Christian has become the dependable bloke. Syed wants them to stay together now because it's convenient. Christian works, has an income and is good with Yasmin. But Syed will always be looking for something more. Christian was right to walk out that door when Syed hid behind his daughter.

I actually didn't think Masood was out of order with Syed either. It's true. Syed's selfishness is disgusting. He has made a balls-up of literally everything - his marriage to Amira and now his marriage to Christian. And, yes, instead of hanging around the flat, feeling sorry for himself, he should be out looking for a job - just like Lauren, he's worried only about himself and his creature comforts; but for all of that, tonight, Mas ended up apologising to Syed for being harsh. 

There you go. Syed escapes the blame yet again. Just like scores of others on the Square. And Mas apologises when he is in the right. Just like Max. Just like Alfie.

Tamwar's drony, whiny, monotone misery is getting very old. He used to have a wry sense of humour. Maybe now, if he's so grumpy, he should just go.

I was wondering why Tommy, who's almost two and should really be sleeping all night and in his own room, is behaving in this way. Then it struck me. He's clued into all the tension between his parents. That was another non-plot tonight, obviously leading up to the big reveal at Christmas; but pictures leaked in The Sun today of Lexie's christening lead one to believe that a Roxy and Alfie romance may be on the cards. I do hope so.

Hypocritical moment of the night: Jack reminding Phil that he has two children, one of whom is in prison. Someone should remind Jack that he has four children, three living and that three of those four were fathered on two Mitchell sisters and their cousin, Phil's sister. Does the fragrant Sharon realise that her ex-sister-in-law, Sam Mitchell, is one of Jack's babymammas? It's the height of hypocrisy that Jack is playing happy families with Sharon and Dennis when he has children scattered all over Europe and one across the Square whom he never sees.

And all of a sudden, Jack owns Sharon now. She can't do anything without his permission and he has to be present and accounted for in all associations she has with Phil.

What the bloody fuck? Who are these people who write this shit? Sharon Watts, Sharon Mitchell, Sharon Rickman would never countenance any man treating her that way - not her old man, not Grant and certainly not fey Saint Dennis. She'd have told them all to stick it where the sun don't shine and done as she damned well pleased. Instead, she's got to get Jack's permission now. I hated that coy line about if Jack didn't grow up, she wouldn't be in his bed for a long time. This is a man she's known all of two months. She bartered sleeping with him in order to get a roof for her kid, and - people - it is so fucking obvious that she loves Phil and that he loves her. Only a moron or a moaner would refuse to see this.

Phil reads Sharon like a book. Sharon knows this and this is why we see the kabuki theatre of him taking one step closer to her heart and her dancing away, afraid to let her guard down - even if that means deceiving Jack Branning. Why is he the safer bet? Her actions tonight shows that she doesn't even respect him, and Sharon Watts Mitchell Rickman would never be as callous as to use anyone she didn't respect, and to use them sexually.

The most obvious bit of foreshadowing tonight was the fact Sharon couldn't get Phil's engagement ring off her finger. (And, no, it wasn't the same ring he gave Shirley). Another thing, Shirley-shippers ... when Phil got Shirley an engagement ring, Shirley ripped it out of his hands and put it on her finger, herself. And Phil let her. This time, Phil placed the ring on Sharon's finger. Perfect fit. Their faces were a picture as well. There was more sexual chemistry in that twenty-second clip than in the entire two-month history of her puke-affair with JOKE Branning.

What a bloody waste.

Interesting bit of the night: Masood suddenly realising that life goes on, only to have Zainab the Pure and Miserable show up, unannounced. He told her to leave. Why is she back? His face was a mirror of disappointment.

1 comment:

  1. Kim, Ray and Jack need to be axed. The coupling of Sharon and Jackshit is about as believable as John Partidge's acting. I don't know why the fuck they won't just axe Jackshit. He's never been a good character or inspired good stories. Kim is a stupid unfunny cow and Ray is an arrogant twat. This episode can only be described as bollocks.

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