OK, here's what they want us to do, TPTB ... like Kat, like Lola, like Derek, think Joey is sex on legs and think Lauren is scrumptuous. Got that? Oh, and Alfie and Kat are a couple made in heaven.
Tuesday's episode was all about secrets and lies. That much was obvious.
Oh, and for the sake of Louisiana or whoever the numpty on Digital Spy was who said that Kat, and only Kat (not Alfie) had her name on the licence of the Vic, I hope the crow was exceedingly well done for your eating pleasure, because we saw tonight that the licencees (that's plural) of the Queen Vic are, indeed Alfred and Kathleen Moon.
Eat crow. Eat shit.
And please STFU about Derek raping Tanya and being Lauren's father. By the time Tanya had met Derek (at her wedding to Max, after Lauren was born, she'd reinvented herself enough as a middle class puritan to look down her sculpted sink-estate nose at Derek and deem him unworthy - unworthy enough for her to take simpleton Alice aside, having never met her before in her life, and tell the girl a few home truths and a lot of Tanya'd opinion concerning Derek. Because that's what you do, don't you? Not. Well, not unless you're Tanya, the arch hypocrite of Walford.
Derek, actually, was well within his rights to tell the bitch to butt out of his affairs with his daughter; but Tanya has now made herself the victim - the helpless woman, pinned against the wall by big, bad Derek and freatened (that's Cockney-ese for "threatened.") That means Max horns into the rescue, followed by Cora the Kirkwood-appointed matriarch of the Square, who now abandons her opinion of Derek the mannered man in favour of the old "no man should ever threaten a woman" motif.
Well, Max has a few secrets that most of us are guessing at. My guess is that Max is either married or he has a lovechild. Actually, it wouldn't surprise me if he were both married and had fathered a child during his time apart from the fragrant Tanya. This is why he was in need of money recently and now. I originally thought he'd married a Russian girl (a la Phil Mitchell and his first wife, the Romanian Nadia) and slept with her during the three months apart from Tanya - long enough to impregnate her. Now, I'm wondering if he just engaged in an affair and left her up the duff - hence, the hush money being paid, as Derek said, for her silence.
Hey, it's October and we're prepping for the big bad Branning Christmas.
Silly Lola's lying too, and theiving again, with her drama school girl gang mates. Why is EastEnders making everyone out to be idiots? These are girls - oh, and get the poor pitiful victim Alexa's routine (I'm not into happy endings). Spare me. They cause trouble in the cafe, Marie picks up a cellphone and calls the Old Bill. Simples. Again, this is part of the big Christmas build-up of which silly Lola is a part.
I don't like her, and I want her to suffer. Her attitude is all wrong, but we're supposed to smile softly and go "awwwwwww" when nice Lola asks for hard work at the Vic and nice Kat smiles and tells her she can clear out the cellar. Because we're supposed to like nice Lola and nice Kat, even though they are liars and manipulators.
Of course, Lola the chav broke into Butcher's Joints and stole the client listing. That was a crime, but Billy intervened when Michael wanted to cart her sorry arse to the police and press charges. Why? Because, in Billy's words, she's "just a kid." Like she shouldn't have been arrested previously because she was "fifteen and pregnant." I was rooting for Michael to cart her off, but he didn't - and he didn't only because he was all over the place, himself.
Oh, and Lola sleeps with her clothes on and in her make-up. Eeeuuw. Lexie can't be taken into care quick enough.
Michael's a tissue of lies. He's missing Janine, and he knows damned well his part in undermining her confidence and playing on the post-partum depression and driving her away, just like that slutbitch Kat knows the part she played in telling Janine that Michael didn't love her. Instead, Michael lies about sending Janine away and lies to Roxy in order to get her onside caring for Scarlett. But Roxy's changed since he manipulated her previously.
It wouldn't surprise me to see Michael actually abandon Scarlett. Whichever way the dice falls, however, we know that "evil Janine" will be blamed when she returns. He's another character for whom I've lost sympathy.
And Alfie has so not forgiven Kat. How could he? The trust has gone. He implied that implicitly at the end of the episode when he told her he thought he could pull this off, but couldn't. Now the slut has a double dose of guilt - not only knowing that she cheated on her husband, but also knowing that that action indirectly led them into being evicted from the Vic. And, yet, she's still lying to him - telling him Shaggerman is no one he knows, when any viewer with any modicum of common sense knows that Shaggerman is Derek. That's as obvious as the nose on anyone's face. And that will also lead to a part in the blessed Branning Christmas story.
The best scene of the night was watching Phil Mitchell bond with DamienDen. Watch that space. That's the future of EastEnders right there - not this Branning and Moon shit.
Tuesday's episode was all about secrets and lies. That much was obvious.
Oh, and for the sake of Louisiana or whoever the numpty on Digital Spy was who said that Kat, and only Kat (not Alfie) had her name on the licence of the Vic, I hope the crow was exceedingly well done for your eating pleasure, because we saw tonight that the licencees (that's plural) of the Queen Vic are, indeed Alfred and Kathleen Moon.
Eat crow. Eat shit.
And please STFU about Derek raping Tanya and being Lauren's father. By the time Tanya had met Derek (at her wedding to Max, after Lauren was born, she'd reinvented herself enough as a middle class puritan to look down her sculpted sink-estate nose at Derek and deem him unworthy - unworthy enough for her to take simpleton Alice aside, having never met her before in her life, and tell the girl a few home truths and a lot of Tanya'd opinion concerning Derek. Because that's what you do, don't you? Not. Well, not unless you're Tanya, the arch hypocrite of Walford.
Derek, actually, was well within his rights to tell the bitch to butt out of his affairs with his daughter; but Tanya has now made herself the victim - the helpless woman, pinned against the wall by big, bad Derek and freatened (that's Cockney-ese for "threatened.") That means Max horns into the rescue, followed by Cora the Kirkwood-appointed matriarch of the Square, who now abandons her opinion of Derek the mannered man in favour of the old "no man should ever threaten a woman" motif.
Well, Max has a few secrets that most of us are guessing at. My guess is that Max is either married or he has a lovechild. Actually, it wouldn't surprise me if he were both married and had fathered a child during his time apart from the fragrant Tanya. This is why he was in need of money recently and now. I originally thought he'd married a Russian girl (a la Phil Mitchell and his first wife, the Romanian Nadia) and slept with her during the three months apart from Tanya - long enough to impregnate her. Now, I'm wondering if he just engaged in an affair and left her up the duff - hence, the hush money being paid, as Derek said, for her silence.
Hey, it's October and we're prepping for the big bad Branning Christmas.
Silly Lola's lying too, and theiving again, with her drama school girl gang mates. Why is EastEnders making everyone out to be idiots? These are girls - oh, and get the poor pitiful victim Alexa's routine (I'm not into happy endings). Spare me. They cause trouble in the cafe, Marie picks up a cellphone and calls the Old Bill. Simples. Again, this is part of the big Christmas build-up of which silly Lola is a part.
I don't like her, and I want her to suffer. Her attitude is all wrong, but we're supposed to smile softly and go "awwwwwww" when nice Lola asks for hard work at the Vic and nice Kat smiles and tells her she can clear out the cellar. Because we're supposed to like nice Lola and nice Kat, even though they are liars and manipulators.
Of course, Lola the chav broke into Butcher's Joints and stole the client listing. That was a crime, but Billy intervened when Michael wanted to cart her sorry arse to the police and press charges. Why? Because, in Billy's words, she's "just a kid." Like she shouldn't have been arrested previously because she was "fifteen and pregnant." I was rooting for Michael to cart her off, but he didn't - and he didn't only because he was all over the place, himself.
Oh, and Lola sleeps with her clothes on and in her make-up. Eeeuuw. Lexie can't be taken into care quick enough.
Michael's a tissue of lies. He's missing Janine, and he knows damned well his part in undermining her confidence and playing on the post-partum depression and driving her away, just like that slutbitch Kat knows the part she played in telling Janine that Michael didn't love her. Instead, Michael lies about sending Janine away and lies to Roxy in order to get her onside caring for Scarlett. But Roxy's changed since he manipulated her previously.
It wouldn't surprise me to see Michael actually abandon Scarlett. Whichever way the dice falls, however, we know that "evil Janine" will be blamed when she returns. He's another character for whom I've lost sympathy.
And Alfie has so not forgiven Kat. How could he? The trust has gone. He implied that implicitly at the end of the episode when he told her he thought he could pull this off, but couldn't. Now the slut has a double dose of guilt - not only knowing that she cheated on her husband, but also knowing that that action indirectly led them into being evicted from the Vic. And, yet, she's still lying to him - telling him Shaggerman is no one he knows, when any viewer with any modicum of common sense knows that Shaggerman is Derek. That's as obvious as the nose on anyone's face. And that will also lead to a part in the blessed Branning Christmas story.
The best scene of the night was watching Phil Mitchell bond with DamienDen. Watch that space. That's the future of EastEnders right there - not this Branning and Moon shit.
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