Here's a song DTC is sending out to the cast of EastEnders:-
Will all deadbeats here
Kindly step to the rear
And let a winner lead the way.
Here's where we separate
The men from the boys (Joey)
The sound from the noise (Dexter)
The rose from the poison ivy (Lauren)
The wheat was separated from the chaff tonight in Episode Two of Teen Week. Mildly more watchable, but I'm fast seeing which young characters are worth a watch (Peter, Lola), which ones have come to the end of the line (Abi) and which ones should be heading out of Walford shortly (Dexter, Cindy the Greek). There's still a big question mark hanging over the head of Jay.
Dazed and Confused
I think that's an apt description of the youth of today tonight.
Dazed and Confused: Jay and Abi.
I notice from the credits that Jay's now calling himself "Jay Brown" again. What? (As Lauren would say). Did he change his name back by deed poll again? Because I remember the big thing made about Jay changing his name to Mitchell a few years back. Only a week after refusing to change his name at Billy's behest, a pair of boxing gloves and Phil's approbation swayed him.
I'm not the biggest fan of Jabi, and goodness knows I dislike Abi, herself; but she was right tonight. The pregnancy scare brought out Jay's male ego as much as being a Mitchell made him swagger about Walford in an aggressive mood and demand if people knew who he were.
I've said all along that Jay was only paying lip service to Abi's ambitions, hoping that he might be able at the eleventh hour or by some circumstance to dissuade her from going to college. If I recall correctly, there was a moment last year when Max and Tanya did a bit of reverse psychology when Abi fleetingly thought for a moment that she might not continue with her education, simply because Jay and Lola weren't.
A possible pregnancy proved just what Jay needed. Add to that a bit of emotional blackmail and you've got a humdinger of a guilt trip to lay on Abi.
And what's this about them taking precautions?
We took precautions. Vese fings'appen.
Uh, actually, no, they don't.
Remember this butt-clinchingly embarrassing scene.
What's there to say? We made love.
What teenager says that, and - more importantly - what teenager says that after the first time? This was Abi's first time, and it was probably Jay's as well. That's right. Ben popped his cherry before LLCoolJay.
Both were probably nervous, fumbling and I'll reckon Abi didn't bank on the wet spot, the stickyness and the smell, as nasty-nice as she is.
But the principle is that was spontaneous, and it was debatable whether Abi or Jay had the necessary johnny.
Anyway, the responsibility isn't with just one partner. Abi, if she were thinking about sleeping with Jay, should have seen her GP and made the necessary arrangements to go on the Pill.
Last night, when she revealed what was worrying her, she immediately blamed Jay. Typical Abi. Typically Branning. Nothing is ever the fault of any Branning.
Of course, in the scheme of things, Abi was always going to reject the idea of having a child now, at her age. Not only does she have higher education and a career on her mind, she also probably realises that she's too young to be saddled with a child at her age. Abi may be the same age as Lola, but emotionally in many ways, she's lots younger.
I'm sure 18 year-old Max Branning said much the same thing to 17 year-old Rachel all those years ago, when he got her pregnant with Bradley, and that worked out very well, didn't it?
Jay makes a good wage? As an essentially untrained mechanic in London? Phil owns a backstreet one-horse garage, the sort that normally services old bangers; yet we regularly see him working now on late-model cars, the sorts which are serviced with the aid of computerisation and with mechanics who are specially-trained. I don't notice any certifications on the wall or recall having heard any remarks about courses and training.
Jay's talking about supporting Abi, a baby, paying rent, bills and putting her through university. That's pipe dream talk. He's actually condescending to Abi, thinking she'll buy this rosy moment and trust him to come good. In doing so, she'll agree to keep the baby, and then when it's too late, she'll see that none of what he promised will materialise. They'll be stuck in Abi's bedroom at Max's house, the baby will be born and subsequently, Abi will have to get a job at the caff or waitressing for Ian in order to enable them to scrape together a deposit for a rented flat.
We'll live somewhere.
Famous last words, which Abi was right to take with a grain of salt. She might be silly and selfish and entitled, but occasionally she gets a grip of common sense, and she knows what Jay is saying just won't happen. More importantly, she realises how young they both are, and that, however much he might protest otherwise, that somewhere down the line in the next few years, Jay will get bored with budgeting tight money, changing dirty nappies, crying babies with snotty noses and he'll do a flit. His own dad did just that, and Abi's father abandoned his son for a younger model.
Abi and Jay were never going to be Libby and Darren, where he sat back and let her go off to university, thinking nothing would change until his actions affected that.
I hated the emotional blackmail Jay used, just with his language, once Abi had decided she'd get a termination, if she were pregnant. Using the term "get rid of it" is brutal enough, now he's ready to label her nothing short of a murderer, just to assauge his male ego.
Let him go, Abi. You're better than that. He called it, himself. You're destined for university, and he's destined to stay in Walford, grafting at a dodgy backstreet garage, on the periphery of everything and belonging to nothing.
With that, I hope Abi does leave the Square to continue her education. It would be one less young person on whom to focus, and I think the actress has reached the limits of her talent as well. I'm of two minds about Jay, because Jamie Borthwick is a good actor. Very good, as a matter of fact, and maybe it's time for him to spread his wings and leave Walford behind professionally.
(Suggestion: please don't do anymore full frontal shots of Abi's thunder thighs like that. I'm surprised Jay's hips haven't been crushed. The actress is seriously fat, and nearing Heather-fat).
Here's an alpha male song Jay wishes he and Abi could sing together (with him doing the dominant vocals):-
Dazed and Confused: Dexter Does Felix the Cat.
Why does Dexter remind me of assorted cartoon characters? It's as though he's the lovechild of Gumby and Felix the Cat ...
He moves like a cartoon character. No, actually, he moves and talks like a stereotypical black person, like a white person's idea of what an urban black youth would look and sound like. In the rustic and lilywhite countryside of the New Forest, he sticks out like a sore thumb. They all do, with their stock remarks about the odour of cow dung, which doesn't hang over the air, by the way.
Cocky, arrogant, spoiled, full of himself, strutting his conceit and utterly unintelligible, he's the streetsuss from London come to the country to sample the local talent, love'em and leave'em; but I think he's going to get undone. No matter how much "Kitty" might seem like she's a homely country girl, I'd be willing to bet her old man (and Kitty, herself) are part and parcel of dodgy London wideboys, the sort with whom Phil Mitchell would do business and try to one-up.
He was bought, sold and stitched up as soon as "Bob" spotted him in that spruce suit.
Dexter is an unlikeable. He is a cartoon character who, frankly, is an insult to Afro-Caribbean youth. But then, as an Afro-Caribbean contributor to the Walford Web Bullyboi Emporium once accurately pointed out, each ethnic character, from Patrick to Ajay Ahmed in the programme is a "type," a caricature, a cartoon - as viewed through the eyes of the hideously white, middle-class minions of the BBC.
Dazed and Confused: Pola and Cindy the Greek.
Lola to Peter?
I actually like Peter and Lola. I like the dynamic and I like the effect he has on her. Around him, she seems more mature, more tempered. OK, she ribs him about being a posh boy, but then he treats her, probably, unlike any male, contemporary or otherwise, has ever treated her. I actually liked how he seems to be the only member of that lot who thinks about buying food and actually preparing it, and Lola willingly was helping him prepare breakfast.
Lola's even keeping Lexi in mind as well during this holiday, remarking to Dexter's jibe about Billy's constant texting, that that's what mothers do. Lola is different from Abi. She had her baby and faced consequences. Now she's trying to do the best she can to forge a career within her abilities and talents to make things better for her daughter.
The only thing creepy about a potential Ben-Lola pair-up, is the fact that she's the mother of his young uncle's son, so Peter, effectively, would become the step-father to his first cousin; but you know, even less than he acknowledges the Butchers as part of his family, Ian has yet to mention Lexi's existence. He knew of Phil's fight for custody of her, even knew that Lexi is Ben's son (he must know that).
Lexi is Kathy's grandchild as much as Peter, Lucy and Bobby are, and you'd think Ian would fight tooth and nail to bring Lexi under his domain. The old Ian certainly would have done so. I'm not sure Peter knows who Lexi's father is or if it would make a difference to him.
One observation: The talk of Peter returning to Walford tonight sounded as though he'd been gone years, when he's only been gone since the end of 2010. Allegedly, he would have finished his A-Levels in Devon, which was the object of his leaving there - along with his having been accused of pushing Glenda down the stairs. Did he complete his studies? And surely he must have done something more than hang out and surf all that time. His pinnacle of ambition can't be fronting a fruit'n veg stall in East London, surely?
As for Cindy the Greek, the less said, the better. She knows a secret about Peter, so she follows him to London? There are people on DS who don't know any better, who itch for an incest storyline between a nineteen year-old male and his fourteen year-old half-sister, which would be more than just yucky; but the way Cindy the Greek shadows Peter, pleading to be liked is just as creepy as the suppositions.
It's probably bad writing, but Peter also implied tonight that she couldn't be trusted. I don't like her, and I liked her mother. I don't like her because she's too much of the same thing we've been saddled with re young girls since Bianca arrived in Walford twenty years ago, shouting the odds.
Get rid.
Dazed and Confused: Jean. Just Bloody Jean.
Yes, Jean is having an episode. Maniacally hoovering. (Suggestion: Jean may have nice legs, but a fiftysomething woman dressed in mini skirts, be she Jean or Shirley, is mutton dressed as lamb). Cleaning during serving times at the pub. Whisking food from under punters' noses as they eat.
Whatever caused this situation, who knows? Mo the Vegetable thief or the pressure of knowing that she will have to tell Ollie of her condition. For goodness sake, she has a medical condition. If she had cancer or diabetes, she'd not think twice about telling him. They're serious in their relationship; it's right that he should know.
And whatever people say about Alfie keeping his nose out of this situation, it's right that he is concerned. Jean is family. She lives under his roof. He is, in de facto sense, responsible for her. And whatever anyone might say, his judgment is far far better than Jean's will ever be. Even though Roxy is wrong in trying to sweep this under the carpet (and Roxy may still actually be Jean's daughter-in-law) and pretend everything is normal, it's not - as Jean's candid outburst (another sign of a manic phase in bi-polar) revealed, when she screeched out the truth that there may not be a Roxy-Alfie wedding, as Alfie still loves Kat.
This is Jean's leaving line.
Dazed and Confused: The Well-Respected Man about Town.
Tara is attractive, in a well-worn Tanya Franks sort of way, but she's far from beautiful. Still, I suppose any woman Billy tries to pull is punching above his weight.
The saying goes: A fool and his money soon part, and Billy is parting with his. Fifty-five quid for a shirt, fifty quid for Kim to deign to change a shitty nappy. (I find it incredible that Patrick has never in his life changed a nappy. OK, he may have been out and about when his kids were small, but didn't he help out with Paul's daughter?) And then lobster and bubbly for lunch.
Tara is a gold-digger. And Billy is a fool. Once again.
Perry Fenwick deserves better, and Tameka Empson is not funny.
Better than yesterday, but not out of the cack category yet.
Will all deadbeats here
Kindly step to the rear
And let a winner lead the way.
Here's where we separate
The men from the boys (Joey)
The sound from the noise (Dexter)
The rose from the poison ivy (Lauren)
The wheat was separated from the chaff tonight in Episode Two of Teen Week. Mildly more watchable, but I'm fast seeing which young characters are worth a watch (Peter, Lola), which ones have come to the end of the line (Abi) and which ones should be heading out of Walford shortly (Dexter, Cindy the Greek). There's still a big question mark hanging over the head of Jay.
Dazed and Confused
I think that's an apt description of the youth of today tonight.
Dazed and Confused: Jay and Abi.
I notice from the credits that Jay's now calling himself "Jay Brown" again. What? (As Lauren would say). Did he change his name back by deed poll again? Because I remember the big thing made about Jay changing his name to Mitchell a few years back. Only a week after refusing to change his name at Billy's behest, a pair of boxing gloves and Phil's approbation swayed him.
I'm not the biggest fan of Jabi, and goodness knows I dislike Abi, herself; but she was right tonight. The pregnancy scare brought out Jay's male ego as much as being a Mitchell made him swagger about Walford in an aggressive mood and demand if people knew who he were.
I've said all along that Jay was only paying lip service to Abi's ambitions, hoping that he might be able at the eleventh hour or by some circumstance to dissuade her from going to college. If I recall correctly, there was a moment last year when Max and Tanya did a bit of reverse psychology when Abi fleetingly thought for a moment that she might not continue with her education, simply because Jay and Lola weren't.
A possible pregnancy proved just what Jay needed. Add to that a bit of emotional blackmail and you've got a humdinger of a guilt trip to lay on Abi.
And what's this about them taking precautions?
We took precautions. Vese fings'appen.
Uh, actually, no, they don't.
Remember this butt-clinchingly embarrassing scene.
What's there to say? We made love.
What teenager says that, and - more importantly - what teenager says that after the first time? This was Abi's first time, and it was probably Jay's as well. That's right. Ben popped his cherry before LLCoolJay.
Both were probably nervous, fumbling and I'll reckon Abi didn't bank on the wet spot, the stickyness and the smell, as nasty-nice as she is.
But the principle is that was spontaneous, and it was debatable whether Abi or Jay had the necessary johnny.
Anyway, the responsibility isn't with just one partner. Abi, if she were thinking about sleeping with Jay, should have seen her GP and made the necessary arrangements to go on the Pill.
Last night, when she revealed what was worrying her, she immediately blamed Jay. Typical Abi. Typically Branning. Nothing is ever the fault of any Branning.
Of course, in the scheme of things, Abi was always going to reject the idea of having a child now, at her age. Not only does she have higher education and a career on her mind, she also probably realises that she's too young to be saddled with a child at her age. Abi may be the same age as Lola, but emotionally in many ways, she's lots younger.
I'm sure 18 year-old Max Branning said much the same thing to 17 year-old Rachel all those years ago, when he got her pregnant with Bradley, and that worked out very well, didn't it?
Jay makes a good wage? As an essentially untrained mechanic in London? Phil owns a backstreet one-horse garage, the sort that normally services old bangers; yet we regularly see him working now on late-model cars, the sorts which are serviced with the aid of computerisation and with mechanics who are specially-trained. I don't notice any certifications on the wall or recall having heard any remarks about courses and training.
Jay's talking about supporting Abi, a baby, paying rent, bills and putting her through university. That's pipe dream talk. He's actually condescending to Abi, thinking she'll buy this rosy moment and trust him to come good. In doing so, she'll agree to keep the baby, and then when it's too late, she'll see that none of what he promised will materialise. They'll be stuck in Abi's bedroom at Max's house, the baby will be born and subsequently, Abi will have to get a job at the caff or waitressing for Ian in order to enable them to scrape together a deposit for a rented flat.
We'll live somewhere.
Famous last words, which Abi was right to take with a grain of salt. She might be silly and selfish and entitled, but occasionally she gets a grip of common sense, and she knows what Jay is saying just won't happen. More importantly, she realises how young they both are, and that, however much he might protest otherwise, that somewhere down the line in the next few years, Jay will get bored with budgeting tight money, changing dirty nappies, crying babies with snotty noses and he'll do a flit. His own dad did just that, and Abi's father abandoned his son for a younger model.
Abi and Jay were never going to be Libby and Darren, where he sat back and let her go off to university, thinking nothing would change until his actions affected that.
I hated the emotional blackmail Jay used, just with his language, once Abi had decided she'd get a termination, if she were pregnant. Using the term "get rid of it" is brutal enough, now he's ready to label her nothing short of a murderer, just to assauge his male ego.
Let him go, Abi. You're better than that. He called it, himself. You're destined for university, and he's destined to stay in Walford, grafting at a dodgy backstreet garage, on the periphery of everything and belonging to nothing.
With that, I hope Abi does leave the Square to continue her education. It would be one less young person on whom to focus, and I think the actress has reached the limits of her talent as well. I'm of two minds about Jay, because Jamie Borthwick is a good actor. Very good, as a matter of fact, and maybe it's time for him to spread his wings and leave Walford behind professionally.
(Suggestion: please don't do anymore full frontal shots of Abi's thunder thighs like that. I'm surprised Jay's hips haven't been crushed. The actress is seriously fat, and nearing Heather-fat).
Here's an alpha male song Jay wishes he and Abi could sing together (with him doing the dominant vocals):-
Dazed and Confused: Dexter Does Felix the Cat.
Why does Dexter remind me of assorted cartoon characters? It's as though he's the lovechild of Gumby and Felix the Cat ...
He moves like a cartoon character. No, actually, he moves and talks like a stereotypical black person, like a white person's idea of what an urban black youth would look and sound like. In the rustic and lilywhite countryside of the New Forest, he sticks out like a sore thumb. They all do, with their stock remarks about the odour of cow dung, which doesn't hang over the air, by the way.
Cocky, arrogant, spoiled, full of himself, strutting his conceit and utterly unintelligible, he's the streetsuss from London come to the country to sample the local talent, love'em and leave'em; but I think he's going to get undone. No matter how much "Kitty" might seem like she's a homely country girl, I'd be willing to bet her old man (and Kitty, herself) are part and parcel of dodgy London wideboys, the sort with whom Phil Mitchell would do business and try to one-up.
He was bought, sold and stitched up as soon as "Bob" spotted him in that spruce suit.
Dexter is an unlikeable. He is a cartoon character who, frankly, is an insult to Afro-Caribbean youth. But then, as an Afro-Caribbean contributor to the Walford Web Bullyboi Emporium once accurately pointed out, each ethnic character, from Patrick to Ajay Ahmed in the programme is a "type," a caricature, a cartoon - as viewed through the eyes of the hideously white, middle-class minions of the BBC.
Dazed and Confused: Pola and Cindy the Greek.
Lola to Peter?
I actually like Peter and Lola. I like the dynamic and I like the effect he has on her. Around him, she seems more mature, more tempered. OK, she ribs him about being a posh boy, but then he treats her, probably, unlike any male, contemporary or otherwise, has ever treated her. I actually liked how he seems to be the only member of that lot who thinks about buying food and actually preparing it, and Lola willingly was helping him prepare breakfast.
Lola's even keeping Lexi in mind as well during this holiday, remarking to Dexter's jibe about Billy's constant texting, that that's what mothers do. Lola is different from Abi. She had her baby and faced consequences. Now she's trying to do the best she can to forge a career within her abilities and talents to make things better for her daughter.
The only thing creepy about a potential Ben-Lola pair-up, is the fact that she's the mother of his young uncle's son, so Peter, effectively, would become the step-father to his first cousin; but you know, even less than he acknowledges the Butchers as part of his family, Ian has yet to mention Lexi's existence. He knew of Phil's fight for custody of her, even knew that Lexi is Ben's son (he must know that).
Lexi is Kathy's grandchild as much as Peter, Lucy and Bobby are, and you'd think Ian would fight tooth and nail to bring Lexi under his domain. The old Ian certainly would have done so. I'm not sure Peter knows who Lexi's father is or if it would make a difference to him.
One observation: The talk of Peter returning to Walford tonight sounded as though he'd been gone years, when he's only been gone since the end of 2010. Allegedly, he would have finished his A-Levels in Devon, which was the object of his leaving there - along with his having been accused of pushing Glenda down the stairs. Did he complete his studies? And surely he must have done something more than hang out and surf all that time. His pinnacle of ambition can't be fronting a fruit'n veg stall in East London, surely?
As for Cindy the Greek, the less said, the better. She knows a secret about Peter, so she follows him to London? There are people on DS who don't know any better, who itch for an incest storyline between a nineteen year-old male and his fourteen year-old half-sister, which would be more than just yucky; but the way Cindy the Greek shadows Peter, pleading to be liked is just as creepy as the suppositions.
It's probably bad writing, but Peter also implied tonight that she couldn't be trusted. I don't like her, and I liked her mother. I don't like her because she's too much of the same thing we've been saddled with re young girls since Bianca arrived in Walford twenty years ago, shouting the odds.
Get rid.
Dazed and Confused: Jean. Just Bloody Jean.
Yes, Jean is having an episode. Maniacally hoovering. (Suggestion: Jean may have nice legs, but a fiftysomething woman dressed in mini skirts, be she Jean or Shirley, is mutton dressed as lamb). Cleaning during serving times at the pub. Whisking food from under punters' noses as they eat.
Whatever caused this situation, who knows? Mo the Vegetable thief or the pressure of knowing that she will have to tell Ollie of her condition. For goodness sake, she has a medical condition. If she had cancer or diabetes, she'd not think twice about telling him. They're serious in their relationship; it's right that he should know.
And whatever people say about Alfie keeping his nose out of this situation, it's right that he is concerned. Jean is family. She lives under his roof. He is, in de facto sense, responsible for her. And whatever anyone might say, his judgment is far far better than Jean's will ever be. Even though Roxy is wrong in trying to sweep this under the carpet (and Roxy may still actually be Jean's daughter-in-law) and pretend everything is normal, it's not - as Jean's candid outburst (another sign of a manic phase in bi-polar) revealed, when she screeched out the truth that there may not be a Roxy-Alfie wedding, as Alfie still loves Kat.
This is Jean's leaving line.
Dazed and Confused: The Well-Respected Man about Town.
Tara is attractive, in a well-worn Tanya Franks sort of way, but she's far from beautiful. Still, I suppose any woman Billy tries to pull is punching above his weight.
The saying goes: A fool and his money soon part, and Billy is parting with his. Fifty-five quid for a shirt, fifty quid for Kim to deign to change a shitty nappy. (I find it incredible that Patrick has never in his life changed a nappy. OK, he may have been out and about when his kids were small, but didn't he help out with Paul's daughter?) And then lobster and bubbly for lunch.
Tara is a gold-digger. And Billy is a fool. Once again.
Perry Fenwick deserves better, and Tameka Empson is not funny.
Better than yesterday, but not out of the cack category yet.
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