Take it away, Red Hot Chili Peppers ...
And that episode was? And the purpose of the duff-duffs was?
Exactly.
Another "Adventure in BranningVille," a place so changed even one of its own kind, returning, doesn't recognise it. Think of what it's like for those of us viewers, Carol, who've watched since the show's inception - or at least, since the 90s.
This was another Branning encapsulation, obviously meant as a started episode to the beginning of the downfall of Derek. Hey, maybe there could be a spin-off for Derek, a take-off on the old Chris Rock sitcom, once popular in the States. This could be called, "Everybody Hates Derek." Because they do, ya know. Maybe his eventual downfall could be accompanied by a theme song of his own. How about ... The Doors ...
This is the End, My Friend, sung by the original Lizard King and dedicated to his oily pretender. Derek's pretty much like a lizard, when he isn't being like a toad, that is.
Anyway, it was good to see Carol back, even if her return did mean we get to see Typical Stage School Tiff, who will soon have to contend, mugging for the camera with Typical Stage School Dennis. That should be a treat. Thank goodness, this writer sought to play down Tiff's insouciantly precocious remarks, which are neither cute nor funny.
However, she did discover the existence of Alice lurking in her bedroom, which now - with Carol's return - means that the Pat Butcher abode now officially assumes the identity of The Tardis House, now that we don't see the inside of the Slater Hotel anymore.
Let's see ... were there four bedrooms when Pat was alive? Pat in one bedroom, with Carol on a camp bed; Ricky and Bianca in another; Tiff and Whitney in a third, and Morgan and Liam in the fourth. Since Carol and the kids departed, there seems to be one less bedroom, because when Alice moved in, Derek had assumed Pat's old room, Whitney the Walford Mattress had moved Tyler in with her in Ricky's and Bianca's old bedroom, and Alice was told she could stay but would have to, on occasion, share a bedroom with Tiffany. I guess the boys' room stayed empty. Now, Carol and Co are back, we've got Derek in Pat's room, Whitney and Tyler in another, Alice and Tiff in a third and the boys in their usual room. Oh dear, Carol's without a bed.
Lindsey Coulson was the star of the programme tonight, and I suddenly realised how much I missed her, basically because she's head-and-shoulders above most of the other actresses in the show, bar Diane Parish and - on a good Branningless day - Letitia Dean. It was mildly amusing seeing her flit about Walford finding out what had changed in the months since she'd left.
High point was her visit to Jack, who, funny enough, was left on babysitting duties with Fauntleroy Den, who has the mumps, it seems. For Carol to return and find Jack playing happy families with Sharon and Dennis, especially since Carol had never known Sharon as anything but Sharon Mitchell and referred to her as that - well! All I can say was what a great piece of continuity - because Carol and Alan were living in Walford when Sharon was married to Grant and carrying on with Phil. Indeed, they were at the forefront of the partying at the Vic the night Sharongate was revealed ... for those of you who never experienced it, here's the big reveal:=
(Please note Carol and Alan dancing) ...
Not only was the Jack-and-Carol scene a great piece of continuity, it was a great piece of foreshadowing. Sharon Mitchell ... a portent of things to come?
The low point tonight (well, one of the low ones) was Lucy's shitty attitude toward Carol when she walked into the cafe, asking for Ian. Of course, Carol doesn't know anything about Ian's breakdown, which happened subsequent to her departure. Lucy was bloody rude, and there was no call for that. Ian knew the circumstances under Carol left, although it was a bit cheeky of Carol to assume, even with Ian, that Bianca would automatically get her job back, after the way Bianca spoke to him right before she left. Also, it would do for Lucy to remember that, after all, Bianca is her cousin, and Carol, indirectly, an extended family member.
Another piece of continuity tonight was Sharon's attire. She was famous for her ueber-short mini-skirts in the days when she palled around with, married and cheated on the Mitchell Bruvs, and her style was much the same again tonight, especially ironic in the scene where she visits Phil, only to notice he's been rummaging through old pictures of him and her from their youthful heyday. The picture of him and Sharon was right about the time they were sleeping together when she was married to Grant. Another example of continuity and foreshadowing mingled together.
The Sharon and Phil interaction tonight, as well as the shit that went down between Bag o'Bones, the Walford Mattress and Lauren LipGirl, AKA Wannabe Katniss, can only be classified as EastEnders-Attempts-RomCom-Again-And-States-the-Bleeding-Obvious-Epic-Fail.
First, the good bit: Yes, we know Sharon understands why Phil wants Lexie. Deep down, she knows what Phil's planning and that it's all about Phil and his rebuilding and re-branding a family unit around him. She may even suspect - in fact, I'm sure she knows - that this is all an elaborate design, as well, to re-capture Sharon's love and affection as well. Phil and Sharon, both, are doing an elaborate piece of kabuki theatre, dancing about each other - Phil, trying his old family reasoning, tugging on her heartstrings at something she understands as much as he does; Sharon, playing hard to get, to the point of whoring herself out to Jack the Peg Branning, Walford's human penis ...
in a futile effort to convince Phil, and herself, that she's moved on; yet something keeps Phil buzzing around Sharon, and something keeps Sharon buzzing around Phil. This buzzing can continue, especially if it means Letitia Dean moves away from that awful caricatured, perma-tanned, big-haired, bad impersonation of a sex kitten she assumed every time she was around that wooden-top otherwise known as Scott Maslen. McFadden and Dean are a pleasure to watch in scenes together, and if TPTB are moving for a Sharon and Phil reunion, even if it be at the expense of Jack, who's immensely unpopular, then so be it.
Speaking of unpopular, we are still subjected to three of the most unlikeably ingenues sniping over a steaming turd ...
Lauren showed what an unlikeable, little bitch she was tonight, but the other two weren't much better. Bag'o Bones Beale was so craven that she actually took Joey the Turd back and forgave him his indiscretion of kissing Whitney the Walford Matress (a cushion for the pushin' compared to Lucy), which angered Lauren - although Lauren the Lip didn't see how much Turdhopper was trying to avoid Bag o'Bones as he left the house. (Pardon me, but that looked like a drop of birdshit on the shoulder of his shirt). Whitney, on the other hand, was clearly jealous that Lucy and Joey were an item once again (she thinks), and Lauren was jealous, as Turdhopper said, that she was the only one of the three girls whom he hadn't kissed.
I'd die a million deaths before I'd suck a piece of shit or risk getting splinters in my mouth from Frenching a piece of wood. But, then, Lauren is pretty much of a headuparseitis sort of selfish character. And we know the way this is going also.
For the record, Lauren and Joey have zilch chemistry, because both of them are fucking awful actors, especially David Witts. I just realised tonight how much he's trying to imitate Jamie Foreman's Derek way of talking, but at least the viewer understands Foreman, because when he's speaking dialect, he enunciates clearly. He is actually a trained actor. Witts, on the other hand, can't close his mouth properly ad his words come out mostly as exaggerated vowel sounds and grunts - the Ow-Ow-Ow sound being prevalent.
But, damn, we had a first tonight - we got two for the price of one: Joey and Tyler in the same episode (but not the same scene). Let's hear their theme song, folks ...
I can so envisage them in this monotoned line from the song - Tyler and Joey together: "Ve go into the club ... und ve begin to dance. Ve are ze showroom dummies."
This is an awful storyling, awfully boring about awful characters and portrayed by awful actors. Once again, these young people offer nothing positive, except that hey were hired for their looks and nothing else, in order to cater to the type of viewer who values looks and nothing else.
Syed's and Christian's storyline drones to its inevitable end, having been relegated to the backburner in favour of the family TPTB all want us to love: the Brannings. Tamwar's quest for a job and Mas's return to full-time postmannery were but fillers.
The pub scene with Alfie and his slutty wife made it ever so obvious that Derek is Shaggerman - the way he leered at Kat, the way she alternated from being shameful to giving him banter, and then the rose left on the bar. Anyone still thinking that Shaggerman is Max or Jack should disabuse themselves of that notion right now. All roads lead to Derek, and this episode was establishing (to Carol and to us) just how unpopular Derek is to everyone in Walford.
I just wish someone would realise how unpopular Joey, Alice, Lauren, and Jack are as well.
And that episode was? And the purpose of the duff-duffs was?
Exactly.
Another "Adventure in BranningVille," a place so changed even one of its own kind, returning, doesn't recognise it. Think of what it's like for those of us viewers, Carol, who've watched since the show's inception - or at least, since the 90s.
This was another Branning encapsulation, obviously meant as a started episode to the beginning of the downfall of Derek. Hey, maybe there could be a spin-off for Derek, a take-off on the old Chris Rock sitcom, once popular in the States. This could be called, "Everybody Hates Derek." Because they do, ya know. Maybe his eventual downfall could be accompanied by a theme song of his own. How about ... The Doors ...
This is the End, My Friend, sung by the original Lizard King and dedicated to his oily pretender. Derek's pretty much like a lizard, when he isn't being like a toad, that is.
Anyway, it was good to see Carol back, even if her return did mean we get to see Typical Stage School Tiff, who will soon have to contend, mugging for the camera with Typical Stage School Dennis. That should be a treat. Thank goodness, this writer sought to play down Tiff's insouciantly precocious remarks, which are neither cute nor funny.
However, she did discover the existence of Alice lurking in her bedroom, which now - with Carol's return - means that the Pat Butcher abode now officially assumes the identity of The Tardis House, now that we don't see the inside of the Slater Hotel anymore.
Let's see ... were there four bedrooms when Pat was alive? Pat in one bedroom, with Carol on a camp bed; Ricky and Bianca in another; Tiff and Whitney in a third, and Morgan and Liam in the fourth. Since Carol and the kids departed, there seems to be one less bedroom, because when Alice moved in, Derek had assumed Pat's old room, Whitney the Walford Mattress had moved Tyler in with her in Ricky's and Bianca's old bedroom, and Alice was told she could stay but would have to, on occasion, share a bedroom with Tiffany. I guess the boys' room stayed empty. Now, Carol and Co are back, we've got Derek in Pat's room, Whitney and Tyler in another, Alice and Tiff in a third and the boys in their usual room. Oh dear, Carol's without a bed.
Lindsey Coulson was the star of the programme tonight, and I suddenly realised how much I missed her, basically because she's head-and-shoulders above most of the other actresses in the show, bar Diane Parish and - on a good Branningless day - Letitia Dean. It was mildly amusing seeing her flit about Walford finding out what had changed in the months since she'd left.
High point was her visit to Jack, who, funny enough, was left on babysitting duties with Fauntleroy Den, who has the mumps, it seems. For Carol to return and find Jack playing happy families with Sharon and Dennis, especially since Carol had never known Sharon as anything but Sharon Mitchell and referred to her as that - well! All I can say was what a great piece of continuity - because Carol and Alan were living in Walford when Sharon was married to Grant and carrying on with Phil. Indeed, they were at the forefront of the partying at the Vic the night Sharongate was revealed ... for those of you who never experienced it, here's the big reveal:=
(Please note Carol and Alan dancing) ...
Not only was the Jack-and-Carol scene a great piece of continuity, it was a great piece of foreshadowing. Sharon Mitchell ... a portent of things to come?
The low point tonight (well, one of the low ones) was Lucy's shitty attitude toward Carol when she walked into the cafe, asking for Ian. Of course, Carol doesn't know anything about Ian's breakdown, which happened subsequent to her departure. Lucy was bloody rude, and there was no call for that. Ian knew the circumstances under Carol left, although it was a bit cheeky of Carol to assume, even with Ian, that Bianca would automatically get her job back, after the way Bianca spoke to him right before she left. Also, it would do for Lucy to remember that, after all, Bianca is her cousin, and Carol, indirectly, an extended family member.
Another piece of continuity tonight was Sharon's attire. She was famous for her ueber-short mini-skirts in the days when she palled around with, married and cheated on the Mitchell Bruvs, and her style was much the same again tonight, especially ironic in the scene where she visits Phil, only to notice he's been rummaging through old pictures of him and her from their youthful heyday. The picture of him and Sharon was right about the time they were sleeping together when she was married to Grant. Another example of continuity and foreshadowing mingled together.
The Sharon and Phil interaction tonight, as well as the shit that went down between Bag o'Bones, the Walford Mattress and Lauren LipGirl, AKA Wannabe Katniss, can only be classified as EastEnders-Attempts-RomCom-Again-And-States-the-Bleeding-Obvious-Epic-Fail.
First, the good bit: Yes, we know Sharon understands why Phil wants Lexie. Deep down, she knows what Phil's planning and that it's all about Phil and his rebuilding and re-branding a family unit around him. She may even suspect - in fact, I'm sure she knows - that this is all an elaborate design, as well, to re-capture Sharon's love and affection as well. Phil and Sharon, both, are doing an elaborate piece of kabuki theatre, dancing about each other - Phil, trying his old family reasoning, tugging on her heartstrings at something she understands as much as he does; Sharon, playing hard to get, to the point of whoring herself out to Jack the Peg Branning, Walford's human penis ...
in a futile effort to convince Phil, and herself, that she's moved on; yet something keeps Phil buzzing around Sharon, and something keeps Sharon buzzing around Phil. This buzzing can continue, especially if it means Letitia Dean moves away from that awful caricatured, perma-tanned, big-haired, bad impersonation of a sex kitten she assumed every time she was around that wooden-top otherwise known as Scott Maslen. McFadden and Dean are a pleasure to watch in scenes together, and if TPTB are moving for a Sharon and Phil reunion, even if it be at the expense of Jack, who's immensely unpopular, then so be it.
Speaking of unpopular, we are still subjected to three of the most unlikeably ingenues sniping over a steaming turd ...
Lauren showed what an unlikeable, little bitch she was tonight, but the other two weren't much better. Bag'o Bones Beale was so craven that she actually took Joey the Turd back and forgave him his indiscretion of kissing Whitney the Walford Matress (a cushion for the pushin' compared to Lucy), which angered Lauren - although Lauren the Lip didn't see how much Turdhopper was trying to avoid Bag o'Bones as he left the house. (Pardon me, but that looked like a drop of birdshit on the shoulder of his shirt). Whitney, on the other hand, was clearly jealous that Lucy and Joey were an item once again (she thinks), and Lauren was jealous, as Turdhopper said, that she was the only one of the three girls whom he hadn't kissed.
I'd die a million deaths before I'd suck a piece of shit or risk getting splinters in my mouth from Frenching a piece of wood. But, then, Lauren is pretty much of a headuparseitis sort of selfish character. And we know the way this is going also.
For the record, Lauren and Joey have zilch chemistry, because both of them are fucking awful actors, especially David Witts. I just realised tonight how much he's trying to imitate Jamie Foreman's Derek way of talking, but at least the viewer understands Foreman, because when he's speaking dialect, he enunciates clearly. He is actually a trained actor. Witts, on the other hand, can't close his mouth properly ad his words come out mostly as exaggerated vowel sounds and grunts - the Ow-Ow-Ow sound being prevalent.
But, damn, we had a first tonight - we got two for the price of one: Joey and Tyler in the same episode (but not the same scene). Let's hear their theme song, folks ...
I can so envisage them in this monotoned line from the song - Tyler and Joey together: "Ve go into the club ... und ve begin to dance. Ve are ze showroom dummies."
This is an awful storyling, awfully boring about awful characters and portrayed by awful actors. Once again, these young people offer nothing positive, except that hey were hired for their looks and nothing else, in order to cater to the type of viewer who values looks and nothing else.
Syed's and Christian's storyline drones to its inevitable end, having been relegated to the backburner in favour of the family TPTB all want us to love: the Brannings. Tamwar's quest for a job and Mas's return to full-time postmannery were but fillers.
The pub scene with Alfie and his slutty wife made it ever so obvious that Derek is Shaggerman - the way he leered at Kat, the way she alternated from being shameful to giving him banter, and then the rose left on the bar. Anyone still thinking that Shaggerman is Max or Jack should disabuse themselves of that notion right now. All roads lead to Derek, and this episode was establishing (to Carol and to us) just how unpopular Derek is to everyone in Walford.
I just wish someone would realise how unpopular Joey, Alice, Lauren, and Jack are as well.
Just goes to show you remove the tweenie group, Jack and Derek and you have a good episode. But at least Jack was there for Carol's foreshadowing line so I can forgive EE for having him in the episode.
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